Managing Fear/ uncertainty Dr Elie Wakil Elie.wakil@ewhumandev.com
Introduction to Fear How it limits us
What is Fear? Fear is our most primitive emotion Evolved to protect us from danger to ensure survival Nowadays our fears do not relate to survival but to acceptance in society
Common Fears Change Rejection Public Speaking Failure Criticism New responsibilities Restructuring
Fear is Universal How common are your fears? Look around the room: How many of your colleagues you think share your fears? Cross out any fears you share with others
Levels of Fear Level 1 Situation -External Level 2 Ego Fears - Internal Level 3 I can t handle it
Level 1 Situational Fears Events that happen Inescapable Change Getting fired Retirement Loss of financial security BEYOND CONTROL:BC Events that require action Making decisions Changing your career Asserting yourself Public speaking WITHIN CONTROL:WC
Fear of Change?? Change happens Change provides opportunities for learning and new experiences It s never as scary as your chatterbox says
Anxiety of Restructuring?? It s just change Your chatterbox will try and drive you crazy The actual consequences are never as bad as you imagine them Be proactive and embrace whatever new responsibilities come your way
Level 2 Internal Ego Fears Serve to protect the ego and sense of self Dominated by fear of not being able to handle the world Reflect inner states of mind vs. exterior situations (Level 1) Examples Rejection Failure Success
Fear of Failure:?? Failure will always happen You are not your job Failure is a stop on the path to success Failure teaches you how to succeed Don t let your chatterbox convince you that the imaginary consequences are real
Level 3 I can t handle it The underlying fear of the other levels is that you cannot handle what will happen If you could handle it you wouldn't fear it I can t handle it is the fallacy that fear tricks us into believing is true This fallacy prevents us from confronting fear
Chatterbox What is it? Annoying voice in your head saying I can t handle it in different versions Confirms your Level 3 fear I can t handle it automatically The voice of your fear Unhelpful
Chatterbox Example I bet they heard that mistake. I m such an idiot. Am I saying Um too much? I m forgetting my words, this is so embarrassing They think I m stupid. There s no way the boss will let me do this again. I may be fired for incompetence.
Chatterbox Exercise What does yours say?
Coward to Courage Ladder Do the thing you fear; and the death of fear is certain. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Coward to Courage Ladder What tools do we need? How can we turn fear into sweet anticipation?
Tools?
Tools Transforming your Chatterbox Recognize Imaginary vs Actual Consequences Using the Empowering Fear Wheel Using the tools turns fear into sweet anticipation
Using Tools to Climb Transforming your Chatterbox Recognize Imaginary vs. Actual Consequences Empowering Fear Wheel
Transforming your Chatterbox and Recognizing Imaginary vs. Actual Consequences
Vicious Fear Cycle and Limits Feeling Fear Being Held Back Doing Nothing
Transforming your Chatterbox You can t get rid of it You can recognize that it s limiting your potential in life You can transform it
Transformed Chatterbox I can handle it. I am not stupid. The boss appreciates my input otherwise he wouldn t have hired me I can t handle it. Your ideas are stupid. The boss doesn t care what you think
Transformed Chatterbox Benefits Expands your zone of comfort Turn negativity in positivity
Zone of Comfort New Zone Risk 3 Risk 2 Risk 1 Original Zone
Exercise Time EW Photo New Zone Risk 3 Risk 2 Risk 1 Original Zone
Original Comfort Zone
Risk 1
Risk 2
Risk 3
Risk 4 = New Comfort Zone
Example 2: the Gigolo
Transformed Chatterbox I have the courage to look silly. It doesn t affect my prestige. People are laughing with me. You look really stupid. People are laughing at you, not with you. You should be ashamed of yourself
Imaginary vs. Actual Consequences Unknown events are scary We always imagine unknown events to be much scarier than they actually are ~90% of what we worry about never happens FEAR I can t handle it IMAGINARY CONSEQUENCES
FEAR ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES I can handle it
Exercise Time Consequences of Fear List the imaginary consequences your chatterbox is telling you Rate how scary you think it is from 1-5
Fear Wheels
Traditional Fear Wheel Trigger Inaction Fear Response Feeling Powerless Inaction breeds doubt and fear Dale Carnegie
Empowering Fear Wheel Do the thing you fear; and the death of fear is certain. Ralph Waldo Emerson Trigger I can handle it Fear Response Overcome Fear Take Action
Take Control of your Fear Wheel Take control of your fear wheel Using the tools, plan how to confront a fear for homework
Recap
Levels of Fear Level 1 Situation - External Level 2 Ego Fears - Internal Level 3 I can t handle it
Using Tools to Climb Transform your Chatterbox Recognize Imaginary vs. Actual Consequences Use the Empowering Fear Wheel
Imaginary vs. Actual Consequences IMAGINARY CONSEQUENCES FAR ACTUAL CONSEQUENCES I can t handle it I can handle it
Empowering Fear Wheel Trigger I can handle it Fear Response Overcome Fear Take Action
Remember Dr Elie Wakil Elie.wakil@ewhumandev.com