CHANGING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS COURSE NOTES

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1 Module 3: Think Differently WiredForHappy.com CHANGING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS COURSE NOTES Learning to change negative thoughts is a crucial skill on your journey to emotional wellness. In this module, you ll learn that our thoughts contribute to our unhappiness more than any other factor. Lesson 1: You are not your thoughts Thoughts precede feelings (for example, let s say you wake up and immediately feel like pulling the covers over your head. This is the result of an unhealthy, negative thought such as, Ugh. I hate Monday s. This week is going to suck. ). Our thoughts dictate our feelings, which then influence our behaviors (for example, using the example above, you then feel unmotivated, uneasy, and/or dreadful which causes you to hit the

2 snooze button repeatedly, or get up reluctanctly to shower, and proceed to yell at your spouse, kids, or dog because you ve started the day on the wrong foot). You can always control how you think We have up to 50,000 thoughts a day Understanding Negative Influences. The Critical Inner Voice: Reveals itself in everyday thoughts that flit through our consciousness Consists of menacing internal dialogue--a harsh and judgmental way that we talk to ourselves Running commentary that attacks and criticizes our actions and interactions Our brains are wired with a negative bias. From an evolutionary perspective this is to keep us on the lookout for danger in order to be prepared (Fight/Flight response). The problem is modern day reality rarely means our survival is threatened. The best counterattack is body work (click the bolded links below) If you struggle with panic attacks, or overwhelming anxiety, this article reviews the 5 crucial steps for taking control of panic. This article offers 22 ways to decrease anxiety today and every day.

3 Lesson 2: Common Mindsets of Negative Thinking Filtering. Many negative thinkers will pull the negatives out of a situation and focus solely on them. Positive events are ignored. Personalizing. When people make every setback about themselves. They personalize every negative thing and assume that bad things happen because they are cursed, or as a result of something they did or didn t do. They will often construct negative situations with perfect logic, providing reasons why negative things are either their fault, or because others are out to get them. Catastrophizing. This involves anticipating the worst. Some people even precipitate it. They can turn a slightly awkward interaction into an overreaction. If something negative does happen, they will use it to validate their negative assumptions. Polarizing. This type of negative thinker sees things as black or white. Either a situation is perfect or it is a calamity. This type of negative thinking can be both psychological and physical. For example, a cough means a self-diagnosis of lung cancer. Magnification and Minimization. Similar to mental filtering and disqualifying the positive, this involves placing a stronger emphasis on negative events and downplaying the positive ones. The office manager who only acknowledges the rude clients and fails to notice the kind ones, is an example. Emotional Reasoning. Emotional reasoners consider their emotions about a situation as evidence rather than objectively looking at the facts. I m feeling worthless, therefore I don t deserve that job promotion or, I m angry with you; therefore, it s your fault, are both examples of faulty emotional reasoning. Should Statements. Those who rely on should statements have rigid rules. They don t see flexibility in different circumstances, and they put themselves under considerable stress trying to live up to these self-imposed expectations. Labeling and Mislabeling. Those who label or mislabel habitually assign names on themselves and others. He s a whiner. She s a phony. I m just a loser. These labels contribute to a one-dimensional view and pave the way for overgeneralizations.

4 Putting Knowledge into Action 1. Track your daily negative thoughts. You can keep a thought journal and at the end of each day jot down as many instances of negative thinking as you can remember. "I m overweight." "I hate my supervisor." "Traffic is the worst." Include instances in which you call yourself a name such as "loser," or think of yourself (or someone else) as worthless. Note types of pessimistic thinking and focusing on problems rather than on solutions. Record thoughts in which you feel like a victim, even if you have been genuinely victimized. 2. Jot down thoughts of feeling helpless or hopeless. Be aware of making sweeping generalizations from one specific bad event so that your whole future appears to be terrible. For example: "I got fired from this job, therefore I'll never have a good job again." "My relationship broke up, therefore I'll be single forever." Listen for black-and-white thinking, such as always and never. 3. Thought-Stopping. When you find yourself saying something negative, stop yourself, by saying Stop Talking to yourself aloud can alert you in a more powerful way than if you whisper. 4. Rubber-Band Snap. Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist; as you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away from your skin and let it snap back. It ll hurt a little, and serve as a negative reminder. 5. Eliminate strong language. Milder language can reduce extreme feelings. For example, instead of saying hate, you switch it out for a less intense word or phrase, such as I can t stand when my takeout order isn t ready. 6. Get a positivity partner. Ask a trusted person to point out your negative thinking. Certain types of events are likely to set off a chain of negative thoughts. For some, it's an act of being rejected or ignored by another person. For others it might be a negative remark or a setback at work. Tell your trusted person that you're sounding too pessimistic and you want to be more optimistic; ask them to alert you when you are negative and then ask you to convert this to a positive statement.

5 7. Change negative thinking to positive thinking by reframing the situation in a more positive and realistic light. A visual reminder is helpful. Keep this in your purse, backpack, on your mobile device, or your desk. Make separate columns for the negative and corresponding positive comments/reframes. For example: "I'm too fat" vs. "I've never worn a size 10." "This plan will never work" vs. "I have some steps to take this idea to the next level." "I'm too old" vs. "I'm using my life experiences to guide me." Useful questions to ask in the midst of a stressful event: What is the worst possible outcome of this situation? What is the likelihood of this happening? What could I do if the worst outcome happened? Am I looking at this situation correctly; what proof do I have of my fears? Can I handle this situation even though I doubt myself? What can I do to change this situation? Is what I m doing now helping? Good job Make sure to listen to the Mp3 audio These Two Words next Module 3: Think Differently WiredForHappy.com