Put Yourself in Another Person s Place

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1 Kelsey desperately wants to go to the homecoming dance next month. Her boyfriend Anthony is one of the nominees for homecoming king, and she really wants to be there in case he wins. Dave, Kelsey s boss, isn t willing to give her the time off, though. I really need you at workp that night, Dave said yesterday when Kelsey approached him about getting the night off. Doesn t Dave understand how important this dance is to me? Kelsey thinks to herself. If he would just put himself in my place, he d realize how much I want to go. Dave is not a very empathetic person, because he doesn t seem to care or be sensitive to his workers feelings and needs. As a result, Kelsey has a serious decision to make: whether to quit her job, talk with Dave again about getting the night off, or go to work instead of the dance that night. In any case, Kelsey is not happy with her boss right now. Being empathetic (unlike Dave) can go a long way toward strengthening relationships, both professional and personal, and help you grow as a person. Read on to learn more about empathy, its importance in business, and ways to be empathetic yourself! Describe benefits of showing empathy. Demonstrate ways to show empathy. Put Yourself in Another Person s Place E If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. mpathy is the ability to put yourself in another person s place or to see a situation from another person s point of view. Someone who is empathetic can relate to another person s feelings, thoughts, and experiences. In other words, someone who has empathy can feel what another person is feeling or can at least imagine what that person might be experiencing. When you have empathy, you are able to put yourself in another person s shoes or to see a situation through another person s eyes. We ve already said that Dave is not a very empathetic manager since he isn t sensitive to his employees feelings and needs. But what about Kelsey? Is she being empathetic toward Dave? Not really. She didn t take the time to look at the situation from Dave s point of view. Maybe Dave knows that sales are down and that the business is struggling. Maybe he knows that if Kelsey, one of his top salespeople, doesn t work on homecoming night, his monthly sales numbers might be so low that the owner will start laying off employees. If Dave and Kelsey were to communicate and understand what each other is feeling and experiencing, maybe they could work out a compromise with which both would be satisfied. Perhaps Dave could give Kelsey the Friday night of homecoming off in exchange for working on Saturday. That way Kelsey could go to the dance, and Dave could still get the sales numbers he needs to please their business s owner. But such a compromise would only be possible if each person takes the time to empathize with the other. Atticus Finch From To kill a mockingbird by Harper Lee 2 LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED Have a Heart

2 Empathy and Sympathy What s the Difference? Empathy and sympathy are two words that sound a lot alike, but they are definitely not the same. While empathy is the ability to understand another person s feelings or concerns, sympathy is simply the ability to recognize another person s feelings. If you are sympathetic but not empathetic, you may feel sorry for someone who is in need, but you can t or won t imagine what it would be like to be in that person s place. Think about the victims of Hurricane Katrina for a minute. You probably feel sorry for all of those people who lost their homes and even their lives because of the hurricane, right? But can you empathize with the victims? Can you truly imagine what it would be like to lose everything you had? Maybe so, or maybe not. If you feel sorry for the victims but can t imagine what they were feeling, then you are a sympathetic person. If you feel sorry for them and you understand their feelings and experiences, then you are truly an empathetic person. Developing Empathy Some people say that empathy is a trait that you are either born with or not, but that s just not true. While some individuals may be more empathetic and sensitive than others, it s possible for anyone to develop empathy, including you! To develop empathy, you simply need to accept your own emotions, be sensitive to others emotions, and understand the emotions and needs of others. Accepting your own emotions is an essential part of developing empathy. You must be willing to truly feel your own emotions, whether they be anger, sadness, happiness, or frustration, before you can detect those emotions in others. If you do not understand what it feels like to be sad or disappointed, then you re not going to be able to respond appropriately when your best friend on the basketball team fouls out or loses a game. You wouldn t dream of teasing your friend or criticizing him for his mistakes because you know that would only make it worse. You know that the best way to help your friend would be to support him and let him know that you re there for him. You ve got to feel emotions yourself to see those same feelings and respond to them in other people. Have a Heart LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED

