Listening in a time of grief

Transcription

1 WINTER 2018 Listen to your heart. It knows everything. Paulo Coelho Listening in a time of grief I only know that my need to listen more deeply has been answered with an undoing that has made me listen with my eyes, my heart, my skin. Now I wonder softly: Does a plant listen by breaking ground? Does sand listen by accepting the waves it can never escape? Mark Nepo In this issue Grief Support Groups 2 Upcoming events 3 Camp Erin 4 How do I support my child? 4 Pathways is the grief support newsletter of Providence Hospice of Seattle. We offer support to anyone in our community affected by the serious illness or death of someone in their lives. For more information, call Editor: Jane Fleming Design: Ailey Armstrong ark Nepo, in his thought provoking book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, relates that linguists believe there are seven thousand living languages. He then proposes, that if this is so, there must be at least seven thousand ways of listening. The book continues this idea as Mark examines what these various ways of listening might include. Over the years, the idea of listening has been central to my work with those who are grieving. Moment after moment, with an individual or with a group, listening has been pivotal in creating a space for adaptation and change. I have also found that it is in times of suffering that each of us is invited to listen more deeply to the current of our life, however it may appear. In addition, all too often, we may use the words hearing and listening interchangeably. As I grow older, I become more and more aware of how the sense of hearing can become compromised with age. The highs and lows of the spectrum of heard sound can begin to dissipate until they are a faint echo at best. And yet I am convinced that our ability continued on page 5

2 - 2 - Workshops, events, and groups for adults who have lost a significant person in their lives. All are free and open to the community. ADULT SUPPORT GROUPS (Ongoing) Partner/Spouse Loss A monthly drop-in group for adults who have experienced the death of a spouse or partner in the past 15 months. Registration not required. First Saturday of each month 10:00 11:30 a.m. Emmanuel Episcopal Church th Ave SE, Mercer Island Information: The Mother's Tea Support for mothers of adult children (21 or older) who have died. Registration not required. Second Monday of each month 1:30 3:00 p.m. Riverfront Technical Park 2811 S 102nd St, Suite 220 Tukwila, WA Information: A Broken Heart Still Beats Support for parents who have experienced the death of a child under the age of 21. Information/registration: Letting Grow Support group for people with developmental disabilities grieving the death of a loved one. Call for information regarding next series. Information: We offer a variety of grief support groups, workshops, and events for adults who are grieving a recent loss. Most of our groups require registration, unless otherwise noted. Priority registration for closed groups is given to participants who have benefited from Providence Hospice of Seattle s hospice service, however community members are welcome to register as space is available. If you have questions or would like more information, please call ADULT SUPPORT GROUPS (Quarterly) Growing through Grief Six-week support group for adults coping with the death of a loved one. Registration required. Winter group (daytime) Swedish, Issaquah Mondays, January 8 February 12 10:00 a.m. 12:00 p.m. Winter group (evening) Swedish Cancer Institute, Seattle Thursdays, January 11 February 15 6:00 8:00 p.m. Spring group (daytime) Riverfront Technical Park, Tukwila Mondays, April 9 May 14 10:00 a.m. 12:00 p.m. Providence Health & Services and its Affiliates do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability in their health programs and activities. Spring group (evening) Swedish Cancer Institute, Seattle Thursdays, April 12 May 17 6:00 8:00 p.m. Information/registration (all groups):

3 - 3 - Providence Hospice of Seattle s grief support services are free and open to the community. For more information, please call Spouse / Partner Loss Support Group 1st Saturday of each month 10:00-11:30 a.m. Emmanuel Episcopal Church th Ave SE, Mercer Island Information: Providence Hospice of Seattle offers a variety of opportunities for support and education regarding grief, loss, and life adjustments following the death of a significant person. Our purpose is to help individuals, families and communities identify their needs and strengths after a loss and offer a supportive presence for up to 15 months after that loss. Individual consultations are available Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. For information or to make an appointment, call: Adult counseling: or (main line; ask for Grief Support Services) Children and teen counseling: (main line; ask for Safe Crossings) Visit ANNUAL MEMORIAL BONFIRE presented by the Adult Grief Support Program Sunday, March 25th 6:00-7:30 p.m. Alki Beach firepits (We ll be at the firepit closest to the Bathhouse. Dress warmly!) To remember and honor our loved ones who have died. Information: Standing Together A free grief support group for youth in grades K-12, facilitated by trained staff and volunteers of Providence Hospice of Seattle. Concurrent session for adults. Pizza lunch provided. Saturdays, February 24, March 31, April 28 & May 26, 12:00-2:00. ATTEND ONE OR ALL DATES! Riverfront Technical Park 2811 S.102nd St, Suite 220 Tukwila, WA Information/registration: Emili Fletcher,

