DRINON'S LEADERSHIP EXPRESS

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1 DRINON'S LEADERSHIP EXPRESS Resolving Conflict By Rich Drinon, M.A. C Most humans develop their initial thoughts and feelings about life from external sources of learning, influence and motivation. These sources usually include parents, peers and personal heroes. At some point one begins to make up his or her own mind about what to believe in regards to society, the work world and self. This article examines external influences, personal motivation and professional relevance and suggests ways the leader can take more deliberate control over his or her development and results. External Influences Even in the womb you received messages from the external world. You heard your mother s voice and sensed her emotions related to what was happening in the environment. In the first days after birth you experienced being passed around and commented on by family members and their friends. You journeyed from hospital to home and rode in the car on daily errands while taking in all the sights, sounds and smells and touching and tasting every new object that came into reach. You were programmed through words, images and emotions and eventually in the basic building blocks of alphabet letters, musical notes and numbers. Eventually these building blocks created larger notions, ideas and views about people and the world in which you lived. Your programming was influenced by: Family, Friends & Personal Heroes Mentors, Teachers, Coaches Books and Recordings Motivational or Inspirational Speakers Grades, Trophies, Awards, Certificates or Diplomas For Better or Worse Perhaps you were told certain positive things about yourself at a young age because you showed an interest, inclination or basic ability in a certain area such as math, science, sports or music. Or perhaps everyone commented on how humorous you were or good with people. As a result you enthusiastically developed along these lines and gained greater skill, accomplishment and perhaps recognition. The field in which you work today may be a direct result of the encouragement you received from others at a young age based on their perceptions of your abilities. Unfortunately, if you are like most people, you also were led to believe certain things about yourself that were less than favorable or downright negative. Apart from loved ones you were also subjected to outsiders who made up their mind about you for better or worse. Some, through mis-perceptions, jealousy or lack of understanding, gave you false or negative messages about your self. Today this baggage takes a toll on your self image and esteem, not to mention your performance and achievement. What others once said about you, for better or worse is what you ve now come to say about yourself as true. Internal Motivation & Self Coaching To benefit the most from this article, write down ten statements that you regularly make about yourself. Write down five enabling, positive and uplifting statements and five things you say that are limiting, negative or discouraging.

2 Look at all of the good statements you hold to be true. Look at the negatives you also hold as true. Identify the negatives that don t have to be true any longer and positively rephrase them in ways that work to your advantage. Examples are cited under Attitude in the next section of this article. Beginning with the right words, you can trigger positive emotions that evoke new internal pictures of the better you. It takes commitment, practice, good instructions and a present tense focus, but you can talk your self into new ways of being, doing and having. Developing Your Internal Coach You ve coached others to success through careful instruction, correction and positive affirmation. Now it s time for you to turn that approach inward. You ve helped others see themselves in new and favorable light. Now it s time for you to become your own coach and do likewise for you! Some key levels of self coaching are: Results Behaviors Attitudes Programming Results Right now there are areas in your life where you are pleased with the results and areas in which you are not. Those results could include achieving goals in the workplace, having a better home life or making friends with others. Behaviors In the same way an athlete s performance on the field determines his or her results on a consistent basis, so does your behavior dictate the results you achieve. You ve heard the saying, If you always do what you ve always done, you ll always get what you ve always gotten. The way to change the outcome is to change the behavior, and the way to change the behavior is to change your attitude about yourself or the activity. Attitude How do you think or feel about a certain activity about yourself carrying out that endeavor? Do you disguise your lack of results in false humility by telling yourself any of the following? I m just a minor league player in a major league position. There are more talented and able people than me in the workplace. I can never fill the shoes of those who came before me. I ve passed my peak and the new, young guns are taking over. I don t have the skill, talent or ability for this position. Often these statements remain true only because you continue make them so. If you change your attitude and the statements you are also likely to change your performance and the results you achieve. For example, try one of these on for size: I m a major league player and earner in my field of endeavor. I m just as talented and able as the next person. It s my duty to advance things further than those great people who came before me. My best days are still ahead of me. This position is a perfect fit for my skills, talents and abilities. When you choose to change your attitude and reframe your statements you trigger new corresponding emotions of enthusiasm and evoke new mental pictures of achievement. This combination of words, emotions and pictures puts you on the path to creating a new life story. And, it puts you in the director s seat for producing that story. Programming The Art, Science and History of Self Programming Self programming is not new, but the art and science continues to develop. Generally ideas about self programming revolve around the three key elements of verbalization, emotionalization and visualization.

