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Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Introduction Are you working with, serving, or even living with someone who has a bad attitude? Dealing with people that are negative or passive are some of the most challenging relationships. Just being around someone who complains, whines, or just doesn t say anything can cause you to feel frustrated, angry, or even helpless. Bad attitudes in the workplace can deteriorate morale, lower productivity, and increase costs. It doesn t take much for a co-worker, manager, or customer to feel the negative effects from someone with a bad attitude. The good news is there is now a process for dealing with these difficult people! Bad Apples is a training program to help you learn how to: Recognize and describe the characteristics of a bad attitude. Understand how negativity impacts relationships and performance. Assess a challenging situation and determine an appropriate strategy. Utilize Do a 5-step process Not for dealing Use with difficult people. For Identify the reason(s) for someone s poor performance. Develop potential solutions for resolving a problem. Regain your positive attitude about the other person or situation. Manage conflict with confidence, resulting in a positive outcome. Page 1
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Pre- Assessment Instructions: Answer the following questions in the space provided. This is not a test, but an assessment of how you feel and currently deal with difficult people. 1. Describe the characteristics of someone who is difficult to deal with. What do they say? What do they do? 2. How do you feel when you encounter someone with a bad attitude? 3. How does negativity impact the workplace? 4. How do employees with a bad attitude affect customers? 5. What do you usually do or say when you are around someone who has a bad attitude? Page 2
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Characteristics of a Bad Attitude Attitudes are REAL! They can be heard, seen, and even felt. People communicate their attitude using three components: 7% Words (What you say) 38% Tone of Voice (How you say it) 55% Body Language (What you do facial expressions, gestures, etc.) 100% Instructions: Think about people you know that have a bad attitude. Describe their characteristics. What do they say? (Record their words, phrases, or comments) How do they sound? (Describe their tone of voice, face-to-face or on the phone) What do they do? (List their facial expressions, gestures, body language, etc.) Page 3
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Pre-Video Discussion 1. How do you feel or react around people with bad attitudes? 2. What are the unhealthy or improper ways to deal with difficult people? 3. What does the saying, One bad apple ruins the whole bunch mean? 4. How do bad attitudes affect: Co-Workers Customers Culture or Environment Company Page 4
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Why Don t People Do What They re Supposed To? A survey* was conducted with 4,000 employees and managers with various occupations in a wide variety of industries (banking, hospitals, retail, manufacturing, and service). Participants were asked for reasons they hadn't done something in the past they were supposed to have done on the job. The top ten reasons are listed below in order of most to least frequent response. Top 10 Reasons Possible Causes 1. They didn't know why they should do it. 2. They didn't know when to begin and end it. 3. They didn't know what they were supposed to do. 4. They didn't know how to do it. 5. They thought they were doing it. 6. They thought your way wouldn't work, or their way was better. 7. They thought something else was more important. 8. They aren't rewarded for doing it or they aren't punished for not doing it. 9. They are rewarded for not doing it or they are punished for doing it. 10. They didn't think they could do it. * Source: Ferdinand F. Fournies, Why Employees Don't Do What They're Supposed to Do. Page 5
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Explore the 5-Step Process Step One: Determine Your Involvement The purpose of this step is to help you determine whether or not to say or do anything once you encounter a difficult person. Ask yourself four questions: Is this person important to you? Has this happened before? Does this bother you or other people? Can you invest your time? NOTE: If you answer no to any of the four questions in Step One It is recommended that you remove yourself from the situation either temporarily or permanently. Discuss the following questions to understand how to complete step one. 1. List the names of people or relationships that are important to you? 2. What constitutes a habit? 3. Besides yourself, who else might be affected by a difficult person? 4. When/where is it appropriate to discuss a problem with someone? 5. When/where is it inappropriate to discuss a problem with someone? 6. In what circumstances might it be important to not get involved with certain difficult situations or people at work? at home? in public? Page 6
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Step Two: Understand the Other Person The purpose of this step is to avoid making any negative impressions about someone before learning the facts. Ask open-ended questions that start with: Who? What? When? Where? How? NOTE: Once you learn the facts about the other person or the situation, you may decide not to get involved. Discuss the following questions to understand how to complete step two. 1. How could incorrect assumptions about someone or a situation affect a relationship? 2. Why is it important to learn the facts when faced with a problem? 3. Describe the characteristics of someone who can listen with an open mind? 4. For what reasons might someone have a bad attitude and been misunderstood? Page 7
