Understanding and Building Emotional Resilience @howtothrive Agenda Introduction to resilience Consider from a personal/parent perspective Discussion and practice Introduction to the Penn Resilience Programme Explore resilience lessons being taught in school Group exploration/practice Questions Some Ideas About Resilience If resilience were an object what would it be? and why? Everyday muddling through Relating and relying on significant others Stillness Realism Skills and strategies We all have capacities and resources within (c) How to Thrive 2015 1
. And is it OK to be unhappy? We react differently to adversity e.g. a traffic jam Resilient Thinking Honk! Underpinning self-efficacy Our thoughts and beliefs explain our reaction When adversity strikes... We automatically try to explain it to our selves... Why did it happen? What will happen next? These thoughts and beliefs drive our reaction Activating Event Belief Consequence (c) How to Thrive 2015 2
A A Cognitive Model Of Resilience Adversity, event or situation ABC in action B C Our beliefs about what caused it and about the implications The consequences of our beliefs (emotions and actions) A B I do badly in a Maths test Self-fulfilling Prophecies I m useless I m no good at maths Emotions What you feel in the moment of the adversity Consequences C I feel angry with myself and sad I avoid telling anyone and get really anxious I give up trying to work for the next one Mum/Dad is going to kill me The teacher s terrible Actions What you do in the moment of the adversity What impact can our C s have on others? ABC Practice A B C Activating event (what actually happened?) Beliefs in that moment Consequences (emotions and behaviors) Activating Event Beliefs Consequences You ve had a really busy day at work. You sit down to relax and your child rings to say they need you to pick them up now. (c) How to Thrive 2015 3
The ABC Skill If We Challenge The B s.. Separate the A (just the facts) from the B and the C. You can start with the A or the C, depending on the context. Tune into that specific moment - listen to your beliefs at the time. The Activating Event has already happened Challenge our beliefs Identify the Cs. What was the emotion and the behaviour. Slow the situation down. Gives us some control over the way we feel and the way we act ABC What can you do as a parent? Use the ABC Skill Rule 1: You can t tell your child what to think Review the event and/or unhelpful consequences with your child. Talk (and argue/discuss) about the Bs. Keep a mental (or written log) look for habits in thinking. Practice - building physiological capital on small issues and their resilience to greater adversity will build also. but you can nudge them in the right direction Nudging Suggest they seek perspective of others Imagine the opposite of what they believe to be true and then look for the evidence Challenge them to think of one reason why their belief might be wrong. Encourage them to write the belief down it creates distance. Suggest they put themself in someone else s place. Be neutral avoid moral judgments. Decoding the B-C Connections If their beliefs are about The loss of something that is important to you Something bad or dangerous happening Something that is wrong and causes harm to you or someone else Your actions have caused harm to others Not being as good as other people or meeting the required standard.. Then they may feel Sad Anxious Angry Guilty Embarrassed.. and act Withdrawn Agitated Aggressively To make things right As you do when you re embarrassed! (c) How to Thrive 2015 4
Rule 2: You can t fix the problem for them We Explain Events On 3 Dimensions Me Not Me Always Not Always but you can encourage/support them to come up with their own solution Everything Not Everything Rule 3: Let them see you struggle! Penn Resilience Programme (PRP) Being taught to Year 7 students The Penn Resilience Programme (PRP) Based on a proven programme building resilience, coping skills and problem solving in children Developed at University of Pennsylvania Aims to build emotional resilience, reduce anxiety, improve conduct, and aid academic achievement Develop skills to meet day-to-day challenges, like exams or moving schools, and to 'bounce back' from disappointments and cope with bullying, stressful family problems or manage anger and anxiety. Underlying messages Setbacks are to be expected They can be overcome self efficacy They are a learning opportunity Trained PRP Teachers deliver the programme. The programme is taught in many schools across the UK. Famous Failures (c) How to Thrive 2015 5
Developing accurate and flexible thinking The PRP helps young people understand their Bs, check them for accuracy and flexibility Do they have evidence that their Bs are accurate? Is there a different, more optimistic way to interpret the situation? Are they relying on a thinking trap, for example thinking this is all their fault? Are they making a mountain out of a molehill or a himalaya out of a mountain - catastrophising about the situation? Are they problem solving effectively? Is their C helping or hindering them? Empowering them to understand that in life there are ups and downs but they have resources and can develop skills to deal with setbacks. Critical Resilience Competencies 1. Emotional Intelligence 2. Impulse Control 3. Optimistic Thinking 4. Flexible and Accurate Thinking 5. Self-efficacy 6. Connection and Reaching Out Skills and Coping Strategies The programme builds the following skills and coping strategies Problem-solving and Social Skills Assertiveness Negotiation Creative problem-solving Decision making Overcoming procrastination Social skills Coping and Calming Skills Emotion regulation & control Relaxation Distraction (Changing the Channel) Summary of PRP - 18 lessons Lesson 1 - Introduction and boundary setting Lesson 2 - Links between thoughts and feelings Lesson 3 Identifying different thinking styles Lesson 4 Alternatives and evidence Lesson 5 The File Game Lesson 6 - Putting it in perspective Lesson 7 - Real Time Resilience Lesson 8 Review Lesson 9 - Assertiveness communication Lesson 10 Negotiation Lesson 11 - Coping strategies Lesson 12 Solving dilemmas and visualised relaxation Lesson 13 Overcoming procrastination and social skills training Lesson 14 Review Lesson 15 - Decision making Lesson 16 - Social problem solving Lesson 17 - Problem solving Lesson 18 - Review and looking forward Emphasis on accuracy. Detective analogy: Looking for suspects (alternatives) and examining evidence. Link between thoughts and feelings or behaviors. Our thoughts cause us to feel and behave the way we do In the same situation people can feel differently and behave differently. (c) How to Thrive 2015 6
Students are encouraged to slow down and consider the evidence for their conclusions about what has happened. They are encouraged to think accurately about situations rather than jumping to incorrect conclusions. Lesson examples Have a go using the student materials Read instruction before starting Consider How can you reinforce/support the learning? What might the challenges be? What would be helpful to support you? Impact on bullying Impact Secondary School Anti-bullying Reviews "The Resilience Programme has been delivered in 2 of the 8 schools visited. The successful impact of the programme was evident in the different and more positive responses of pupils in those year groups that had been involved when compared with their older peers. Impact on students - I need these skills because they will help me calm down when I am upset, thinking of different thoughts to see which is true and to break a big task down then keep rewarding myself. Boy aged 12 I can use my negotiation skill when my friends had an argument and I want them to be friends again. Girl aged 12 Questions (c) How to Thrive 2015 7