The Fellowship & The Program

Transcription

1 The Fellowship & The Program What's the difference and why is it important? Learn more about Powerfully Recovered! at: A Powerfully Recovered! Tip Booklet brought to you by: Order Powerfully Recovered! at: Additional booklets are available at: Subscribe to the Powerfully Recovered Ezine and get a FREE ebook - right-hand column on every page Every week or so you'll receive news about 12 Step Programs, book reviews, reviewed links and other information Recovery Homes, Bookstores & Others can get quantity discounts and/or even license this and other booklets. Contact me anne@powerfullyrecovered.com Copyright Anne Wayman

2 To all those who came before me, creating the Program that not only saved my life but has given me more than I could have imagined to those who are with us now and to all those who are yet to find the solution. Anne W. has been clean and sober over 30 years. She attends AA, NA and, has recently become active in Debtors Anonymous to address her under earning issues. She has written for Hazelden, and is the author of Powerfully Recovered! She also writes articles, book reviews and other material for her website at: More information about Anne is available at NOTE: The 12 Steps quoted here have been modified to reflect any addiction or dysfunction and have also been made gender neutral. Trademarks and disclaimers: The 12 Steps and quotes used here are adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous 3 rd Ed. and their use here imply no endorsement by AA or any other 12 Step organization. Copyright Anne Wayman All rights reserved. 2

3 Contents Using This ebooklet 4 Introduction 5 The Fellowship and The Program 6 The Fellowship 6 At Meetings 6 Over Coffee, Etc. 7 On the Internet 8 In Books, Booklets and Other Media 8 The Program 9 Original Source Material 9 Working the Program 9 How YOU Can Use This Information 11 Mythical Statements Corrected 12 I'll always be recovering, never recovered. 12 I'm just a poor, sick alcoholic (name your addiction) trying to get better. 12 It's too soon to do your inventory. 13 You should do a 4 th Step every year. 13 Don't make major decisions in your first year. 14 Don't worry about your; family your sobriety comes first. 14 Summing Up 15 The 12 Steps 16 Additional Resources 17 3

4 Using This ebooklet The PDF format allows you to do several things: You can and should save this on your computer so you can get back to it. Just click on the floppy disc icon that s in the tool bar to the left. It looks like this: You can print this ebooklet by clicking on the printer icon it s close to the floppy disc icon. Since you can print over and over again, you can write on your copy, making notes, drawing pictures, and generally making it your own anyway you d like. You can see a table of contents as you read onscreen. Depending on the version of Acrobat you re using, you can Show Bookmarks from either the View or Window toolbar. You can Hide Bookmarks the same way. 4

5 Introduction No matter how we get to recovery, we quickly discover that meetings need to become a major part of our lives. Meetings become our lifeline for continuing and increasing recovery. In the meetings we often hear people talk about the Program. Less often we hear talk about the Fellowship. In fact, it's not at all surprising that, at least in the beginning, we think the Program and the Fellowship are one and the same. There is, however, a huge difference between the two. Both are important; you couldn't have a 12 Step Fellowship without the 12 Step Program. As you'll see, however, it's also true that there wouldn't be much of a Program without the Fellowship. Understanding the differences between them is important for several reasons: The way you use or work the Program is what determines the quality of your recovery. Although no one will deliberately steer you in the wrong direction, not everything that's said at a meeting or by a fellow 12 Stepper even one with years of successful recovery is based in Program. It's up to you to determine what's real and true. You want to be sure of your ground when you're helping others. The goal of this booklet is to help you sort out the differences between the Program and the Fellowship so your recovery is grounded and effective. 5

6 The Fellowship and The Program There is a huge, important, but not obvious, difference between the Fellowship and the Program. They can be defined this way: The Fellowship is the gathering of any two or more 12 Steppers to share their experience, strength and hope." The Program is contained in the two books, Alcoholics Anonymous, known by most of us as the Big Book, and The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, also known as the 12 and 12. Obviously, there's a bit more to understanding the differences and how they work together. The Fellowship Fellowship is an interesting word. It means a community of interest, activity, feeling, or experience equals or friends. Clearly 12 Steppers qualify as a Fellowship because we do make up a community of people who share a great deal. While each of us is without doubt, an individual with our own experience, we usually find we have much more in common than not in both our pasts and in our recovery. 12 Step Fellowship shows up in a wide variety of ways, including: At Meetings At meetings Over coffee, etc. On the Internet In books, booklets, and other media Meetings are an essential part of recovery. It's at meetings we discover, among other things: We are not alone The basics of the Program New, like minded friends 6

