Gwyn Booth MBACP MSc Counselling Psychology 2012 Counsellor in Private Practice Volunteer Counsellor at Emerge gwynbooth@hotmail.co.uk 1
A heuristic journey exploring growing up in a family where there were several significant losses - an insider view. 2
Within each researcher exists a topic, theme, problem, or question that represents a critical interest and area of search (Moustakas, 1990, p27) Write something no-one knows about you on a piece of paper 3
I had a brother who died. 4
Rogers (1967) encourages us to: be open to our experience consider our internal locus of evaluation trust our self awareness as means of self-discovery 5
What is my perception of the lived experience of growing up in a family where there were several significant losses? If, how and to what extent have these experiences of loss: Impacted on my view of self? Impacted on how I am in relationships? Impacted on my life choices? My Aim 6
Qualitative Qualitative research is: a journey of discovery beginning with a problem which seeks to illuminate meanings (Carpenter and Suto 2008). Heuristic heuristics is concerned with meanings, not measurements; with essence, not appearance; with quality, not quantity; with experience, not behaviour (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 42). 7
The six phases of heuristic research (Moustakas,1990, p27) o Initial Engagement, o Immersion, o Incubation, o Illumination, o Explication o Creative Synthesis. Participants 8
Data collection Data analysis Thematic Analysis (Braun and Clarke, 2006) Theming process Important for qualitative researchers to continue to a point of frustrated, overwhelming despair McLeod (2011) 9
1. Outsider on the inside 2. Fear of Loss Recurring (using the tools) 3. Vulnerability (seeking and shunning) 4. Mask Resilience The missing theme 10
In most rooms in my family home there was the same photograph of a family group; my mother, my grandmother, my sister and infant brother M. All were happy, smiling, my mother s face full of pride, looking lovingly at the camera. I believe my father was the photographer. This photograph invokes powerful feelings of loss and exclusion for me. My grandmother was dead before I was born (in fact I had no grandparents alive by then a loss that felt like missing out again during my childhood when friends saw their grandparents) and the little boy died only a few months after the photograph had been taken, 8 years before I was born. This event had a dramatic effect on my life as a child and as I grew up and it made me feel like an outsider inside my own family. (Research Journal March 2012) I remember an awareness of and fear of death during my childhood, if I was left alone in the house (my parents had a farm so they were often outside) I was afraid I might die but did not question or consider where that thought came from, just a knowing. 11
I was told; He d had a good death, he d died in his sleep, And that really (laughs) scared me I can remember that for years I had real trouble sleeping because I used to think would I die in my sleep?...it s took me to well into my adulthood to get a grip on that Did you want to go the funeral? It s not going to be very nice... my best friend got married, I was watching her with her Dad dancing, the dance between father and daughter, the first dance in the wedding and I was thinking, I m never have that so there will be, it will be the best day of my life and my wedding day will be happy but still, it will be a sorrow there, not only for me, for my Mum, my sister... people like me are facing loneliness more because, ok, a person that grows up in a family all the members are there..happiness. They might come across loneliness and loss at a later stage in their life; people that have experienced loss so early in their lives, they re so familiar with it, so it s kind of a second nature and you realise, I realised in a really early age, that in this world you come alone and you leave alone too 12
Yes it s a lonely place it s on your own, the important thing is to let other people see what you are experiencing because otherwise you can be perceived as the crazy person that is a control freak and so harsh and doesn t have emotions and it s totally opposite. 13
The Child stepped nearer the door. The suitcase at her side was full to bursting, it contained every last piece of Carefree she possessed. The Child picked up the suitcase, walked out the door and slammed it shut. Gone. The only thing left in the room was Vulnerability. But moments later the Postman, whose name was Fear, banged on the door. Vulnerability let him in whilst he dropped off a tool box overflowing with Capability, Control, Responsibility, Ritual, Perfectionism, Busyness and Preparation. They circled around Vulnerability and tried to smother her but she managed to escape and she hung on in the shadows, covering her face with a mask so she could hide and not be noticed. In the meantime the tools carried on with their work. But she continued to be fearful because she knew that what had happened once could happen again and it would all start over. Vulnerability waited in the shadows. After some time she noticed a tiny chink of light from a hole in the wall, it was just big enough for her to look out of and so she began looking for someone who was strong enough and wise enough to protect her and enable her to feel safe enough to come out of the shadows and be seen, really seen, without her mask. Then she started to wonder; the Child was gone but could she find Carefree if she tried hard enough and was brave enough? That was when she spotted something huddled up in a dark corner; it was Hope she would not have to go on her quest for Carefree alone 14
loss and bereavement are part of the landscape of all our lives from the beginning loss is universal yet our experience of loss is unique, diverse, Individual Personal stories provide a rich source of knowledge about grief (Machin, 2009) Research acts as a bridge between individual experience and collective knowledge (Reeves, 2012) research findings have the potential to call us back to the lived-reality of our clients lives, in all their complexity and diversity (Mick Cooper, 2010, p189) 15
Losses are positive every loss is a gain (The Yellow World, Albert Espinosa) 16
Braun, V. & Clarke, V. (2006) Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qualitative Research in Psychology, 3, 77-101 Carpenter, C. & Suto, M. (2008) Qualitative research for Occupational and Physical Therapists. London: Blackwell Cooper, M. (2010). The challenge of counselling and psychotherapy research Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, September 2010; 10(3): 183-191 Douglass, B. and Moustakas, C. (1985) Heuristic inquiry: The internal search to know. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. 25 (3), 39-55, Espinosa, A. (2008) The Yellow World. London: Penguin Group Moustakas, C. (1990) Heuristic research Design, Methodology, and Applications. London: Sage Publications Reeves, A. (2012) Research as a bridge between individual experience and collective knowledge, Counselling and Psychotherapy Research: Linking research with practice, 12:2, 83-83 Rogers, C.R. (1967) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist s View of Psychotherapy. London: Constable 17
the significance of age and understanding - influence how well the child can understand and make sense of death. the meanings that children and young people attach to the experience of bereavement seem to affect its impact, eg how far they are able to understand the finality of death and the extent to which they feel responsible (Ratnarajah and Schofield, 2007), reconstructing meaning may become one of the most critical aspects of the grieving process, (Martin and Doka, 2000, p19) the extent to which it leaves them feeling powerless (Ribbens McCarthy, 2007). reassurance, quick return to routine or building a new routine can provide security and predictability but assumptions have been challenged and part of restitution orientation is concerned with rebuilding. unexpected losses shatter our assumptive world. Parkes (2009) understanding of contextual factors cultural, religious.. services offered must be appropriate to need or risk of negative effects 18