Vet Times The website for the veterinary profession https://www.vettimes.co.uk Vet s role in helping grieving owners Author : Peter Mcparlin Categories : Vets Date : September 3, 2012 Peter Mcparlin offers advice for practices wishing to play an active role in grief management when their clients face the illness or death of their pets COMING to terms with the death of a beloved pet can be as confusing and devastating as losing a member of the family possibly more so due to additional features, including: private grief not wanting the rest of one s family or workplace to realise how central the pet was to you and your life, possibly also to the life of your partner and or family; lack of professional help in preparation for the pet s death; possible difficulty in explaining to an employer how the grief can be a real barrier to returning to work; and situational or reactive depression, which may involve talking to a doctor who may not understand the importance of pets and effect of their demise or illness. The issues can be made worse by veterinary practices that fail to provide adequately for the situation by not having: facilities, such as a private room for owners to come to terms with the shock and grief; access to a private entrance so that a client s visible grief is not exposed to the public; 1 / 5
well-attuned vets who have continued professional development that ensures they can face their client s grief with empathy and not dash off to avoid any grief contact with the pet owner; and having access to a pet bereavement counsellor. The role of the vet in 2012 may need to acknowledge the aforementioned points and differences these could have to professional knowledge, practice design (and its physical implications) and policy. As a consultant psychologist, I have always been aware at GP and vet surgeries of how awkward it is for patients and clients to leave through the public reception when they are grieving. Fortunately, when I have dealt with my clients, there has always been privacy, time, and a private entrance for them to use. These are key components to helping a patient or client deal with grief, yet retain their self-respect and dignity. I have always had good access, as a professional, to a light, airy room in many ways the decor is comfortable and could be described as uplifting. I know when one of my pet s dies I will be a gibbering wreck. I was when I lost my cat last year after 22 years. All I could think of in the vet s consulting room was how gloomy and clinical it was not a room for taking on the passing of a beloved pet. I wondered how I could get myself right to go and pay the bill, how was I ever going to be able to walk out through reception? I hoped my grief and lack of composure would not frighten the other clients in the reception area. Having a vet who is confident to be near grief and does not feel obliged to shun it or leave his or her client feeling embarrassed by his or her own grief, can be very helpful, as is provision of a pet bereavement counsellor, or referral to one who is near and can be accessed quickly. A pet owner may have to seek more understanding from a bereavement counsellor than perhaps has been afforded in his or her GP s surgery where death of a family member (a pet) is not taken on to its full degree another reason why this kind of grief can be so lonely and more private than perhaps is healthy. If you consider the place of pets within our lives, no wonder grief is profound. As a fellow and consultant in psychology, I also know there probably is no real normal and abnormal grief it really is very complex. Traditional psychology says we become attached to our companion animals throughout the course of our relationships with them. 2 / 5
The relationship with our pet is physical, social, emotional and psychological; some would also argue spiritual. Possibly, it s far more emotional than we ever give public credence to. Our pets can also keep us well, getting us out of the house and encouraging physical exercise. Pets help us through difficult times in our lives. Often, our companion pets provide the glue between partners and within families they are the family members that never judge you and just keeps loving you through everything, whether that is house moves, new jobs or stress. Bereavement counselling can help when grief and death take away all of the above; a trained counsellor at the clinic or a veterinary nurse who has been trained to deal with complex bereavement and grief issues could be a boon. Of course, your pet does not have to die to cause grief and anxiety; a missing pet can cause real pain and anguish, and further the need for the owner to be supported. Children and young people may never have known a time when the pet was not in the family and thus this can be traumatic for them. Some bereavement counsellors recommend the below activities for adults and children, and it may be useful to pick what ultimately helps the grieving pet owner. Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet. Making a charity donation. Holding a funeral or memorial service. Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional). Placing your pet s name tag on your keyring. Writing a poem, song, or a story. Creating a memorial photo album or scrapbook. Writing a letter to your pet. Framing a photograph. Volunteering your time. In the book,the Human-Animal Bond and Grief, the authors describe five manifestations of grief. 3 / 5
Pet owners can experience any of these: physical: crying, nausea and loss of appetite, inability to sleep, fatigue, confusion, weariness, restlessness and body aches and stiffness; intellectual: when grieving, people often experience an inability to concentrate, confusion and a sense that time is passing very slowly; emotional: irritability, a lowered sense of self-worth, not wanting to socialise, resentment and embarrassment; social: some grieving people withdraw, may be reluctant to ask for help, and feel rejected by others. Others may show an increased dependency on other people, or an increased need to keep busy ; and spiritual: the death of a pet may result in a person bargaining or feeling angry with God. The grieving person may try to find some meaningful interpretation of the death, and question what happens to pets after they die and whether pets have souls. One often hears bereaved pet owners talking of never going through it again, but many do take on another pet, finding the joy and benefits make it worthwhile. And, of course, grief is not a one-way road. Many animals will feel the loss of an owner, causing grief and depression in the animal. So, pain and grief is hard for owner and pet, but at least humans know that even petting an animal helps up chillax and de-stress us. Pet owners may well have lower blood pressure, improved heart rate and cholesterol levels, as a result of pet ownership. Recommendations Veterinary practices should give good advice and display signage to loss and bereavement facilities. Staff should make clients aware they do not have to be alone in this sad time. Where a new building is involved or where the practice has the space, it should have a welcoming room for talking about issues of bereavement. For known and trusted clients, the issue of payment does not have to be dealt with at the time the animal is euthanised. Where possible, a more private exit and entrance to the practice should be available, but this 4 / 5
Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org) should not look dishevelled and a back door route. Adequate training of all veterinary staff and ongoing professional development provides staff who have the experience and ability to handle a owner s grief on the death or illness of their pet. Watch out for the vulnerable pet owners, possibly those alone, homeless or disabled for whom the loss may feel even more tragic. Reference Lagoni L, Butler C (1994). The Human-Animal Bond and Grief, Saunders. 5 / 5