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Explore the 5-Step Process Step Three: Influence His/Her Attitude The purpose of this step is to gain the other person s agreement to change his/her attitude or behavior. Here are three ways to influence them: Describe how you or other people feel. Explain possible consequences. Suggest other ways to think about the problem. Discuss the following questions to understand how to complete step three. 1. Why is it important to gain the other person s agreement there is a problem with his/her attitude or behavior? 2. How could you describe your feelings so that the difficult person wouldn t become defensive? Sharp Words that Anger Soft Words that Convince 3. One of the quickest ways to lose credibility with someone is to threaten consequences you aren t prepared to follow through with. List some appropriate consequences for poor performance at work: at home: 4. To help the difficult person think about additional ways they impacted a situation or relationship, describe how other people are affected. Page 8
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Step Four: Resolve the Problem The purpose of this step is: Define your future expectations. Mutually discuss solutions. Agree upon the best solution(s). Discuss the following questions to understand how to complete step four. So often people don t do what they are supposed to because they didn t know what was expected of them. Describe, in specific terms, what is expected of you by your: Supervisor or Manager Employee(s) Co-Workers Customers Page 9
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Explore the 5-Step Process Step Five: Recover and Go On The purpose of this step is to help you after the discussion. Once you have clarified the next steps, it is important to: Regain your positive attitude. Follow-through with commitments. Recognize any change the other person makes in his/her attitude. Discuss the following questions to understand how to complete step five. 1. How do you feel about people that you have a conflict with? 2. What are the dysfunctional ways to manage conflict? 3. What does the phrase, separate the person from his/her behavior, mean? 4. Why is it important to follow-through with any commitments you ve made to help the other person? 5. What can you say or do to recognize any positive change in his/her attitude or behavior? 6. How can you avoid carrying a grudge toward a difficult person? Page 10
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it Bored Gain interest by asking for opinion. Indifferent Question the person next to this person. Then ask the quiet one to comment on the view expressed. For Preview Timid Only The Quiet One Stubborn Superior Can t or won t see the other side Good natured, but is distracted by job or personal problems Compliment the first time this person contributes. Indicate respect for this person s experience, then ask for ideas. Ask other members of the group to comment on the ideas. Remind the person that time is short and suggest they accept the group consensus presently. Indicate your willingness to talk with them at a later time. Keep yours and others tempers under control. Honestly agree with one idea, then move to something else. The Heckler As a last resort, talk privately with this person to determine what s bothering them. Page 11
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it The Rambler Has good ideas, but doesn t get to the point Side chatter is usually personal, but distracting When there is a pause for breath, thank this person, summarize the point made, refocus attention, and move on. In a friendly manner, indicate that we are a little off the subject. Don t embarrass, but call this person by name and ask an easy question. Call this person by name, restate their last opinion expressed, and ask for their opinion. Conversationalist The Whiner Has a pet peeve Gripes Has a legitimate complaint Participation is the best cure. Include this person in the discussion. Point out that the problem at hand is to operate as efficiently and cooperatively as possible under present circumstances. Indicate that you ll discuss the personal problem with them privately at a later date. In some cases, it is helpful to ask the group to respond to their complaint. Page 12
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it Personality Problems Some personalities just clash, causing a danger to the success of the meeting Brings up incorrect ideas Maximize points of agreement; minimize disagreements. Draw attention to the objective at hand. Pose a direct question to an uninvolved member on the topic. Frankly state that personalities should be left out of the discussion. Say, That s one way of looking at it, and tactfully make any corrections. Say, I hear your point, but can we deal with our current situation? Wrong Track The Know-It-All Highly motivated Show off Well informed Just plain talkative Slow this person down with some difficult questions. Say, That s an interesting point. Now let s see what the rest think. Draw upon their knowledge, but relay to the group. In general, ask the person a direct question to refocus them on the task or decision to be completed. Page 13
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Turning Bad Apples into Good Apples Instructions: For each situation described below, discuss what you could say, ask or do if you encountered the following Bad Apples. Bad Apples 1. Brad Bored Things You Could Say Things You Could Ask Things You Could Do 2. Carol Complainer 3. Gregory Gossip 4. Betty Busywork 5. Roger Rigid 6. Victoria Victim 7. William Whatever 8. Lisa Lazy 9. Doubting Thomas 10. Jill Jealous 11. Worry Walt 12. Betty Backstabber 13. Timid Tim Page 14
