Frequently Asked Questions SEX!! Is it okay if I choose abstinence? I feel weird because my friends are all having sex. Should I lie? It is absolutely OK to wait to have sex, or to decide that you don t want to be sexual with anyone. You get to decide this for yourself. Your friends may make other decisions, but that is up to them. It is very rare that people regret NOT having sex, so it is very important to wait until you feel ready. Plus, it is the most effective way to avoid getting pregnant before you are ready or prevent the spread of STDs. Remember, being ready for sex isn t only physical; many people want to wait until they are emotionally ready as well. Is masturbation okay? Can it hurt me? Does it make someone a slut or take away their virginity? There are a lot of different views on masturbation in different cultures and families. From a health and medical perspective, we know that masturbation is natural and healthy and will not hurt anyone or cause any side effects. In fact, some people think it is good to masturbate in order to get to know your own body better, and to be clear about what feels good and what doesn t feel good. Masturbation does not make a person a slut. It is up to each person to decide what he or she believes about masturbation though, and family, personal, and cultural values go into making this decision. If someone goes down on their partner or gets oral sex done to them, are they still considered a virgin? Different people have different definitions for what being a virgin means, and different people have different definitions for sex. Some people believe that sex includes oral, anal, and vaginal sex, while others consider themselves virgins if they have only had oral sex. The term virgin is a tough one as it doesn t really hold any true meaning. It is matter of personal definition. Your definition may be influenced by what your family or culture believes, so you may want to ask others what they think, but in the end, it is up to you to decide. However, the important thing is that it is up to you to decide how far you want to go with your partner and what is acceptable for you. Is it true that two virgins can't give each other STD s? Again, someone s definition of virginity does not assume that they have not had ANY sexual contact. Skin to skin contact and oral sex can transmit STD s. If someone has had this kind of sexual contact, there is a possibility of getting or transmitting an STD. Can a guy and a girl who have never had sex before get pregnant the first time they do it? Page 1
Every time that a male and a female have sex/intercourse there will be a risk of pregnancy. Even the first time someone has intercourse it can cause a pregnancy to occur. As long as the egg meets the sperm there is a possibility of pregnancy. This is why people try to reduce the risk by using protection like condoms, contraception or not having sex at all (abstinence). If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and you are having sex, how do you ask your mom to get you a check up? (Especially if she doesn't know about your sexual relationship with this person?) There are a couple different things that you could do. Here are some suggestions: You could tell your mom that at school you have been learning about health and the importance of check-ups that girls and boys need to have, and that you think you would like to get one to make sure you are healthy. You could tell your mom that you really like this person and that you are sexually active or thinking about it and want to get a check-up You could find out what the rules are in your area about accessing services by contacting 211 (either call 211 or go to 211.org), contact a Planned Parenthood or other community clinic in your area. How come sometimes a male can't get a female pregnant? When a couple is trying to get pregnant (having intercourse and not using any form of contraception) and they don t get pregnant it could mean that either partner is infertile. These issues can be complicated and the best thing to do is to talk to a doctor about the different possibilities. It is important to remember though that sometimes it just takes a long time to get pregnant because the timing has to be exactly right. Getting pregnant is different for different people; some people get pregnant the first time they have sex while for others it takes a few more tries. If you are having sex and the guy pulls out before ejaculating, is there still a chance they could get pregnant or and STD if they don't use a condom? Yes. If the guy pulls out before ejaculating (also called the withdrawal method ) there is still a chance that the woman could get pregnant. Even before the male ejaculates, a liquid called pre-cum is released and often the pre-cum can contain live sperm, especially if the man has ejaculated recently. Another problem with pulling out is that the man can t always judge exactly when he will ejaculate, and this especially is true for adolescent young men. When it comes to STDs, ejaculation is not the only time STDs are transmitted. The viruses and bacteria that cause STDs can also be found in pre-cum, around sores or at initial infection sites. It is NOT a good idea to depend on pulling out as a way to prevent pregnancy or STDs. How can a woman get pregnant on her period? A woman can get pregnant if she has released an egg within a week of having sex. Most women cannot tell exactly when they are ovulating, so it is always important to use contraception, even when she is having her period. Is it against the law for someone to have sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend if they are 18? Who can they legally have sex with? Page 2