7 It's easy to think, at least at first, that meetings are the Program but they aren't. Meetings are actually part of the Fellowship. In fact, they are the prime example of Fellowship because it's at meetings that the sharing of experience, strength and hope is found in its most concentrated form. Even though we talk about the Program at meetings, meetings are, by and large, the Fellowship at its best. We talk about "what it was like" when we were practicing our addiction, '"what happened" to get us to recovery, and "what it's like" now as we work the Program. Ideally everyone would talk about their own experience working the Program, but often they don t. Much of what's said at a meeting is actually a long way from Program. Even people with long-term recovery have been known to inadvertently lead others astray. For example, you'll sometimes hear statements like these at meeting: I'll always be recovering, never recovered. I'm just a poor, sick (name your addiction) trying to get better. I'm powerless over everything, not just my addiction, but over everything in my whole life. While each of these statements probably does reflect what the speaker is actually feeling at the moment, and may even be what they believe to be true, all three statements, and others like them, reflect a misunderstanding about the promises the Program make to each and every one of us. We'll talk more about these statements in a bit; for now, just consider them examples of the kind of half truths or myths you may hear in meetings. Over Coffee, Etc. Was there ever a group of people that loved to talk more than 12 Steppers? Over coffee or tea or soft drinks, around kitchen or restaurant tables, hanging out in parks and parking lots, in hallways everywhere you'll find us in groups of two or more discussing our lives and our recovery. These informal get-togethers are not only fun, they can be truly helpful as well. Often we'll hear things in new ways or discover an approach to a problem we hadn't thought of on our own. Misinformation about the Program, however, is even more common in these informal gatherings than at meetings. You'll hear the myths mentioned above, often with all sorts of stories that sound like evidence. You may hear additional statements like: It's too soon to do your inventory. You should do a 4 th Step every year. Don't make any major decisions in your first year. Don't worry about your family; your sobriety comes first. 7

8 Any or all of these declarations and others like them are regularly said with great authority. When someone with some significant time in recovery says them, it's not surprising a newcomer takes the advice seriously. After all, if you don't know what the Program says, you're likely to take most of what you hear in the Fellowship as truth. Unfortunately, this kind of talk can lead you astray. We'll take a look at these statements in more detail later on and tell you how you can protect yourself; for the moment, however, know they are examples of the sorts of misinformation you may hear from other 12 Steppers between meetings. On the Internet The Internet has more sites dealing with addiction and recovery than you might imagine. Most 12 Step organizations have an official site. Beyond that, you'll find everything from treatment centers to individuals who post sites reflecting their experience. Blogging has increased sharing on the net. There are portals leading to other sites, commercial sites, entrepreneurial sites and a ton of sites reflecting a wide variety of approaches to recovery. Many sites have forums or bulletin boards where people post messages. There are Ezines and mailing lists too. There are online meetings conducted in real-time and informal chat sessions. The quality of these sites and their various services ranges from outstanding to downright inaccurate and poor, with everything in between. All 'net sites and their bulletin boards, ezines, chat rooms, etc., fall under the definition of Fellowship and need to be approached with a bit skepticism at least until you know the Program well and get a feel for the site, and for the people who use it Use the Internet in your recovery if you enjoy it it can be a vital and helpful part of the Fellowship, but be careful about how much personal information you share. Privacy is impossible on the 'net. The adage "don't put anything on the 'net you're not willing to see on the front page of your local newspaper" is absolutely true. In Books, Booklets and Other Media Along the way you'll discover a seemingly unending supply of books, booklets, software and other media designed to help you work the Program. Some of it is outstanding and a real help, some is not so good but, except for AA's Big Book and 12 and 12 or similar offerings from other 12 Step Programs, it all falls under the category of Fellowship including this one! Even the additional material approved and/or published by the various 12 Step organizations is often closer to Fellowship than Program. Draw on this kind of literature and media freely, making use of what works for you, but know that it is NOT a substitute for Program. 8

9 The Program Few realize it, but the Program actually grew out of the early AA Fellowship. AA was founded in 1935 and issued the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the Big Book, in It was written, for the most part, by AA's co-founder Bill W., with the help of Dr. Bob and roughly 100 men and women who had managed to achieve some sobriety. It is in the Big Book that the Program, as it was originally conceived, is written down. That first edition (which has now become a collector' s item) served as the foundation for the AA Program and all the others. Original Source Material In fact, it's the first 164 pages of the Big Book that make up the original source material of the Program. Those pages, and the Pioneer stories, have been left 'as is' with only minor corrections in subsequent editions. In 1952, AA issued Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, also called as the 12 and 12. Known as the textbook to the Steps and Traditions, this book explains each Step and Tradition in detail. It's invaluable for working the Program. In other words, the first 164 pages of the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions contain the 12 Step Program. These two books make up the only true authority when it comes to what the Program is and how to work it. Some of the 12 Step groups dealing with issues other than alcohol, have created their own literature but they are all based, one way or another, on the books, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. These are the original source material and, as such, are the original Program. When you are working the Steps and Traditions that is, when you're reading them, doing what's suggested and coming to terms with each one -- you are working the Program. Working the Program Working the Program is a term that gets bandied about a lot around the Fellowship, usually without much definition. Essentially, you re working the program whenever you re involved, one way or another, with any activity from the 12 Steps. Often it s used to include includes a wide variety of activity. For example: Reading the Steps Actively thinking and feeling your way through any of the 12 Steps. 9

