Emotional Intelligence Common Models and Theories. Emotional Intelligence. Social Awareness. Self Awareness. Self Management.

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1 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Emtinal Intelligence The term emtinal intelligence has been arund since the 1980's and was ppularised by Daniel Gleman in the mid 1990's when he wrte his best-selling bk f the same name. It has many definitins, but its essence is abut explring the ability t manage urselves and ur relatinships effectively. These EI cmpetencies are nt innate talents, but learned abilities, and each area has a unique cntributin t yur impact and effectiveness The ability t manage urselves and ur relatinships effectively Self Awareness Self Management Scial Awareness Scial Skills Emtinal Intelligence is the ability t identify, understand and manage emtins - the ability t manage urselves and ur relatinships effectively. If yu have high emtinal intelligence, it means that yu can recgnise yur wn emtinal state and the emtinal states f thers, and engage psitively with peple in a way that draws them t yu and strengthen relatinships. This can be an advantage in yur prfessinal life, but f curse can help yu frm healthier relatinships in all aspects f yur life. Mst experts in EI d nt believe EI cmpetences are innate talents, but learned abilities. This means everyne has the ability t increase their EI, if they wrk n building the skills and capabilities. What are the fur EI dimensins? There are fur dimensins f Emtinal Intelligence : tw that relate t hw we manage urselves, and tw that relate t hw we handle relatinships. Splicing the mdel the ther way, tw dimensins relate t recgnitin r awareness, and tw relate t what we d - hw we manage urselves r relatinships. RECOGNITION Wh I am REGULATION What I d Awareness Regulatin SELF Self Awareness the ability t recgnise and understand yur mds, and emtins, and drives, as well as their effect n thers Self Management the ability t cntrl r redirect disruptive impulses and mds, the prpensity t suspend judgement t think befre acting Hw we manage urselves SOCIAL Scial Awareness the ability t understand the emtinal makeup f ther peple, skill in treating peple accrding t their emtinal reactins (empathy) Scial Skills prficiency in managing relatinships and building netwrks, an ability t find cmmn grund and build rapprt Hw we handle relatinships SOURCE : 'Emtinal Intelligence', Daniel Gleman, 'Leadership That Gets Results', Daniel Gleman, Harvard Business Review; Mar/Apr 2000 Discvery in Actin Page 1

2 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Tips fr imprving yur Emtinal Intelligence (EQ) "All infrmatin t the brain cmes thrugh ur senses, and when this infrmatin is verwhelmingly stressful r emtinal, instinct will take ver and ur ability t act will be limited t the flight, fight, r freeze respnse. Therefre, t have access t the wide range f chices and the ability t make gd decisins, we need t be able t bring ur emtins int balance at will. Memry is als strngly linked t emtin. By learning t use the emtinal part f yur brain as well as the ratinal, yu ll nt nly expand yur range f chices when it cmes t respnding t a new event, but yu ll als factr emtinal memry int yur decisin-making prcess. This will help prevent yu frm cntinually repeating earlier mistakes. T imprve yur emtinal intelligence and yur decisin-making abilities yu need t understand and cntrl the emtinal side f yur brain. 1 " Self Awareness - the ability t recgnise and understand yur mds, and emtins, and drives, as well as their effect n thers Self Assessment Tl We have put tgether a self assessment tl that can help yu reflect n the dimensins f Emtinal Intelligence. Under each f the sub-cmpnents, there are a range f statements which are indicative f each cmpnent. The scale we are using is 1 if these statements are least like yu, and 7 if they are mst like me. Scre yurself smewhere alng this cntinuum. Fllwing each dimensin, there are a range f suggestins fr hw t imprve yur emtinal intelligence skills. The assessment statements themselves als prvide indicatins f what things yu culd try t d / make part f yur practice, t strengthen yur EQ. Further Reading : 1. Self assessment tl inspired frm Daniel Gleman, Leadership that gets results, HBR Mar / April Discvery in Actin Page 2

