The Goodness of Fit in Attachment

Transcription

1 OCTOBER 21, 2017 MAINE ASSOCIATION FOR THE EDUCATION OF YOUNG CHILDREN The Goodness of Fit in Attachment Lauren Wiley, M.Ed., I/ECMH C Ounce of Prevention It s amazing what they absorb before they re five.

2 Agenda for Workshop 9:15 11:15 Shared meaning of attachment Foundational beliefs about attachment Through the lens of the child Through the lens of the primary caregiver Through the lens of the secondary caregiver Other thoughts, ideas, ah-hah moments 2

3 Shared Meaning of Attachment deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1969). "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. ( The deep and enduring connection established between a child and caregiver beginning in the womb, continuing to develop in the first several years of life, lasting an entire lifetime. (Victoria Fitton, PhD, LMSW, ACSW) 3

4 Foundational Beliefs About Attachment Attachment develops through relationships Need at least two people to have a relationship People can change and grow Relationships can change and grow Attachments can change and grow 4

5 Child Primary Caregiver Secondary Caregiver 5

6 Planting the Seeds Through the Lens of the Child Evolutionary biologically wired Designed to ensure safety and survival Designed to increase proximity and contact Relies on a Pattern of response Leads to: Healthy balance between proximity and exploratory behaviors Healthy Internal Working Models About self About others 6

7 Balance Between Attachment and Exploratory Behaviors What are children trying to communicate? I am touched, held, picked up, played with, talked to so I believe: I am good, I am wanted I am worthwhile I am competent I am loved Sometimes I am held or touched, but mostly I am left alone and no one comes to me when I am scared, sad, hungry, or tired so, I believe: I am bad I am unwanted I am worthless I am helpless I am unlovable 7

8 How do they communicate? Secure Smiling, cooing, babbling Gazing and tracking Sharing great finds Going out to explore and coming back to check-in Sharing, initiating, engaging Insecure Lack of eye contact limited gazing/tracking Doesn t smile, coo, or make sounds Doesn t reach out to be picked up Inconsolable, tantrums Aversion to touch Difficulty showing affection (too much/little) Minimal regret or remorse; mean behaviors I can t so I stand here or meltdown Kicking, hitting, pushing Difficulty engaging in play or with others 8

9 See, Feel, Think, Know More About Video Developing Observation Skills - Tantrum With Teacher 2:11 What did you See? What did you Feel? What did you Think? What do you Want to Know More About? 9

10 See, Feel, Think, Know More About Video Clips Case Study Pre-Intervention Melting into Teacher 2:43 What did you See? What did you Feel? What do you Think? What do you Want to Know More About? 10

11 See, Feel, Think, Know More About Video Case Study Pre-Intervention Difficulty at Naptime 1:21 What did you See? What did you Feel? What did you Think? What do you Want to Know More About? 11

12 See, Feel, Think, Know More About Video Case Study Post-Intervention Difficulty at Naptime 12

13 Healing the Trauma of Unhealthy or Disrupted Attachment Realistic Expectations Developmentally, where is child? Establish predictable routines and schedules Communicate clear boundaries and limits Remain Patient and Calm - Your Ability to Self-Regulate Use Eye Contact and Physical Touch Teach tolerance of physical touch ask permission Teach a New Language Teach the language of feelings from I Can t to I m afraid to or I haven t done it yet Remember the Power of Repair 13

14 14

15 15

16 Let s Look Closer at What We Feel The Power of Reflection and Self-Awareness 16

17 THE LOW ROAD Reactions Without Thought React from Memories conscious or unconscious Ambivalence about setting boundaries and limits Fear, Sadness and Rage lead to inflexibility Lack of Empathy - Mindsight Adult is in a state of intense emotions, impulsive reactions, rigid and repetitive responses Taken from Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell 17

18 The Low Road Elements Triggers Internal or external events mental representations Transition Movement from higher mode to low road Immersion Processes of self-reflection, attunement and mindsight become suspended Recovery Reactivating the high road High degree of vulnerability that you will return to low road 18

19 What Happened? The past makes a comeback Healthy and necessary responses/reactions in childhood can be a barrier to healthy relationships later on Is this still useful to me? Working with children brings our own childhoods into our consciousness But we can lose our ability to attune to others 19

20 Shifting Gears Taking the Detour towards the High Road We can oftentimes recognize we have been triggered by being aware of our bodily sensations heart racing, becoming overheated, shallow breathing? Are there themes that trigger you that you notice? Try to become more aware of when you leave the high road and find yourself headed towards the low road Walk away from the situation Watch your breathing Stretch walk move Recognize that you can change the pattern that belongs to your past 20

21 Self-Reflection Integrating Left Brain and Right Brain In order to heal, the narrative needs to be connected to the emotional response This requires a visceral response to the story Integrating the two sides of the brain provide an opportunity for a cohesive story to be developed Cohesion allows for earned security in our attachments What s helpful for integration? Non-verbal awareness Awareness of sensations in the body 21

22 Thank you. 22

23 @theounce /ounceofpreventionfund /ounceofpreventionfund /theounce / theounce.org 2014 Ounce of Prevention Fund. All rights reserved.