AVERSIVE INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORS

Transcription

1 AVERSIVE INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORS

2 THE PLENUM SERIES IN SOCIAL/CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY Series Editors: C. R. Snyder University of Kansas Lawrence, Kansas Current Volumes in the Series: AGGRESSION Biological, Developmental, and Social Perspectives Edited by Seymour Feshbach andjolanta Zagrodzka AVERSIVE INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORS Edited by Robin M. Kowalski COERCION AND AGGRESSIVE COMMUNITY TREATMENT A New Frontier in Mental Health Law Edited by Deborah L. Dennis and John Monahan EFFICACY, AGENCY, AND SELF-ESTEEM Edited by Michael H. Kernis PATHOLOGICAL SELF-CRITICISM Assessment and Treatment Raymond M. Bergner PROCRASTINATION AND TASK AVOIDANCE Theory, Research, and Treatment Joseph R. Ferrari, Judith L. Johnson, and William G. McCown THE PSYCHOLOGY OF VANDALISM Arnold P. Goldstein SELF-EFFICACY, ADAPTATION, AND ADJUSTMENT Theory, Research, and Application Edited by James E. Maddux SOCIAL COGNITIVE PSYCHOLOGY History and Current Domains David F. Barone, James E. Maddux, and C. R. Snyder SOURCEBOOK OF SOCIAL SUPPORT AND PERSONALITY Edited by Gregory R. Pierce, Brian Lakey, Irwin G. Sarason, and Barbara R. Sarason A Continuation Order Plan is available for this series. A continuation order will bring delivery of each new volume immediately upon publication. Volumes are billed only upon actual shipment. For further information please contact the publisher.

3 AVERSIVE INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIORS EDITED BY ROBIN M. KOWALSKI Western Carolina University Cullowhee, North Carolina Springer Science+ Business Media, LLC

4 Library of Congress Catalog1ng-1n-Publ1 cat Ion Data Averslve Interpersonal behaviors / edited by Robin M. Kowalski. p. era. (The Plenum series 1n soc la 1/ci In lea 1 psychology) Includes bibliographical references and Index. ISBN Interpersonal relations. 2. Social Interaction. 3. Interpersonal conflict. 4. Personality. I. Kowalski, Robin M. II. Series. HM132.A dc CIP ISBN DOI / ISBN (ebook) 1997 Springer Science+Business Media New York Originally published by Plenum Press, New York 1997 Softcover reprint of the hardcover 1st edition 1997 http: / / All rights reserved No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the Publisher

5 To my niece, Sarah Bagwell King

6 CONTRIBUTORS ANITA P. BARBEE, Department of Psychology, University of Louisville, Louisville, Kentucky ROY F. BAUMEISTER, Department of Psychology, Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio RICHARD BEDNARSKI, Department of Psychology, Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, North Carolina MICHAEL R. CUNNINGHAM, Department of Psychology, University of Louisville, Louisville, Kentucky PERRI B. DRUEN, Department of Psychology, University of Louisville, Louisville, Kentucky TIMOTHY DUNCAN, Department of Psychology, Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, North Carolina JANET R. ERICKSON, Department of Psychology, Western Carolina University, Cullowhee, North Carolina LAURA R. GREEN, Department of Psychology, Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton, Florida DUDLEY HAMMON, Department of Psychology, Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, North Carolina ROBIN M. KOWALSKI, Department of Psychology, Western Carolina University, Cullowhee, North Carolina vii

7 viii CONTRIBUTORS MARK R. LEARY, Department of Psychology, Wake Forest University, Winston-Salem, North Carolina ROWLAND S. MILLER, Department of Psychology and Philosophy, Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, Texas DEBORAH R. RICHARDSON, Department of Psychology, Florida Atlantic University, Boca Raton, Florida WILLIAM F. SHARKEY, University of Hawaii at Manoa, 2560 Campus Rd., George Hall 326, Honolulu, Hawaii KRISTIN L. SOMMER, Department of Psychology, Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio KIPLING D. WILLIAMS, School of Psychology, University of New South Wales, Sydney, NSW 2052 Australia

