National Suicide Prevention Week

Transcription

1 National Suicide Prevention Week Every year over 44,000 people die by suicide and over 1 million make a suicide attempt. September 10 th through 16 th is National Suicide Prevention Week. The Helpline Center would like to raise awareness on this topic through our first annual Hope and Healing Art Show. The Hope and Healing Art Show will be downtown at Rehfeld s Art Gallery from 5:00pm - 9:00pm on Friday, September 15 th. Artists will be sharing how suicide has affected their lives through their artwork. Join the Helpline Center and others in the community who are working towards the common goal of suicide prevention. If you or someone you know is struggling, call us 24/7 at 211 or We can help. There is hope. Together we can save lives.

2 The Healing Birds I met with Vonna Marcus on a cool, rainy day. When I walked up to her house, I noticed a sharing library that had beautiful mosaic tiles of flowers and animals. She opened the door and invited me in. She offered me a cup of tea and we headed downstairs to her art studio. On the wall by the door of her studio was a breathtaking tree with flowers made of tiles incorporated into the wall. Vonna was in the middle of working on her art piece for the upcoming Hope and Healing Art Show. There on the table laid a block of clay and in the corner was her kiln where she fired her tiles. As we sat down to talk, Vonna shared how she got into creating tiles after her and her sister took a class on how to make ornaments. Her sister Sue started doing murals in Tucson, Arizona where her family winters, and got Vonna started with creating murals as well. Vonna shared she grew up in a small town in Minnesota with her sister Sue and brother Tom. While Vonna and her sister are only 11months apart, Tom and Vonna have an 11 year age difference. After college, Tom moved to Sioux Falls and lived with Vonna and her family for a short time. Vonna started to talk about Tom as she cut out her birds (pieces for her tiles). It s been a year and a half, but she vividly remembers the day he died by suicide. Tom had gone over to Vonna s house that morning of April 18th and helped her with a piece she was working on. She stated that he spent 6 hours that day with her, listening to music in the background while talking and having a wonderful time in her studio. Vonna s daughter and her two kids had come over and they all had lunch together, continuing to work and chat. Vonna shared that when she was walking with Tom up the stairs on his way out he said, You know I love you. Vonna said yes and they talked about their plans for the next day. She stated, He gave me a hug and walked out. He took his life at 7:30 that night. Vonna went on to talk about the events that led up to Tom dying by suicide. She stated, All the signs were there, I just didn t see them. Vonna shared that Tom had struggled with the loss of his job, and he slipped into a deep depression. Tom had been in management where several employees, including himself, were laid off. Vonna explained how Tom stayed on to help those employees find their way through unemployment. He stayed on to help them and he was very light hearted and supportive. Previously, Tom had one other small bought of depression when a past job was discontinued. He also experienced other losses with selling his house and having to put his dog down. We knew he was depressed and Sue, Mom, and I were in Tucson and

3 he was up here. Vonna and their mother made the decision to come back home early that year. I just wanted to be close to him. Vonna talked about the different signs that she sees in hindsight now, stating that she found out after he passed away that he had given away a lot of his things. Vonna shared that she struggled with guilt and wondering why, like so many people who lose loved ones to suicide do; what did I say or what didn t I say, and I went over all of the details. Vonna explained that she started to find healing through sharing her story. Today she is doing better with the guilt. I know I have nothing to be guilty for. She read a quote to me that her sister keeps. 1) I Love you and care about you, but I can t prevent you from suffering. 2) All beings, their happiness or unhappiness, depends on them rather than my wishes for them and 3) things are as they are whether, I like it or not. I asked Vonna how she dealt with the loss of her brother. She stated that she often sits down with friends and talks over a cup of tea, and relies heavily on her faith. I couldn t get through without it. God has put so many people in my life. Just to sit quietly, to be with me. This right now is hard for me. As much as it hurts and bubbles up, I know that tomorrow I will feel better. I can see that I have grown and my understanding is better. Vonna shared that she does a lot of biking and being in her studio has helped her immensely, stating, there is a lot of healing when I work with my hands and create. She finds her studio to be a healthy outlet for her grief. When you are giving away, you don t focus on yourself. It s a good place to be and we are making new memories. Vonna shared that she, Tom and Sue all like to be in the kitchen. Cooking is an important family tradition to her. She stated that her Mom and sister made great meals together and are starting to make new memories. This suicide- you just hit a wall. Vonna said this tragedy has affected her family differently and that they are all in different places in their grief. As we continued our conversation, Vonna confided that last night she received a phone call from a friend, who wanted speak about a different friend who also lost a brother to suicide. Even though hearing about such a similar situation was emotionally triggering to her at first, she wants to impart some of her wisdom and the lessons she learned since Tom s death to other survivors. I asked her what she would say to other suicide survivors. Vonna stated, It seems trite, but it does get better. It does get easier; the sting will always be there but not as sharp. In the time that I spent with Vonna I could see that she had so much wisdom, hope, faith, and encouragement to give to others. Vonna stated that one of her friends told her, Hold things with an open hand. I don t care if it s your house or your business, your kids, husband, parents or your brother- you hold them with an open hand. They are not yours, they are here and if you cling too tightly to this stuff you just end up with a clenched fist. And if you hold them loosely, god will bless you. He

