TONYA LEWIS LEE IN CONVERSATION WITH FIVE INSPIRING WOMEN LIVING WITH HIV

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1 TONYA LEWIS LEE IN CONVERSATION WITH FIVE INSPIRING WOMEN LIVING WITH HIV DISCUSSION GUIDE WE

2 We are all on a journey where we are experiencing different things and working through them. Gina, Lynnea, Maria, Michelle and Vickie are five amazing women living with HIV who I had the honor to speak with about the concerning connection between HIV and intimate partner violence. Their journeys took an unexpected and, at one time, devastating turn, but with help they got out and are getting the care and support they deserve. These women are mothers, wives, sisters, activists and survivors. Not only have they been able to make change in their own lives, but have also made a difference in the lives of so many other women. By sharing their experiences with intimate partner violence, they are removing the silent shame that so many suffer, and they are showing a way forward. I was deeply inspired by them and I know you will be too. All of the women who appear in Empowered: Women, HIV and Intimate Partner Violence are closely involved with either or both The Well Project and The Positive Women s Network USA two leading organizations serving women living with HIV in the U.S. that are partners in this important campaign alongside Greater Than AIDS, the National Domestic Violence Hotline / loveisrespect, Planned Parenthood and The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation. Watch, discuss and share with those you care about. To find out more this campaign and get more resources go to empowered.greaterthan.org.

3 EMPOWERED: WOMEN, HIV & INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE Empowered: Women, HIV & Intimate Partner Violence is a 20-minute video from Greater Than AIDS featuring lawyer, producer and women s health advocate, Tonya Lewis Lee, in conversation with five inspiring women living with HIV who have experienced intimate partner violence. By sharing their own experiences, the women seek to take away the silent shame many dealing with these issues feel and show there is a way forward. Along with individual profiles of the women, this video is designed to foster and support discussions about the intersection of HIV and intimate partner violence. Watch and discuss along with the women and Tonya as they explore topics including recognizing the signs of abuse, getting help, finding love again and living your best life. GETTING STARTED Allow at least 1½ hours to screen and discuss the program. The program is divided into five sections, each addressing a different topic related to HIV and intimate partner violence. Short individual profiles of the women provide more about their experiences and the help they received. To watch the videos online, as well as to download this guide and access other resources, go to: One in three women in the U.S. experiences intimate partner violence. For women living with HIV, it is one in two. Intimate partner violence, including physical violence, emotional abuse and/or controlling behavior, is a major issue for many women in the U.S. Less often discussed is the concerning connection with HIV. Women with an abusive partner are more likely to have forced and/or risky sex and may be less able to negotiate use of protection, putting them at greater risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Abusive relationships and the depression that often accompanies abuse can make it harder for women living with HIV to keep up with medications and/or stay connected to care. For some, sharing one s HIV status may increase abuse or bring on violence. The good news is there is a movement to bring more attention to the intersection of intimate partner violence and HIV, and address the underlying issues. Organizations from both the domestic violence and HIV worlds are working to ensure that women get the care and support they deserve. In 2012, President Barack Obama issued a Presidential Memorandum that addresses the intersection of HIV/AIDS, violence against women and girls, and gender-related health disparities. The resulting plan seeks to integrate violence prevention, healing from trauma, and HIV testing and care into health services. Select a group facilitator to lead the discussion and use the enclosed guide for suggested questions for your group following each section. Feel free to expand on these and take the conversation wherever it goes! Try to create an open forum where everyone feels comfortable sharing their opinions, free of judgment. You might consider inviting someone from a local domestic violence and/or AIDS service organization or women s health center to serve as an expert resource to answer questions. Because of the potential of women sharing and discussing very traumatic experiences, it can be important to have a therapist or person trained around abuse/trauma in the group as well. SECTION ONE: The Connection 00:00 THROUGH 08:08 SECTION TWO: Getting Help 08:09 THROUGH 12:24 SECTION THREE: Getting Out 12:25 THROUGH 14:08 SECTION FOUR: Finding Love Again SECTION FIVE: Moving Forward PROFILES (Gina, Lynnea, Maria, Michelle, Vickie & Tonya) 14:09 THROUGH 18:29 18:30 THROUGH 22:45 EXTRAS

