BEYOND GENTLE TEACHING. A Nonaversive Approach to Helping Those in Need

BEYOND GENTLE TEACHING A Nonaversive Approach to Helping Those in Need

BEYOND GENTLE TEACHING A Nonaversive Approach to Helping Those in Need John J. McGee and Frank J. Menolascino Creighton University Medical Center Omaha, Nebraska SPRINGER SCIENCE+BUSINESS MEDIA, LLC

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data McGee, John J. Beyond gentle teaching: a nonaversive approach to helping those in need 1 John J. McGee and Frank J. Menolascino. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-4757-9414-4 ISBN 978-1-4757-9412-0 (ebook) DOI 10.1007/978-1-4757-9412-0 1. Social work with the handicapped. l. Menolascino, Frank J., date. II. Title. HVI553.M39 1991 91-14502 362.3'8-dc20 CIP ISBN 978-1-4757-9414-4 1991 Springer Science+Business Media New York Originally published by Plenum Press, New York in 1991 Softcover reprint ofthe hardcover lst edition 1991 AII rights reserved No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the Publisher

PREFACE This book is for caregivers: those who care for and about children and adults who reside on the very edge of family and community life. It is for those who not only want to help these distanced individuals but for those who also want to change themselves in the process. It is for parents, teachers, direct care workers, counselors, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, advocates, and all who strive to bring about just treatment for the marginalized. It is for those who want to consider a psychology based on interdependence and to uncover ways to express and practice companionship instead of control. It is about children and adults who live in marginalized conditions, who are pushed and pulled away from feelings of union and hurt themselves, hurt others, or simply give up. It is for those who live and work among the mentally retarded, the mentally ill, the aged, the homeless, and the poor. To be marginalized is to be easily controlled, isolated, and segregated. And being a caregiver is more than just caring; it is entering into a mutual change process with the person by becoming more of a human being instead of less-the parent embracing the crying child instead of yelling at him, the teacher befriending a lonely child instead of punishing her, the psychiatric nurse sitting with the confused and belligerent patient instead of closing the heavy seclusion room door, the social worker creating circles of friends around the homeless person instead of simply dishing out soup. This book has emerged out of our experiences with children and adults with severe behavioral difficulties and represents a new v

vi PREFACE way of thinking about our role with persons in need. It presents a new psychology-one based on mutual change, the establishment of feelings of companionship, and an array of strategies and techniques to bring about interactional change. It breaks away from the current trend in psychology that uses a two-edged system of reward and punishment to change disruptive or destructive behaviors. Many, if not most, ofthe practices related to mental health, mental retardation, social services, and parenting are based on behaviorism. For those who cling to the edge of family and community life, this means earning reward or receiving punishment. This approach might work for some. It might make the aggressive meek, the loud quiet, the disruptive complacent, and the disobedient compliant. However, we are not interested in changing only the other person. We have tried to develop a process that helps to change both ourselves and others-a psychology of interdependence. In many respects, behaviorism and behavior modification have had their day. Institutions, jails, and shelters are filled with thousands of those who have been modified; yet their faces tell another story-one of meaninglessness, aloneness, and lack of choice. This book is intended to share with caregivers an option-one that helps bring meaning, feelings of companionship, and a fuller life to ourselves and those whom we serve. In this book, we present a psychology of interdependence that asks us to change together along with those whom we are serving. It places unconditional valuing at the center of the caregiving and therapeutic process. It does not wait for those who are marginalized to earn reward, but offers valuing without question and with the hope of transformation. It puts aside compliance as a central purpose and replaces it with the establishment of feelings of companionship. This book examines our values and invites us to move toward a culture of life instead of violence. We examine a number of supportive ways to bring this about. We have tried to make this book as practical as possible, but also to share with caregivers a framework for reflection and questioning. It is not a quick solution

PREFACE vii to complex personal, interpersonal, and societal problems; it is the beginning of a journey toward interdependence. Omaha, Nebraska John J. McGee Frank J. Menolascino

CONTENTS Chapter 1. INTERDEPENDENCE: THE FuLFILLMENT OF BEING WITH 0rHERS............................. 1 Introduction............................ 1 A Psychology of Interdependence.......... 4 Companionship: The Purpose of Caregiving 11 Conclusion.............................. 29 Chapter 2. UNCONDITIONAL VALUING... 31 The Central Task of Caregiving............ 31 The Role of Technology.................. 34 Valuing versus Reward................... 34 Conclusion.............................. 40 Chapter 3. OUR INTERACTIONS: VALUING VERSUS DoMINATION.................. 43 A Culture of Life......................... 43 Caregiving Postures...................... 46 Establishing Companionship............... 48 The Elements of Companionship........... 49 Value-Centered Dimension................ 50 Dominative Dimension... 63 Conclusion.............................. 69 ix

X CONTENTS Chapter 4. THE PERSON'S INTERACTIONS: UNION VERSus APARTNESS.............................. 73 Vulnerability... 74 Resignifying Reality...................... 76 Conclusion............................. 90 Chapter 5. DIALOGUE: THE ExPRESSION of HuMAN VALUING 93 Dialogue............................... 93 Creating Dialogue....................... 95 Relationships Based on Dialogue.......... 107 Conclusion............................. Ill Chapter 6. TESTIMONIALS TO DIALOGUE................. 113 Anne.................................. 114 Shawn................................. 118 Rosa... 120 Conclusion............................. 123 Chapter 7. THE PROCESS OF MuTUAL CHANGE............ 125 Changing Meanings..................... 126 A Mutual Process........................ 127 Old Meanings-New Meanings... 136 Conclusion............................. 144 Chapter 8. THE PRACTICE OF MuTUAL CHANGE... 147 Supportive Techniques... 148 Engagement as a Means for Valuing and Sharing.............................. 155 Conclusion............................. 164 Chapter 9. SuGGESTIONS FOR CoMMON SITUATIONS... 165 Common Situations...................... 165 Experiences in Mutual Change............ 190 Beyond Ourselves....................... 207 Conclusion............................. 208

CONTENTS xi Chapter 10. COMING HOME............. 211 The Marginalized........................ 211 The Marginalizers........................ 213 A Struggle Within and Without............ 216 Last Words... 218 SuGGESTED READINGS................................ 223 INDEX.......... 227