Stay Married with the FIT Technique Go from Pissed off to Peaceful in Three Simple Steps! The FIT Technique Here are the three steps in summary: Step 1 FEEL (F): Identify the feeling beneath Pissed Off and FEEL it Step 2 IDENTIFY (I): IDENTIFY and examine the core thought causing the feeling and choose to let it go Step 3 THINK (T): Consciously choose a new peaceful feeling THOUGHT How to use the FIT Technique for best results First, read and digest the entire contents of this document until you have a good understanding of the concept. Then, when you re ready to use it, find a time when you can be alone without interruption. (Don t worry, once you master this you ll be able to use it any time, any place, anywhere! ) Take time to prepare yourself with a few deep breaths. Relax your shoulders and neck. Become fully present in your body. Work through each step at your own pace. On the following pages are the detailed instructions of how to use and apply the FIT Technique. Page 1 of 5
Step 1 FEEL: The first step is to feel the feeling. But what is the true feeling what s beneath pissed off? What are you feeling right now? What is the exact emotion you re experiencing? What s underneath the feeling of pissed off? Examples of emotions are anger, frustration, annoyance, helplessness, etc. Name it be specific. You may be feeling more than one emotion but aim to identify the core feeling. Now, feel the feeling. Resist any urge to push the feeling away. Instead, lean into it really intensify it and turn the volume up. Give yourself permission to experience the emotion fully. Where do you feel it in your body? What are the sensations does it feel hot, cold, swirling, churning, etc.? Don t be afraid to feel what you re feeling. An emotion is simply a vibration in your body. If you are prepared to experience it fully and not push it away, it passes through your system quite quickly. (It s no surprise that surpressed emotions are the cause of much anxiety and stress in the world today.) When you re ready, ask yourself: Do I want to continue experiencing this emotion? When the answer is No, proceed to Step 2. Page 2 of 5
Step 2 IDENTIFY: Step 2 is to identify and examine the core thought causing the feeling. And then to choose to let it go. What is the thought that has caused you to feel this way? In case you think there isn t a thought think again! Your thoughts always cause your feelings never the other way round. You may have lots of thoughts going on. Here is an example of a surface thought: He shouldn t have spent the money behind my back The aim is to identify the core thought because that is the one causing your emotional pain. To do that, write down all of your surface thoughts and for each thought ask yourself: In other words, what are you making that thought mean about you, your husband or your relationship? If we take the example thought above, let s work it through: He shouldn t spend money behind my back (surface thought) So what does that mean? He should consult me before making any significant purchases (surface thought) He doesn t communicate with me or value my opinion on important matters (surface thought) I m not an equal partner in this marriage (deeper thought) He doesn t respect me (core thought) Now that you have identified the core thought, examine it. With the knowledge that your thoughts cause your feelings, and therefore your emotions, ask yourself: Why am I choosing to think this thought? How do I act towards my husband when I believe this thought? What else could be true here? What is the end result when I hold on to this thought? (eg disconnection from my husband, more of the same, repeat the pattern, etc.) Finally ask yourself: Am I ready to let go of this thought? Make a conscious decision and understand that you really do have a choice here. You can keep the painful thought if you want to. Or you can choose a new thought. One that feels better and equally true. Important Note: This is NOT about condoning your husband s behaviour or absolving him of his responsibility. This is about taking care of your own emotional wellbeing and consciously choosing how you want to feel in any situation. Don t confuse the two! Page 3 of 5
Step 3 THINK: The final step is to consciously choose a new thought that feels peaceful. What new thought can you think about this situation that gives you the emotion of peace? The new thought must feel true for you as well as feeling better than the original thought. If you simply choose a positive thought you don t believe, it won t work. Example new thoughts may be: I respect me I can choose how I want to feel about this situation, and I am choosing peace My husband s behaviour is about him, it s not about me I have my path and my husband has his. It s not my job to walk his path for him Say the new thought out loud to yourself and ask: 1. Does it feel true? 2. Does it make me feel peaceful? In order for the new thought to have the desired effect the answer to both questions must be YES! If you struggle to find a thought that makes you feel peaceful you can take it more slowly. You can opt for a neutral feeling thought to begin with instead. A neutral thought is one that has neither a positive or negative charge when you think it. Then, once your find a neutral thought, repeat the process and find one that feels slightly more positive and so on. Page 4 of 5
Benefits of the FIT Technique It s your mind s job to find evidence for whatever you choose to believe. Your mind will always look to prove your thoughts true. So you may as well choose to think thoughts that feel good! Consciously choosing your thoughts allows you to be in control of your mind instead of the other way round! Notice that the circumstance that caused your original pain (your husband s behaviour) has stayed the same. But changing your thought enables you to have a completely different experience. One that is much more likely to lead to a peaceful and positive outcome. Mastering this technique means you always get to choose how you want to feel about any person or situation in your life. Instead of being at the mercy of your husband s or anyone else s behaviour, YOU are in control. So, there you have it, how to go from Pissed off to Peaceful in three simple steps! What I d like from you now: My aim is to provide you with valuable, free content to help you stay married without losing your sanity! In return I d like to ask you to do two things if you have found this information valuable: 1. Try the FIT technique for yourself and then email me (Julie@) and tell me about your experience and your results 2. Send this document to three friends you think would find it helpful (hint: their marriage doesn t have to be in trouble for them to benefit from the FIT Technique we all get pissed off!) Thank you. I look forward to hearing about your results. Page 5 of 5