Addressing the spectrum of human conflict Revised February 2013
Acknowledgements In 2009, several experts in human conflict, including Dr. George Thompson, formed the Vistelar Group, a global speaking and training organization focused on addressing the spectrum of human conflict from interpersonal discord, verbal abuse and bullying to crisis communications, assault and physical violence. Verbal Defense & Influence is the brand within the Vistelar Group focused on effective communication in the midst of stress, which includes the teachings of Dr. Thompson, who passed away in June of 2011. Vistelar Group is the exclusive licensee of the intellectual property of the Verbal Judo Institute in the United States. Under the direction of Gary T. Klugiewicz since 2009, Verbal Defense & Influence training has incorporated significant changes and enhancements provided by our national network of agency-specific directors and over 15 Vistelar consultants who apply their expertise from decades of academic and on-the-street experience in a wide variety of industries. Verbal Defense & Influence has a broad mission -- to help employees in any organization communicate more effectively in the midst of stress. It is designed for any organization where human conflict has a high prevalence. As part of the Vistelar brand, Verbal Defense & Influence training now includes such topics as understanding the causes of violence, verbal non-escalation, bystander mobilization, developing personal power, establishing a social contract of treating people with dignity and personal defense options. Verbal Defense & Influence using Performance Driven Instruction, a unique approach to training that emphasizes student interaction, real-world simulations, skill practice, memorable stories and physical activity. This approach improves retention of the taught material and enhances the student s ability to effectively perform the learned skills in their work and personal lives. Because the potential for violence is a hazard along the spectrum of human conflict, the Vistelar training integrates personal defense options developed by Vistelar co-founder Dave Young. Effective communication in the midst of stress aligned with personal danger awareness and physical response form the Vistelar continuum of safety. The Vistelar Group is grateful for the support given by: The late Dr. George Thompson Karen Stentz Huebner of Purposeful Development Jack Hoban of Resolution Group International Gary T. Klugiewicz and our nationwide network of consultants and team members Copyright 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any matter without written permission from Vistelar Group, 10532 N Port Washington Road Mequon, WI 53092; trainers@vistelar.com. 2
What is Verbal Defense & Influence? Verbal Defense & Influence trains organizations to employ the Five Universal Truths of human interaction to prevent and de-escalate verbal conflict; enhance cooperation and collaboration within a team; and improve customer service and sales. Individuals learn how to stop verbal abuse, bullying and harassment and maintain mental and emotional safety in the midst of conflict. Here is some background information about Verbal Defense & Influence: Gold standard for professional communications among police and law enforcement professionals for 30 years Originally known as Verbal Judo, this methodology was developed by the late Dr. George Thompson Subject of four books, including Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, which sold 3,000 copies and is used as a textbook for a number of college-level communications courses These concepts are now taught to a wide range of professionals within education, health care, business, government and military Coursework is credentialed through the Northeast Wisconsin Technical College, an academic institution accredited by the Higher Learning Commission since 1976 This methodology has been adapted for youth within various settings, including martial arts schools (250 schools in the U.S.); a DVD learning resource designed to help parents build bully-proofing skills; the CURE for Indignity global initiative to end indignity based upon Verbal Defense & Influence principles; and the Violence Prevention Initiative, an $8.2 million research grant by the Medical College of Wisconsin. Working as a compensation professional in the midst of a deep recession emotions run high when it comes to people s money and not enough to go around. I felt like I had no tools left at the end of the day to cope with kids and husband until now. Paula Carter, Columbia, MO 3
4 The Vistelar Continuum of Safety
How PERSONAL STRESS leads to conflict People those we encounter and sometimes we ourselves can be under the influence of stressors ranging from relationship difficulties, drug/alcohol use, financial problems, work demands, physical threats or job insecurity. Notes: Take Action... Recall an interaction that was colored by personal stressors. How did stress factor into the conversation? Its outcome? Almost all problems in our society and the world are caused by bullies those who would supersede the life value of others with their own relative values. Jack Hoban, Resolution Group International Emotional Physical Violence 5
Learning Goals For This Course Objective: Learn Prepare Rehearse This course will give you the SKILLS you need to create and deliver preplanned, practiced responses to pressure situations. Outcome: Increased Effectiveness You will possess the ability to generate voluntary: Compliance Cooperation and Collaboration Benefits: Manage conflict Maintain safety Lower complaints Reduce stress Notes: 15
