REGAINING CALM. You will need: An honest look at your behaviours. This workbook A Pen.

Transcription

1 This Inspiration Pack explores stress factors in your current situation, and how you feel about them. You ll work towards uncovering what concerns and anxieties lie beneath your thoughts, and how to regain a sense of calm before, after or even during pressured moments in your household, relationships or even work. Combined with the Mindfulness Moment exercise entitled Mindful Interaction, and embedded by the meditation track Being Calm, you ll develop skills and abilities to keep a more level head and remain calmer. Practiced on a longer term basis, all of these resources will improve your resilience and attitudes towards negative stressors in your life, which can impact your emotional and physical health, and improve your self-esteem. You will need: An honest look at your behaviours. This workbook A Pen.

2 Stress is a part of all our lives, and in small doses, it can prepare us to meet challenges and struggles in our lives and keep our bodies functioning. It stems from the fight, flight or freeze response which served us well in prehistoric times. It allowed our ancestors to go through their day, using a modest amount of energy for mundane tasks while keeping a massive amount of energy, always on reserve, in case of emergency. If, while engaged in completing these mundane tasks, a predator were to jump out of the bushes, our ancestors would be able to in a split second dramatically increase their physical resources and instantly fight harder or run faster than they EVER had in their whole lives. This response was very adaptive because it allowed our ancestors to change gears literally in the span of a single heartbeat. We can still do this today and call up this tremendous strength any time we need to and more importantly, turn it off when the danger passes. However, in modern lifestyles our brains can be in a constant state of low (or high) stress. Our brain continues to trigger the release of the stress hormone, cortisol, regardless of the high levels already within the body. This means that a stress reaction becomes generalised, and is damaging both physically and mentally. Without seeking to alleviate levels of stress, anxiety and depression can often occur. In this Inspiration Pack, we are going to explore some of the ways in which you experience stress in your life, and work to find ways to regain some balance and release before those stressful moments occur. Often, the act of finding ways to tackle stress, however small, can be the start of building greater resilience and resistance to stress because it entails taking back some emotional control of a situation. What are the tell tale signs for you that you are stressed? Describe them all in detail.

3 Is there a signal that you are feeling stressed that starts of a chain of reactions? Either physical, mental or emotional? What s your biggest stress indicator? What do you usually do when you notice that you are stressed? Can you tell for yourself, or does someone usually tell you? What could you do differently that would help you regain calm? What is in your resilience toolkit? How can you look after yourself? Looking at your current situation, list the ways in which your stress builds for you. What are the moments that lead to those dreaded emotional outbursts where you are less than your best self? (We ve all been there, but wouldn t it be nice to be there a little less often?)

4 What you're going to to do now, is revisit one of those occasions that led to a stressful outburst or emotional breakdown moment (we've all had them!). Maybe as you were trying to leave the house, or prepare something for everyone to eat, and it all just became too much. Jot down everything you can recall from that one specific event, and all the moments leading up to the stressful release of anger/frustration/ irritation. The purpose is not to berate yourself for getting it all wrong and being a terrible person, but rather to unravel the thoughts, choices and reactions that you had at the time. An understanding of what caused the explosive moment will help you take positive action and control the next time you recognise similar signs. So, starting at the beginning of that event, write down your moment to moment recollections. How did you feel after the explosive moment? How long did it take for you to feel calm again? Are you able to forgive yourself or do you berate yourself for a long time afterwards?

5 Looking back at that painful event, can you spot moments, on reflection, where you could have made a different choice - reacted in another way, used a softener tone of voice, chosen humour rather than anger. As you look back, see if you can find potential opportunities for a less stressed response. List them here. Being a mum (together with all the responsibilities and pressure that this role entails) is not always easy, and accepting that encountering stress is perfectly normal is important. You are not alone. Equally important though is to learn from these outbursts, so that you can begin to move towards new thoughts and habits when another similar occasion arises, which in turn will give you more of a sense of control. Looking after your mental and emotional needs can significantly reduce the intensity and frequency of outbursts. What are the ways in which you can look after yourself on a regular basis to help with your stress levels? What one thing can you do differently that would lead to feeling more in control in a situation like this? Can you give yourself permission to step away for a breather perhaps?

6 Quite often when life becomes stressful and overwhelming, we start to believe that we are always short tempered and quick to fuse, and reflect that in our everyday language. These repetitive thoughts do not help in anyway, and only compound the negative self-talk. A way to counteract that harming attitude is to recall regularly the times when you have been calm, kind and gentle in a similar situation to the one in which you lost your rag. Can you think of one specific event in which you have been calm in your responses? This must be an actual event, not a wash of general calm. For instance, the day you got everything ready and out of the house in good time, feeling happy. Write out as much as you can about that specific event in which you were successfully calm. Calm event one: To prove to the subconscious mind that it is true that you can be calm, write out another event in which you were calm. It can be any event, unrelated to what you have previously written about before. Fill in as many details as you can. Calm event two:

7 Creating routines can help massively with retaining (and regaining) a sense of calm. Routines and habits make it much easier to look after ourselves, because it no longer feels like effort. What would have to happen in your life for you to create a routine that allowed for more calm on a day to day basis? What are the obstacles and barriers towards you implementing one of those routines? If you are honest with yourself, does it serve you in anyway to remain stressed? What are the benefits and perks to holding on to a frazzled, overwhelmed approach to life? (Sometimes holding on to past behaviours can be because we are scared of moving forwards. Be open to what comes up for you in this question, and answer it as fully as you can.) Daily Mantras for Calm Say this to yourself either out loud or in your head on a regular basis. I am calm. I am in control. I am able to choose my responses. I choose to put my own needs first. I am responsible for my thoughts, and I choose to be calm. I deserve time for myself, and I make having time out a priority. I am doing a good job. I am good enough.