8 PREFACE Our dealings with other people are an inevitable, important, and rewarding part of everyday life. This is most true, of course, of our more intimate friendships and romantic relationships, but our interactions with acquaintances and even strangers also help to weave the fabric of our social lives. Yet, despite the fact that we are, by nature, social creatures and derive innumerable pleasures and benefits from interacting with other people, our social encounters are often awkward, distressing, and downright unpleasant. The flair and fascination that surrounds relationships as they are just beginning fades all too quickly as people perform annoying behaviors, hurt our feelings, embarrass us in front of others, and/or deprive us of interpersonal needs by excluding us. Behaviors that we once thought were cute and endearing at some point strike us as silly, mean, and aversive. Until recently the study of aversive interpersonal behaviors was virtually ignored, superceded by a focus on the positive characteristics of interpersonal interactions. The irony behind this focus on the positive is that, when asked to evaluate the quality of their friendships and romantic relationships, people typically rely on the frequency of negative interpersonal exchanges as opposed to positive interactions. People's memory for aversive interpersonal interactions far exceeds their memory for favorable interpersonal exchanges. The purpose of this book is to examine the less rosy side of interpersonal relationships. As will be shown, however, this does not mean that the reader will be confronted with a completely dark, bleak look at human relationships. Rather, he or she will discover the many facets of aversive interpersonal exchanges, including their role in enhancing the quality of relationships. Several people were instrumental in the completion of this book. Because of the difficulty inherent in editing one's own chapters, I would ix

9 x PREFACE like to thank Mark Leary for his editorial assistance with my part of the book. He also merits recognition for being always supportive and ever ready to bounce ideas around with me. Tom Britt is responsible for the book finally being completed by supporting and encouraging me during the "aversive" times, particularly as the project drew increasingly close to its deadline. Thanks also go to Anne Simons, Ellen Houston, Cindy Snyder, Rose Pritchett, and Benjamin Davis for all of the brainstorming sessions over the past year. Finally, I would like to thank Eliot Werner, Executive Editor at Plenum, and Rick Snyder, Editor of the Social/Clinical series of which this book is a part, for their help with this book. ROBIN M. KOWALSKI

10 CONTENTS Chapter 1 The Underbelly of Social Interaction: Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors Robin M. Kowalski The Course of Relationships and Relationship Research.... Inevitability of Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors.... The Positive Side of Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors.... Carrying Aversive Behaviors Too Far.... How Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors Work.... Overview of the Present Volume.... References Chapter 2 We Always Hurt the Ones We Love: Aversive Interactions in Close Relationships Rowland S. Miller Our Focus of Attention Sources of Aversiveness in Close Relationships.... Additional Complications.... The Brighter Side.... References xi

11 xii CONTENTS Chapter 3 Making Someone Feel Guilty: Causes, Strategies, and Consequences Kristin 1. Sommer and Roy F. Baumeister Introduction The Interpersonal Nature of Guilt Origins of Guilt Why Induce Guilt? Who Induces Guilt, and When? How to Induce Guilt Costs of Guilt Induction Summary and Areas for Future Research References Chapter 4 Why Would Anyone Want to Intentionally Embarrass Me? William F. Sharkey Introduction The Beginnings The Establishment of One's Goals The Planning of Actions The Outcomes/Consequences of One's Plan Conclusion References Chapter 5 Complaining: What's All the Fuss About? Robin M. Kowalski and Janet R. Erickson Definitional Issues A Theory of Complaining Functions of Complaining The Aversiveness of Complaining Help-Rejecting Complainers Testing Your Own Savvy as a Complainer Summary References

12 CONTENTS xiii Chapter 6 Blowhards, Snobs, and Narcissists: Interpersonal Reactions to Excessive Egotism Mark R. Leary, Richard Bednarski, Dudley Hammon, and Timothy Duncan Features of Egotistical Behavior Egotism as an Aspect of Human Nature Interpersonal Consequences of Egotistical Behavior Why Is Egotism Aversive? Perspectives on Egotism Conclusions References 128 Chapter 7 Social Ostracism Kipling D. Williams Introduction.... Review of Existing Literature.... A Taxonomic Structure of Ostracism.... A Need-Threat Model of Ostracism.... An Experimental Paradigm to Study Effects of Short-Term Social Ostracism.... Interview Methodologies to Study Effects of Long-Term Ostracism.... Future Directions.... Summary.... Author Notes.... References Chapter 8 Circuitous Harm: Determinants and Consequences of Nondirect Aggression Deborah R. Richardson and Laura R. Green What Is Nondirect Aggression? Why Deliver Harm Circuitously? Determinants Consequences

13 xiv CONTENTS Conclusion References Chapter 9 Social Allergens and the Reactions That They Produce: Escalation of Annoyance and Disgust in Love and Work Michael R. Cunningham, Anita P. Barbee, and Perri B. Omen Description of the Social Allergen-Allergy Process Temporal Dynamics Cognitive Dynamics in Social Allergies Symbolic Associations in Social Allergen-Allergy Relationships Attributions in Social Allergen-Allergy Relations Individual Differences in Susceptibility to Social Allergies Adaptive Functions of Social Allergies Exploration of Social Allergens in Other Domains References Chapter 10 Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors: An Overarching Framework Robin M. Kowalski What Makes Behaviors Aversive? Functions of Aversive Behaviors Variations in Perceptions Conclusions References Author Index Subject Index