Together We Win Anthony Morrone, Nevada State College Ashley Munro, University of Alaska Fairbanks
Agenda Crucial Conversations Getting to Yes Practice Conversations
Difficult Conversations A discussion where stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong Physiological responses: Adrenaline Sweat Increased heart rate Clenched muscles
What can we do? Avoid them Face them and handle them poorly Face them and handle them well
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High
Tips Start with Heart Learn to Look Make it Safe Master Your Story State Your Path Explore Others Paths Move to Action
Start with Heart Begin with the right motives Stay focused
Learn to Look The problem isn t the content of the message, it's that one party doesn t feel safe. Watch for Signs Recognize Silence or Violence
Make it Safe Find a common purpose Show respect Apologize, when appropriate Provide Context Commit
Master Your Story You, and only you, create your emotions We tell ourselves a story Watch for victims, villains, and the helpless Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare
State Your Path Share your facts Tell your story Talk tentatively
Explore Others Paths Explore testing Confirm Feelings Be sincere Paraphrase Be curious
Move to Action Dialogue is not a decision Decide how to decide
Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
Positional Bargaining Each side takes a position, argues it and makes concessions to reach a compromise The more you clarify your position and defend it, the more committed you become to your position Requires saving face Endangers relationships Making concessions can lead to resentment Hard games dominate soft ones Being nice is not an answer
Principled Negotiation Separate the People from the Problem Focus on Interests, not Positions Invent Options for Mutual Gain Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Separate the People from the Problem Humans are prone to human reactions Dealing with people, not abstract other Sensitivity to perception, misunderstanding, prejudice, irrational beliefs Relationships tend to become entangled with the problem Perception Emotion Communication
Perception Put yourself in their shoes Don t decide their intentions from your fears Don t blame them for your problem Discuss each other s perceptions Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process Make your proposals consistent with their values
Emotion Recognize emotions, theirs and yours Pay attention to core concerns of autonomy, appreciation, affiliation, role and status Consider the role of identity Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate Allow the other side to let off steam Don t react to emotional outbursts Use symbolic gestures
Communication Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said Speak to be understood Speak about yourself, not about them Speak for a purpose
Focus on Interests, not Positions Interests define the problem Positions are something you decided on based on your interests To begin to see the interest behind the position, ask why/why not? List your and their interests
Invent Options for Mutual Gain 4 Obstacles Premature judgment Searching for a single answer Assumption of a fixed pie Thinking that solving their problem is their problem The pressure of negotiation is likely to enhance your critical sense You may short circuit a wiser decision making process in which you select from a greater number of possibilities Either/or Zero sum game Seems disloyal to afford legitimacy to the other side s views
Invent Options for Mutual Gain, con t 4 Prescriptions Separate the act of creating options from the act of judging them Broaden the options on the table rather than looking for a single answer Search for mutual gains Invent ways of making their decisions easy Invent first, decide later Brainstorming Key to wise decision making lies in selecting from a great number and variety of options Identify shared interests Dovetail differing interests Whose shoes? What decision? Offers, not threats
Insist on Using Objective Criteria Allows negotiation on some basis other than the will of either side Fair standards Fair procedures
Practice Image: http://rickconlow.com/communicate difficult conversations/
Contact Information Anthony Morrone (702) 992 2156 Anthony.Morrone@nsc.edu Ashley Munro (907) 474 1934 akmunro@alaska.edu