4 - 4 - Grief support programs and services for children and teens throughout King County. Supporting your child: How do I help my child find hope in the midst of loss? Hope. What does hope mean for you? What does it mean for your child? How can hope be carried side-by-side throughout a grieving process? Perhaps, hope is the sighting of a sudden rainbow lighting the sky. Or, coming upon a hidden hummingbird on a branch of a leafless late autumn tree. Maybe it s the scent of a vanilla cupcake with lemon flavored frosting a favorite of a loved one no longer alive. Hope expands our hearts just as grief stretches it. The experience of grief is as unique as a fingerprint. Hope, too, is profoundly unique for each individual. At Safe Crossings, we have witnessed from the youth we have supported - the healing power interwoven with hope. How can hope be sustained through a time of grief? One way is by sharing stories, moments collected, remembered and told. Cultivating an oral history from the many perspectives of each family member s experience with their loved one. Stories shared and heard become lasting, timeless treasures. We would like to offer a tradition observed by a family through their time of grief: A specific day of the week was chosen by a child/teen member of the family. Another child/teen chose a theme. Each week had a new theme. Once a week at dinnertime, on the chosen day, each person (with the option to pass) shared a story about their loved one inspired by the week s theme. For example: silly moments remembered. As each week passed, stories grew and discoveries were made. Relationships and continuing bonds evolved. Hope can be discovered in the most unexpected of places. We invite you to look for it each day in your life. - Jill Meyers, MA, CCLS SUPPORT OPTIONS FOR CHILDREN AND TEENS KIDS Camp TEENS Camp June 8-10 (Age 6-12) July (Age 13-18) Camp Erin -King County is a three-day overnight camp for kids and teens who are grieving the loss of a loved one. Two camps offered this year! Registration is required. For more information, please contact Karita Knisely at , or by at karita.knisely@providence.org

5 - 5 - Listening, continued from page 1 to listen never dissipates and can actually gain in strength if we nurture its development. Viewed from that perspective, listening can actually become an act of spiritual growth. To increase your listening skills during this time of grief is not always an easy process. As a starting point, I would encourage you to focus on four primary areas your body; your thoughts; your heart; your spirit. Listen to your body The wounds of grief can cause the body to respond as it would if it were physically injured. Take the time to listen for those wounds and to create an environment where healing can occur. Listen to your thoughts Grief can cause the mind to rush from moment to moment hoping to find solace or peace. Take the time to still your thoughts, enter into the moment, and breathe through your pain. Listen to your heart Listening to the ache of your heart may be one of the hardest things to do. And yet, as the heart is heard, the depth of your emotional pain will slowly begin to lessen. Listen to your spirit Throughout the grief process, your spirit will seek to engage your listening skills in a way that will allow for making meaning and growth. Early on it may seem that all meaning has disappeared from life. However, if you listen with persistence, new opportunities for understanding will begin to present themselves. Remember that your grief response is as individual as your fingerprints, and so your ways of listening will be unique as well. May listening become something of a pilgrimage for you. And as you listen, may the growth you experience bring you to a new place of understanding and a new place of peace. This article, by Rex Allen, is reprinted from Pathways, Spring Rex was the Providence Hospice of Seattle Grief Support Services Manager for 18 years. Just shy of retirement, Rex died on November 25. Rex was a vital force in bereavement support and education. Not only did he support countless bereaved individuals locally, he served with the National Hospice/ Palliative Care Organization as the Bereavement Section Leader, as well as on the Washington State Hospice Organization s education committee. Rex will be dearly missed by so many. Rex Allen, MA

6 2811 S. 102nd St, Suite 220 Tukwila, WA NON-PROFIT U.S. POSTAGE PAID SEATTLE, WA PERMIT NO For updated grief event and group information, please visit To request removal from our mailing list, please call or Providence Hospice of Seattle Winter 2018 Providing a full range of bereavement services for adults and children Adult grief support Memorial Bonfire on Alki Beach! (Details on page 3) Grief support for children and teens Join Safe Crossings for Standing Together, monthly support groups starting in February... (Details on page 3) Check out information about counseling resources, upcoming support groups, events and more INSIDE...