3 Being sensitive to others emotions is also key to developing empathy. You must pay close attention to the people around you to become aware of how they are feeling. Interpret people s verbal and nonverbal cues, including what they say, their tone of voice, their facial expressions, and their body language, to get an idea of how they are feeling. If your boss is smiling, then you can probably assume that she is happy, but if she is scowling, you should probably steer clear of her that day. She s not in a good mood! Understanding the emotions and needs of others is a third important part of developing empathy. Accepting your own emotions and being sensitive to the emotions of others are not enough to develop empathy you ve got to develop a good imagination and try to understand why people feel the way that they do. This doesn t mean that you have to have experienced exactly the same situation that your coworker is going through, but calling to mind a similar situation of your own can help. For example, your coworker got in trouble at work today for coming in late. You ve never been late to work yourself, but you have overslept and missed first period at school a couple of times. It s not exactly the same situation that your coworker is in now, but it s close enough for you to know that he must be feeling upset and on edge because of his tardiness. And that s enough for you to empathize with him about what happened. Jerome and Darryl work together as cashiers at Star Brite Food Mart. A few weeks ago, Darryl told Jerome that his widowed mom had lost her job and that their family was having trouble paying their bills. If she doesn t find work soon, Darryl confessed, I don t know what s going to happen. At the end of their shift yesterday, Jerome spotted Darryl stuffing damaged cans of soup and vegetables into his coat pockets. Jerome didn t say anything to Darryl at the time, because he knew that Darryl was probably taking the food home to his mom and little sister. Still, the situation bothers Jerome, and he doesn t know what to do. Should Jerome tell the manager that he saw Darryl stealing, or should he keep quiet? Is there anything else that Jerome can do? What would you do in his place? One thing to remember about understanding the emotions and needs of others is that you need to keep an open mind. To truly put yourself in someone else s shoes, you ve got to get rid of all of your stereotypes. You can t make assumptions about people because of their race, gender, religion, age, or appearance. To understand another person s point of view, you must realize that s/he is a unique individual and must be treated as such. Only then will you begin to see things as s/he sees them and feel emotions as s/he feels them. In addition to throwing out all of your stereotypes and prejudices, there is something else that you must keep in mind when showing empathy for others. While it s important to be empathetic, you ve got to draw a line between feeling what other people feel and losing your own identity. Understanding another person s emotions doesn t mean giving up your own point of view and feelings. If you allow someone else s negative moods and feelings to affect you too much, you could become burned out and stressed. Worse yet, you and the other person might develop a codependent relationship in which you compromise your own needs and wants to take care of that other person. Such a relationship is not healthy for either of you. LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED Have a Heart

4 What s Empathy Good For? Showing empathy in the workplace can do a lot for you and your business. It can lead to stronger relationships, increased sales, better problem solving, and higher ethics. Stronger relationships. Showing empathy at work can help you to develop stronger relationships with your coworkers and your customers. When you show others that you care and that you are sensitive to their needs and wants, you build trust, understanding, and loyalty among your team members as well as your customers. Also, perhaps you ve noticed that your workplace and your customers are becoming more and more diverse. Being able to understand other people s backgrounds, even those different from your own, makes working with them easier. Increased sales. Showing empathy also has the potential to increase your sales at work. When you get into the minds of indecisive customers, when you empathize with them, you make them feel more comfortable and at ease. You become more patient with those customers and help them to make a buying decision that they might not have made otherwise. In that way, you increase your sales. On top of increasing your immediate sales, you may also increase your long-term sales by empathizing with your customers. When you show understanding and compassion to your customers, they become loyal to you and come back to you for future purchases. They may also recommend you to their friends, which could also result in higher sales. And all this happened because you showed kindness and patience to someone in their time of need! Better problem solving. Taking other people s feelings and concerns into consideration also can help you to respond to problems in a better manner. When dealing with customer complaints, being empathetic can help you to understand why the customer is upset and how to solve the problem for the customer. Since you understand the customer s concerns, you can better determine a satisfactory solution for the customer. Even if you can t do much to improve the situation, sometimes saying I m sorry that you ve had this experience can do wonders for making a customer feel better. Higher ethics. Showing empathy can help you grow and become more understanding of others and yourself. When you are empathetic, you better understand the consequences of your actions, both right and wrong. And when you consider how your actions might affect other people and their feelings, you make more informed, wiser, more ethical decisions. Summary Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person s place. Empathy should not be confused with sympathy, which is the ability to recognize another person s feelings. To develop empathy, you must accept your own emotions, be sensitive to other s emotions, and understand the needs and emotions of others. Being empathetic in the workplace can result in stronger relationships, increased sales, better problem solving, and higher ethics. 1. What is empathy? 2. What is the difference between empathy and sympathy? 3. Explain three aspects of developing empathy. 4. List at least three ways in which showing empathy can help you. Have a Heart LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED

