4) Principle of Interpersonal Leadership

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1 4) Principle of Interpersonal Leadership This principle belongs to the public part. We can't enter these effective relations unless we have enough independence, maturity and character to keep them.

2 Many problems in organizations result from problems in relationships on the top level (confrontational, envious relationships, bad cooperation etc.). It is impossible to change the fruit unless we change the roots. We can notice some stereotypes in human interaction:

3 Paradigms of Human Interaction 1 Win x Lose. Most people usually think in dimensions of either them or me. The core is competitiveness and the idea that there is not enough for everybody. This is implemented at school, sport, in law etc. Lose x Win. Is a position where we offer our loss in advance (I am a loser, I mess everything up etc.). We often oscillate between these two poles. Lose x Lose. This usually occurs when we fight somebody for a long time and keep destroying each other. It can have a form of war philosophy: "If I can't win let everything be destroyed".

4 Paradigms of Human Interaction 2 Win. We don't necessarily have to desire that somebody lose. The main thing is that we achieve what we want and let the others take care of themselves. Win x Win. Is a philosophy of human interaction that constantly seeks advantages and sees the world as a place for cooperation. It's not either you or me but a belief in the third alternative, and willingness of both parties to keep seeking until we find it.

5 Paradigms of Human Interaction 3 Win x Win or No Deal. It is better to step off and chose No Deal solution rather than a solution where one party feels the deal is at their expense. It's good to agree this in advance so that everybody knows. Everybody can express their opinions knowing that they won't be attacked. The worst that can happen is that we may agree on No Deal (not Lose). This is an alternative to Win x Win paradigm (a compromise is a lower form).

6 Paradigms of Human Interaction - 4 WHAT IS THE BEST? It depends how we see the situation. For example in sport Win x Lose is adequate. In long-term relationships anything less than Win x Win usually ends up in both sides losing (if I have "won" by giving a customer an exorbitant price, will he or she come again? And will he recommend me to his acquaintances?). Criteria of our behaviour (which paradigm we follow in our behaviour) depend on the measure of our maturity.

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8 Achieving advantages on both sides requires plenty of courage and consideration. Effective interpersonal leadership requires vision of the desired future, proactivity and certainty, guidance, wisdom and power, which comes from implementation of the second habit. Win x Win way of thinking is a basis for all our interactions and manifests in interdependent dimensions of life.

9 Interdependent Dimensions Win x Win

10 1) Character is the basis of this dimension. From the paradigm of working with people we need to have: Maturity = I can keep balance of Courage and Consideration (see also Emotional bank account). Integrity = Wholeness, Inner Truthfulness (see also habits 1, 2, 3) as well as Effectiveness. (I can look after not just the completion of a task but also the people. I manage to keep balance between production and production capability). Mentality of Abundance (I can enjoy success of others, share with them, and give them space) It is an inevitable quality for those who want to effectively lead and manage people.

11 2) Relationships Win x Win relationships require enough trust and openness (see also Emotional Bank Account which measure it). Such relationships create space for positive growth of all concerned.

12 3) Agreements. Our agreements about achievements or relationships are based on our character and relationships. True agreement contents (see also Delegating): a) Desired Results b) Guidelines (rules of the game) c) Available Resources d) Responsibility e) Consequences - financial, - psychological, - opportunities, - responsibility. Feedback is especially important for agreements, they are difficult communication subjects.

13 4) Systems and Structures If we want Win x Win paradigm to work in organizations it has to be supported by all organizational structures (for example system of rewards, information, education, communication). Good people usually leave bad systems because they cannot function in them. On the other hand a good system stimulates even worse employees to strive for a good performance.

14 5) Processes We can't separate Win x Win process from its own essence. It can't be ordered or achieved through Win x Lose paradigm. It can be only built, or cultivated, in us as well as our employees. We have to concentrate on the essence, separate individuals from problems that they caused, and seek mutual benefits. The whole process has to respect Win x Win principle.

15 Steps for Seeking Win x Win Agreements after we have agreed on alternatively reaching No Deal, it is good to follow these steps: 1) Look at the problem from a different angle; understand the partner's point of view. 2) Identify the main questions and interests; agree on the essence of the problem. 3) Decide what result is a fully acceptable solution for each party, what are their goals, what they want at the moment, or what they consider the best or at least passable. 4) Only then identify possible ways to a common goal (agreement etc.).

16 Problems and obstacles are those scary things that we see When we turn our sight away from our goal. H. Ford