LOOKING AT THE GLASS HALF-EMPTY: USING YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TO FUEL SUCCESS CARRIE ROGERS-WHITEHEAD PCI WEBINARS
Our bumpy roadmap No judgment Reframing our emotions 1. Anger 2. Anxiety 3. Sadness 4. Boredom & Mindlessness 5. Guilt vs. Shame 6. The Dark Triad Biases Practical Advice
Embrace the grey. Carrie Rogers-Whitehead
Long term vs. Short term NOT Good vs. Bad Relationships vs. Feeling Good Immediate vs. Future Rewards Stability vs. Novelty Pleasure vs. Meaning Emotions exist on a spectrum
Themes of this webinar You are not your emotions Emotions are information Every emotion is useful, not just happiness Emotional states aren t static, we constantly shift through positive and negative states We are not good at predicting future happiness
REFRAMING OUR EMOTIONS WHAT IS CONSIDERED MALADAPTIVE CAN ALSO BE ADAPTIVE
Anger Can you imagine the Civil Rights Movement without some anger?
Anger -Anger can encourage us to take more risks to explore boundaries and new things -Anger is a high arousal emotion that prepares us to deal with threats, and can lead us to action Only about 10% of angry episodes lead to violence
Anxiety In any year long period 1 in 5 adults is afflicted by an anxiety disorder Over a lifetime 1 out of 3 adults has experienced a diagnosable anxiety disorder Part of the problem? COMFORT
Anxiety -When given a list of terms and asked to remember the terms, happy people were 50% more likely to recall words they hadn t seen - They don t see the details as well and often depend more on stereotypes -Happier people are deceived easier
Anxiety Anxiety causes heightened perception and clarity Anxious people notice details Anxiety is better than happiness when taking precautions against looming danger Defensive pessimism can be adaptive
Sadness Bad is stronger than good Sadness is stronger than happiness when securing assistance to deal with personal loss or struggles A good cry releases hormones, clears toxins and relieves stress
There is nothing to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. Carl Jung
Boredom & Mindfulness People can make judgments with amazing speed about others, and they are typically about 70% accurate
Boredom Boredom is a functional tool that interactions or situations are leaving you with cravings you aren t satisfying. Stability vs. Novelty
Mindlessness & Creativity Individuals who doodle show a nearly 25% jump in remembering vs. those who don t Mindfulness takes more mental energy than mindlessness
Good Guilt Guilt is a sign that you ve broken your moral code and that you need to adjust your actions or your code Ask yourself: Is my guilt making me a stronger person? Can you imagine living in a world where no one felt remorse?
Guilt vs. Shame GUILT FOCUS ON THE VICTIM FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT WE DID TAKES PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY MODERATE PAIN SHAME FOCUS ON THE SELF FEEL BAD ABOUT WHO WE ARE BLAMES EXTREME STRESS
THE DARK TRIAD: NARCISSISM, MACHIAVELLIANISM AND PSYCHOPATHY
Machiavellianism Manipulation: Hard vs. Soft Part of the dark triad with some overlap in psychopathy.
Narcissism Narcissists have less guilt and more confidence to pursue what they want. Narcissists typically take more risks. Narcissists don t want to play by the rules, which can help them be creative and innovative Narcissists are charming and good at convincing others to do what they want
Psychopathy Psychopaths can be very focused on their goals Psychopaths experience less fear which can increase their focus and make them thrive in some situations where others would fail
BIASES WE ALL HAVE THEM
Wanting/Liking Bias Wanting something is associated with a different part of the brain than liking something. Wanting something is more physically arousing than liking something. i.e You want a puppy more than you would enjoy a puppy
Positivity Bias The tendency to inflate the goodness of anything Americans have a higher positivity bias than those in Eastern countries
The downsides of positivity Contrast effect: Where the experience of emotional highs makes other good events shine less brightly Carryover effect: Where people who mentally amplify their positive experiences also unwittingly amplify their negative experiences Happy people over-rely on their positive memories and discount the role of others in their success which can cause them not to learn from mistakes
PRACTICAL TIPS WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS?
Mental Forecasting Like the examples on bias shows, we are bad about predicting our future happiness When you enter a situation with the pursuit of happiness, you paradoxically make happiness harder to attain We are typically in a different state when making choices than when we experience that choice.
Positive stats on negativity Ideas from those suggested by people who experience both positive and negative moods are judged to be 9% more creative than ideas by primarily happy people Judges rated the arguments of happy vs. unhappy folks and the unhappy ones were viewed as 25% more impressive and 20% more concrete Statistics from research in The Upside of your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment by Todd Kashdan
Value all your and your team member s emotions Having a person with higher anxiety on your team can help with details and planning One or two narcissists on a team can pull them in a new direction Leaders who display sadness can boost the team s analytical skills Create a work culture where it s safe to be real
Self Reflection Time Should your goal be the pursuit of happiness? When should I experience pleasure and when should I experience meaning? When is happiness a useful emotion? When is it not useful? What s an example of where you forecasted wrong in something you thought would make you happier, or something you thought would make you sadder?
QUESTIONS? CARRIE ROGERS-WHITEHEAD ROGERS-WHITEHEAD@HOTMAIL.COM
References Out of Character: Surprising Truths About the Liar, Cheat, Sinner (and Saint) Lurking in All of Us by David Desteno and Piercarlo Valdesolo The Upside of your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self-- Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment by Todd Kashdan Daring Greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead by Brene Brown Stress Relief: Why Crying Supports Emotional Wellness by Brooke Silver, Huffington Post