HOW TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGE

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1 HOW TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGE By Juliana Kassianos, Natural Fertility Therapist The School of Fertility

2 Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn t happen Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby WHAT IS SELF-SABOTAGE? Negative thoughts, feelings and self-destructive behaviour often get in the way of us accomplishing what we really desire in life. It s called self-sabotage. And we all have our own ways of doing it. Many people procrastinate they have the intent to act, but get lost in deliberation; some self-medicate with drugs or alcohol to escape feeling negative emotions, while others may comfort eat, even though their goal is to lose weight or eat healthily.

3 HOW DO WE KNOW IF OUR INNER SABOTEUR IS AT WORK? Its tell-tale sign is when there s something we consciously want, but we seem to do everything in our power on a subconscious level to make sure we don t get it. By acting against our selfinterests, we prevent ourselves from reaching our goals, achieving success and having fulfilment in life.

4 WHY DO WE SELF-SABOTAGE As strange as it may sound, the reason we self-sabotage is to protect ourselves. Our inner saboteurs spring from our subconscious mind, rooted in the form of negative beliefs, thoughts and feelings. They protect us from experiencing negative outcomes like failure, disappointment or pain, which we expect to occur. Through the process of self-sabotage, we don t suffer from the negative outcomes we fear, but nor do we succeed in achieving what it is we consciously want. So they give the illusion they are protecting us by keeping us within our comfort zone, but in reality they prevent us from moving forward in life. The source of our self-sabotage is fear; one of our natural survival instincts. Fear of loss, hardship or pain.

5 FACE YOUR FEARS Unless we face our fears and consciously confront, challenge and change our limiting beliefs, we risk letting our inner saboteur stand in the way of our success; thwarting any of our attempts to progress, getting in the way of us achieving our dreams and preventing us from growing into our full potential. However, to do this, we have to step out of our familiar comfort zone and enter unknown territory, which is much harder than it sounds. You see there s part of our brain that doesn t like change; it registers it as unfamiliar, risky and unsafe. It attempts to stop us in our tracks, by building up internal resistance. Think of it as though you were sky diving. You re about to jump out of the plane. Your brain senses a threat to your survival and builds up resistance, trying to stop you from making the jump, in order to keep you safe. We have to push through this resistance, face our fears and have the courage to jump, so that we can spread our wings

6 THREE STEPS TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGE Make a decision today to no-longer fall prey to your inner saboteur. Use these three simple steps to overcome internal resistance to change and break the cycle of self-sabotage for good. Take the leap and soar into the unknown. Step 1. Become aware of your saboteur To stop self-sabotage from holding you back you need to become aware of what s going on in your subconscious mind. Start to notice any negative thoughts and feelings you have or selfdestructive behaviour you exhibit, and note the consequences that result. These will likely become apparent at times when you feel yourself resisting something. Keep a note of what comes to mind in a journal. Writing down our thoughts is a powerful tool that provides us with greater insight and self-knowledge. By keeping a journal you will be able to start to recognise more easily any selfsabotage patterns that emerge. Underlying these patterns will be the limiting beliefs you have formed. The root source of these limiting beliefs may be the result of your reactions to past experiences, feedback from others or perhaps even the culture you grew up in. Try to identify what your limiting beliefs are; what do you believe about yourself and the abilities you have? We can then look towards transforming them into new empowering ones. First though we need to question their validity. Are they sensible or silly? Ask yourself what others would think of them. By asking these questions you will begin to gain a new perspective and start the process of moving away from identifying with them. Then we need to distinguish the impact they have on the

7 decisions and choices you make in all areas of your life, whether it be your health, relationships, work or money. Ask yourself whether they are pulling you away from success or towards it? Are they helping you move forward or holding you back? Lastly, we need to question what s stopping you from believing something else. What is it that you fear? This will help you move on to the next step.

8 Step 2. Create new empowering beliefs In order to create new empowering beliefs, we need to change our internal dialogue the negative self-talk of our inner saboteur and switch the charge from negative to positive. Go back to your journal. List the limiting beliefs you identified under a column on the left-hand side of the page; the ones that have been working against you. On the right-hand side of the page list a number of advantageous beliefs; the ones that will now help you get what you want. It s important you have ample motivation to push through your internal resistance to change. Underneath the left-hand column in your journal, write down how your limiting beliefs have been holding you back from achieving your goals. Then on the righthand column, write down what the long-term benefits would be if you were to change your beliefs to those on the right-hand side of the page. What will they help you achieve? Who will they help you become? What impact will they have on the various areas of your life?

9 Step 3. Make change happen It s now time to break through your comfort zone and make change happen. Create an alarm on your phone that goes off daily, three times a day; morning, midday and afternoon. Label your alarm with one or more of the positive beliefs you listed on the right-hand column of your journal. When the alarm goes off, repeat the words to yourself three times and let them sink in. Make an action list of what you need to do in order to get what you want. These will be in-line with your positive beliefs. There s a saying small steps reap big rewards. Every day, first thing, do one action, however small it may be, which will move you towards success. Schedule it into your diary and make sure it s at the top of your priority list.

10 Should you start to feel resistance at any point, stop what you re doing, focus on your breathing and refer back to the list in your journal detailing all the positive ways your new beliefs are going to impact your life. Make sure you have support around you. Choose a person to take with you on your journey, someone who can hold you accountable to your actions and be your cheerleader; spurring you on and helping you maintain momentum. With persistence, you will make significant positive progress towards achieving all you desire out of life. Reference Adapted from an article written for Breathe magazine (Issue 5) by Juliana Kassianos