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Case Study - Application Instructions: Practice using the 5-step process with a difficult relationship you have or are currently dealing with. Begin by writing a description of the situation or behavior. Then write actual statements and questions you could use during your discussion. SITUATION: Describe Your Observations. What did s/he say? (Record words, phrases, or comments) How did s/he sound? (Describe tone of voice) What did s/he do? (List facial expressions, gestures, body language) STEP 1: Determine Your Involvement. Is this person important to me? Has this happened before? Does this bother me or others? Can I invest my time? If you answer no to any of the questions, remove yourself temporarily or permanently. Otherwise, move onto step two. Page 15
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Case Study Application (continued) STEP 2: Understand the Other Person. STEP 3: Who What When Where Why How NOTE: Once you learn more about the situation, ask yourself if you still want to make a change? If no, you can remove yourself temporarily or permanently. Otherwise, move onto step three. Influence His/Her Attitude. Describe how you feel. Explain possible consequences. Suggest other ways to think about it. STEP 4: Resolve the Problem. Define future expectations. Mutually discuss solutions. Page 16
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Participant Materials Case Study Application (continued) STEP 5: Recover and Go On. Define how you will help him/her. Describe how you can regain your positive attitude toward yourself: toward the other person. List 3 ways to recognize any change the other person makes in his/her attitude. Page 17
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Facilitator s Guide Program Evaluation Instructions: Please circle the number that best describes your satisfaction with this program. The objectives of the training were clearly presented. Opportunities to ask questions and discuss issues were sufficient. The session was well organized and presented. Very Low Low High Very High Very Low Low High Very High Please circle the number that describes your confidence to be able to: Recognize and describe the characteristics of a bad attitude. Understand how negativity impacts relationships and performance. Assess a challenging situation and determine an appropriate strategy. Utilize a 5-step process for dealing with difficult people. Identify the reason(s) for someone s poor performance. Develop potential solutions for resolving a problem. Regain your positive attitude about the other person or situation. Manage conflict with confidence, resulting in a positive outcome. The best part of this program was: This program could be improved by: Additional comments: I would recommend this session to other people (circle one). Yes No Page 18
Bad Apples How to Deal with Difficult Attitudes Self-Study Materials
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Introduction Are you working with, serving, or even living with someone who has a bad attitude? Dealing with people that are negative or passive are some of the most challenging relationships. Just being around someone who complains, whines, or just doesn t say anything can cause you to feel frustrated, angry, or even helpless. Bad attitudes in the workplace can deteriorate morale, lower productivity, and increase costs. It doesn t take much for a co-worker, manager, or customer to feel the negative effects from someone with a bad attitude. The good news is there is now a process for dealing with these difficult people! Bad Apples is a training program to help you learn how to: Recognize and describe the characteristics of a bad attitude. Understand how negativity impacts relationships and performance. Assess Do a challenging Not situation and determine Use an appropriate For strategy. Utilize a 5-step process for dealing with difficult people. Identify the reason(s) for someone s poor performance. Develop potential solutions for resolving a problem. Regain your positive attitude about the other person or situation. Manage conflict with confidence, resulting in a positive outcome. About this Self-Study Course This self-study program will help you to understand how bad attitudes affect you and other people. The exercises are designed for you to complete before and after watching the Bad Apples video. Each exercise builds upon the next; therefore, it is important for you to complete the exercises in the order that they appear in this workbook. Page 1
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Characteristics of a Bad Attitude Attitudes are REAL! They can be heard, seen, and even felt. People communicate their attitude using three components: 7% Words (What you say) 38% Tone of Voice (How you say it) 55% Body Language (What you do facial expressions, gestures, etc.) 100% Instructions: Think about people you know that have a bad attitude. Describe their characteristics. Write your response in the space provided below. What do they say? (Record their words, phrases, or comments) How do they sound? (Describe their tone of voice, face-to-face or on the phone) What do they do? (List their facial expressions, gestures, body language, etc.) Page 2
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials The Impact of Bad Attitudes Instructions: Before viewing the Bad Apples video, take some time to reflect on the following questions. Write your answers in the space provided. 1. How do you feel or react around people with bad attitudes? 2. What are the unhealthy or improper ways to deal with difficult people? 3. What does the saying, One bad apple ruins the whole bunch, mean? 4. How do bad attitudes affect: Co-Workers Customers Culture or Environment Company Page 3
