Welcome to your self-directed course on working with emotional trauma - and cultivating loving kindness. Week 4 Part three Articulating our feelings

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1 Welcome to your self-directed course on working with emotional trauma - and cultivating loving kindness Week 4 Part three Articulating our feelings

2 What Happens to Feelings? What often happens when we come into relationship with our feelings is that we try to change them because they are uncomfortable or because we believe we shouldn't have such feelings. In denying our feelings we tend to push them down, and that is what causes a feeling to become toxic and fester away in our hearts. Finding a language for our feelings is difficult. Buddhists believe there are only three types of feelings: pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral. From these arise a whole host of emotional responses that most of us refer to as feelings. All of the feelings from the previous page can be categorized as pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral. Judgments and interpretations can also arise when we try to push away an unpleasant feeling, or cling to a pleasant feeling and crave more, or when we and ignore what is going on. Ignoring is not neutral. Neutral is as I have said earlier, not reacting, just observing what is happening in our hearts, minds, and bodies, and letting the stinking thinking go. Our responses based on fear and anger have helped to protect us and have even motivated us in the past. However, if we don't push our feelings away, cling to them, or ignore them, we will become aware of how our feelings can change in the space of one day, experiencing several different feelings. Getting to Know Our Feelings When we are angry a whole host of vulnerable feelings percolates into our hearts. These are so physically uncomfortable they feel as though they are choking us, and all we want to do is move away from them rather than sit with them until we feel something else. Our aversion to such feelings can be so strong that we believe they need brute force to push them down or purge them. In fact, I have come to realize that, if we can experience all the levels of what we are feeling, and then have the courage to acknowledge and sit with them, our uncomfortable and vulnerable feelings will not get a chance to fester in this way, and in time they disappear of their own accord. Instead, we often use anger as a distraction from what we are feeling deeper down. Then we end up holding on to those very feelings we fear and avoid -- until they become poisonous in

3 our hearts. So what happens in our bodies when we experience anger? First, there is the trigger or the event, then comes the moment when our bodies are invaded by painful, prickly, tense, tearful -- even itchy -- feelings. These can feel so uncomfortable that we instinctively try to push them away. The body is a great teacher, so it is important to recognize what is happening in our bodies. Sometimes our bodies become so tense we don't feel they are ours anymore. We can shake, get sweaty armpits, groin, and palms, feel stiff in the neck or shoulders, our hands make fists, our heart beats faster, and so on. Alternatively, when we are angry we can become so disconnected as to be completely numb to ourselves, our feelings, and everything around us. We can't hear ourselves think or breathe. Our feelings get lost, and we create a wall around us, not letting anybody in. Our anger keeps everything and everybody out. We can't listen to anybody or even consider another point of view. Some people have out of body experiences. In response to these feelings, a critical voice often steps into our minds and tells us (in our own vernacular) that it's ridiculous to be feeling so vulnerable, it tells us to grow up or get a grip. Our bodies become tense during this process of trying to push down the feelings, and we feel tight -- most commonly in the throat, jaw, shoulders, fists, stomach, and bowels. Our bodies tense up in order to choke back the feelings that make us feel vulnerable, shaky, and tearful. But instead of becoming lighter, and calmer, our bodies feel heavier and pumped up with adrenaline. Here is a checklist of physical responses to anger. Which ones resonate with you? I feel out of breath or choked my heart beats faster my voice becomes high or shaky I have dangerous thoughts I clench my fists I raise my voice

4 I wave my hands about I make myself bigger I grind my teeth I can't hear or see anybody else I lose control Feelings are energy. They evaporate if we trust that they will arise and cease of their own accord. We maintain the lives of our feelings by attaching them to another person, to ourselves, or to objects. Watch yourself the next time feelings of anger arise. See what you do with them and see what you attach them to. Connecting with the physical sensations in our bodies in this way can be a strong practice. When we pay attention to our bodies, we are beginning to connect with our inner feelings. Anger is energy, and it becomes alive and toxic when we project it internally or externally. We give our feelings longer life by attaching them to something, including ourselves, and they often turn into toxic stories that poison our hearts. For example, when feelings of anger arise, the anger becomes toxic when we place it on another human being or ourselves in the form of judgmental thoughts and interpretations. If we just sat with the feelings of anger, paying little attention to our thoughts, they would not attach to anything, and the feelings of anger would cease of their own accord. It is a practice of patience. Learning to sit with our feelings without holding on to them, without pushing them away, without chasing after them, and trusting that they will cease is, I believe, the best teaching of all. By becoming alerted early on to the fact that our body is tensing up, or becoming numb, we may be able to take preventative action. We can try to relax physically and see what effect that has on our emotions, take a few deep breaths, and slow down our thoughts. Taking deep breaths has delayed me from acting unskilfully and allowed me to pause, preventing me from saying something I might regret. Another strong reason to take note of our bodies' messages in this way is that our anger can manifest in more extreme forms. Most people who work in alternative therapies have found a

5 link between anger and a number of physical illnesses and life-threatening diseases. I realize now that the back and shoulder ache I used to get was connected with my anger. I have no more pain, and when I feel my shoulders tense up I tell myself to let go. Engaging with our anger involves coming into relationship with our bodies. Reflection Exercises Pleasant, Unpleasant, or Neutral? The next time anger or a conflict arises, try to record what you are feeling, see if you can detect where you feel it in the body, and ask yourself does it feel pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. The next time anger or irritation arises, write down what happened. Write all the details. Then read through it and see if you can highlight all the judgments, interpretations and stories you have told yourself. See if you can now just write down the facts of what actually happened. Connecting with our bodies Watch yourself the next time you're angry. Get to know what happens to your body. Try not to be afraid of your vulnerability. See if you can stay with it, without it overwhelming you. Watch the sensations in your body. How long do they last? Are there stages you go through? Guided Meditation on the Body This is a meditation that you can practice anytime during the week. Please allow yourself to relax. Sit in a comfortable position in a chair, on the floor or on your bed. If you need to lie down, then please pull your feet into your buttocks so that your knees are pointing towards the ceiling. These Guided Meditations are to help absorb the learning of each week, and so it would be good if you could listen to them daily if possible, or at least three times during the week. Body Meditation - the Link is also in your word file - meditation, links love

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