Using EQ for Effective Communication Skills

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Training Industry

Sarah Turner Consultant The Faurote Group

Predictors of Success Dedication Passion Confidence Drive Positive Attitude Intuition Good listener Motivator Influence Willingness to learn Organized Vision Patience Collaboration Follow-thru Effective communication skills

Sizing up the Whole Person IQ

IQ alone explains surprisingly little of achievement at work or in life.

Sizing up the Whole Person IQ Personality

Sizing up the Whole Person IQ EQ Personality

IQ EQ

What is Emotional Intelligence? A set of emotional and social skills that collectively establish how well we: Perceive and express ourselves Develop and maintain social relationships Cope with challenges Use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way It is one of the biggest predictors of success in life and work.

Objectives The connection between high and low usage of EI and our perceived skills as a communicator An overview of the EQi-2.0 model, highlighting a few major skills impacting our interactions with others The power of practice and ways to create habits leading to consistency in your relationships with others

EQi-2.0 Model

EQ-i 2.0 Model Top Subskills: Self- Regard Reality Testing Emotional Expression Stress Tolerance

Emotional Self-Awareness Recognizing your feelings and understanding your emotions When you are irritable, sad, excited, etc., and how these feelings alter your behavior with others

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent Eleanor Roosevelt, This is my Story

EQ-i 2.0 Model

Self-Regard Confidence Appreciate positive and developmental aspects Strengths and weaknesses Able to admit when wrong The ability to respect and accept yourself Associated with general feelings of: Security Inner Strength Self-Assuredness Self-Confidence Feelings of Self-Adequacy How important is Self-Talk?

Communicators with Self-Regard High Usage Positive, Productive Self-Talk Low Usage Negative, Derailing Self-Talk Appropriate levels of eye contact Lack of Eye Contact Powerful voice, variety in speech Lower tone, mumbled speech, less variety Use of humor Withdrawn

How to build Self-Regard Ask yourself: In what situations is my Self-Regard low? Why? In what situations is my Self-Regard high? Why? What can I do, intentionally, to create situations where my Self-Regard is high?

EQ-i 2.0 Model

Reality Testing Ability to remain objective by seeing things as they really are. This capacity involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias can cause one to be less objective. Accurately size up the immediate situation Not make mountains out of molehills Not being overly optimistic or too pessimistic

Communicators with Reality Testing High Usage Assesses the facts Low Usage Driven by initial emotions Remains even-keeled Blows up or minimizes situations Addresses the right what May focus on the wrong things

How to build Reality Testing Activating Event Identify an event that triggered an emotional reaction from you. Identify your beliefs that lead to your emotion. Beliefs Consequences What were the results of your thought and actions to the event? Disputing/Debating/Discarding Beliefs Were your initial appraisals of the event accurate? If not, why? Effects Lastly, write down the effects of filling column D. How debating, disputing and discarding have shifted your understanding and beliefs about the activating event and, consequently, your feelings and behaviors.

Activating Events: How Emotions affect our actions Self- Talk Activating Event CHOICE Emotional Reaction Knee-Jerk Reaction

EQ-i 2.0 Model

Emotional Expression Saying and showing how you feel Openly expressing feelings both verbally and non-verbally Constantly give out messages at an emotional level - words - the tone and volume of our speech - the expression on our face or our body language

Communicators with Emotional Expression High Usage Choose the right words to convey their message Low Usage Unclear message Use facial expressions and gestures productively to emphasize meaning Don t align non-verbals sending a mixed message Often speak without words

How to build Emotional Expression Prepare your message for the audience. Customization is key. Ensure your non-verbals (gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice convey your message) Find an accountability partner to provide feedback on your expression.

It is not the stress that kills us. It is effective adaptation to stress that allows us to live. George Vaillant

EQ-i 2.0 Model

Stress Management Stress Tolerance Successfully coping with stressful situations Ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without developing physical or emotional symptoms (proactive in thoughts)

Communicators with Stress Tolerance High Usage Cope with emotions associated with communication (fear, anxiety, frustration) Low Usage Show nervous energy (fidgeting, no eye contact, strained voice, meaningless gestures, verbal graffiti) Create rituals (use surge protectors) to enable success Disengage their audience

How to build Stress Tolerance Know your triggers (journaling) Try various coping techniques until you find the one you like (deep breaths, take a walk, engage your left brain) Be resourceful use your inner circle

Attitude is EVERYTHING!

EQ-i 2.0 Model

Communication to a relationship is like Oxygen to life Without it It dies. Tony Gaskins