10 Writing a 4 th or 10 th Step Actually doing your 5 th Step Writing your amends list. (Step 8) Making amends. (Step 9) Quietly contemplating the unmanageability your addiction created in your life Prayer and/or meditation Going on a 12 Step call Helping take a meeting into an institution or hospital. Putting away chairs after a meeting. Remembering and practicing the principles any time anywhere Working the Program takes practice a lifetime of practice. The exact nature of your practice will change and evolve over time as you grow and mature. Your relationship with and in the Fellowship will also change and grow. With practice you ll experience the freedom the Program promises. 10

11 How YOU Can Use This Information With some time, recognizing the difference between the Program and the Fellowship will be easy. Until then, however, there are several things you can do to guard yourself against misinformation. The very best way, of course, is to begin actually working the Steps for yourself. There is lots of support available, including: Getting a sponsor who has worked the steps and paying attention to what they tell you. Going to Big Book and Step Study meetings and asking questions there. Reading and rereading both the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Most of us find we need, and then enjoy, reading them more than once. Working the Steps is really the only way to get to know what the Program is about. Actually working the Program, the Steps, is how you will transform your life and come to experience the Promises. Until your familiar with the Program, however, a good way to protect yourself when someone tells you how to run your Program is to ask them to show you where it says that in either the Big Book or the 12 and 12. If they can tell you where it is, you'll have to come to terms with whatever is said; if they can't, you know you're dealing with someone's opinion. That opinion may be valuable, but it isn't Program. 11

12 Mythical Statements Corrected As we said above, some of what is said at meetings and over coffee is just plain wrong, because it runs counter to what the Program actually says. The following seven statements are typical of the misinformation that gets passed around in the Fellowship. Each is followed with an explanation of the error. 1. I'll always be recovering, never recovered. The Foreword To First Edition of the Big Book opens with these two sentences: We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. 1 (p. xiii) The word, 'recovered' is used at least 11 2 times in the Big Book; recovering only twice. 3 Obviously, a goal of the Program is to become recovered. 2. I'm just a poor, sick (name your addiction) trying to get better. There are two things wrong with this statement. The most obvious is the tone of self-pity. The Big Book makes it clear self-pity is to be avoided. See, for instance, pp. 31, 40, 108, 144, 149 and 151. The second problem is the implicit denial of the Promises of the Program. Detailed on pages 83 and 84, they include: For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil for it as from a hot flame the problem has been removed. (pp ) The sanity we're promised includes freedom from fear of a slip, which doesn't leave much room for whining. There is, after all, nothing abnormal about not 1 The bold is the author's, italics are in the original. 2 Pages xiii, 17, 20, 29, 46, 90, 96, 113, 132, 133 no I didn't count. I drew these numbers from two books: A Reference Guide to the Big Book by Stewart C., now out of print, and The Annotated AA Handbook by Frank D., an outstanding reference available at: and in bookstores. 3 Recovering is used once each in Chapter 8, To Wives, and Chapter 9, The Family Afterward. In both cases they are about the person recovering. 12