In the state of California, it is illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to have sex, unless they are married. This law is rarely enforced. If a person over the age of 18 has sex with a minor (someone under 18) this is considered statutory rape and is considered a felony and is a serious crime. If there is less than a three year difference between the two people, the crime is considered a misdemeanor and is less serious. The law also states that if a person of any age having sex with a person under the age of 14, this must be reported to child protective services. These laws were developed to protect young people from unwanted sexual activity or from being exploited by someone older. The laws in each state are a little different and it is important to find out what the law is where you live. Would someone be considered a "slut" if they had sex as a freshman? Nobody can decide what to call you except for yourself. People may call you all sorts of things, but you get to decide if you want to believe them. Try to make decisions based on what you think is right for you. Some people will feel they are ready to have sex when they are young and some will wait until they are older and it is a personal choice. There is no right or wrong answer. What is the average age that people have sex for the first time? There is no average age for losing one s virginity. The decision to be physical or sexual with another person is one that each person needs to decide for him or herself. Even though you may feel pressure by other people, the age isn t what is important- it is the level of maturity that matters. Is it unhealthy to give "head" to someone? Or eat someone out? The health risks that are involved with oral sex include passing or catching an STD like gonorrhea, among others. The safest way to have oral sex is to use a condom or dental dam. If a person is 100% sure that his or her partner does not have an STD or is HIV positive (and you can know this by both going to get tested together) there are NO health risks associated with tasting or swallowing either vaginal fluid or semen. Will lubrication prevent pregnancy or does it help the sperm? Lubrication is especially important when people are trying to have safe sex because it can prevent friction and irritation when the condom rubs against the skin. Lubrication can help prevent the condom from breaking. There are lubricants that contain spermicides, chemicals which can kill sperm as well. However, some people find that spermicides can be irritating, so they shouldn t use them if they get rashes or sores. When my friend has sex it really hurts and they don't like it. What can help them? Sex can be uncomfortable and even painful for some people, especially for women, especially if you are nervous and or are doing something for the first time. It is really important to be able to talk to a partner and let that person know what is hurting and to stop doing something that is painful. Often for women, the problem is related to a lack of lubrication that could be from not being excited enough or feeling unsure about wanting to be with the partner. Most importantly, IF YOU DON T LIKE IT, DON T DO IT!!! At the very least, talk to the partner about it and tell that person where and when it hurts. There are some cases where medical conditions or STDs could make sex painful. If pain is a consistent thing go to a doctor or clinic to get it checked out. Page 3
Who gets more pleasure in sex guys or girls? Both guys and girls can (and should!!) get equal pleasure. Some people say it is easier for boys to have an orgasm but it really just depends on the person. Both males and females have parts of their body that feel really good when they are sexually aroused. Both males and females may have orgasms when they are being sexually aroused. Do woman or men have more fantasies? Both women and men can have fantasies. There is no evidence that we know of to suggest that one gender has more than the other. Women s Health Issues Can you get breast cancer from wearing a bra at night? No. There are no health risks with wearing a bra at night, other than it might be a bit uncomfortable. Breast cancer is caused by a variety of environmental and genetic factors and we are still learning more about how to prevent it. What happens when all the eggs come out of the ovary at once? There is no risk of all of your eggs coming out at once. Usually, only a few eggs develop each month in the ovary, and then usually only one egg is released each month. Rarely, two or even three eggs are released at the same time. A woman is born with 1-2 million eggs and these eggs will last her throughout her reproductive years (usually until age 50 or so) What causes girls or women to have their periods for at least a week or a month? Every woman s menstrual cycle is slightly different. Some are longer and some are shorter, depending on a variety of factors. Some women have periods regularly every month and some women can have periods more irregularly. Some women s periods are affected by the amount of exercise they do and some by their nutrition, but a lot of the effect is probably just biological. If a woman is bleeding for an entire month, it may be a sign that something is abnormal and she should go to the clinic or doctor to make sure everything is OK. Many times when a young woman starts using contraception like the pill or depo (the shot) her periods will be irregular. What can you do if you start feeling that your vagina is itching or burning? If your vagina is itching or burning, the best thing to do is to go to the doctor or clinic to get a check-up. It could be nothing, or it could be an infection that needs to get treated. Most of these infections don t go away by themselves so it is important to get the check-up. If you get the check-up and they tell you that you do not have an infection, there are products you can buy at the drug store such as Vagisil that can help stop itching. How does a girl get a yeast infection? A yeast infection is kind of like a cold- you can just get one. Some people seem to get them more often than others, and it may just be how their body is made. There are certain things that can make some people more likely to get one, such as eating a lot of sugar or wearing wet Page 4
