Click to edit Master title style The Complete Guide to Anger Management: Week 7 John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D. Guide To Self, Inc. www.guidetoself.com http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com www.guidetoself.com 1
Use All Words But One Click to edit Master title style to Make a Meaningful Sentence Example: understand I myself love = I understand myself. Or I love myself. www.guidetoself.com 2
Use All Words But One Click to edit Master title style to Make a Meaningful Sentence peaceful happy am and often content I www.guidetoself.com 3
Use All Words But One Click to edit Master title style to Make a Meaningful Sentence antidote the happiness contentment is to anger www.guidetoself.com 4
Use All Words But One Click to edit Master title style to Make a Meaningful Sentence overpowering anger not overwhelming is www.guidetoself.com 5
Use All Words But One Click to edit Master title style to Make a Meaningful Sentence manage can anger I my irritability www.guidetoself.com 6
Framework for Click to edit Master title style Managing Anger The Best Anger Management Program: 1. Anger facts a powerful knowledge base regarding what anger is and tools to turn down the volume on it (Weeks 1 and 2) 2. Stress management understanding what stress is and new ways to relate to it (Week 3) 3. Assertiveness training ways to be more appropriately assertive so anger doesn t build over time (Weeks 4 and 5) 4. Emotional awareness education to increase awareness of negative emotions in the moment (Weeks 6 and 7) 5. Substitutes for anger paths to happiness as a partial substitute for anger www.guidetoself.com 7
Click to edit Master title style Recognizing Anxiety/Fear Blood rushes to arms and legs to flee or freeze Shallow breathing Constricted throat Perceived lack of control Tight chest Brain freeze No clarity of thought Review Week 3 for more info on anxiety & stress www.guidetoself.com 8
Click to edit Master title style My First Panic Attack Do you remember the movie Airplane!? That s a good picture of a panic attack! www.guidetoself.com 9
Click The to Anger edit Master Formula title style Anger = Stress x Triggers A Result of Perceptions & Emotions A Result of Negative Thoughts www.guidetoself.com 10
Click Trigger to edit Master Thoughts title style He knows better than that. She knows she should keep quiet while I m on the phone. They are doing this to drive me crazy. They have no respect for this house. He s purposely ignoring me. She s doing it to annoy me. You re defying me. I can t stand this. I m being manipulated. He s lazy, stupid, cruel, bratty, spoiled, oppositional, etc. You re deliberately being mean, nasty, selfish, etc. You re getting out of hand. How dare you? You turn everything into a fight You re taking advantage of me. You never listen to me. www.guidetoself.com 11
Fear Based Click to edit Master Thoughts title style I m not good enough I m not smart enough I m not handsome enough I m not tough enough I m not fast enough I m not rich enough I m not tall enough I m not strong enough I m not beautiful enough I m not enough I m not enough www.guidetoself.com 12
Types Click to of edit Trigger Master title Thoughts style 1.) Assumed Intent He knows better than that. She knows she should keep quiet while I m on the phone. You don t care how I feel. 2.) Magnification I can t stand this. This behavior is inexcusable. 3.) Labeling He s an ass. She s just lazy. He s a spoiled brat. 4.) Fear-based I m not enough. Your job Become aware of these thoughts. Challenge them. www.guidetoself.com 13
Click to edit Master title style Recognizing Sadness Sadness is insidious. It comes in quietly and slowly oftentimes. It may take over your perception of reality without you even being aware of it. Over time, sadness becomes depression. Depression makes you more pessimistic, irritable, and negative. www.guidetoself.com 14
Click to edit Master title style A 10 Item Depression Screening These are questions from an actual depression test. Instructions: Think about last week. Now think about how well you match up with the following statements. There are no right or wrong answers. Get out a piece of paper to write on. www.guidetoself.com 15
Click to edit Master title style Think about the past week 1.I talked less than usual. 2.I felt lonely. 3.I felt people disliked me. 4.I felt I am just as good as other people 1 = Not like me 2 = Somewhat like me 3 = Very much like me 5.I felt depressed. www.guidetoself.com 16
1 = Not like me 2 = Somewhat like me 3 = Very much like me Click to edit Master title style Think about the past week 6. I felt hopeful about the future. 7. My sleep was restless. 8. I was happy. 9. I could not get going. 10. I felt irritable. www.guidetoself.com 17
Click to edit Master title style Depression Stats 15% of adults in U.S. will become clinically depressed in their lifetime. Of the other 85%, 50% will report experiencing minor depression occasionally, usually as a result of crisis, death of loved one, career failure or financial loss. The age at which we are seeing depressive episodes is declining so we re seeing younger folks present with depression. The World Health Organization (WHO) predicts that by 2020 depression will be the 2 nd leading cause of mortality in the world, affecting 30% of adults. www.guidetoself.com 18
Allow Your Sadness R o o m To Be Click to edit Master title style Trouble crying/accessing sadness. Often, we numb rather than feel. Cortisol in tears. One way to dump the bucket. No shame in sadness. Takes courage to express it. www.guidetoself.com 19
Action Step #13: Click to edit Master title style Self-Compassion Meditation 1. Listen to the self-compassion guided meditation once a day for 8 weeks. 2. The goal is to reprogram your negative, self-defeating, self-loathing thoughts into supportive, calming thoughts. 3. It takes time. Research supports this exercise. 4. Repeat daily! www.guidetoself.com 20
Click to edit Master title style Post-Traumatic Growth The idea of post-traumatic growth (PTG). Refers to the positive life changes that occur for many people following a traumatic life event. There are still residue of PTSD stress, images, anxiety, flashbacks, etc. PTG requires severe crisis rather than mere stress PTG accompanied by real life changes (not mere illusion) Experienced as an outcome vs. a coping skill Requires a shattering of basic beliefs re: one s life and the world and a subsequent rebuilding of framework Paradoxes: My struggle/loss has produced something of value. I am more vulnerable, yet stronger. www.guidetoself.com 21
Click Action to edit Master Step #14: title style Find Your Post-Traumatic Growth 1. On paper, jot down those events in your past about which you feel sad, guilty, ashamed, anxious, or angry. 2. For each event, come up with a hidden, positive meaning which you can extract. 3. It may take some thinking & pondering. www.guidetoself.com 22
Action Step #14: Click to edit Master title style Possible Positive Meanings If I can withstand that, I can survive anything. Shows how resilient you are increased sense of capacities Uncover hidden psychological strengths (e.g. honor, compassion, courage, perseverance) Drawing strength from adversity Appreciating life/positive emotions/relationships more Substantial transformative life change Find out who real friends are discover best & worst in others Greater trust in others; spiritual development Helpfulness of others; improved relationships Greater sense of compassion and belonging More comfortable with vulnerability and intimacy Life is more meaningful www.guidetoself.com 23
Click to edit Master title style John Schinnerer, Ph.D. Author of Guide To Self: The Beginner s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought Ph.D. in Ed. Psychology from Cal Advisory Board of PsychCentral.com Blog, Shrunken Mind (www.drjohnblog.guidetoself.com), awarded top 3 in positive psychology and top 100 blog on web by Daily Reviewer Guide To Self coach, author, speaker, trainer, hosted over 200 prime time radio shows Awarded Best Self-help Book of Year www.guidetoself.com 24