4 SECTION TWO 08:09 THROUGH 12:24 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION GETTING HELP In section two, the women describe the process that led them to getting the help and care they needed and how that has brought them to where they are today. SECTION ONE 00:00 THROUGH 08:08 THE CONNECTION In section one, the women open up about their own experiences with HIV and intimate partner violence. Gina says I came from a community where you didn t seek help, because you are not crazy. Well, you know what, I have a therapist. Because I am gonna take care of me. What are some of the ways we need to care of ourselves? And what do we need to do that? Vickie talks about changing those voices in your head and how therapy can help. What have you seen work for yourself or others in successfully seeking help? Tonya opens by noting that Despite the fact that [HIV and intimate partner violence] are affecting many women and they are often connected, these issues are not discussed. Why do you think it can be hard to talk about these issues? How can talking help? Lynnea says she didn t identify with being in an abusive relationship though she later came to realize she had been. Why might that be? What are some signs that a relationship may not be healthy or safe? Michelle says that she was willing to accept that some love was better than no love at all. How can stigma around HIV affect the power dynamics of a relationship? Several of the women opened up about childhood trauma they had experienced. Michelle mentions the need to look at these issues from a trauma-related approach. A trauma-related approach means creating health care and social service environments that address trauma and promote healing as a whole person. Why is it important to address past trauma in moving forward? Gina and Maria talk about how tiring it can be to deal with abuse. Gina says You have to drop those bags. You will feel so free. What has prevented you from reaching out for help in the past? How did you move beyond that? GINA S STORY SECTION THREE GETTING OUT We have to really truly start loving ourselves a whole lot more. - Gina 12:25 THROUGH 14:08 In section three, the women talk about realizing they needed to leave and how and where they got the support to do it. VICKIE S STORY I didn t feel I had choices. I couldn t make decisions on my own and had to do whatever he told me to do, which put me at greater risk for HIV. - Vickie Tonya notes that leaving an abusive partner can present risks for a woman. Where can someone go for help in these situations? Lynnea tells us, The first step is recognizing that the situation is not ok. Have you ever had a breakthrough moment in a relationship where you realized that you wanted to things to change? What did you do?

5 MARIA S STORY SECTION FIVE 18:30 THROUGH 22:45 I want women to know that there is hope and that there is a light. The only thing that they have to do is seek the help. - Maria MOVING FORWARD In this section, the women talk about regaining and maintaining their health and moving forward toward their hopes and dreams. SECTION FOUR 14:09 THROUGH 18:29 FINDING LOVE AGAIN In this section, the women discuss finding love in their life after getting care and support. They discuss how to share their status with a new partner and how to build healthy relationships. Gina offers tips for safely disclosing. One idea she suggests is to talk about HIV before you get into a relationship with someone. What are some ways you can bring up HIV with a new partner? When do you think is the best time to do that? Vickie shares that by keeping up with her HIV medication she also significantly reduces the chances she will pass the virus on to her partner. Understanding that HIV treatment can prevent HIV infection, do you think this could affect how someone might approach a relationship where one partner has HIV? How can partners support one another to stay healthy regardless of status? Several of the women share that with care they have been able to have healthy, loving relationships today. What are the qualities and characteristics that make a relationship healthy? What can help someone regain trust in a new relationship after abuse? Michelle tells us, I choose today to be the best that I can be. I choose to live my life outside the diagnosis of HIV. What does your best life look like? What kinds of tools or support do you need to live a healthy, full life? Maria describes how with new HIV treatments, there is hope. And that if you have a friend or family member living with HIV, you should have compassion and empathy. How can you support someone living with HIV? If you are living with HIV, how has a loved one demonstrated their support? Or where and with whom do you find support? Lynnea tells us that she is, not there yet, I m still trying to figure out how to be okay and that hearing other women s stories gives her hope. What are some next steps in your process? What support do you need to take those steps? By sharing their stories, the women hope they will reach others so that they know they are not alone and that there is help. What does hearing the women s stories mean to you? What are some ways you can help affect change for yourself and others? MICHELLE S STORY LYNNEA S STORY I m glad that I left because now I m able to live my life again in peace and allow love to find me. - Michelle It s very empowering to know that I am not giving something that happened to me the power and control anymore. - Lynnea

6 5 WAYS HIV AND INTIMATE WOMEN ARE PARTNER VIOLENCE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN Empowered: Women, HIV and Intimate Partner Violence is a campaign from Greater Than AIDS to increase understanding of the concerning intersection of these issues and provide resources for women who may be at risk of or dealing with abuse and HIV. Produced in partnership with the National Domestic Violence Hotline / loveisrespect, Planned Parenthood, Positive Women s Network and The Well Project with support from The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, Empowered: Women, HIV and Intimate Partner Violence is a unique collaboration of organizations dedicated to ending the silent shame that keeps many women from seeking the care they need and deserve. Anchored by this intimate and open conversation of Tonya Lewis Lee with five women living with HIV, all of whom have had experience with and received treatment for intimate partner violence, the resulting campaign is designed to foster and support community discussions about the intersection of HIV and intimate partner violence. For more about the campaign and other resources, go to: empowered.greaterthan.org Greater Than AIDS is a leading national public information response to the domestic epidemic led by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Through targeted campaigns and community outreach, Greater Than AIDS and its broad network of public and private sector partners increase knowledge, decrease stigma and promote actions to stem the spread of the disease Empowered to affect change by making these statistics known. 5 Empowered to take away the shame and silence. Empowered to have healthy and loving relationships. Empowered to get the support and care we deserve. Empowered to take control of our health.

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