5 HELPFUL TIPS WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS DEPRESSED

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1 5 HELPFUL TIPS WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS DEPRESSED Terezia Farkas copyright 2014 Terezia Farkas! All rights reserved. 1

2 Terezia Farkas Love Life Even If You Have Depression Five Helpful Tips When Someone You Love Is Depressed.!! How you understand depression and how you treat the depressed person can either help or hinder recovery. How you understand depression and how you treat the depressed person can save a life. It can also make your life easier when it comes to dealing with someone depressed.! Depression can happen to anyone at any age. It affects over 19 million Americans every year. For every suicide, there s more than a hundred attempts. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in men and women. 50% who suffer from depression never go see a doctor. Those who do seek medical help often end up as triage patients of over-crowded emergency rooms in hospitals. If a person is deemed not to be an imminent threat to the self or anyone else, the person is discharged, usually without any medical follow-up and little to no social support.! How you treat someone who is depressed can save a life. Here s helpful five tips when someone you love is depressed.! 1. TALK. There s a misconception that talking about depression with a depressed person makes the situation worse. That is false.! Talking about depression helps the depressed person. Do you want to talk? Do you feel like talking? is a good way to start.! 2 Fela Photography Copyright 2009

3 Most people don t realize they are depressed. Grief for example, can lead a person into depression. By objectively talking to the person about depression, you might be helping your friend realize that what he/she is feeling is more than grief.! There s a need in the depressed person to talk about his/her experience. That talk might not make sense to you or it may even alarm you. However, that s how depression makes the person feel and view the world. In the darkness of depression, the person feels isolated and vulnerable. By talking, the depressed person is able to connect with someone outside of the darkness and cling to hope.! Listen to what is the cause of the depression. Accept what is said as being the person s thoughts and feelings at this time.! Encourage action by helping set up a medical appointment. Give further support by accompanying the person to the appointment. In recent years cognitive therapy is available via Skype. Ask if you can participate as part of a family therapy session. Be willing to adopt any changes that are suggested and give a genuine effort at making it work. You might also want to make your own appointment with a mental health professional or join a caregiver group to safely vent about your loved one and get professional advice on how to deal with your situation.! 2. NON-JUDEMENTAL SUPPORT.! What the depressed person needs most from you is Compassion and Understanding.! Depression is an illness, a darkness of anguish and despair tightening around the soul. It s not about you so don t let your ego get in the way.! Say things like, How can I help you? I m here if you want to talk. I love you. Look forward, past your pain, and see it won t always be this way.! Don t say you know what the person is going through. That will only irritate your loved one because as we all know, depression is an uniquely personalized experience. Even if you have been or are depressed and feel empathy, openly acknowledge to your loved one that his/her experience is different from your own.! 3

4 Don t try to talk the person out of his/her feelings. Resist the urge. Sometimes what you will hear will be frightening or disturbing. Don t let your distress or discomfort silence the depressed person.! Allow the depressed person to get out his/her feelings. Depression is a storm of fears, anxieties, guilt and self-loathing raging inside the person. When some of the feelings or thoughts associated with that storm are vented outwards in conversation, it provides relief to the depressed person. Talking also helps the depressed person recognize any negative thoughts and replace them with alternative positive ideas. When you listen you are assuring him/her that someone still cares.! Judgemental, negative comments like How could you think like that?, What a stupid thing to say or Snap out of it are counterproductive. Such comments wreck havoc on self-esteem. The depressed person might already believe that no one understands what he/she is going through or cares for him/her. Remember, depression is an illness. You wouldn t tell someone who has cancer to snap out of it.! It takes courage to open up to another person. So be gentle and non-judgemental with your loved one. Remember, the person is vulnerable right now.! 3. DON T PROMISE TO KEEP IT A SECRET. There are many reasons a depressed person will want you to promise to keep it a secret. For some there is a societal or cultural shame. For others it is about reactions at the workplace, club or organization. There is also shame by association, which can cause families to withdraw needed support. Then there is the person considering suicide.! Tell someone your concerns. Preferably you should tell a trained medical professional who can advise and assist in the matter. You can also contact the national mental health hotline or local mental health organizations.! You are not betraying the person. Although you might feel guilty or loose the trust or friendship of the person, you did the right thing.! The severity of depression is not something most people can judge simply by looking at the person or talking to them. It is essential 4

5 that the person gets an assessment and medical treatment. Once the severity is properly diagnosed, the focus then can be on treatment and recovery.! 4. EDUCATE YOURSELF AND OTHERS ABOUT DEPRESSION. There is a lot of stigma surrounding depression. Most of it comes from misunderstandings or lack of knowledge about depression.! There are many local and national mental health organizations to provide you with information and support. But don t stop at only educating yourself.! Stand up and correct others when they make abusive, rude or incorrect comments about depression. Create a depression workshop for your workplace or create a charity event highlighting depression. Encourage those who are depressed to come forward and share their experiences with others.! 5. MAINTAIN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. Nothing gets accomplished if you are angry or resentful with the depressed person.! Don t go for the drama. It s difficult being calm and supportive with someone who seems to be full of negative emotions. Don t become frustrated when your advice goes unheeded or is met with resistance. Don t get angry that your loved one seems to have forgotten how to smile or reciprocate love. Direct your anger or frustration at the illness, not at the person.! Don t let your resentment turn into neglect or hatred of the depressed person. Understand that depression is not a personal attack on you but a personal attack on the one suffering depression.! Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Know and set limits on what you can do. You might be your loved one s main support system. You need to stay healthy and happy. Exercise, get enough rest and eat well. Set aside some quality me time and enjoy it It s no use watching a movie if your thoughts are on your situation. Get a massage, start a hobby, whatever makes you enjoy life.! 5

6 Understand that the depressed person is healing at a rate that is best for him/her at that time. You can t hurry healing in depression.! Don t think that you are wasting your life by being with someone who is depressed. The person inherently is still who you loved before he/ she became depressed. You might have to make a few changes and maybe what you consider to be one or two sacrifices. But it is so much better to have made those choices and helped the depressed person now than to look back in your future and say, If only I had done this or that, my loved one would still be alive.!! Terezia Farkas : The Power of Overcoming Depression Terezia Farkas is an International best-selling author, Huffington Post contributor, and columnist of Depression Help. She is a lead member of the Lived Experience National Executive of CDRIN, Canada (Canadian Depression Research and Intervention Network). Terezia was invited to attend the Global Crisis of Depression Summit offered by the Economist at Kings Place in London on November 25, Heart of Love Evolution - Surviving Depression is Terezia s bestseller in depression and grief. To catch up on what Terezia is doing, visit her blog at or follow her on Twitter. You can buy 'Heart of Love Evolution - Surviving Depression' at Chapters/Indigo, Coles, Barnes & Noble, Friesenpress, or from Amazon.com! Copyright

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