clothes or a wet bathing suit all day. Yeast infections are very easy to treat and you can buy the medicine at the drug store, but it is usually important to go to the doctor and get checked to make sure that you actually have one before you use the medicine. I have not started my period. Am I normal? Yes. Women start their period at all different ages, and it is all considered normal. If you have any concerns or questions talk to a medical provider or call a clinic. If your vagina discharge is yellow do you have a yeast infection? Discharge can have slightly different colors in different people, and it can be normal. Usually with a yeast infection the discharge is slightly white and looks like cottage cheese. Some STDs can also impact the color, consistency or smell of vaginal discharge. If you think that your discharge is abnormal, you can get a check-up and ask the doctor or nurse to see if you might have an infection. Men s Health Issues Can a guy still have sex if they're un-circumcised? Yep. Being circumcised doesn t have anything to do with whether or not you can have sex. How does cum come out when a man masturbates? When a guy masturbates and reaches orgasm or ejaculation, the sperm travels from the testicles, up into the body and through a variety of organs where semen (the fluid) is created, and then is released by ejaculation. When a male ejaculates (whether by masturbation or by being with a partner), the semen carrying the sperm come out of the penis. Do you get circumcised (if you're not already) from a lot of ejaculation? No. A male gets circumcised only if he has the foreskin of the penis cut off. Usually the procedure is done to a baby when he is first born and it is thought to be less painful at that age. It is possible for an older boy or man to be circumcised when he is older if he decides to get that skin removed surgically. Ejaculation cannot cause the foreskin to be removed or to fall off. Ejaculation is a healthy and normal part of a male s sexual excitement. If anal sex feels good for men how come it doesn t feel that good when we go poop? There are parts of our bodies that become more sensitive when we are sexually aroused, and may feel completely normal when we are not. Also, like with any kind of sex, some people enjoy the way certain activities feel more than others. Some people may gain pleasure from any type of movement or stimulation in the rectum only when they are sexually aroused while others may not like it at all. Can penis size vary depending on ethnicity or shoe size? No. The size of a man s penis does not depend on his race or ethnic group. A man of any ethnic group can have a smaller or bigger penis, depending on how his own body is built. Penis size is also NOT related to the size of a man s foot. Page 5
Birth Control, Contraception, and Protection: Preventing Pregnancy and STDs How do you use a condom? Where can you get condoms? You can usually get condoms from Planned Parenthood, and at most clinics. A lot of youth serving organizations may also have condoms, especially if they work with students on health issues. Some barbershops and beauty parlors will also give them away for free! You can also buy condoms at any drug store, supermarket, and most corner stores. The Steps of putting on a condom are: 1. Check the expiration date and make sure the condom is still good! Make sure the condom has not been sitting out in the sun. 2. Get an erection! The penis has to be hard before you can put a condom on. 3. Push the condom to one side and then open the package with your fingers. Do not use a scissors or your teeth- you could puncture the condom. 4. Make sure the condom is right-side out. You have to be able to unroll the condom onto the penis. If you put it on the wrong way, you have to throw it away and get a new one. You can not just turn it inside out because it could already have semen or pre-cum on it. 5. Hold the top half-inch of the condom between your fingers when you roll it down. This will keep out the air bubbles and will leave room for the semen when the man ejaculates. 6. Roll down the condom as far as it can go, all the way to the base of the penis. If the condom is not lubricated, you can add some lubrication if it is water-based. It should say specifically that you can use it with a condom. 7. After the man ejaculates, hold on to the condom and pull out the penis while it is still hard. 8. Take the condom off away from the partner. Tie it up keeping the semen inside and throw it away. YOU SHOULD NEVER USE A CONDOM TWICE! If you use birth control pills, a diaphragm and a condom (all used correctly) at the same time, could you get pregnant easily? Is this a good thing to do? It is always a good idea to use more than one form of birth control at once. The only form of birth control that is 100% is to not have sex at all. Even condoms are only 90-99% effective. This means there is still a chance that you could get pregnant even if you try to use it correctly. Using more than one method correctly will provide even better protection, as long as they work together. For more information on methods that work well together call you local clinic. What if someone wants to have sex? What is the best ways to be safe? If a person decides that he or she is ready to have sex, the best ways to be safe are to use a condom EVERY SINGLE TIME that he or she has sex. To be even safer, a woman can use another form of birth control as well, such as the pill, the shot, or spermicide gels or foams. A condom is the one of the ONLY ways to prevent the spread of disease. Other methods include the HPV vaccine and some medications that protect against HIV. Page 6
