Anger Management Class: Week 6 The Emotional Mind

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1 Anger Management Class: Week 6 The Emotional Mind John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D. Guide To Self Award winning blog:

2 Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence Example: love I myself like = I love myself. or I like myself.

3 Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence happy am and content I interested

4 Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence of worthy love respect I and kindness am

5 Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence moment the present perfect current is

6 Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence to friends I greatly others matter

7 Rational and Emotional Minds To understand something as complex as the mind the right metaphor helps. There are two primary parts to your mind the rational and the emotional. An excellent metaphor for the mind is The mind as a person wrestling an alligator.

8 Framework for Managing Anger The Best Anger Management Program: 1. Anger facts a powerful knowledge base regarding what anger is and tools to turn down the volume on it (Weeks 1 and 2) 2. Stress management understanding what stress is and new ways to relate to it (Week 3) 3. Assertiveness training ways to be more appropriately assertive so anger doesn t build over time (Weeks 4 and 5) 4. Emotional awareness education to increase awareness of negative emotions in the moment (Weeks 6 and 7) 5. Substitutes for anger paths to happiness as a partial substitute for anger

9 A Simpler Way to Break It Down Rational Positive Constructive Thoughts ( I can do this. ) Negative Destructive Thoughts ( This is impossible. ) Emotional Constructive Feelings (Curiosity, interest, pride, passion, excitement) Destructive Feelings (e.g., anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shame, contempt)

10 The Human Mind Can Be Divided Several Ways Rational Emotional Controlled Automatic Conscious Unconscious 5-10% of the mind 90-95% of the mind

11 The Briefest Evolution of Humans In History Reptilian brain (pure instinct) Limbic system (the emotional brain ) begins Timeline Cortex begins growing (the thinking brain ) 50 million years ago 10 million 3 million 2 million 40-50,000

12 One Bucket or Two? 1. Positive emotions 2. Negative emotions Both have a purpose.

13 Positive Emotions The goal is contentment. If you want to be happy, pursue things which are meaningful to you with energy & enthusiasm. Positive emotions broaden and build. broaden your thought processes, build resiliency, and aid creativity. fuel hope. act as a hidden RESET button

14 Negative Emotion Negative emotions narrow your focus. They narrow your possible reactions to perceived danger, threat and loss.

15 Many People Spend Their Lives Like This Empty Bucket of Positive Emotions Full Bucket of Negative Emotions

16 The Goal is 3:1 Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson (2009). For every gut-wrenching negative emotional feeling you suffer through, you experience at least 3 sincere positive emotional experiences for a thriving, happy life. Positivity is a means to better ends, not an end itself

17 Model of Affect Layer 1 Emotion Emotion is the visceral feeling that you have in the moment. Emotion Emotion examples: Anger Fear Joy Sadness

18 Model of Affect Layer 2 - Mood Mood is affect which lasts days to weeks. Moods are diffuse. Moods do not have an identifiable cause or reason. Moods affect your perception of surroundings. Emotion Mood

19 Emotion vs. Mood Emotion Mood (seconds to minutes) (weeks to months) Sadness Depression Anger Irritability Fear Anxiety Happiness Contentment

20 Mood with Potential Emotions Happy Mood Then Sad Sad Distraught Mood Now

21 Model of Affect Layer 2 - Mood Person #1 (Normal mood cycle) Person #2 (Suffering a loss) Time of loss Mildly Blue Distraught

22 The Ideal Mood The goal is 3:1 for individuals 4:1 for couples

23 Model of Affect Layer 3 Temperament Temperament is your biologically determined, longterm emotional style. Optimistic or pessimistic Temperament can be changed Emotion Mood Temperament

24 Emotional Control vs. Emotional Management Control implies either/or. You either control your emotions or you don t. Management implies that you look at each emotion as existing on a continuum or spectrum (e.g., a 1-10 scale). The idea is not to eliminate any emotions but to become aware of each emotion as it comes over you so you have a choice in how to deal with each one. Looking for baby steps of improvement.

25 Emotional Management is the skill of turning down the 1.) Intensity 2.) Duration and 3.) Frequency of your negative emotions. allows you to have more of a conscious choice in which emotions you feel, when you feel them and to what degree.

26 Action Step #11: Write It Down & Pack It Up On a piece of paper, write down your memory of a disturbing experience. When you ve finished, fold up the piece of paper put it into an envelope. Seal the envelope and hide it between some old books or in the attic. You can also box up items associated with the unpleasant experience. Examples: Break ups, death of a loved one, transgressions, crimes, etc. What works is when people enclose materials that are relevant to the negative memories they have. It works because people aren't trying to explicitly control their emotions. Rotman School of Management

27 Action Step #12 The ABCDE Method The A is for Activating Event - What is the challenge you face? The B is for Belief - What are your beliefs or thoughts on the situation? The C is for Consequences - What are the consequences of you having that belief about the difficult situation? The D is for Dispute - Challenge the negative thoughts. The E is for Energy - You ll find you have more energy after you learn to dispute your negative thoughts.

28 Let s Start at the Very Beginning Activating Event (the A) - getting the stomach flu upon coming home from Mexico. The Belief I held (the B), or the thoughts - Why is this happening to me? I don t have time for this. My wife thinks I m being lazy. I brought this on myself. The Consequences of those beliefs (the C) were feeling sad, worth less, and greater difficulty regaining health and energy.

29 ABC Exercise Scream At Kids The Activating Event is that you lose your temper with your children and scream at them because they have created a huge mess in the house while you were out working on the yard. What are some possible Beliefs or Thoughts? What are the Consequences of those Beliefs?

30 Review - Whole ABCDE Method A is for Activating Event What took place? B is for Beliefs - What thoughts run through your head? C is for Consequences How do you behave as a result of the belief? D is for Disputation - Dispute or challenge those negative thoughts. E is for Energy As you improve your thinking you will gain more energy. You feel good about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

31 Summary DO the action steps! Your chances of success are much higher when you actively engage in the action steps. Approach life as a beginner with curiosity, awe and reverence. Look for meaning in every event in your life. Negative emotions cause you to narrow your focus and reduce the possible actions you can take. Positive emotions broaden your thinking, your actions and act as hidden Reset button Use the mental scrapbook exercise to build series of enjoyable memories to create positive moods.

32 Thank you! Please leave your comments and questions below in the comments section. Let me know how you are progressing. Have a wonderful week! John Schinnerer, Ph.D.