1 the Gaps That Are Keeping You from Get Unstuck How to Identify What You Want Skill #1: Identify where you re stuck. Skill #2: Unbundle with CPR. Content: A single instance of a problem. Pattern: A pattern of behavior over time. Relationship: How the problem is affecting your relationship.
2 Start with Heart How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want The first step to change starts with a change in heart which begins when you admit that you re the person you should be trying to improve. The Skill: Focus on what you really want. 1. What does it look like I want? 2. What results do I really want for myself? for others? for the relationship? for the organization? 3. How would I behave if I really did?
3 Master My Stories How to Address the Gap When You re Angry, Scared, or Hurt SEE & HEAR TELL A STORY FEEL ACT Skill #1: Separate fact from story. Skill #2: Watch for three clever stories. Victim, Villain, and Helpless stories propel our emotions and help us justify our behavior. Skill #3: Tell the rest of the story. Ask: What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?
4 Describe the Gap Beginning the Conversation Use two skills to successfully describe the gap during the hazardous half minute. Skill #1: Describe Expected vs. Observed. Share what you expected vs. what you observed and why it s a problem. Skill #2: End with a Question. Make sure the other person sees the gap the same way you do, and find out why it happened.
5 Make It Safe How to Make It Safe to Talk about Almost Anything People rarely become defensive about what you re saying (the content). People become defensive because of why they think you re saying it (your intent). When safety is at risk, rebuild safety by restoring Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect. Mutual Purpose: You believe that I care about your goals and vice versa. Mutual Respect: You believe that I care about you as a person and vice versa. Skill: Contrast to Address Misunderstandings. Share what you don t intend contrasted with what you do intend.
6 Diagnose What Caused the Gap? Skill: Think Six Sources. Look at all Six Sources of InfluenceTM to help diagnose the underlying causes of the problem. Source 1 Personal Motivation: Do they want to do it? Source 2 Personal Ability: Can they do it? Source 3 Social Motivation: Do others encourage them? Source 4 Social Ability: Do others make it possible? Source 5 Structural Motivation: Do rewards influence them? Source 6 Structural Ability: Does the environment help or hinder them?
7 Make It Easy How to Make Keeping Commitments (Almost) Painless Use three skills to jointly explore and remove ability barriers. Skill #1: Clarify Boundaries. What constraints will you be working under? Consider resources, budget, time frame, quality level, etc. Skill #2: Start by Asking for Ideas. The other person is closest to the problem ask for his or her ideas. If you jointly create a solution, the other person is more likely to implement it. Skill #3: Brainstorm All Sources. Make sure to look at personal, social, and structural barriers.
8 Make It Motivating How to Help Others Want to Take Action Instead of reverting directly to power when others aren t motivated, make it motivating by clarifying natural consequences. Skill #1: Try Three Sources. Look at Personal, Social, and Structural influences when searching for natural consequences. Skill #2: Make the Invisible Visible. Share consequences the other person may not be aware of.
9 Move to Action How to Turn Accountability Conversations into Action and Results Skill: Document WWWF. It s easy to let assignments fall through the cracks. When ending a discussion, document the following: Who does What by When and how we will Follow up