Where can you get birth control and condoms if you don't want to tell your parents that you are having sex? Contact a Planned Parenthood or a community clinic in your area. You can also try calling 211 or go to 211.org for find out about local services and the laws in your area regarding you rights access confidential services. In a lot of cases if a clinic gets money from the Federal Government they often have rules around confidentiality. Are there any other ways you can tell if you're pregnant besides a pregnancy test? Like are there symptoms on something? If someone suspects that they could be pregnant or even if they have had unprotected sex, the best thing to do is to get a pregnancy test at the clinic to be sure. If they go to the clinic within 72 hours of having unprotected sex, they can get a pill called ECP or emergency contraception. These pills can help prevent a pregnancy from happening. IT IS NOT AN ABORTION- the pills help stop the pregnancy from happening if it hasn t already. A woman may have no symptoms when she is pregnant, or she may feel tenderness in her breasts, nausea around certain food, or sometimes mood changes. Why do condoms have a space at the end? Condoms have a space at the end in order to collect the semen so it doesn t enter the other person s body. As you know, semen can contain viruses or bacteria that can cause STDs, as well as sperm that can fertilize and egg and cause a woman to get pregnant. If a person uses a condom is it still possible to get an STD? Yes. There are some STDs that live on the skin around the penis or on the outside of the vulva so a condom doesn t cover that area. Condoms do protect against HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia. If a person has sores from herpes or warts from HPV, a condom may not provide enough protection. If a girl has unprotected sex will douches with Coca Cola/Mt Dew/etc. prevent her from getting pregnant? No. This is a myth. There is no evidence that Coca-Cola or the fizz from ANY soft drink or juice can prevent a pregnancy. In fact, if a woman puts Coca-Cola or any other sugary liquid in her vagina, there is a good chance that she could get a yeast infection or disrupt the normal healthy bacteria that lives in the vagina. Do they have condoms for the tongue when you give oral sex? Yes, sort of. When a person is performing oral sex on someone s anus or a girl s genitalia they can use a strip of latex called a dental dam. It isn t exactly a condom- it is more like a strip of material that one places over the entire area so that no bacteria or viruses are passed back and forth. Diseases and Illnesses that Affect Reproductive Health (including STDs) Page 7
What does herpes and genital warts appear like? REMEMBER: THE MOST COMMON SYMPTOM OF HERPES AND GENITAL WARTS IS NO SYMPTOMS!! 80% of genital warts are invisible to the eye. Herpes looks like little cold sores or fever blisters. There are two types, HSVI and HSVII, and nowadays both can be found either in the genital areas or around the mouth and lips. The herpes on someone s mouth is not necessarily passed through sexual contact. You can learn more about herpes at the websites: http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/fact_sheets/facts_genital_herpes.htm http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/stdherp.htm Genital Warts usually appear as soft, moist, pink or red swellings. They can be raised or flat, single or multiple, small or large. Some cluster together forming a cauliflower-like shape. They can appear on the vulva, in or around the vagina or anus, on the cervix, and on the penis, scrotum, groin, or thigh. Warts can appear within several weeks after sexual contact with an infected person, or they can take months to appear. You can learn more about genital warts and HPV at: http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/fact_sheets/factshpv.htm Can someone be born with herpes? How else could you get herpes without having sex? A baby can be born with herpes if its mother has herpes. It is also possible to pass oral herpes or herpes of the mouth through kissing, sharing a pacifier, or sharing a bottle. You can learn more about herpes at the websites: http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/fact_sheets/facts_genital_herpes.htm http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/stdherp.htm Are cold sores an STD? Are they from oral sex or from kissing? Cold sores are a form of herpes and can be passed through kissing, sharing lip balm, oral sex. They are not always sexually transmitted. Is it true that you can get STD's in your throat from oral sex? Yes. Certain STDs, like gonorrhea, can be passed through oral sex and can live in the throat. If you have STD s on your mouth, throat or another place on your body and you re pregnant can the baby you're carrying get STD's too? A woman can pass an STD to her baby through her blood or when she gives birth. It is very important for all pregnant women to get checked for STDs so the doctor or nurse knows what she has before she gives birth. Do people get STD's after they re married? Being married does not protect someone from getting an STD. However, if you they are married to someone and neither person has sex with anyone else AND nether person has an STD, they will not get STDs. They MUST be sure though that neither partner is having sex with anyone else. What is the difference between a viral and bacterial STD? Page 8
