10/20/2014. Supports the couple in learning about boundaries within recovery process. Supports partner s reality of damage and betrayal.

Transcription

1 We will present an alternative model and conceptualization of couples therapy that is effective for couples in early recovery from sex addiction. We will use role-play activities to demonstrate therapy tools and interventions that fit this model. 1

2 Initial focus on individuals made sense in theory but not in application Strong angry reaction from partners Hey! This doesn t work for me! What about the relationship! We let the couple determine when they needed couples therapy We did not offer couples treatment, due to a lack of available of appropriate therapists in our locality We did not set the expectation that the couple would check in and discuss (in broad terms) their individual recovery process 2

3 Focuses on the couple s experience with addiction, helping each member to understand the others experience, recovery process, and progress. Teaches and integrates the trauma model into the interactions and dialogue. Holds addict accountable and addresses denial in relationship. Supports the couple in learning about boundaries within recovery process. Supports partner s reality of damage and betrayal. Is different than traditional couples model Acknowledges that the couple may be unsure if they want to continue a committed relationship. Addresses the pain in the room and introduces the concept of empathy. Clarifies and defines emotional safety needs and boundaries (which could later become seeds of trust building opportunities). 3

4 Is different than traditional couples model Assists in the interpretation and education of the recovery process for both individuals. Understands that acceptance and deep emotional trust are not the primary objectives. Assists in basic communication exercises i.e. active listening, body language, tone of voice, 8 basic emotions, etc. Good to start when Addict is truly engaged in individual treatment (individual therapy, 12 step meetings, hopefully group therapy as well) Partner is engaged in individual treatment (individual therapy, hopefully group and 12 step as well) Partner is introduced to road to recovery for addict Addict is introduced to the idea of the partner s trauma experience Good to start when Both are interested in talking about addiction, pain caused by the addiction, and struggles of recovery. Both are able to (with help) communicate the logistics of their recovery work. Addict can maintain functional self (with support) while expressing basic emotions. 4

5 They work with the typical couple BUT they do not work with our couples 5

6 We respect and like these models, however, our clients are not ready for that level of work, maybe in 1 to 2 years. These are excellent modalities for later in the recovery timeline. *We are not slamming these models of couples therapy. On the contrary, we really like them a lot! Principle = Focuses on the recognition of each member s wounds. The work is focused around helping the couple to support each other in addressing and healing their individual wounds. Us = Nowhere near wounds!!! We believe that it is abusive to encourage the partner to assist the addict in healing the addict s wounds. The partner has been harmed by the addict s behavior and there is typically an attachment rupture. The addict is not emotionally readily or solid enough in sobriety & recovery to address their own wounds. If you dig into the addict s wounds at this time, the likelihood of relapse is increases. Principle = Couples are guided to learn of their attachment styles and wounds. Couples are then guided to assist in the healing of their own wounds, as well as their partner s. Us = Stay away from the wounds!!! (Enough with the wounds already!!!) We DO NOT encourage clients to explore their wounds at this time. Current emotional and relationship terrain is too rocky and tenuous. Clients rarely have the coping tools to explore these wounds and maintain individual stability & healing. 6

7 Principle = Couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other s hopes for the future. Us = There is little trust in early recovery, and the commitment to the relationship is unknown. Little progress can be made towards becoming trusting, emotionally safe friends when the rupture (elephant) is sitting in the room. Good to start traditional models when. Full therapeutic disclosure has been completed! The couple is knowledgeable of, but not focused on, the other s recovery practices. The partner is interested in building trust. The partner has skills to address any reactive painful shock events that may occur within the coupleship. The partner has a support system that is available on a regular basis. 7

8 Good to start traditional models when. The addiction and the pain of the betrayals are not the center point of the therapy. The couple has individual self-soothing skills and coping skills, and can give other member the benefit of doubt as needed. The addict has clear and consistent recognition and understanding of their denial system. They are able to catch themselves and be rigorously honest. The addict has established consistent sobriety. (You can t build trust with inconsistent sobriety!) Good to start traditional models when. The addict has started to address deeper recovery work such as trauma and attachment wounds. The addict is creating a life of recovery which typically includes balance in all areas of life, understanding that they have deficits in relationship skills, willingness and ability to start overcoming wounds and addiction patterns to change relationship patterns, taking responsibility for individual strengths and weaknesses (4 th 7 th Step Work), and consistently using support community to insert reality into perspective. 8

9 Therapist s role is to educate and role model empathy to the partner, showing the addict how to communicate with empathy while taking responsibility. Therapist s role is to highlight the addict s baby steps of progress. Therapist plays the role of Interpreter, deciphering language and meaning for each individual so that they can start to have a common language in recovery. Therapist interacts with the addict which provides the partner a window into the addict s treatment process and progress. This interaction provides education and information to the partner which may help to decrease the anxiety trauma response. Therapist interacts with the partner which provides insight into the partner s trauma reactions and healing process. This interaction provides an example to the addict of a more empathic and supportive emotional exchange. 9

10 Feedback Format and Listening Format (Pia Melody) Observe, Thought, Feel, (and sometimes Want) Breath, Breath, and Breath and maintain boundaries Two therapists in the room, each client has support and a safe person to receive feedback from. Can be accomplished by a single therapist who is knowledgeable about each person s recovery needs and treatment plan. Clients feel safe when the therapist understands the idiosyncrasies of their recovery experience and can assist with interpretations, vocabulary, confrontations, validations, etc. It s okay to talk about recovery process! With proper boundaries, guidance, and education 10

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