1 of 20 mc5908 Teens Self-Talk Using your thoughts, feelings and actions PATIENT EDUCATION Be positive Practice Try it and see BARBARA WOODWARD LIPS PATIENT EDUCATION CENTER
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50,000 and counting 3 of 20 mc5908 If you re like most people, you have a steady stream of thoughts or messages running through your head every day. Some research suggests that an average person has about 50,000 thoughts per day. These messages called self-talk could be as simple as choosing something for lunch or as complex as your life plans. Some self-talk is OBVIOUSLY not true. Some self-talk is interesting but not productive. And some self-talk is so negative that it can bring you down pretty fast. Self-talk can have a BIG IMPACT on how you feel emotionally and physically especially if you re dealing with medical or emotional symptoms. This is true even if you re not aware of everything you think and say to yourself throughout the day. Some self-talk is true and helpful. Some self-talk is positive. And some self-talk is so empowering that it can carry you through really rough days. 1 1
4 of 20 mc5908 Critical Coach vs. Kind Coach Picture this: Your team just lost, and you feel really bad about it. Now the coach is walking toward you. Critical Coach says: Kind Coach says: WHAT were you thinking? You re a disaster. That was the OPPOSITE of everything I ve taught you! You ll have to work a lot harder if you ever want to get any good at this!! What a bummer, huh? I know you tried your best. You did great earlier earned us some key points there. We ll practice more & we ll win next time! How does this make you feel? Yep, he s right. It s OK. I had some really good plays today too. I ll work harder and smarter next time! Oh man, that was amazingly bad. I stink at this. Why am I even doing this? Maybe I should just quit. Which one of these coaches do you want to work with? 2 Now think about how you talk to yourself. Which coach is in your head? Are you kind and motivational to yourself? Or are you critical and discouraging? 2
Don t believe everything you hear 5 of 20 mc5908 Self-talk messages are usually automatic. They seem to come out of nowhere. Often, they aren t completely accurate. Automatic self-talk that uses always or never in broad, general messages usually isn t 100% accurate. For example, I can never do anything right can t be true. You ve done plenty of things right in all of the years you ve been alive! The next time you hear broad negative messages, think carefully about whether you are going to believe messages that aren t 100% true. Why does self-talk matter? Self-talk affects your MOOD Negative self-talk is when you say to yourself, I stink at this, I feel terrible or I can t do anything right. You KNOW how that can make you feel mad, sad, worried, or anxious. Positive self-talk is when you think to yourself, I can do this, I feel good or other upbeat thoughts. This can help you feel happy, hopeful, confident, satisfied, or calm. Self-talk affects your BODY Self-talk can actually change what happens in your body. Your heart rate and blood pressure could go up, and you could even sweat. Over time, frequent negative self-talk may cause longterm health problems, like high blood pressure, problems with your immune system, anxiety, and depression. When you have frequent positive thoughts, your blood pressure could lower, and you could have more relaxed muscles. You could even have less pain too. 3 3
6 of 20 mc5908 How can you change your self-talk? Your thoughts and beliefs have a powerful effect on your feelings and actions. CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, can help you learn how to change those thoughts and actions. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you: > Recognize when you have negative thoughts about yourself, your situation and your ability to cope. > Become more active and involved in changing your behavior. This may help you boost your confidence and feel better. > Challenge inaccurate, ineffective and unrealistic thoughts and replace them with accurate, effective and realistic thoughts that can help you feel better. > Change or reframe how you react to or think about problems. This can help you make a plan to work through them. > Focus your attention on positive, helpful thoughts. Accept that negative thoughts will come and go. You don t always have to fight negative thoughts. Just be sure to notice them. Then you can choose to either think about them more or to shift your focus to positive thoughts. 4
7 of 20 mc5908 Feelings, thoughts and behaviors are all connected CBT can help you learn how negative or distorted thoughts and beliefs create a cycle that is not helpful. In fact, they may interfere with your overall ability to cope. When you use CBT, you challenge negative self-talk and negative action, and you develop more healthy self-talk and helpful action. You may need help to learn how to do CBT really well. Work with a psychologist, therapist or school guidance counselor who specializes in CBT. 5 5
Getting started 8 of 20 mc5908 Pay attention to your thoughts What am I telling myself what am I THINKING right now? How does that thought make me FEEL? What does this make me want to DO? True or False? Are these thoughts accurate? What thoughts could I CHANGE? 6 6
9 of 20 mc5908 Are your thoughts negative or positive? Negative self-talk School is always horrible. Positive self-talk Today was really hard. But not all days are like this, and tomorrow will probably be better. Nothing ever goes right for me. Well, that sure didn t work out like I wanted it to. But there are other things going on that are going really well. I can t do anything because I don t feel good. I can do lots of things. I just need to pace myself and take breaks. My friends think I m faking this. Some kids at school don t understand. I can teach them about my condition. If something bad happens, I won t be able to handle it. I m learning how to manage things better. I can ask for help. This will never get any better. It might get better. Even if it doesn t, I can learn to live with it and manage it. I can still do some things that are important to me. My doctors can t fix me. I can learn to deal with this. I can do things to help myself feel better. 7 7
10 of 20 mc5908 Thoughts & beliefs --> feelings & actions! When you re having negative thoughts, do you do things that may not be the best choice for you? For example, if you ve decided I ll probably fail the mid-term test, do you take a nap instead of studying? On the flip side, when you re having positive thoughts, do they motivate you to do nice things for yourself or others? > When you think you look good, do you smile more often and act friendlier? > If you ve been exercising and patting yourself on the back after each workout, do you decide to add some other healthy activities, like eating more fruits and vegetables? Drinking more water? Research has shown that positive thinking can lead to positive actions and feelings. And negative thinking Well, you get the picture. Get help when it s needed Working with a trained CBT therapist can help you learn how to think positive thoughts and take positive actions. With that education, you can practice and be able to do it yourself. Look for a psychologist, therapist or guidance counselor who specializes in CBT. 8