A bacterial STD is one that can be treated and cured with anti-biotics. Examples of bacterial STDs include gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. A viral STD is one that is caused by a virus and therefore has no cure. Usually the symptoms can be treated but the virus can stay in the body. Examples of viral STDs include herpes, HIV and Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). General Health Questions Why is pubic hair much thicker than regular hair? Hair that grows during puberty, especially pubic hair is just different than regular hair. Some say it helps to protect certain areas, but we re not exactly sure why it is thicker. I heard stories about rape. If a teenager does something sexual to a kid (about 5-10 years old) who hasn't gone threw puberty yet, what can that do to them? Can it affect the kid in their future? Rape is a very serious offense at whatever age it occurs. If a young person is forced to do anything sexual that that person does not want to do, there are potential physical as well as emotional and psychological consequences. If you know someone who has been raped or had a similar experience, you should encourage that person to get themselves checked at a doctor or clinic to make sure they are OK physically, and then to talk about it with an adult that he or she can trust. There are staff on your campus (a teacher, school counselor, Pilar or other TAP staff) that can help you figure out who you can talk to. You should know that because forcing anyone to do anything sexual is illegal, if you tell a health professional or teacher, that person must report it to the police. If you are not sure that you are ready to report it to the police, you can talk about the incident as if it happened to a friend until you figure out what you want to do. You could also call a hotline like rape crises center and talk to someone anonymously (they won t ask your name) you can call 211 to get more information. What causes cancer? Cancer is caused by a variety of things, both in our biology and also in our environment. Sex does not cause cancer. However, if a woman contracts HPV, a viral STD through sex with an infected partner, she has a higher risk of developing cervical cancer. People who have unprotected anal sex can also get HPV, which can develop into rectal cancer. For this reason it is important that someone who is sexually active gets a pap smear or checkup every year to make sure they are healthy. What happens if someone pees in your mouth? Urine is not associated with the spread of STDs. However, gonorrhea and chlamydia can infect the urethra and create discharge that could come out of the body with urine. Also, there are potentially other things that could possibly be spread in urine that are not related to STDs. Urine can also contain certain medications being expelled through the body, including some hormones. Overall it seems urine is at relatively low risk for spreading disease. Who Can I Talk To Page 9
When I Need Advice or Information? Will my teachers think less of me if I need to talk to them about my sexual activity? Your teachers are always there to talk to you and will not judge you by your sexual activity. If you feel unsure about talking about your own experiences, you could always say that you need information for a friend. Is it okay to ask my teachers personal questions if I need advice about sex? YES! Your teachers are here for you and you can speak to them anytime. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone like your teacher than it is to talk to your parent. You should feel free to talk to your teachers about anything you want to. Are there places that have people who speak Spanish? I need this information in Spanish. Yes. You can contact most public clinics and Planned Parenthoods, or call 211 to find out about local resources in Spanish. What if you re attracted to someone of the same sex? Who can you talk to? During high school, a lot of people realize that they are attracted to someone of the same sex. These feelings can be very confusing for some people because even though we know that it is completely normal to have those types of feelings, there are a lot of negative stereotypes out there, which make it hard to talk to people openly about these things. It is important that they talk to an adult who they can trust about this stuff and usually they can tell you who else to talk to. Some schools have GSA clubs (Gay-Straight Alliance). I think I am gay and I do not know who to talk to. My mom would kill me if she found out. There are many groups for people who think they might be gay because sometimes, even people who are very close like family or friends may not understand. There are a number of national organizations you could call, such as The Trevor Project (866-488-7386), The National Youth Talkline ( 800-246-7743 ), The GLBT National Help Center (888-843-4564) or 211 (211.org). Page 10