13 drinking or drugging, or about stopping a dysfunctional behavior. Letting go of our addiction/dysfunction is a return to normality. 3. I'm powerless over everything, not just my addiction, but over my whole life. There is a huge difference between turning our "will and our lives over" to a Power greater than ourselves and whimping out, claiming we are perpetually powerless over everything in our lives. After all, the First Step says "We admitted we were powerless," not that we are powerless over everything forever." If we look at some definitions, we discover that the word powerless means devoid of strength; resources; lacking authority or the capacity to act. Conversely, the word power comes from the French and means, in part, the ability to act or take action. The Big Book makes it clear that: As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. (p. 63) It's not our power, but it's power nonetheless and to deny it by calling ourselves powerless is to deny the Program and the God of our understanding. When we work the Program we are taking strong, and powerful action on our own behalf. That empowerment continues as we: practice the principles in all our affairs. (p. 60) 4. It's too soon to do your inventory. Dr. Bob, AA's co founder, did his inventory on his first day of sobriety in what must have been a long afternoon and evening. This part of his story is told in Chapter 11, A Vision for You, on pages 155 and 156. At that point there were only six steps they were later divided into the 12 we have today. But as you read the section carefully, you'll see he really did both his inventory and his amends in a single day! He truly wanted to be sober! There actually is no justification for 'getting ready' or waiting for some magical time to do your inventory; it's truly a case of do it! The sooner the better. 5. You should do a 4 th Step every year. The problem with this idea the idea of an annual 4 th step is that it takes the focus off what have become known as the Maintenance Steps, 10, 11 and 12 and can keep us stuck always looking for the negative. The 10 th Step urges continuing inventory, and, in the 12 and 12 makes it clear we are to look at the positive in our lives and actions as well as the problems. The goal of the Program is to keep moving forward, to keep growing. If we keep current with the 10 th Step, we won't need to return to Step 4 over and over again. The notion of needing to do an annual 4 th also gets hooked up with New Year s Resolutions and the like. Most of us feel some sort of an urge to review our lives 13

14 and make plans for the future when the year turns, and there s certainly nothing wrong with that in fact, such a review of the past year and setting of goals or intentions for the next makes a lot of sense. The issue is really one of emphasis or definition. The Program requires one through inventory in the 4 th Step; anything else should fall under the rubric or category of the 10 th Step. 6. Don't make major decisions in your first year. The idea that we shouldn t make major decisions has no basis in Program. It undoubtedly comes from the recognition that it takes awhile for our heads to clear. It s based in the fear that, given what is most likely a fragile state, we may decide to get a divorce, or get married, or sell a home or move across country or other such major decision without really considering the reasons and possible results of our actions. It s absolutely true that our thinking is bound to improve over time, but there's no guarantee our decisions after 12 months will be good ones either. The admonishment to wait a year before making major decisions has another risk; it s sometimes used to avoid taking responsibility for choices that should be made early on. The truth is the Program is, among other things, about taking responsibility and becoming responsible to yourself and to others. Major decisions should always be approached with care, no matter when they occur, even if it's early in our recovery. If you're faced with such a choice near the beginning in your recovery, get sound advice about the problem, make use of prayer and meditation as best you can, but don't use being a newcomer as an excuse to do what needs to be done. 7. Don't worry about your; family your sobriety comes first. Variations of this statement include cautions not to worry about your job, your bills, etc. This may be a corruption of the portion of Chapter 5 that reads: If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it (p. 58) There is absolutely nothing, however, in Program that allows us to escape personal responsibility; it's quite the contrary, in fact. Recovery includes becoming responsible people and that means being responsible to our families. It also includes responsibility to ourselves, our recovery groups, our work and to the world in general. Responsibility is part of: practicing the principles in all our affairs. (p. 60) A significant part of working the Program is simply practicing practicing what you've learned. You'll make mistakes that's to be expected; it's part of the learning experience that makes up the whole of recovery. Just remember, it's impossible to get worse at something you practice; it's just the opposite in fact. 14

15 Summing Up The Program and the Fellowship make up a system of recovery that can lead us to healing our lives and our relationships at all levels. Even though they are not the same thing, they work together, each enhancing the other. The Program is the 12 Steps as written in the books, Alcoholics Anonymous (actually in the first 164 pages) and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. The Fellowship is the place where we learn and grow and begin to give back what we discover about ourselves in the Program. Together they make up a journey that allows us to become all we were meant to be. 15

16 The 12 Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for the knowledge of God s will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs 4 As indicated at the beginning of this booklet, I have substituted the word God for the gender --specific Him. 16

17 Additional Resources Where to buy the Big Book and the 12 and 12: Online: Alcoholics Anonymous (also known as the Big Book) Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (also known as the 12 and 12 The 4 th Edition of the Big Book is also online, in.pdf format, at no cost whatso-ever from Alcoholics Anonymous - so is the 12 and 12 and a few other books. Most are in English, Spanish and French. Offline: At many 12 Step Meetings At AA s Intergroup or Central offices (check your white pates) At many used book stores (makes you wonder!) At your favorite book store 17

18 Order Powerfully Recovered! at: Learn more about Powerfully Recovered! at: Order Powerfully Recovered! at: Copyright Anne Wayman Additional booklets are available at: If you would like to reprint this with your own logo, please contact me. Subscribe to the Powerfully Recovered Ezine and get a FREE ebook - right-hand column on every page Every week or so you'll receive news about 12 Step Programs, book reviews, reviewed links and other information 18