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Instructions: View the video, Bad Apples: How to Deal with Difficult Attitudes. After watching the video, review the description of each step and write your answers to the questions in the space provided. Step One: Determine Your Involvement The purpose of this step is to help you determine whether or not to say or do anything For once you encounter Preview a difficult person. Only Ask yourself four questions: Is this person important to you? Has this happened before? Does this bother you or other people? Can you invest your time? NOTE: If you answer no to any of the four questions in Step One It is recommended that you remove yourself from the situation either temporarily or permanently. Answer the following questions to understand how to complete step one. 1. List the names of people or relationships that are important to you? 2. What constitutes a habit? 3. Beside yourself, who else might be affected by a difficult person? 4. When/where is it appropriate to discuss a problem with someone? 5. When/where is it inappropriate to discuss a problem with someone? 6. In what circumstances might it be important to not get involved with certain difficult situations or people at work? at home? in public? Page 4
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Step Two: Understand the Other Person The purpose of this step is to avoid making any negative impressions about someone before learning the facts. Ask open-ended questions that start with: Who? What? When? Where? How? NOTE: Once you learn the facts about the other person or the situation, you may decide not to get involved. Answer the following questions to understand how to complete step two. 1. How could incorrect assumptions about someone or a situation affect a relationship? 2. Why is it important to learn the facts when faced with a problem? 3. Describe the characteristics of someone who can listen with an open mind? 4. For what reasons might someone have a bad attitude and been misunderstood? Page 5
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Why People Do What They re Supposed To A survey* was conducted with 4,000 employees and managers with various occupations in a wide variety of industries (banking, hospitals, retail, manufacturing, and service). Participants were asked for reasons they hadn't done something in the past they were supposed to have done on the job. The top ten reasons are listed below in order of most to least frequent response. Instructions: For each reason, list possible causes for someone to not do what they re supposed to do. Top 10 Reasons 1. They didn't know why they should do it. 2. They didn't know when to begin and end it. 3. They didn't know what they were supposed to do. 4. They didn't know how to do it. 5. They thought they were doing it. 6. They thought your way wouldn't work, or their way was better. 7. They thought something else was more important. 8. They aren't rewarded for doing it or they aren't punished for not doing it. Possible Causes 9. They are rewarded for not doing it or they are punished for doing it. 10. They didn't think they could do it. * Source: Ferdinand F. Fournies, Why Employees Don't Do What They're Supposed to Do. Page 6
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Step Three: Influence His/Her Attitude The purpose of this step is to gain the other person s agreement to change his/her attitude or behavior. Here are three ways to influence them: Describe how you or other people feel. Explain possible consequences. Suggest other ways to think about the problem. Answer the following questions to understand how to complete step three. 1. Why is it important to gain the other person s agreement that there is a problem with his/her attitude or behavior? 2. How could you describe your feelings so that the difficult person wouldn t become defensive? Sharp Words that Anger Soft Words that Convince 3. One of the quickest ways to lose credibility with someone is to threaten consequences you aren t prepared to follow through with. List some appropriate consequences for poor performance at work: at home: 4. To help the difficult person think about additional ways they impacted a situation or relationship, describe how other people are affected. Page 7
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Explore the 5-Step Process The purpose of this step is: Step Four: Resolve the Problem Define your future expectations. Mutually discuss solutions. Agree upon the best solution(s). Answer the following questions to understand how to complete step four. So often people don t do what they are supposed to because they didn t know what was expected of them. Describe, in specific terms, what is expected of you by your: Supervisor or Manager Employee(s) Co-Workers Customers Page 8
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Explore the 5-Step Process Step Five: Recover and Go On The purpose of this step is to help you after the discussion. Once you have clarified the next steps, it is important to: Regain your positive attitude. Follow-through with commitments. Recognize any change the other person makes in his/her attitude. Answer the following questions to understand how to complete step five. 1. How do you feel about people that you have a conflict with? 2. What are the dysfunctional ways to manage conflict? 3. What does the phrase, separate the person from his/her behavior, mean? 4. Why is it important to follow-through with any commitments you ve made to help the other person? 5. What can you say or do to recognize any positive change in his/her attitude or behavior? 6. How can you avoid carrying a grudge toward a difficult person? Page 9
