Uncovering Significant Emotional Events (S.E.E.'s):

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1 Uncovering Significant Emotional Events (S.E.E.'s): In this article I am going to explain to you what S.E.E. s are and why uncovering them is so important to achieve social confidence. You will read almost the exact same article as this one later on, but this is need to know info. You don t need to memorize it, but you have to understand the big picture (which will happen as you read this article attentively). What is an S.E.E.? S.E.E. is an abbreviation of Significant Emotional Event. Which is merely a psychological name for a negative/traumatic memory. Uncovering the S.E.E. s related to your social anxiety is so important because S.E.E.( s) are the cause(s) of your current social anxiety disorder! Let me explain... When we are born we are happy and full of joy. We only have two basic fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. And even though we might be born with a naturally more shy personality, or with genes that have a higher susceptibility to social scrutiny, we are NOT born with a social anxiety disorder. And even if you have genes with a higher susceptibility, you can even influence those with your beliefs (for more info on this I highly recommend The biology of belief by Bruce Lipton) So since we are not born with it, we have to conclude that we have learned our social anxiety somewhere in life. And we did so experiencing S.E.E. s (Significant Emotional Events). Let me explain that bit also So we are born and we start to have experiences. Some are positive, some negative, some neutral. The neutral ones we don't remember as there was no emotional intensity attached to them (Try to remember what you ate 3 weeks ago on a Wednesday for lunch... You don't remember unless it is routine or there was something special going on). The experiences that had a lot of emotion to them we do remember. In this particular exercise we only focus on the experiences we had that had negative emotion to them. To repeat once more, we call these experiences S.E.E s (Significant Emotional Experiences).

2 S.E.E.'s are basically (mini) trauma's. According to Dr Scaer, a leader in the field of research on trauma, we experience trauma when we are faced with a threat to our well-being, our survival. And that doesn t have to be trauma like rape, torture, kidnapping etc. It can be like losing a job, getting ridiculed or bullied in school etc. It is a situation that you perceived to be traumatic combined with a state of helplessness where you had no control over that event. What happens is when we experience something that we perceive as being traumatic, we freeze. And we store the trauma in our brain. Then every time something similar happens to us in the future -our brain generalizes- we get the same emotions back (high anxiety/shame/fear/embarrassment/humiliation) that we felt during the traumatic experience (S.E.E.). So say that you for example get ridiculed in class about you having big ears and you feel humiliated. And for some reason you perceive this as traumatic and it becomes a S.E.E.. Then if for example in a future situation someone innocently asks you if you ve ever had your ears pierced, you start to get that same feeling of humiliation back. This is because your brain generalizes and to your brain it is the same situation as the traumatic experience (S.E.E.). The negative feelings from the S.E.E. s we had in the past get triggered by experiences in our current life. Every time an S.E.E. gets triggered, we feel the same emotion as we experienced during that Significant Emotional Event. Now once you use the tools I am about to give you and you get the trauma out of a S.E.E., you get rid of the trigger! ote: Your S.E.E. s are not the only reason as to why you now have a social anxiety disorder, but for now just soak in the fact that without these S.E.E. s (again, a S.E.E. is nothing more than a traumatic memory) you would simply not have a social anxiety disorder. Some Random Examples Of S.E.E. s: S.E.E. s can literally be anything that you personally experienced as traumatic. And something that you experienced as traumatic can by someone else be experienced as 'no big deal'. This is OK, it s about YOUR experience. And if something is traumatic for you, but not for others, then this is not a character defect on your part at all. This has just been traumatic for you because of your emotional state at the time, your interpretation of the event and the beliefs you have formed early in life. Examples are: Your mother yelling at you in front of your friends for something you didn't do You overhearing people whispering about you You being mocked in class by Derrick You getting rejected by your crush Your friends teasing you about your clothes You messing up something a reading assignment in front of the class You seeing your sister get rejected Your older cousins trying to scare you with a ghost story etc. You becoming red when you get asked out Etc.

3 These negative experiences we had in the past (S.E.E. s) impact us heavily in our current life. This is because -as I mentioned earlier- the S.E.E. s get triggered by things we experience today. One of the key steps to overcoming your social anxiety disorder is to uncover those S.E.E. s and then with the help of some very powerful techniques unlearn the social anxiety (get the trauma out of the memory). Our Brain And A Helpful Metaphor: Since this concept of S.E.E. s in relationship to your social anxiety might be new to you, let me give you a helpful metaphor. But before I do, consider these two basic functions of the brain: #1. Our brain is always moving away from pain and towards pleasure and it also tries to keep you safe at all times. #2. Everything your brain does has a positive intention. It is always trying to serve us. Cesar and the sable tooth tiger Once upon a time there was a caveman named Cesar. He was happily walking through the jungle as he saw a big rock. As he passed the rock, a big sable tooth tiger jumped out at him. Cesar s body was equipped to respond to the situation and deal with this emergency. His body caused a hormonal response and his heart started to beat faster. His blood vessels got constricted, his body was pumped with adrenaline, and our Cesar was ready to fight or flight. Rather than fight the tiger, Cesar turned around and ran for his life. By some good fortune Cesar miraculously made it to his cave and survived. After a few days Cesar was happily walking through the jungle again. But what do you think happened when he saw the big rock? His brain had saved all the information of that traumatic event. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings, the thoughts, even the physical sensations. And his brain had saved all that information as part of his survival instinct. It did so to protect him. So of course the same thing happened. His heart started to beat like crazy, his veins got smaller, adrenaline was pumped and he experienced the same fight or flight reaction again. But this time there was no tiger What happened was that the caveman's brain linked the rock to the danger of the tiger. It was trying to serve Cesar by trying to keep him save from danger by giving him the fear response upon seeing the rock. The brain remembered what happened last time!