4 will heal your heart and heal your wounds. Vonna talked about how this is sometimes hard to do, because I want my brother back. Vonna lost her Dad 15 years ago and she learned that lesson a long time ago. When tragedies come into my life, I hold them loosely and learn from them. Along with Vonna s faith she believes that people should work towards growth not only spiritually, but also emotionally. She believes there is a reason we are given a long life, to learn and grow. I can look back at my life and I can say, Thank you lord that I have grown since Tom s suicide. I am wiser and have a deeper understanding. Vonna has learned to deal with what life has given her by turning ugly things back into good and passing along her knowledge. I asked Vonna about the art piece that she is creating for the Hope and Healing Art Show and the meaning behind it. Vonna went back to the day that Tom passed away. She said that her husband had made a frame for her. She told Tom that day that she wasn t sure if she had enough tiles to place in the frame. Her brother spent the whole day helping and told her, you have about 2-3 inches on the bottom, so you need more tiles - and then he was gone. After Tom died, Vonna continued to look at the empty piece and grappled with how to move forward with the project. There were several birds he placed within the piece. Vonna recalled a song that she heard at another funeral which goes, his eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me. Vonna thought as she looked at the piece, those could be sparrows, and so I made a banner with that saying on it and finished the piece. After completing this project with the help of her late brother, the family had to pick out Tom s headstone. After some thought, Vonna put the plaque made of tiles that she and her brother made together in his headstone. Vonna shared that it was a process of healing for her. Vonna wants to remember her dearly beloved brother and how great the 49 years of his life were. Sometimes that s all you get, and that s all we got. I want to remember him, his smiling face, for who he was and what he accomplished instead of that last week of his life. Through Vonna s warm, inviting spirit she is able to move gracefully through this storm of grief. She will try to help others along the way through her artwork, filled with the hopeful motif of the bird, even if it s just the start of a conversation. She hopes that her message driven art leads to something deeper and speaks truth into another survivor s life, because that s what Vonna is, a survivor. Sheri Nelson

5 The Helpline Center and the International Association of Suicide Prevention invite you to light a candle near a window at 8pm on September 10 th to remember a loved one and support survivors. Surviving After Suicide (SAS) Support Group & 10-Week Class We will start our next Surviving After Suicide (SAS) Class on September 5th, The SAS Class is held on Tuesday evenings from 7:00-8:30pm for 10 consecutive weeks at the Helpline Center. Registration is required and we ask that you commit to attending all of the 10 sessions. The supportive mourning process is guided by participant needs and a handbook organized chronologically to follow the days, weeks, and months after a suicide loss. It includes practical strategies for coping and healing. To register, visit our website at helplinecenter.org and click on the link under Survivor Services or call directly at or 211 and ask for Sheri. The SAS Monthly Support Groups is held the first Thursday of each month from 7:00-8:30pm at the Helpline Center N. West Ave, Suite 310. Our SAS meetings are held in an atmosphere that is warm and friendly and nonjudgmental. Anyone who has lost a family member or friend is invited to attend, whether it is a recent loss or many years ago. Feelings shared are kept confidential and discussed only within the confines of the group meeting. Thus, our SAS support groups provide a comfortable, nonthreatening setting to share our experiences and thoughts. Questions are encouraged to help in coping with the different stages of the grieving process and with the feelings that are particularly intense in the aftermath of suicide-denial, shock, disbelief, sadness, anger, guilt and shame. We end our discussion sessions by sharing something positive that has recently taken place or something good you are anticipating. There is no fee and no registration required.