Dos and Don ts of Dealing with Criticism

Transcription

1 and of Dealing with Criticism Debra Schroeder, M.S. Extension Educator Criticism and Diabetes Diagnosis of Diabetes Type 1 and 2 causes concern Criticized for bringing it on yourself Questioned about your food selections Sources of Criticism Lack of understanding Fear for your health Even with good intentions, it hurts Develop a planned response Letting Go Versus Reacting Criticize from a point of ignorance Shrug off a careless remark Try not to take it too personally Letting Go Versus Reacting Don t be as quick to ignore criticism that comes from those who love you Look for underlying message See if there is something to gain Paraphrase to demonstrate a more considerate way to express concern Learn from health care team and those who live with diabetes Listen carefully to those that have diabetes Good tips and coping strategies Seek info from dieticians and doctors Listen and then comment Remember people mean well 1

2 Get out of conversations Ignore weird facts and cures Don t react angrily Switch topic of discussion Deflect attention away from you Read current scientific research Learn how to respond to unfounded criticism Monitor your blood glucose levels Know dangerous effects Doing your research, you can respond with up-todate info from reputable organizations Cite facts from validated research to sound authoritative Choose carefully who you respond to Concern about the medication you are taking: you explain the rigorous clinical trials conducted Your health care professional took into account your full medical history Explain the apps you use to monitor your blood glucose levels remind you to take medication Enlist help in monitoring your medication adherence They will feel they are doing something constructive to help you Show how close your blood glucose levels are tracked Educating people can prevent criticism of your choices Shows you are in control of your condition They do not need to pass judgement. Turn tables on comments about your exercise Show them how you monitor your blood pressure Might help people who are undiagnosed to become aware of their own conditions People are fascinated by technological advances 2

3 True Life Care (TLC). Comments on whether condition will affect your work performance TLC, a program employers can provide as a no-cost benefit to employees with diabetes or pre-diabetes If your employer is concerned contact TLC TLC provides personal contact to those diagnosed with diabetes sharing management hints Meditation creates a shield against unconstructive criticism Means of controlling your emotions and reactions Looking inwardly, inspect what hurts you the most Is it their lack of knowledge? Maybe you are blaming yourself, too? Assess if feelings of guilt or self-blame are beneficial to your health Use meditation to access whatever it is that makes you feel uncomfortable and root it out. Don t let others criticize what you eat Have a plan and follow it Explain your choice Then ask what they are choosing for dessert and why Shift the conversation away from you Do a little self-analysis of a particular food choice Important thing is that you are in control of your choices. Don t allow people to pressure you at social gatherings Jokingly ask them if they would like to be responsible for taking your unconscious self to the ER when you have a hypoglycemic incident. This gets your point across quickly, but in a way that won t spark an argument. Don t get drawn into an argument about why you have diabetes Comments from uniformed people Diabetes has a genetic component Answer people who criticize your food choices by explaining that someone who has a close family member with diabetes is more likely to have it, too Remember each case is unique Don t let diabetes define you Don t turn yourself into a victim Yes, you do have diabetes, but you also are more than that Don t criticize yourself Discuss what is bothering you only with those you trust 3

4 Remember Most important trick in dealing with criticism Surround yourself with positive people People who uplift and support you Stay away from scaremongers; they will not help you in your self-management endeavors. Diabetes and Marriage Issues When Diabetes Enters Your Marriage: Sometime I think I care more about his diabetes that he does. I try to cook healthy but he says he will eat what he wants. I m scared about what will happen to him, but if he does not care what can I do? Diabetes and Marriage When one member of the couple has diabetes, the other one lives with it too Approaching diabetes as a team is better for both Diabetes can affect a marriage and marriage stress can affect diabetes A high degree of conflict and stress in your relationship can do damage to internal organs Marital stress interferes with people s diabetes self-management Managing Diabetes Marriage Stress Diabetes can put stress on marriage To successfully manage these problems couples do two things: Talk honestly about the issues Get help Managing Diabetes Marriage Stress Start with communications Discussion with what each of you needs Start with ways that your partner can help you manage or cope Will not be a one-time conversation Can be difficult and many couples avoid them Would rather smooth things over than address the underlying problems. Communication and Listening Listening important part of communications Use reflective listening to build understanding Don t argue or defend yourself Repeat and paraphrase Get to hear form both sides Both partners are important Discuss obstacles that you have over come in past Find sources of strength 4

5 Things to Talk About How involved should the partner be in diabetes management? How will I support you? Families need to learn Non-directive Support The partner assists and cooperates with the person with diabetes requests Responsibility for his diabetes and behavior lies with him; she has not taken that on. Emotional Support Diabetes can bring difficult emotions for both partners. Grief Frustration Guilt Anger Fear Jealousy Boredom Things to Talk About Food Issues willingness to change diet Preventing hypos or low blood sugars Sex and intimacy Financial issues Including partners in your diabetes world Support for you both Finding balance Value your relationship References Davies, Nicola, The and of Dealing with Criticism, Diabetes Self-Management, December, 2016, pages Hieronymus, Laura, Happy New Year, Happy You! Diabetes Self- Management, February, 2017, pages Spero, David, Married to Diabetes: Issues and Strategies When Diabetes Enters Your Marriage, Diabetes Self-Management, February, 2017, pages Extension is a Division of the Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources at the University of Nebraska Lincoln cooperating with the Counties and the United States Department of Agriculture. Nebraska Extension educational programs abide with the nondiscrimination policies of the University of Nebraska Lincoln and the United States Department of Agriculture. 5