4 This is how the brain works and this is what is happening to you too. When you experience intense negative emotions in a certain situation, something simply triggers a S.E.E. and you get the emotion back you originally felt during the Significant Emotional Event. And there can be a lot of S.E.E. s affecting you in the here and now. So in your life around you, a lot of things trigger you. By trigger I mean that it reminds your brain of a S.E.E. you had. If you ve had a lot of S.E.E. s, you get triggered a lot. And since your brain generalizes, more and more situations start to look like one of your S.E.E. s to your brain. And you get triggered more. SO you also start to be anxious about getting triggered more and more. Until at one point your brain starts to get used to the emotion of anxiety and you literally become addicted to being in that emotional state. When you clear out an S.E.E. -when you get the emotion and the limiting beliefs out of the event- you get rid of one of the triggers. A Classic Case Of Social Anxiety Disorder Becky is 11 years old and in a bit slow in reading. When she gets asked to read in front of the whole class, she s being made fun of. She feels humiliated. This seems like a normal experience for a lot of people. And not everyone that experiences such an event develops social anxiety. However, given the resources, propensity to social anxiety, Becky s beliefs and mental state at the time, she experienced this as a trauma (S.E.E.). It was for some reason too much for her brain to normally deal with. So the trauma got locked inside her brain. Becky s brain, always trying to please her and keep her safe, stores the information to avoid it in the future. Every time Becky is now in a similar situation, her brain remembers the S.E.E. and she feels the same emotion of humiliation again. Since she now has situations she feels humiliation in, she starts to avoid these. In doing so, Becky starts to build up anticipatory anxiety. She fears feeling humiliation again and feels anxiety about that when she s in social situations. She creates all these doom scenario s in her mind about what might happen and how terrible it will be. Now since the brain generalizes, more and more situations start to look like possible dangers to Becky. And as a result she starts to feel anxious in more and more situations. Because of this anxiousness she feels, and her now increased sensitivity to becoming embarrassed, Becky experiences a few more social trauma s (S.E.E. s) like this. Now, 10 years later, Becky is 21 and she has a full blown social anxiety disorder. Now this is just an example of a classic case. This doesn t mean that because you did not have this happen also you cannot cure your social anxiety -because you can of course clear it completely-. I m just trying to point out here how your brain does what it does. And that since you don t have social phobia when you are born, you have to have picked it up somewhere.

5 And the traumatic events can be anything. And it doesn t even have to be related to social situations. Something big or something small. It has been traumatic for you because it was too much for you to handle in that moment in time given the resources, beliefs and mental state you had. It could have been something simple such as a look from someone, or a frown. Normally when we experience something really emotionally devastating we feel very intense emotion. But as times passes by, we get over it. We talk about, sleep it over, dream about it, write about it etc. And we process it. With a trauma this doesn t happen. You could see it like this: When you are born you have emotional freedom except for the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Visualize this as a big green yard with two high trees on it. One tree represents the fear of falling, the other the fear of loud noises. Then, while growing up, all sorts of negative experiences (S.E.E. s) happen to you. Each and every one of them is one negative tree planted on your emotional freedom yard. And there are also negative trees in your emotional forest that are limiting beliefs that you have picked up somewhere in life (either from S.E.E.'s or from your parents, teachers, siblings, peers etc) Over the years, you collect a lot of negative tree s. And these grow higher and higher. Until at one day, you have a whole forest. Your social anxiety forest.

6 EFT And S.E.E. s In working with EFT it s important to always think of the earliest time you can remember a certain S.E.E. (remember, S.E.E. is nothing but a memory). So go for the oldest memory you can find. If you are for example are looking for a S.E.E. where you felt rejected it is important that you come up with the first time you can remember feeling rejected. So it s much better to come up with the time you felt rejected when you were 6 as opposed to a time you felt rejected a days/weeks/months/years ago. By going for the oldest memory we find out where you learned the feeling of rejection. Once we have that S.E.E. we can treat it and unlearn the feeling of rejection. So always look for the earliest memory (S.E.E.) you can find when I instruct you to look for a S.E.E. There is one exception to this. Sometimes there is an S.E.E. that is not the earliest time, but it has a lot of emotional intensity to it. Because of this we then first treat that one before we treat the earliest one. An example: My client John has a fear of rejection. I ask him to bring up the fear of rejection. Once he feels that fear (by imagining getting rejected for example), I ask him what that fear or rejection reminds him of. Now the earliest time John felt this (I later find out ) is when his dad went to sea and rejected his goodbye hug. However, when I ask John the question the first thing that comes to his mind is the biggest rejection in his puberty. A year long he had build up the courage to ask his crush out to the prom. Once he finally does so, she harshly rejects him on front of everyone and ridicules him. Because this event was so powerful in a negative way for John, we first have to treat this S.E.E. before we can move on to the earliest memory. But in general we almost always need to clear the earliest memory we have Social-Anxiety-Solutions.com All rights reserved

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