Level 2 exemplars and comments. Paper 1 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1

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1 Level 2 exemplars and comments Paper 1 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 1

2 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 2

3 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 3

4 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 4

5 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 5

6 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 6

7 Sample 1: Section A, Question 1 Comments (i) This answer does explain every thought that Ralph has, but this is undertaken in unnecessary detail and lengthy quotes. It reads more as paraphrasing rather than analysis. More to its detriment is the fact that it is obviously unbalanced as the discussion of Iago barely starts. The overall quality of this response is also frequently hampered by poor expression for example, it is very unclear as to what is intended by thinking other s persona. (ii) This answer is quite problematic. Credit is given to the mention of a suggestive hierarchy but the assertion that the tree represents a broken valve is very confusing. (iii) The response here notes a clear contrast. 7

8 Sample 2: Section B, Question 4 8

9 Sample 2: Section B, Question 4 9

10 Sample 2: Section B, Question 4 Comments (i) Limited analytical skill is shown in this response in describing language as descriptive and bland. The candidate does note the use of short lines in Poem B but the explanation given in support of this structural device is very basic. Overall, this answer to a technical question is far too superficial. (ii) The answer notes the underlying sense of pride in Poem A but offers a flawed justification of the Atlas simile. Taking significantly from any quality in this response is the heavy repetition of quotes without showing any understanding of their meaning. (iii) There is poor understanding of the Loaf metaphor in stating that the speaker perceives the foetus as a prized possession. (iv) This is a very jumbled answer. The candidate does identify an assertive tone but also remarks frequently on arrogance (?). 10

11 Paper 2 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 11

12 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 12

13 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 13

14 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 14

15 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 15

16 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 16

17 Sample 1: Part II, Question 11 Comments This answer shows some knowledge of the set texts, but fails to adequately address the question. There is no attempt to define key terms such as foreshadowing and echoing, and this impacts negatively on the argument in terms of content and clarity. Some of the candidate s examples may be better described as straightforward symbolism (the breaking of the conch signifying the breakdown of rule and order in Lord of the Flies) or connotation (the dark lighting at the theatre suggesting Kitty and Charlie s adulterous relationship in The Painted Veil). The candidate also seems to have no idea of what echoing means and how it works, as the technique is referred to in the answer only once and in an irrelevant way, i.e. Walter s infection of cholera echoes the true love of Kitty. 17

18 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 18

19 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 19

20 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 20

21 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 21

22 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 22

23 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 23

24 Sample 2: Part II, Question 15 Comments The candidate demonstrates understanding of the question and attempts a comparison of how death contributes to the effect and relates to the themes of various set texts. However, despite some valid observations, the response lacks depth. Supporting evidence or detail is often found wanting. The discussion on Paul s Case is particularly unsatisfactory. It is too brief and fails to throw light on the part death plays in the story. 24

25 Paper 3 Sample 1: Analytical Review: The Notebook 25

26 Sample 1: Analytical Review: The Notebook 26

27 Sample 1: Analytical Review: The Notebook 27

28 Sample 1: Analytical Review: The Notebook Comments This review of The Notebook fails as it does not offer any analytical nor critical comments on the film other than some bland and empty phrases like it s an outstanding film; the script was unbelievably extraordinary; the characters have remarkable acting skills, etc. There is no evidence of any textual references or details to elaborate on or support the claims made. Comments or elaboration on the use of cinematic techniques are also lacking. The term pathetic fallacy is mentioned, but again there is no explanation, nor is elaboration given to show how it is used in the review. 28

29 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 29

30 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 30

31 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 31

32 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 32

33 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 33

34 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 34

35 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby 35

36 Sample 2: Extended Essay: Infatuation and Immorality Taking the great out of Great Gatsby Comments This essay lacks a general thesis and focus and only gives a jumbled mix of facts about Jay Gatsby rather than developing any argument on the reasons leading to his downfall, or critiquing American society as presented in the novel. There are plenty of factual, narrative accounts of parts of the plot in the essay, with some phrases plagiarised from different sources. This piece of work therefore fulfils the requirements of the task only to a very limited extent. 36

37 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 37

38 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 38

39 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 39

40 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 40

41 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 41

42 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho 42

43 Sample 3: Extended Essay: Unreliable Narration in American Psycho Comments The essay is clearly the product of a curious mind which has analysed this novel and understood its meaning and significance to the culture of the period. There is an element of self-conscious wordiness and pretension in the writing, however, which makes it very difficult to understand what the candidate is trying to get at in many places. The thesis is not very clear, perhaps because the candidate has confused two concepts: the unreliable narrator whose narration is limited simply by the fact that they are not present at the events of the novel, so their interpretation of events and other characters is partial and limited, vs. the fact that Bateman is a psychopath, so is unreliable in the psycho-social sense. The candidate admits as much on p.4 when she quotes Zerweck, but the reader wishes she had noted this at the beginning and more clearly addressed the issue. There are unwarranted conclusions based on insufficient textual evidence, characterised by phrases such as This suggests, This would also insinuate [sic] and This may indicate that. The comments on the detached tone are good, and the attention to detail admirable. The use of secondary sources is quite good, but there is no sustained use of critical or psychological concepts which could have tied this together. The reader also wonders how much the candidate got (and benefitted) from reading Zerweck: the quotation (p. 2) is nonsensical in the context what historical attitudes are being referred to? The reference to particular scenes is sometimes illustrative but can also be confusing because there is little contextualisation (e.g. p. 1 par. 2). The four different types of unreliable narration are not explained. The writing is muddled at times, with logical connectives not really doing their job e.g. p. 3 Likewise used to introduce a different point. The candidate is regularly tripped up by her own wordiness e.g. The speculation of Bateman being an unreliable narrator stems from discrepancies is his description of chronological events as well as the obvious illogical [sic should be logical ] contradictions including the basic factual details as well as his own judgement. (p.2) I think this is intended to mean something like: I think Bateman is unreliable because he tells the same story in different ways. There are differences of fact and in the order in which events are presented. The use of presuppositional adverbs ( even, actually ) adds to the confusion because the reader is not given the necessary background to understand why they are necessary. Cognitive dissonance is an interesting idea, as is that of a detective framework (p. 5), but these are just tossed in without being explained or exemplified. On the whole, this essay promises a lot but does not deliver, and so fulfills the task requirements only to a limited extent. 43