Cancer and Relationships
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- Derick Simon
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1 Cancer and Relationships Being given a diagnosis of cancer can be very emotionally difficult. It is very common for both you and the people around you to find this upsetting or hard to cope with. This can unintentionally put a strain on relationships and affect how you, your partner and family communicate and support each other. There isn t a right or wrong way to cope with cancer. A diagnosis of cancer can make you feel lots of emotions, such as anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, relief, uncertainty and depression. You and your partner may react differently or feel different things at different times. How you and your partner and family cope with this will depend on your individual personalities, life experiences and how each of you copes with difficult situations. Understanding how a diagnosis of cancer can impact on your day to day lives, the changes you may go through and how these things can affect your relationship can help you and your partner to find ways to support each other that are helpful for both of you. Top Tips 1
2 The following ideas can help you and your partner and family members to support each other following diagnosis, during treatment and afterwards: 1. There may be times when you or your partner or family member want to be left alone or times when one or both of you want to talk about how you are feeling. It can be helpful to work this out together. You could set aside some time for you to talk together. Reassure each other that if neither of you wants to talk about it at the time, you will talk about it together when you re ready. For further information about talking to your children about cancer, please see the Supporting Your Children When You Have Cancer leaflet. 2. You may find that you spend a lot of time worrying about how your partner and family are coping and forget to look after yourself. It is important to be kind to yourself and do things that can help with some of the difficult feelings. Eating well, doing some physical activity, writing down your worries and taking time out to relax will help you to feel better and more able to support your partner and family members too. 2
3 3. Talking to each other about the cancer and it s impact on your lives may be difficult. You may worry you don t know what to say, that you ll make things worse or that your partner or family will think you re not coping. Many people find that talking to their partner can be comforting and put things into perspective. Remember it s important to listen as well as talk to help you understand each other. It s ok to talk about other things too and sometimes sitting in silence together is all you need. 4. Make a plan to do things together with your partner and family that you enjoy, like going for a walk together, going out for a meal or a weekend away. This will give you something to look forward to and will make sure you have some time together. 5. You, your partner and family may want to support each other but be unsure about how to do this. Let them know if there are ways you d like them to help you or if there are things you d enjoy doing, either alone or together. This can help you work as a team to get through this. 6. Worries about your diagnosis and side effects of treatment, such as tiredness, pain or body changes, 3
4 can impact on your sex life. There are a number of things that can help reduce this impact. Make time for yourself and your partner. Try new ways to make love that are more comfortable. Let your partner know if you do not feel interested in sex or if you feel self-conscious. You may need to focus more on sensuality than sex for a while. Touch can be an important part of this. 7. Some cancer treatments can impact on fertility. It is important to find out all the information you need from your medical team and discuss this with your partner before you start treatment so you can make the decisions together. You can seek professional support for this. 8. A diagnosis of cancer may affect your finances if you need to give up work. This can put an extra strain on relationships that can be hard to cope with. You may be entitled to benefits and financial support. You can speak to a welfare rights advisor, your local job centre or benefits office or the citizens advice bureau for advice. Please also see the tops tips for Finance leaflet. 9. Cancer and it s treatment can change a person s role in their relationship / family. You may need your partner and family members to take on more or adjust to a new 4
5 role in the household. Talk to one another about how you feel and what you think is important. You can plan together what tasks need to take priority and what help you may need. 10. The impact of cancer does not always end when your treatment finishes. Give yourself time to adjust to life after cancer. You will need your partner and family to support you even after treatment has ended because of the physical and emotional impact. Some couples can become closer but sometimes problems can develop, even between couples who ve been together for a long time. Even after treatment has finished there is support available for you. 5
6 Sources of Support If you would like further support for any of these issues you can find this from the following services: Free online self help resources: Your GP (you may be referred to the surgery s counselling service). Macmillan Cancer Support: or Tenovus: or Macmillan Relate (Specialist counselling for couples affected by cancer): - enquiries.macmillan@relatecymru.org.uk or Leigh Bodilly, Velindre Patient and Carer Information and Support Co-ordinator: For information on support services in your local area Your Consultant or Clinical Nurse Specialist can provide you information about the services available to you at Velindre Cancer Centre. 6
7 7
8 This leaflet was written by health professionals. The information contained in this leaflet is evidence based. It has been approved by doctors, nurses and patients. It is reviewed and updated every 2 years. Prepared April
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