All people want to be Treated with dignity and shown respect Asked rather than told to do something Told why they are being asked Offered options rather than threats Given a second chance Five Universal Truths The Five Universal Truths will help you identify and understand the things all people hold in common. These principles transcend whatever differences you might have with others. You must understand how to treat others and express to them how you wish to be treated. 1 2 3 4 5 Remember: DAWO2 Instead of focusing how people are different, this identifies how people are the same. D A Dignity Ask, don t tell W Explain why O Offer options 2 Give a 2 nd chance Take Action... Identify someone who models the Five Universal Truths at work / at home. Next, name three ways you can apply the Five Universal Truths immediately. The more difficult the neighborhood, the more important respect is." Dr. George Thompson, founder, Verbal Judo (now known as Verbal Defense & Influence) Communicating Under Pressure 7
It s Showtime! When it s SHOWTIME, you must: Respond as if you are being watched. Be capable of emotional detachment. Know the three kinds of people: Nice, Difficult and Sneaky. Make sure your role and your voice are in alignment Note: A difficult person will always tell you no the first time...but when handled properly, most people will soon comply. Notes: Take Action... Recall an instance where your role and voice were disharmonious. How would you act differently now? 8 Communicating Under Pressure It is Public Face time. No Personal Face is allowed. Gary T. Klugiewicz, Director, Verbal Defense & Influence
Persuasion Sequence How do you persuade a difficult person to collaborate, cooperate or comply? Notice that this Five-Step structure aligns with the Five Universal Truths principles of asking, not telling; explaining why; and giving options. Providing options and not threats grants them a measure of control over their actions. Be sure to make the options (especially the positive ones) as specific and appealing as possible. If they resist your options, you must confirm noncompliance: Is there anything I can say to earn your cooperation? I d like to think there is. Once you have verified their refusal, you have reached the point When Words Alone Fail. You must take action. A Remember: AWOCA Ask W Explain Why / Set Context O C A Give Options Confirm Non-Compliance Act You will never again be trapped into repeating orders over and over, which is a great sign of weakness in a parent, a police officer, an executive or anyone in a position of authority. pg. 101, Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, 2004 Communicating Under Pressure 9
Cont. Create Your Own Persuasion Sequence The persuasion sequence is used to generate two things: Buy-in and action. This interaction has specific steps to follow which can be tailored to the situation. What are you asking someone to do? 1. Ask: 2. Explain why: By setting your request in context, they better understand what you are asking, and why it is important. a. Explain the rule / policy / law b. Explain the reason for the rule / policy / law c. Ask if they understand the rule / policy / law 3. Give options: What will happen if they act upon your request and what happens if they don t? (Remember, offer a positive option first, then the negative, and another positive. It s important to end on a positive note.) a. Positive option b. Negative option c. Put a twist on the positive 4. Confirm non-compliance: Is there anything I can say to get you to do (xyz)? I would like to think so. 5. Act: If, by this point, you have not achieved collaboration, cooperation or compliance, you must move to the next step: When Words Alone Fail. In your situation, what are your options for action? This sequence must come naturally to you, like a script that way, you can focus on responding to the situation not having to decide what to say next! 10 Communicating Under Pressure
Review Report Here s how: Conduct a personal debriefing with yourself Review the situation with peers, witnesses or bystanders Report situation by taking your notes of what exactly happened Make an official report to supervisors, police or other authorities Conduct a situational debrief with your peers, family staff or co-workers You want to AVOID this type of incident from happening AGAIN Notes: Take Action... Reflect upon a chronic problem that could be avoided or prevented through the type of review process listed above. You must be thorough in reporting, reviewing and debriefing your response to an incident because if it is not documented, it DIDN'T happen. Dave Young, Director, Arma Training & Your Family Defense Personal Defense Options 11
Effective communication in the midst of stress Prevent conflict Reduce emotional / physical violence Improve cooperation and collaboration Lower complaints Most of the time, we manage to communicate just fine. We capably express our needs and they are met. We know how to clarify, discuss and modify. If something gets knocked off balance, however, things change. It doesn t matter if it is a large obstacle or a small trigger the wrong thing happens at the wrong time and we are no longer being heard or respected. That is why we need, both personally and professionally, to operate within the framework for communicating under pressure. Verbal Defense & Influence is the only training program that teaches people how to respond in an effective manner during stressful interactions instead of impulsively reacting. Our reaction can make a situation spiral out of control. That s why we need, both personally and professionally, to operate within the framework for communicating under pressure. Vistelar Group (www.vistelar.com) is a training and speaking organization specializing in the fundamentals of human interaction and their real-world application. From verbal conflict, bullying, and physical defense to sales, service, personal development and leadership. Our purpose is to stop the ineffectiveness, struggle and, often, more serious consequences that results from failures in human interaction. Copyright 2013