Taking Control of Anger. About Anger

Transcription

1 Taking Control of Anger About Anger

2 About the course This course is for anyone who is concerned about his or her anger. Throughout the course you can expect to learn: How to reduce the frequency and intensity of angry feelings, as well as the likelihood of anger occurring. A model that will help you understand where your anger comes from and your options for managing it. Ways to calm yourself and reduce anger-related tension. How to change anger-triggering thoughts. And, Constructive problem-solving. Whatever your reason for taking this course, your goal should not be to eliminate all angry feelings. Although anger can potentially do more harm than any other emotion, it can be a positive force when managed properly. The positive side of anger is that: Anger can help you set limits so others don t take advantage of you. Anger can motivate you to change things you believe are wrong. And, Anger can give you the courage to defend yourself or others. The negative side of anger is that: Angry feelings can harm your health if they go on too long or are too intense. Anger may be an exaggerated and inappropriate response to a minor annoyance. And, Anger that results in aggressive actions can be hurtful, destructive, and abusive (to you and the target of your anger). Important: Time Out During this course, or anytime you experience tension and stresses becoming just too much to handle, take a time out. This can mean counting to 10 before reacting, or removing yourself from the situation entirely. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself and prevent an aggressive action that you will undoubtedly regret. 2

3 What is the price you pay for anger? In the spaces below, write a detailed description of the impact of anger on your life. How has your anger affected the following? Signs of an anger management problem: Your relationship with a spouse or partner? Being physically aggressive (e.g. shoving, hitting). Your relationship with your children? Being verbally aggressive (e.g. teasing, name-calling, spreading rumours). Being oppositional (e.g. argumentative, excessively challenging, disruptive, uncooperative). Your relationship with your family of origin (e.g. parents, siblings, cousins, extended family)? Your relationship with co-workers and colleagues? Being passive-aggressive (i.e. appearing to comply with others requests but expressing your feelings of anger in passive ways like being stubborn, procrastinating, interfering with the progress of something, or being intentionally inefficient and dragging your feet ). You have difficulty dealing with minor conflicts without becoming angry. Your friendships? You have anger-related health problems (e.g. hypertension, digestive problems). You avoid situations or people because of your anger. Your job? Your angry feelings are intense or prolonged or occur very frequently. You feel out of control when you get angry. Your consumption of mood-altering substances (e.g. alcohol)? You are often on edge or irritable. You use anger to dominate, control, and get your way. 3

4 Strangers (e.g. people encountered in day-to-day situations like traffic or while shopping)? Your driving? Your financial health (e.g. bad financial decisions made in anger, material things broken or damaged)? Your physical well-being, safety, or health? Your spiritual self (e.g. have you displayed behaviour that goes against your sense of right and wrong)? Have you had any legal problems because of, or worsened by, your anger? What do others observe about your anger? You may not recognize the full extent of the problems that anger causes you and others. Ask someone who knows you well, and who you trust to be honest and truthful, to answer Question A on your behalf. They may not be able to provide insight into your behaviour in all of these areas, but the information they do provide can be helpful. NOTE: Choose this person carefully. If you have been angry with this person they may fear repercussions if they are honest. Reassure them that you will accept the information they provide in the interest of trying to help yourself better manage anger. 4

5 Review your answers 1. Which of the areas of your life is the most negatively affected by your anger? 2. Are there aspects of your anger that you did not recognize in yourself (i.e. things that were brought to your attention by someone else)? 3. How do you typically express anger? 4. Is there a situation or person that tends to be a trigger for your anger? 5. What is the most destructive consequence of anger to your health and well-being? To your relationships? To your work? 6. What do you want to achieve through anger management? 5

6 Keep a daily Anger Journal Managing anger is an ongoing, effortful and conscious process. This means that it is something you do on a daily basis (ongoing), you put effort into it (effortful) and you think about it (conscious). NOTE: Your Journal is key to applying the course to your specific situation and it provides a measure of change and progress. Instructions 1. Select a notebook you can designate as your Anger Journal. 2. Keep your Anger Journal in a location you will see each day so that you will remember to write in it (e.g. on your bedside table). 3. Each day make the following notations: Situation. Describe each situation in which you felt angry throughout the day (e.g. what happened, who was involved). Anger level. Describe how angry you felt using a number from 0 to 100 (sample below). Do this for each situation. You will use this rating system throughout the course, so be certain to evaluate every situation you record. Action. What did you actually do in this situation when you felt angry (e.g. shout, shake your fists)? Outcome. Describe the effect your anger had on yourself and others. Did you feel relieved, more angry, regretful? Did anything change in terms of your relationship with others? Were there consequences (good or bad)? Co-occurring stressors or frustration. What stresses accompany your anger? In other words, just prior to the moment you noticed feeling or expressing anger, what was going on inside you? Were you tired? Stressed? Frustrated? Thoughts. What were you thinking during this situation? What kinds of thoughts were going through your mind or were you saying out loud (e.g. stupid idiot, loser, you should know better, I can t stand this )? Anger Level Rating Scale No Anger Slight anger/ annoyance Somewhat angry Quite angry Very angry Most anger I have ever felt/rage 6

7 My Journal 1. Situation Date: 2. Anger level (use Anger Level Rating Scale) 3. Action 4. Outcome 5. Co-occurring stressors or frustration 6. Thoughts 7. Additional Questions Anger Level Rating Scale No Anger Slight anger/ annoyance Somewhat angry Quite angry Very angry Most anger I have ever felt/rage 7