Having the conversation A guide for family and friends of an older person www.beyondblue.org.au 1300 22 4636 1
Introduction This guide provides information on how to recognise the signs that someone isn t coping well in older age, and how to talk to them about your concerns. People who have migrated to Australia, even if it was over 20 years ago, can still experience a sense of not belonging here and also no longer fitting in from where they came. They can also feel less understood because Chinese cultural traditions that are really important to them no longer matter to younger generations. Combined with the challenges of getting older, this can leave people feeling isolated and alone. In Chinese culture it s important to remain stoic and strong in adversity, so Chinese people may not be used to talking about not coping with life. But talking about these difficulties can help people stay connected with their families and communities and feel less lonely. This guide offers tips and advice on how to have a conversation with any of your friends and relatives you may be concerned about and how to help them get any professional support they might need. In the Chinese community this is common because people are often uncomfortable when talking about mental health. You may often hear things like people with a mental illness are dangerous or mental health problems are incurable and lifelong. These attitudes prevent people talking about the issue for fear of shame and embarrassment. Older people tend to think more about physical problems than about mental health. You may feel you are wasting the doctor s time by talking about how you feel. However your mental health is just as important as physical health, and like physical health your mental health can change throughout your life as your circumstances change. Mental health: addressing stigma is important Stigma surrounding mental health is prevalent in all communities and often the reluctance to discuss this issue is based on cultural myths and misunderstandings. 2
Signs and symptoms Signs of anxiety in older adults Anxiety in older people often goes undiagnosed. Older adults often don t recognise or acknowledge their symptoms, and when they do, they may be reluctant to discuss their feelings with their doctors. Some older adults may not seek treatment because they have suffered symptoms of anxiety for most of their lives and believe the feelings are normal. It s important to remember that anxiety and depression aren t weaknesses or character flaws but health conditions that affect around one in five people in Australia, and for which treatments are available. It s like any other condition you might be treated for where there is negative energy or an imbalance within the body. Anxiety is common among older Chinese and some of the signs of anxiety include: constantly agitated, tense, restless or can t stop worrying avoiding difficult or new situations, or not facing new challenges sleeping problems, such as trouble falling or staying asleep showing compulsive behaviour for example, doing something over and over having unwanted or intrusive thoughts racing heartbeat sweating shaking. Signs of depression in older adults Life can seem harder as you get older and you may have to deal with new hardships such as bereavement, illness and sensory loss. These experiences can leave you feeling lonely and isolated. We all have times when we feel down or stressed, but sometimes they develop into a more serious problem and that could happen to any one of us. Some of the signs of depression are: tiredness, lack of energy and motivation feeling worried or tense feeling bad, worthless or guilty feelings of unhappiness, moodiness and irritability, and sometimes emptiness or numbness losing interest and pleasure in activities that you once enjoyed loss of appetite and weight (but sometimes people comfort eat and put on weight) trouble sleeping, or over-sleeping and staying in bed most of the day losing confidence. 3
Why the conversation is important Talking about how you feel helps people stay connected with others. That s why it s important to talk to someone if you ve noticed a change in their behaviour. We all feel down sometimes and later life can seem to give you more reasons to feel sad. You can help your friends stay strong in adversity by asking them how they are coping. Swallowing hardship does not mean you have to face depression and anxiety on your own. You can be more than just good company by letting your friend know you will support them by asking them how they really are and listening without judgment. The following tips might help you start a conversation with a friend you re concerned about. 4
ASK LISTEN SUPPORT There are effective treatments available to help them feel better 1. ASK your friend at an appropriate, private moment how they re feeling. Perhaps choose a time when you are doing something together, like going for a walk. It may help to start the conversation by gently introducing the subject, by noting changes in their mood or behaviour, such as. I ve noticed you re not going out as much, is everything ok?. Ask questions which help them tell you more, such as what s that like for you?. 2. LISTEN without judgment, or trying to fix the problem. It might be hard for them to talk, so try not to rush or be afraid of silence. Listening will help them feel less isolated. You don t need to have the answers. 3. SUPPORT them by helping them think through their options for feeling better and letting them know they are not alone. You might suggest they see their GP or Chinese doctor. There are treatments available to help them feel better. Follow up after the conversation and keep doing things you enjoy together so they don t feel alone. It s the small things you do in supporting someone that can make a big difference. They may not want to talk about it, but at least they know you care and are willing to have the conversation when they re ready. There are a number of factors that contribute to someone s mental health and wellbeing. If you feel you need more information see the more Help section of this booklet, or make an appointment with your GP or Chinese Doctor who will be able to support you. 5
Where to find more information beyondblue www.beyondblue.org.au Learn more about anxiety and depression, or talk it through with our Support Service. 1300 22 4636 Email or chat to us online at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport Mental Health in Multicultural Australia www.mhima.org.au 1300 136 289 Raises awareness of mental illness and suicide prevention in CALD communities, highlighting the role that culture can play in the provision of appropriate and accessible mental health care. Speak up about suicide If you, or someone you care about, is in crisis and you think immediate action is needed, call emergency services (triple zero 000). If you need advice on what to do contact Lifeline (13 11 14), the beyondblue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or your doctor. Proudly funded with donations from The Movember Foundation facebook.com/beyondblue twitter.com/beyondblue @beyondblueofficial Donate online www.beyondblue.org.au/donations Beyond Blue Ltd. BL/1342 08-14