Taking Control of Anger

Transcription

1 Taking Control of Anger Calm yourself 2011 Homewood Human Solutions. This workbook accompanies the e-course Taking Control of Anger and is for the exclusive use of clients and customers of Homewood Human Solutions.

2 Anger Model recap Unwelcome feelings (e.g. stress, frustration, annoyance) + Thoughts (unreasonable, inflammatory e.g. blaming, name-calling) = Anger A. Review your Anger Journal Review your journal. Pick a few occasions during which you were angry and answer the following questions. Look for evidence of the model. Transfer the information from those situations here and answer the additional questions. Situation 1 Situation 2 Situation 3 Answer these questions for each situation: When you were angry, what did you say or think? Did this help calm or worsen your anger? How do you think this might have triggered or made things worse? Did anger ever lead to more anger (e.g. you became increasingly angry as the situation continued or as time passed)? As you look back at this situation, do you think your thoughts were completely rational and entirely accurate at the time (e.g. did you think or say something that might not have been 100% true or that you cannot be completely certain of)? Homewood Human Solutions

3 Practice Belly Breathing Remember... Anger is incompatible with relaxation. Therefore, if you create feelings of relaxation and calm, you: 1. Reduce the likelihood of becoming angry. 2. Prevent yourself from getting more angry than a situation calls for. In this section you ll learn and practice two techniques for relaxation and you ll learn to modify these techniques to make them practical and useful. Once you re skilled at relaxation, you ll begin applying these skills to help manage your anger. NOTE: You need two files for this section: breathe.mp3 and release.mp3. These files are available for downloading from the Materials section online. If you do not have audio capabilities or cannot play these files, transcripts are available (see the Materials section). Belly Breathing builds on two ideas: 1. Relaxed breathing is low and slow. It involves the deepest part of your lungs (low) and it isn t rushed (slow). And, 2. Breathing is unconscious and conscious. This means you breathe regardless of whether you think about it (unconscious), but when you do focus on breathing you can change the quality of it (conscious). In this technique, you are going to change your breathing to achieve relaxation. Most people who feel tense or on edge breathe too quickly or too high in their chest. Think about how you breathe when you re stuck in traffic or a lineup and you need to get somewhere quickly or when you give a speech in front of a large group. You probably take quick, shallow breaths. Relaxed breathing is low and slow. It is from the belly (hence the name Belly Breathing). Instructions: 1. Choose a time when you will not be interrupted for the duration of your practice (about 15 minutes). 2. Make yourself comfortable. Sit in a chair with good back and arm support, or lie on the ground with your head supported by a pillow. 3. Loosen any restrictive clothing. 4. Start the Belly Breathing audio clip you downloaded (breathe.mp3). 5. When the audio starts, follow the step-by-step instructions. 6. Practice taking low and slow belly breaths six times a day for the next several days (e.g. when you wake up, when you go to bed, before meals, before making a phone call, when you re on hold during a phone call, if you re stopped at a traffic light or in congested traffic). 7. Track your practice with the Practice Schedule (make copies as needed, using the sample provided). Use the Relaxation Scale to monitor changes in your relaxation level. During these practice sessions, continue with your Anger Journal. Keep learning about yourself with your Journal (your anger triggers, how feelings and thoughts contribute to your anger, actions that make anger better or worse) Homewood Human Solutions

4 Practice Schedule for Belly Breathing Tension before practice (use the Relaxation Scale): Relaxation Scale Complety Relaxed. Very relaxed. relaxed. tense. Very tense. Most tense I have ever felt Note: The schedule is just a guide. You may find it easy or difficult to master this skill. Pay attention to your own body and proceed at your own pace Homewood Human Solutions