3 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Self Awareness the ability t recgnise and understand yur mds, and emtins, and drives, as well as their effect n thers Tips fr Imprving Self Awareness Try t be mre cnscius f the feelings yu are having; the gd and the bad. Try t cnnect t them. Give them a name. (Write them dwn?) Ntice the physical reactin yu have t them. What des yur face reveal? Hw are yu hlding yurself? Ntice yur tne. Hw des the feeling influence what yu think, d and say? D yu mve thrugh a cycle f emtins? Hw lng d yu feel each emtin? Try t ntice if they are a factr when yu make decisins. Make reflective practice part f yur rutine. Clear a cluttered mind - write things dwn, reflect n the 'why'. Self assess what yu are gd at, and where are less strng r able. Observe yurself - hw yu react and respnd in certain situatins and with certain peple. Build time in the diary t pause - t think and make sense f experiences. Did things wrk ut as yu expected? And penly seek feedback frm thers. Spend time reflecting n what really matters t yu. What are the values yu live by - cnsciusly r sub-cnsciusly. Identify what makes yu happy; what yur gals are fr the cntext yu are reflecting n. Remember : what yu think (the values that matter) influences what yu d (hw yu behave) and the results yu get! Make sure yu knw what is driving yur chices. Try t practice pen awareness. Dn t judge, censr, r tune ut; simply bserve and perceive. Realise and recgnise when yu are feeling stressed. Hw d yu feel? What physical respnse d yu have when yu are stressed? Recgnise these signs. Take ntice f the triggers that cntributed t yu feeling stressed. Find ways t reduce stress. It is suggested that the best way t reduce stress quickly is t engage ne r mre f yur senses - sight, sund, smell, taste, and tuch. Visualise yur 'happy place', listen t uplifting r calming music. D smething active. Shawn Achr 2 suggests that if yu feel verwhelmed, make a list f stresses that yu can cntrl and thse yu can t. Pick ne yu can and cme up with a small cncrete way t address it. Help nudge yur brain back int a mre psitive mindset. Stp and take a breath. Cnscius and cntrlled breathing is ne f the simplest and mst effective ways t help yu maintain cntrl and reduce stress. Develp new habits. Daily, r at least weekly, write dwn 3 things yu are grateful fr. Take nte f what yu are prud f, any 'wins' - even the small nes. Yu will ntice yu will start seeing mre f what yu are lking fr! Lk at things with a sense f humur. Yu will 'stuff up' ccasinally. We all d! Self Management - the ability t cntrl r redirect disruptive impulses and mds, the prpensity t suspend judgement t think befre acting Discvery in Actin Page 3

4 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Self Management the ability t cntrl r redirect disruptive impulses and mds, the prpensity t suspend judgement t think befre acting Tips fr Imprving yur Self Management these skills in yur everyday life t help rewire yur brain. Yur aim is t be able t nt nly sense feelings and emtins, but cntrl r manage them - in the mment - in healthy ways. Just because yu shuld d smething des nt mean yu will when the time cmes, especially when yu are under pressure r sme stress. Yu need t experience and practice Tips t manage mds: be aware f yur md and impact it might have - mds are cntagius! Recgnise when yu might be in a negative md. What has prvked this reactin? Is it an apprpriate reactin? Des the evidence supprt my md? Be aware f yur impact n thers. Is it apprpriate t share this md with the team? Hw are yu cntributing t the situatin? Take time ut. G fr a walk. Talk t a trusted clleague t prcess what is ging n. Take time fr reflectin. Deliberately make an effrt t reframe yur md. What is my md? What has prvked this reactin? Is it an apprpriate reactin? Des the evidence supprt my md? Is it apprpriate t share this md with my team? Hw can I reframe this md? Take time ut t lk fr what is psitive in the situatin Pause fr reflectin and make sense f what is ging n Identify ptins t change things Take actin If pssible, remve yurself frm the negativity. Negativity spreads. Surrund yurself with mre psitive peple. Be cnscius f yur bdy language and nn-verbal clues; when yu are speaking, and when yu are listening. Hw might peple interpret thse? When yu hear smething yu disagree with, take a breath and attempt t cnsider what might be true in that view. Mmentarily suspend judgment. Try t be mre pen-minded, be curius - seek t understand and reflect n the emtins and ideas f thers. Cnsider mre pssibilities, nt just yur wn. And accept when yur psitin r view is nt as accurate as yu nce thught! Learn t be mre agreeable and increase yur trust in thers. Invest in relatinships. Try t treat peple with a sense f 'uncnditinal psitive regard'. Mst peple actually d have gd intentins! It helps t try t see things frm their perspective - even if it seems wrng r ridiculus at first glance! Recgnise negativity - and deliberately be ptimistic - reframe yur thughts, lk fr the pprtunity, lk fr ways t vercme bstacles, find gd in thers, recgnise and accept flaws, This helps t rewire therwise mre challenging tendencies! Be prepared t admit yur mistakes. Yu are nly human after all! Apprach thse situatins with a learning rientatin. Pick yur battles! Knwing what really matters can help yu t knw when yu need t let things g. It helps t lsen up, have sme fun (really!), get perspective, and repriritise. Knw yur mtivatinal drivers and fcus n ensuring the nes that matter mst are being satisfied. Try t apprach new r changing situatins with a mre psitive mindset. Rather than thinking abut what yu stand t lse, explre what is pssible, lk t find better ways. When making a decisin, d nt decide accrding t yur md. Make sure yu make decisins when yu have a clear head. Be cnscientius, apply sme ratinal thinking as well as emtinal thinking. Anaylse, make sense then act in a psitive manner. Slw things dwn. When we make imprtant decisins the limbic part f the brain presents us with ur life wisdm n the subject nt in wrds but in signals within the bdy, particularly in the gut. Pay attentin t yur 'gut feel'! (Simn Sinek, The Glden Circle.) Further Reading : DiA Wellbeing and Managing Yur Md - tips and hints Further Reading : 2 Authr f Psitive Intelligence, HBR Jan Feb Discvery in Actin Page 4