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it The Quiet One Bored Indifferent Timid Superior Can t or won t see the other side Gain interest by asking for opinion. Question the person next to this person. Then ask the quiet one to comment on the view expressed. Compliment the first time this person contributes. Indicate respect for this person s experience, then ask for ideas. Ask other members of the group to comment on the ideas. Stubborn The Heckler Good natured, but is distracted by job or personal problems Remind the person that time is short and suggest they accept the group consensus presently. Indicate your willingness to talk with them at a later time. Keep yours and others tempers under control. Honestly agree with one idea, then move to something else. As a last resort, talk privately with this person to determine what s bothering them. Page 10
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it Has good ideas, but doesn t get to the point When there is a pause for breath, thank this person, summarize the point made, refocus attention, and move on. The Rambler Side chatter is usually personal, but distracting In a friendly manner, indicate that we are a little off the subject. Don t embarrass, but call this person by name and ask an easy question. Call this person by name, restate their last opinion expressed, and ask for their opinion. Conversationalist The Whiner Has a pet peeve Gripes Has a legitimate complaint Participation is the best cure. Include this person in the discussion. Point out that the problem at hand is to operate as efficiently and cooperatively as possible under present circumstances. Indicate that you ll discuss the personal problem with them privately at a later date. In some cases, it is helpful to ask the group to respond to their complaint. Page 11
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Understanding Difficult People Character Why it happens What to do about it Personality Problems Some personalities just clash, causing a danger to the success of the meeting Brings up incorrect ideas Maximize points of agreement; minimize disagreements. Draw attention to the objective at hand. Pose a direct question to an uninvolved member on the topic. Frankly state that personalities should be left out of the discussion. Say, That s one way of looking at it, and tactfully make any corrections. Say, I hear your point, but can we deal with our current situation? Wrong Track The Know-It-All Highly motivated Show off Well informed Just plain talkative Slow this person down with some difficult questions. Say, That s an interesting point. Now let s see what the rest think. Draw upon their knowledge, but relay to the group. In general, ask the person a direct question to refocus them on the task or decision to be completed. Page 12
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Turning Bad Apples into Good Apples Instructions: For each situation described below, write something you could say, ask or do if you encountered the following Bad Apples. Bad Apples 1. Brad Bored 2. Carol Complainer 3. Gregory Gossip 4. Betty Busywork 5. Roger Rigid 6. Victoria Victim 7. William Whatever 8. Lisa Lazy 9. Doubting Thomas 10. Jill Jealous 11. Worry Walt 12. Betty Backstabber 13. Timid Tim Things You Could Say Things You Could Ask Things You Could Do Page 13
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Case Study - Application Instructions: Practice using the 5-step process with a difficult relationship you have or are currently dealing with. Begin by writing a description of the situation or behavior. Then write actual statements and questions you could use during your discussion. SITUATION: Describe Your Observations. What did s/he say? (Record words, phrases, or comments) How did s/he sound? (Describe tone of voice) What did s/he do? (List facial expressions, gestures, body language) STEP 1: Determine Your Involvement. Is this person important to me? Has this happened before? Does this bother me or others? Can I invest my time? If you answer no to any of the questions, remove yourself temporarily or permanently. Otherwise, move onto step two. Page 14
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Case Study Application (continued) STEP 2: Understand the Other Person. Who What When Where Why How NOTE: Once you learn more about the situation, ask yourself if you still want to make a change? If no, you can remove yourself temporarily or permanently. Otherwise, move onto step three. STEP 3: Influence His/Her Attitude. Describe how you feel. Explain possible consequences. Suggest other ways to think about it. STEP 4: Resolve the Problem. Define future expectations. Mutually discuss solutions. Page 15
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Case Study Application (continued) STEP 5: Recover and Go On. Define how you will help him/her. Describe how you can regain your positive attitude toward yourself: toward the other person. List 3 ways to recognize any change the other person makes in his/her attitude. Page 16
Bad Apples How to Deal With Difficult Attitudes Self Study Materials Program Evaluation Instructions: Please circle the number that best describes your satisfaction with this program. The objectives of the training were clearly presented. The self-study materials were well organized and presented. Very Low Low High Very High Please circle the number that describes your confidence to be able to: Do Not Use Very Low For Low High Very High Recognize and describe the characteristics of a bad attitude. Understand how negativity impacts relationships and performance. Assess a challenging situation and determine an appropriate strategy. Utilize a 5-step process for dealing with difficult people. Identify the reason(s) for someone s poor performance. Develop potential solutions for resolving a problem. Regain your positive attitude about the other person or situation. Manage conflict with confidence, resulting in a positive outcome. The best part of this program was: This program could be improved by: Additional comments: I would recommend this program to other people (circle one). Yes No Page 17