5 Master Full Body Tension Release Full Body Tension Release (FBTR)* is a technique for relaxation that focuses on your entire body. FBTR helps increase your awareness of the difference between tense and relaxed muscles. This achieves two things: 1. You learn to be more sensitive to the tension you may be holding in your body, and 2. You achieve a deeper sense of relaxation than you can attain from breathing, alone. The theory behind FBTR is this: Deep muscle relaxation is achieved when you first tense a muscle, hold that tension for a few seconds, and release the tension quickly. The basic technique is to alternate tension and relaxation as you move progressively through the major muscle groups of your body (legs, chest, arms, and head). You first tense a muscle group, hold the tension for five or 10 seconds, and then all at once release the tension. Think of the alternating cycle of tension and relaxation of FBTR like a pendulum swinging from side to side. The further you pull the pendulum to one side before letting it go, the further it will swing to the other side similarly, the more tension you create in a muscle, the more deeply the muscle will relax when that tension is released. NOTE: DO: Breathe calmly and naturally as you practice FBTR. DO: Breathe out as you release tension. Pairing a long exhalation with the release of muscle tension can help you achieve greater relaxation. DO NOT: Hold your breath as you hold tension. Breathe naturally when making your muscles tense. You shouldn t feel like you are straining or holding your breath during the exercise. Instructions: 1. Choose a time when you will not be interrupted for the duration of your practice (about 25 minutes). 2. Make yourself comfortable. Sit in a chair with good back and arm support, or lie on the ground with your head supported by a pillow. 3. Loosen any restrictive clothing. 4. Start the Full Body Tension Release audio clip you downloaded (release.mp3). 5. When the audio starts, follow the step-by-step instructions. 6. Practice FBTR at least twice each day for the next week. Track your practice with the Practice Schedule (make copies as needed, using the sample provided). Use the Relaxation Scale to monitor changes in your relaxation level Homewood Human Solutions

6 Practice Schedule for FBTR Tension before practice (use the Relaxation Scale): Relaxation Scale Complety Relaxed. Very relaxed. relaxed. tense. Very tense. Most tense I have ever felt Note: The schedule is just a guide. You may find it easy or difficult to master this skill. Pay attention to your own body and proceed at your own pace Homewood Human Solutions

7 Cued Relaxation A goal for later in the course is to put your relaxation skills to work for you in real-life situations, as they are happening (e.g. calm yourself in the midst of an argument or when you anticipate an anger-provoking event). From a practical perspective, Belly Breathing is useful just as you have learned it. However, FBTR is more useful if you can relax your body without first having to tense each muscle group. This week practice achieving a complete state of relaxation by: 1. Creating a cue to remind you to calm yourself. 2. Combine Belly Breathing with a modified version of FBTR (specifically, relaxing your muscles without creating tension first). The goal is to pair a word (e.g. relax ) or a phrase (e.g. everything will be all right ) or an image (e.g. bright golden light shining to all directions ) with relaxed breathing and tension release. This word/phrase/image becomes your cue to relax. For example, you may pick the word relax, warm, sun, golden, etc. Then, when you encounter a situation that could lead to anger, you say the word to yourself ( relax ) and begin breathing low and slow as you mentally scan your body for areas of tension and releasing it. NOTE: Try this technique ONLY after you have practiced Belly Breathing and FBTR. Instructions: 1. Sit upright in a chair with good arm and back support. 2. Think of a calming word or phrase that will remind you to calm yourself (e.g. relax ). 3. Start your Belly Breathing. Breathe low and slow, taking quiet, deep, but natural breaths, one flowing smoothly into another. 4. Relax your entire body as you continue your low and slow breathing. 5. Each time you exhale, say your cue word (e.g. relax ). You can say the word under your breath, softly, or in your mind, without vocalizing. Do whatever works best for you. 6. Each time you exhale, speak or think of your cue word. 7. Mentally scan your entire body from the top of your head down to the ends of your toes, pausing briefly if you encounter an area of tension and release it while using your cue word. 8. Notice the area without concern or worry and relax. See the muscle tension melt from your body. 9. Continue relaxing, and breathing (low and slow), and pairing your cue word with your exhalations and your release of tension. Schedule: Practice using your cue word paired with belly breathing and FBTR tension release several times each day for the next week Homewood Human Solutions

8 Practice Schedule for Cued Relaxation Tension before practice (use the Relaxation Scale): Relaxation Scale Complety Relaxed. Very relaxed. relaxed. tense. Very tense. Most tense I have ever felt Homewood Human Solutions