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Negative Cycle 11 of 20 mc5908 Thoughts I can t handle this. I can t do anything right. I don t have any friends. It s never going to get better. Behaviors Give up, avoid activities, sleep more than you need, avoid people, drink, smoke Feelings Emotional symptoms: Worried, overwhelmed, sad, angry Physical symptoms: Stomachache, dizzy, headache, other pain Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Positive Cycle Thoughts I m doing my best. I can be a good friend. I have handled tough times before. I m using my coping skills to get through this. Behaviors Hang out with supportive people, be active, eat well, get involved, get good sleep Feelings Excited, motivated, proud, courageous, happy, calm, confident 9
12 of 20 mc5908 Negative Reactions I m stupid. Frustrated Do anything but study Worried I m going to fail the next test. Avoid friends Discouraged Moody Stay in bedroom alot I m a failure. Orange = Thoughts. Purple = Behaviors. Green = Feelings. Photo 1 /Photo 2 10 10
13 of 20 mc5908 Positive Reactions It s just one test. Ask for help OK mood Laugh with friends I can do better next time. Hopeful Motivated Confident Study for next test I can do this! Orange = Thoughts. Purple = Behaviors. Green = Feelings. 11 11
14 of 20 mc5908 Try it and see what happens It may seem odd at first to try CBT. But it s pretty simple: 1. Think about how you talk to yourself and listen for those messages. 2. Change your pattern of self-talk as needed. When you hear negative thoughts, ask yourself if they re accurate. Refocus on positive thoughts. 3. Try some positive new actions to fight the negative thoughts and support your positive thoughts. You don t need to feel nervous about whether you ll be able to do this. What s the worst thing that could happen if you try to improve your self-talk? Nothing changes and you decide to ask for help? You could end up feeling better about yourself and enjoying a more positive life. That s not so rough, is it? Some days, it may be hard to break out of your old habits of negative self-talk and inaction. But now s the time to try some new thoughts and make some positive moves! Use the next page as a good start! 12 12
15 of 20 mc5908 Make a list of positive thoughts about yourself Examples: I m a very kind person. People like to hang around with me. I have a great sense of humor. Write down everything that comes to mind. Ask a close friend or family member if you want a new perspective. Your positive self-statements: Make a list of activities that can make you feel good Examples are: Something you think is fun, like playing with a pet, going to a funny movie with a friend who has a great ~ laugh or going to a basketball game with a group of friends. Activities you do with a close, trusted friend. ~ Activities that get your heart pumping, like jogging, riding a bike or dancing. ~ Activities that calm you, like taking a bath, writing in a journal, reading a book, or listening to music. ~ Activities you ve always wanted to try. Roller-skating anyone? ~ Your mood-lifting activities: 13 13
16 of 20 mc5908 You can do this! Set goals and practice Take action now to shift your thoughts to be more positive. Choose to do one positive activity every day. You may want to do more than one activity on days when you re feeling down. Try to include different kinds of activities each day. If you prefer, ask a close friend or other person you trust and feel comfortable with to help you practice positive thinking and positive activities. You could do some role-playing to make this easier to do when you need to do it. You could tell a friend about the negative thoughts you ve had. Your friend could reply with positive and more accurate statements. With practice and time, you should find that your new messages and actions help you think about you and your life in a more positive way. See page 16 for a worksheet that may be helpful. If you like it and think you may want to use it again, make a copy of it before you fill it in. 14
17 of 20 mc5908 Pay attention to your thoughts. If necessary, think about how you can change your thoughts to get yourself into a positive place. Make time for enjoyable activities, even if you might not feel like it at that moment. You could surprise yourself! Read from your list of positive self-messages. Reread the list a few times if needed. If it s not feeling like a natural activity at first, fake it til you make it. Remind yourself that this is a good activity to practice. Remember, it will take time to get used to doing these steps. And it will take time to make and notice changes. When you practice CBT, how do you feel physically and emotionally afterward? If it s helpful, write down your reflections in a journal. Over time, CBT can help you believe how helpful your efforts have been. Every professional athlete has a coach who educates him or her and helps the athlete grow as a person and an athlete. If you re feeling frustrated about your efforts at CBT, find a therapist, psychologist or guidance counselor who s trained in CBT. You don t have to do this alone. It can and does work for people every day! Positive self-talk can help you feel better, both physically and emotionally. Try it, and see how it can help you! FOR POSITIVE SELF-TALK 15 15
Cognitive Behavior Therapy Worksheet 18 of 20 mc5908 What are you feeling? What happened? What are you thinking? What are you doing? 16
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20 of 20 mc5908 BARBARA WOODWARD LIPS PATIENT EDUCATION CENTER Mrs. Lips, a resident of San Antonio, Texas, was a loyal patient of Mayo Clinic for more than 40 years. She was a self-made business leader who significantly expanded her family s activities in oil, gas and ranching, even as she assembled a museum-quality collection of antiques and fine art. She was best known by Mayo staff for her patient advocacy and support. Upon her death in 1995, Mrs. Lips paid the ultimate compliment by leaving her entire estate to Mayo Clinic. Mrs. Lips had a profound appreciation for the care she received at Mayo Clinic. By naming the Barbara Woodward Lips Patient Education Center, Mayo honors her generosity, her love of learning, her belief in patient empowerment and her dedication to high-quality care. MC5908rev0612