5 Showing Your Empathy People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Bonnie Jean Wasmund, author Empathy is a good thing to have. After all, it helps you to build stronger relationships, sell more, solve problems better, and make more ethical decisions. But how can you show your empathy? How can you let people know that you understand what they re feeling and experiencing? Read on to find out! Listen carefully. One of the best ways to show someone that you are interested in what s/he has to say is to listen carefully to her/him. This means to listen with your ears and with your eyes to what the person says, both verbally and physically. Show respect to the person by paying attention and not interrupting. Allowing the person to truly and completely express herself/himself shows that you are trying to understand her/him, which is a sign of empathy. And, knowing that someone is listening may make the person feel a whole lot better. When it comes to listening carefully, a lot of us have a fatal flaw we spend time thinking about what we re going to say while someone is talking! That is definitely the wrong thing to do, and it s highly disrespectful, too. How can you understand what a person is feeling if you aren t paying attention in the first place? Speak tactfully. Tact is the ability to do or to say the right thing in any circumstances, so to speak tactfully is to consider your words carefully before saying them. (But of course not while someone else is speaking!) Empathetic people are concerned about how their words will be interpreted by other people, and they don t want to offend or hurt anyone s feelings. For example, imagine that one of your friends has asked your opinion on her art project, which you personally think is just about the ugliest thing you ve ever seen. Rather than saying That s hideous! and hurting your friend s feelings, you re much better off saying something positive like, I can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into it. I m impressed. People enjoy hearing encouragement and praise, but most don t like to be told what to do, so make a habit of not giving advice. Acknowledge the person s emotions, moods, and concerns, and say I m sorry to hear that, if it s appropriate. Ask questions only if necessary, say the person s name often, and remember to use an appropriate tone of voice. If a person is sad, soothe her/him, but if s/he is happy, put some joy in your voice! LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED Have a Heart

6 Consider your body language. Your body language says as much, or more, than your words do, so think about what you are physically saying. Take your cues from the person with whom you re empathizing. If s/he is frowning, frown with her/him. If s/he is smiling, then by all means, smile. Nod often to let the person know that you are listening and interested, and when it s appropriate, give the person a hug, a high-five, or a pat on the shoulder to let the person know that you understand what s/he is feeling. Share your own experiences. In some situations, the best way to show your empathy is to share your own experience that is similar to what the other person is going through. People feel better when they hear that they are not the only ones to ever feel a certain way, and when you share your own experiences, you let them know that you understand. They realize that you really can see things from their point of view, which is very comforting. For example, a coworker might complain about the problems that she is having with her Internet connection. The web pages load so slowly, and to top it off, I keep getting disconnected! she says. If that has ever happened to you, you can say, Isn t that frustrating? That happened to me one day last week, and I hardly got any work done all afternoon! Show support of others. Remember that being empathetic means not being judgmental. To truly understand how other people are feeling or what they are experiencing, you shouldn t judge them. Show compassion toward them, let them know that you appreciate how they feel, and support them, regardless of whether you agree with them and their decisions. Think about what you would do if a classmate told you about getting in trouble for taking his mom s car out for a drive with his friends without permission. He s really upset about getting caught, because his parents grounded him for a month and took away his driving privileges. Would you tell him that you disapprove of what he did, and that it serves him right to be punished? Probably not, because you know that would upset him even more. Instead of judging him, you d be better off saying, Wow, you must be really mad, and offer to listen if he needs to talk about what happened. Also keep in mind that one of the differences between empathy and sympathy is that empathy is not limited to problem situations. You can also feel empathy toward someone who has had a positive experience. People enjoy sharing their successes with others and getting supportive feedback from them. In such situations, you can show your support and empathy by using phrases like I m sure that you re very happy about that, That s wonderful for you! or You must be glad that worked out so well. Think back to the last time that you were especially happy about something. Didn t sharing your happiness with your family or friends and having their support make you feel even happier? Have a Heart LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED

7 Spend time with others. Remember that your physical presence can mean a lot to people. Whether a person is happy or sad, spending time with that person lets him/her know that you have empathy and care. Even when everything is normal, stay in contact with your customers, coworkers, classmates, and friends. Take an interest in what they are doing, their hobbies, and their families. If you take an interest in them and their lives, they will come to trust you more. And when they come to trust you more, you can build stronger relationships with them, all as a result of showing empathy toward them. Summary There are a number of ways to show empathy in everyday life, whether you are at work, at school, at home, or with your friends. Listen carefully, speak tactfully, consider your body language, share your own experiences, show support of others, and spend time with others to let them know that you understand what they are feeling and experiencing. 1. Explain how listening carefully can help you to show empathy. 2. Discuss the need to speak tactfully when showing empathy. 3. How does sharing your own experiences show that you are empathetic? 4. Why is spending time with others an important way to show empathy? 1375 King Avenue, P.O. Box 12279, Columbus, Ohio Ph: (614) Fax: (614) Details: Copyright 2008, by Marketing Education Resource Center 8 LAP-EI-012-PQ 2008, MarkED Have a Heart

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