5 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Scial Awareness - the ability t understand the emtinal makeup f ther peple, skill in treating peple accrding t their emtinal reactins (empathy) When yu have strng scial awareness, yur awareness antennae when in the cmpany f thers, is strng. Yu sense the scial / emtinal clues in thers, yu understand hw thers are feeling, what may be cncerning them and what they need. Yu understand pwer dynamics at play in a grup and are cmfrtable scially. Tips t Imprve yur Scial Awareness Fcus n the ther persn - be present! Make a persnal cmmitment t really take ntice in the situatin. Remve distractins (turn ff yur phne, shut the dr), face the persn speaking. and maintain a cmfrtable level f eye cntact. Scial Awareness the ability t understand the emtinal makeup f ther peple, skill in treating peple accrding t their emtinal reactins (empathy) Keep a check n yur internal vice. If find yurself getting distracted remind yurself f yur intentin. Re-fcus yur attentin n the speaker. Take mental ntes. Listen fr key wrds. Ntice what they are saying (with their vice, and their nn-verbal cues), and ntice what they are 'nt saying'! Respnd apprpriately t shw that yu understand and ask infrequent effective questins. D this with the dd uh-huh and nd yur head. Smile. Raise yur eyebrws. Keep an pen psture. Say wrds such as really, that is interesting, as well as ask clarifying questins, such as What did yu d then? and What did she say?, And then what happened? Try t keep an pen mind. It is tempting t try t frm yur view, r recmmend the answer befre the cnversatin finishes. Try t wait until the speaker is finished befre making up yur mind. Stand in their shes, think abut their psitin / needs + wants. Try t view things frm their perspective. Cnsider alternative pssibilities. And try nt t make assumptins abut what the speaker is thinking. If in dubt, validate this by asking them a questin. Be less selfish - it is nt all abut yu! Try t understand the mtivatinal drivers affecting thers. Fcus heavily n custmer satisfactin. Seek t understand what matters t yur imprtant stakehlders, and find ut if yu are meeting their expectatins. Take the time t bserve relatinships at wrk. Wh are the peple wh generate ideas? Whse pinin cunts? Wh cnvinces thers when n ne else can? Wh scialises with whm? Wh are the frmal leaders? Wh are the unfficial nes? Wh are the key pwer grups at wrk? Listen / bserve prfessinal debates that thers are having. Try t see bth sides f the argument. Yu may then be mre able t d this when yu are persnally invlved in a situatin with mre than ne perspective. Discvery in Actin Page 5

6 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Scial Skills - prficiency in managing relatinships and building netwrks, an ability t find cmmn grund and build rapprt Discvery in Actin Page 6

7 Emtinal Intelligence Cmmn Mdels and Theries Tips t Imprve yur Relatinship management If yu are the leader f a team, accept and wn that rle. Actively cmmunicate yur visin, and ensure there is clarity abut what is expected f yur team members. Build yur stry telling skills, and help peple align their mtivatinal drivers t the visin. Make use f the knwledge gained thrugh applying the scial awareness skills abve, and pause - think befre yu act. Chse hw t behave thrugh the sense gained frm this awareness. Get in tuch with yur wn feelings and cmmunicate them apprpriately. Cnsider hw thers may perceive yur messages. Actively engage thers by seeking their cntributins, understanding their psitins and sharing infrmatin. Prmte and celebrate psitive examples f cllabratin and teamwrk. Rle mdel what yu expect in thers. Help remve barriers. Acknwledge and validate the feelings f thers, their wrk, and challenges. Encurage them t share their feelings. In times f change 3, prvide the leadership and supprt they need. Find pprtunities t grw, develp and prvide feedback t thse in yur team. Actively expand yur netwrk. Bth inside and utside the rganisatin. Fcus n building yur cmmunicatin skills. Develp yur active listening skills. Be deliberate abut asking mre effective questins. Invest in relatinships with thse yu wrk with. Learn t reslve cnflict in healthy and cnstructive ways Scial Skills prficiency in managing relatinships and building netwrks, an ability t find cmmn grund and build rapprt Practice yur wn self cntrl. Take a breath. Walk away and cme back if there is a risk f escalatin. Calmly advcate yur psitin. Watch yur tne, vlume and language. Seek first t understand, rather than t judge. Attempt t understand the ther persn's perspective - ask questins and listen. Take respnsibility fr yur actins and aplgise if it is apprpriate Be prepared t frgive peple - let it g! Use humur t help smth ver differences - a gd hearty laugh can diffuse things quickly Disengage frm cnflict when n prgress is being made - agree t disagree! As we mve frm the knwledge age t the cnceptual age, the skills that will matter even mre are skills f high tuch (empathy, understanding subtleties f human interactin, t find jy in ne s purpse and meaning) and skills f high cncept 4 (the capacity t detect patterns and pprtunities, cmbine different maybe uncnnected ideas tgether). Fcus n building these skills t help develp yur emtinal intelligence. Other useful reading : The New Leaders, Transfrming the art f leadership int the science f results, Daniel Gleman, Richard Byatzis and Annie McKee, Time Warner (2002, reprint 2006) Wrking with Emtinal Intelligence, Daniel Gleman, Blmsbury, 1998 The Fcused leader, Daniel Gleman, HBR, December 2013 Fllw Daniel Gleman n Linked In t see weekly blgs Discvery in Actin Page 7