SENDING LOVING THOUGHTS TO THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN

Transcription

1 Lubbock, Texas Chapter DECEMBER 2013 VOL. 1, NO. 6 SENDING LOVING THOUGHTS TO THE FAMILIES OF THESE CHILDREN Remembrance Days Chris Spears Dec. 25 Davey Rowser Dec. 26 Kassandra Villegas Dec. 27 Brian Chase Jan. 15 Again at Christmas did we weave The holly round the Christmas hearth; The silent snow possess d the earth, And calmly fell our Christmas-eve. The yule-log sparkled keen with frost, No wing of wind the region swept, But over all things brooding slept The quiet sense of something lost. ~Alfred Tennyson December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 1

2 LUBBOCK CHAPTER MEETING INFORMATION NEXT MEETING: Jan. 7, 2014 TIME: 7:00-8:30 p.m. DATE: First Tuesday of each month TOPIC: Reaching Out to Bereaved Parents in the Community LOCATION: 21st & Dover Ave. Behavioral Sciences Bldg. Room 105 East side of LCU Campus CONTACT INFORMATION: Isabel Villa, Chapter Leader: Deneis Arriaga, Co-Chapter Leader Sharon Kohout, Newsletter Editor For more information, click on these Frequently Asked Questions about Chapter Meetings. December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 2

3 Remember Light a quiet candle Send a quiet kiss Say a quiet fare-thee-well To the one you miss. Light a quiet candle Shed a quiet tear Sing a quiet lullaby... And the quiet Christmas Star will hear. ~Sascha Wagner TCF Des Moines Felicia FeFe Smith Beloved daughter of Lisa Smith Shallowater, TX A Christmas Wish I'll miss you at Christmas When laughter's everywhere, When church bells chime In merry rhyme And warmth is in the air. I'll think of you at Christmas Of when you were with me, Of simple joys and silly toys And days that used to be. I'll miss you at Christmas When children's faces glow, And gaze in childish wonderment At Santa and presents in a row. Shayne Kohout Daughter of Sharon Kohout, TCF Lubbock, TX I wish a Christmas miracle Could bring you back this way, And we could be together For one more Christmas day. ~Lily delauder December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 3

4 FOR SIBLINGS ASK Dr. Heidi Dr. Heidi Horsley, PsyD, is a bereaved sibling as well as a psychologist. She is the executive director of the Open to Hope Foundation, cohost of the Open to Hope radio program, an adjunct professor at Columbia University, and a national board member of The Compassionate Friends. QUESTION: My big brother died last October, the month of my daughter s birthday. Since his passing, my friends have told me I m not the same. How do you get back to being yourself again? Seems like everything I once enjoyed was wrapped up with my brother somehow. I m trying to look past the pain and go on and put on a bright smile, but when I asked my husband if I was different, he said, A lot, but that he couldn t pinpoint as to how I ve changed. My brother helped raise me, being eight years older. It just seems like some part of myself died with him. Does anyone else have these feelings? ANSWER: Losing a brother or sister is a lot more difficult than many people realize, and it has not even been a year since your brother died. We are not the same after a sibling dies; we are profoundly changed. Your brother was part of your past; you grew up together and had a shared history. There are things he knew about you that nobody else knows. It sounds like you were very close, as he helped raise you. It s normal to feel like a part of you has died with him. It takes awhile to move through the severe pain after this kind of loss. You will never be back to your normal life, but you will create a new normal and eventually go on to incorporate him into your life in new ways and to reinvest in life again. One of our roles as bereaved siblings is to keep our brothers and sisters memories alive for our friends, relatives, and children. Your daughter will remember her uncle through the wonderful stories you share about him. Many siblings feel the same way you do after a sibling death; you are not alone. Try not to be too hard on yourself during this first year. You hurt so much because you loved him so much. Right now take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with supportive people, and reach out to others who have lost siblings and understand what you re going through. Your brother lives forever in your heart, and you will always be his little sister. December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 4

5 The Compassionate Friends National Office PO Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL Regional Coordinator: Bill Campbell The Compassionate Friends Credo We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need Not Walk Alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. TCF Mission Statement When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. Calendar January 7, :00 p.m. TCF Lubbock Chapter Meeting February 4, :00 p.m. TCF Lubbock Chapter Meeting March 4, :00 p.m. TCF Lubbock Chapter Meeting From the Editor: Once again I will curl up on the couch on Christmas Eve and write a letter to my Shayne. In my heart I believe she already knows the things I will tell her, but it makes me feel closer to her to put them in writing. I will then tuck the letter into her stocking - along with the notes I have written for the past three Christmases. Someday I may go back and read these notes.or perhaps other family members will see them first. What they will find is a journey into dark dark despair, followed by an oh-so gradual softening of the razor sharp edges of pain. I remember hearing a parent at one of my first TCF meetings compare the loss of a child to someone taking a can opener to your heart. That analogy has stayed with me because it so aptly described what I was feeling. There is no pain in the world like it. But my Christmas notes will reveal that the love Shayne and I shared is truly stronger than death and its accompanying sorrow. My favorite author, Willa Cather once wrote that Where there is great love, there are always miracles. As we reflect on the meaning of Christmas, I hope each of you finds the miracle you are seeking. Sharon K. Shayne s mom December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 5

6 WE NEED NOT WALK ALONE The Compassionate Friends (TCF), Lubbock Chapter has no individual membership fees or dues, and all bereaved family members are welcomed. However, donations are encouraged to support the monthly chapter meetings, the monthly newsletter, and outreach activities to families on the South Plains who have lost a child. Please consider a love gift to continue the work of TCF Lubbock. All donations are tax-deductible. Name Address City State Zip Phone In memory of: Relationship Make check payable to: The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock Chapter Mail check to: Joe Froelich, Treasurer, TCF Lubbock th Drive Lubbock, TX December 2013 The Compassionate Friends, Lubbock TX Chapter Page 6