Dealing with Difficult People 1 Rick Titcomb 798-7178 w 910-515-1528 c rtitcomb@nhcgov.com
2 Seems over whelming
3 The Setting The Place Handling difficult/problem people is different at work than at home. At Work the goal is to get the work done. At home the dailiness of living will sometimes diffuse the problem. The setting is everything People overreact
4 Sources of Stress Environment: Weather, Traffic, Noise, your Space Social: Time, Deadlines, Money, Family Problems, Friends, Co-Workers Physiological: Age, Injuries, No Sleep, Poor Nutrition, Illness Thoughts: Your Belief system or Expectations How you interpret and label these determines your level of Stress
5 Stress Starts With You Your appraisal of the situation 1st How dangerous or difficult is the situation 2 nd What resources do I have to cope with it 3 rd Your belief system and expectations It s how you ll react or respond
6 It s all about our PARADIGM How we perceive things Our mapping Our encoding Our filter and Colorization
7 The Dot Test Join all 9 dots with four straight lines without taking your pen off the paper
8 The Dot Answer
9 The Dot Test - Answer Our human mind has the necessity to sort data Into categories in order to perceive it. Your brain instantly classifies the nine dots As a two dimension square. You see it as a box yet no box exists.
10 Our Nature of Coping Fight or Flight Response Biochemical changes that prepare you to deal with threat or danger. Primitive people needed quick burst of energy to fight or flee
11 WHAT TO DO FOUR CHOICES Stay and do nothing Leave when the pain out-weighs the gain Change your attitude Change your behavior not theirs.
12 Difficult or A Jerk or Both I can t talk to Him or Her She/he is a control freak, a jerk, mean He/She doesn t Listen I m Fine I have no voice Manipulates me Never keeps his/her word Condescending, puts me down Never pays attention Don t trust what he/she says
13 4 PRINCIPALS OF COMMUNICATION Have direction know what you want. Pay attention to pattern communication. Be Flexible. Commit to a solution Communication is like tennis not golf
14 Communication is the Key Undivided attention Validates them! 60% is nonverbal They will never see your point of view don t try! Content vs. Context Tone Volume Rate of Speed Inflection. Your communication Style passive/aggressive. Focus on their feelings. Clarify your message. Make a plan.
15 4 Steps to Improve Listening Turn Off the Inner Voice Give No Advise At First Ask Inquiring Questions Empathy
16 4 Difficult Types & How They React The Hostile The Neurotic The Rejection Sensitive The Egotist
17 THE HOSTILE Explosive, reactive, disagreeable Mistrustful, Does not like to be wrong. Very short fuse, Wants to be seen!!, They are a bully. FEAR OF BEING WRONG
18 THE NEUROTIC Demanding Worry about everything. They think they are trying to be helpful. Do not see there is a problem. They will always say Yes, But. A pessimists, nay Sayers, what s going to go wrong next in my life. Will not listen to others. View the glass as ½ empty. FEAR OF WHAT S GONG TO HAPPEN NEXT.
19 THE REJECTION/SENSITIVE Hair trigger reaction to any indication that you don t like them. Chip on their shoulder. You have to walk on eggshells around them. Competitive environment out comes the bad. FEAR OF REJECTION
20 THE EGOTIST Own interests comes first, last and always. Takes everything personally. Unable to compromise. Insists on seen as right with everyone. They are very demanding but will not compromise.they Know it All!! The Passive/Aggressive Fear of not being seen as RIGHT!
21 7 WAYS TO DIFFUSE A DIFFICULT ENCOUNTER Minimize time with problem people/don t argue with them. Don t try to reason with the unreasonable. Say as little as possible You will be the target Accept the person as is an idiot/narcissists etc. Avoid topics that cause trouble Don t try to get them to see your point of view. Create a distraction
22 Four Work Personality Types 1. The Get It Done Type 2. The Get It Right Type 3. The Get Appreciated Type 4. The Get Along Type
23 THE GET ALONG The Get Along relators, supporters, enablers. Want to lend a hand, great intuition, remember everything, loyal, dependable, candy dish on the desk, peace makers. Slow decision makers wants all in agreement, indecisive. Likes Soft start up, approach easily, give space, Dislikes Demands, stern, loud, don t tell me how to do it, don t pull project away, don t keep bringing things up.
24 THE GET IT RIGHT The Get It Right Thinkers, focus on tasks, detail, need to correct/right. Slow decision makers. Perfectionists. Expect it of all. Stuck in routine. Likes Specifics, Deadlines, Give them time and space, Ask their opinion. Dislikes Don t yell, no bits and pieces, no tears, don t be condescending.
25 THE GET IT DONE The Get It Done - directors, rulers, drivers. Goal Driven Just Do It Fast Decision Makers. Likes Major points, be direct, no emotions, ownership, responsibility, Remain calm, Give the last word. Dislikes Emotions, rambling on, excuses, too much talk.
26 THE GET APPRECIATED The Get Appreciated entertainers, socializers, persuaders, expressive. Fun, friendly, based on gut, makes quick decisions, too involved, unfocused, wing it, creative. Likes Need to vent, empathetic listening, ack emotion, give last work, give the time to process, diffuse them. Dislikes Talk too loud, no digs, don t cut off, don t say I understand, no solutions,
27 MY FINAL THOUGHTS Set and Keep Your Boundaries. You re in Charge Pick Your Battles Make A Decision!!!
Dealing with Difficult People 28 Rick Titcomb 798-7178 w 910-515-1528 c rtitcomb@nhcgov.com
29 Stressed Brains Don t Learn The Same Your Brain is built to deal with stress that lasts about 30 seconds Built for an immediate response to stress A Saber-Toothed Tiger it was all over
30 Just Think If you have a bad boss Saber-toothed tiger is there for years If you are in a bad marriage Saber-toothed tiger is in your bed for Life You begin to deregulate
31 People At Work 5 Personalities at work: Worker Bee, Star, Team Player, Average DYC S: Bullies, Manipulator, K/A, Cry Baby, Rumor, Not my job, Lazy, Pretenders Who s driving your bus.your Responsibility. Set your Boundaries
32 Really Now Most of these difficult people are spontaneous. These people never seem to go away work, family. It s difficult because you are emotional tied. They push your buttons. People vs. Situation