3 Some key names and noted writings on the subject from the past 100 years include: Émile Coué - Self Mastery Through Conscious Autosuggestion Shad Helmstetter - What to Say When You Talk to Yourself Shakti Gawain - Creative Visualization Bob Proctor - The Secret Programming Your Self for Improved Results There are three primary things to remember as you program yourself for new results. Begin with Specific Instructions You want to give your self new information that is accurate or positive, rather than inaccurate or negative. For example, here is a self-coaching talk one might use to program self for improving time management: I am a highly productive person. I have a sense of order. I always set goals and line up the steps to reach those goals. I have a sense of priority. I know which things have importance over others in any given moment. I have a sense of time, including a feeling for the passage of seconds, minutes, hours, days, week s and years. I have a sense of place. I keep my workplace in neat, organized condition. I am a highly productive person. The information for this self talk was derived from a thorough study (Molloy, 1987) conducted with workers to determine the habits of highly productive people. Those habits are identified as order, priority, time and place and elaborated on with a few steps about performing those habits. Begin with good information and then place that information into present tense statements your subconscious mind can receive. Make New Statements in the Present Tense Your subconscious mind only recognizes the here and now. That s why when you say, Someday I ll achieve my goals, or I hope to become a better communicator, your subconscious mind, if it could speak, would say, Great, tell me when you re ready to start. Here is another self coaching example using information from the series session on Recognizing & Relating to Four Behavioral Styles, based on how to better communicate with Dominant, Inspiring, Supportive and Cautious types. Develop your statements using present tense starters such as: I am an effective communicator I fluently speak the language of the four DISC styles. I relate to Dominant types in a direct, bottom-line and too-the-point manner. I relate to Inspiring types in a fun, upbeat and engaging way. I relate to Supportive types by being warm, friendly and considerate. I relate to Cautious types in a factual, logical and less-emotional manner. I am an effective communicator I fluently speak the language of the four DISC styles. Continue Programming Your Subconscious Mind to Create New Results You don t have to force any changes. Just create a new set of statements and deliver them to yourself in a heartfelt manner in the present tense on a regular basis. As you go through your day look for times to speak to yourself in positive ways. It could be as you prepare for work in the morning, drive to the office, stroll during the lunch hour, hit the treadmill late in the day or pray or meditate in the evening before bed. You might also work on reframing the things you say to yourself in various situations that arise during the day. These might include things that get in your way, slow you down or cause frustration. It s as simple as reframing, This really upsets me, to This too shall pass. Your practice, patience and persistence will be rewarded!

4 Professional Relevance Staying relevant in this day and age has become a fulltime job. Because technology is constantly evolving and it touches every area of your life it is essential that you learn to think and act in new ways in several arenas. And, as a leader, it s important for you to stay relevant in relation to your position. Know Your Self By participating in this series you ve probably learned many important things about yourself. What you know about self gives you a good frame of reference from which to plan, act and improve. Some of the key areas of self knowledge forming that frame of reference are: Personality & Preferences Knowing your behavioral style and which things come easily for your or which take more effort gives you an idea of where to best focus your talent or self improvement energies. History: Past, Present & Future What have you learned about yourself from personal history? What are your patterns? What motivates you the most? What is your style when it comes to taking action? What wisdom can you draw from that history? Education, Experience & Expertise Having an appreciation for what you have learned, applied and become highly skilled can give you the confidence you need to pursue what comes next on your professional path. In the same way you studied, practiced and became proficient at a vocation, you can become more competent as a leader. Limitations & Potential Knowing your real vs. perceived limitations gives you an understanding of what realistic goals to set for your life. You may not be built for a particular sport or adept with computer technology, but you may have a real gift for leading, coaching and inspiring others. Go with your strengths. Work on limitations that are worth improving. Otherwise, team up with others who have skills you don t possess. Practice Ongoing Self Development Personal growth and leadership development go hand in hand. If you are growing as a person you are probably adding skills and abilities that will enhance your leadership capacity. Some of the ways you can continue your development include: Reading Books & Articles Listening To or Viewing Recordings Taking Educational Courses Participating in Training Keeping a Leadership Journal Finding a Mentor or Coach Using Self Coaching Techniques Manage Your Virtual Presence One area that remains new territory for most professionals is the development and management of an online or virtual presence. In this information age data can work for you or against you. It is likely, however, that your data will continue to create an online impression that represents you in the virtual world. Now would be a good time to consider how you want to be represented, going forward, in any of these domains: Website Text Blog Social Media Linkedin Facebook Twitter YouTube GPS Five Rules for Leadership Relevance Today As a parting note, here are five rules the author feels are important for you to embrace in this present day and age of leadership: Lead by Example Communicate Effectively

5 Make More Allies than Enemies Guard Your Credibility Stay Relevant! Author s Note In each of the magazine articles making up this leadership series books and articles are recommended that I ve found helpful in my own development. Several of those are cited below. Each of these ranks highly in my choices for interesting, practical and, in most cases books that are well researched or pass the test of time, and that can help you develop as a person and leader. Resources & Recommended Reading Émile Coué - Self Mastery Through Conscious Autosuggestion (1922) Shad Helmstetter - What to Say When You Talk to Yourself (1982) Shakti Gawain - Creative Visualization (1978) Bob Proctor You Were Born Rich (1997) John T. Molloy How to Work the Competition into the Ground and Have Fun Doing It (1987)

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