NONPROFIT CONFLICT COMMUNICATION SKILLS Elise M. Chambers, Esq. Program Director elise@crcminnesota.org 612-813-3206
TODAY, WE LL Get a crash course: Earn a PhD in Conflict Resolution Theory in 10 minutes Learn and practice three tools: De-Escalating Interest Based Listening Impact Conversation
PART 1: CONFLICT RESOLUTION THEORY
EVERY CONFLICT HAS 3 ELEMENTS People: Values, personality Content: topic(s) the fight is about Process: how people fight
YOUR BRAIN ON CONFLICT: AMYGDALA HIJACKING
THE PEOPLE
60 SECONDS In this space, write down what you noticed.
WHOOO ARE YOU WHO, WHO; WHO, WHO?
HOW WE BECAME WHO WE ARE: WORLDVIEW & IDENTITY
THE PROCESS
SUMMARY OF EACH STYLE: Direct Influencing Stabilizing Conscientious They come to the point in short, sharp sentences. They think and respond fast and have an impatient style. Don t bother with niceties, or long stories. Bubbly speakers, friendly, informal, they use creative language. You can talk over them and they ll join in. Don t be critical. They re optimists. Generally quietly spoken, a little shy but friendly, approachable. Give them space, don t interrupt. Clarify what you re hearing, but don t assume to talk for them. They speak thoughtfully and precisely with pauses for thinking. Don t interrupt and don t pressure them to guess. Don t second-guess their reasoning unless you re prepared to show your research.
COMMUNICATING WITH THE DIFFERENT STYLES: Direct Influencing Stabilizing Conscientious USE Yes, OK, Now, Effective, Bottom line, ASAP, Leading, I ll handle it. Positive, bright idea, innovative, how do you see it? Here are your choices, big picture, it ll be fun enjoy it! How do you feel about it? It would be helpful I need I d be grateful if Would you mind assisting us It s logical, reasonable, clear, precise, balanced, guarantee, specifically, judgement, critical, exactly, factual, qualified, professional DON T USE I ll look into it We ll have to discuss it I ll let you know Be patient. No way! Show me your figures tried and true traditional it s always been like that I m only doing my job. Do this Next! Now! that s emotional rubbish you could be the first person to Creative risky daring genera lly colorful ma ke it up chaotic experimental.
THE CONTENT
PART 2: TOOL KIT
DE-ESCALATING: THE GIST Step 1: Realize it s happening to you. Step 3: Affect labeling brings you back from emotional to rational. Step 2: Always adjust your own oxygen before assisting others.
DE-ESCALATING: THE HOW TO You re really frustrated. I can see how angry you are. You feel scared right now. This is really hard for you. Help me understand what s going on for you. You have a lot of emotion about this. Tell me what s going on for you.
INTEREST BASED LISTENING: THE GIST
INTEREST BASED LISTENING: THE HOW TO Find a partner Some questions you can ask: Share a situation in which you disagree with someone a lot about something Partner: pretend you are the someone in that situation See how many questions you can ask your partner (pretending to be the other person) WITHOUT ever presenting your own point of view or making a statement Switch! 1. Tell me more about why that is important to you. 2. What has been the impact of this on you? 3. What is it that concerns you about this? 4. What leads you to say that? 5. What specific information is in your mind about this? 6. What past experiences influence how you re thinking about this? 7. What do you want to see more of moving forward?
IMPACT CONVERSATION: THE GIST
IMPACT CONVERSATION: THE HOW TO The Steps: 1. Prep: Objective observation of own behavior 2. Check in when works to talk about this? 3. Name the action and its impact 4. Ask about intent 5. Listen to response 6. Problem solve to meet all needs
REMEMBER: YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL CRC s Services For Interpersonal Conflict: Mediation Conflict Coaching Staff Training For Organizational Conflict: Conflict Assessments Change Management Process Design Staff Development Open Space Facilitations Appreciative Inquiry Summits 612-822-9883