Facilitating a Meeting At Relational Depth From Mearns & Cooper 2005
Facilitation Is the operative word You can t push a river You can get your own ego out of the way You can respond when there is a possibility of relational depth
Letting go of Aims and Lusts We need to be aware of: Our need to demonstrate our own competence (To the client and or our supervisors/ assessors) Our need to make our clients feel better Our need for the client to make progress between one session and another and within a session Our need to give our clients the benefit of our own (Therapeutic) experience Our need to understand (The content of what the client is saying or the process) Our need for the client to understand (validate) us.
Letting go of Anticipations Making assumptions on the basis of therapeutic theory Making assumptions on the basis of our own experience Making the assumption that there is one truth about the client and their history
Letting go of Techniques At a trainee level it is inevitable that you will be aware of techniques (We ask you to demonstrate this awareness in your assignments!). The question is What is the technique doing? Techniques can bring you closer to a client or they can create distance. Technique and strategy can also be the container which holds our creative spontaneity.
Listening.Listening Listening You have much more time/space than you think sloooow dooooown. You can do this by being aware of your breathing breathe in what the client is saying to you take it into your body Don t ask long questions If the client seems confused, don t add to it by trying to clarify what you said/asked. They will ask you if they really don t understand.
Knocking on the Door Be aware of the possibility of depth and invite your client to explore their experiences at a deeper level Ask the unaskable question Politeness is for posh tea-parties! Be aware of, and express your curiosity Be aware of your own desire for depth and your resistance to it Listen for the client knocking on your door.the throw away line the barbed comment.the glimpse of something deeper.
Multidirectional Partiality An impressive phrase, but what does it mean? Giving equal weight to all of the different, and contradictory, positions which the client may present. This means: Being aware of our own biases and agendas Trusting that our client will naturally balance or regulate his/her extreme positions or aspects of his/her personality In other words, trusting in our client s process which means Trusting in our own process! This can be paradoxical When you support a client s resistance/unwillingness the client often opens up This is antithetical to Behaviourism/behavioural therapy, but not, interestingly, to cognitive work
An Openness to Being Affected by the Client I urge you to let your patients matter to you Yalom This could be construed as a generic caring, but there s more to it than that. What client s do affects us as counsellors We can block this off and be professional But the client misses out The counselling relationship is Personal But it is never Private When we respond Personally to a client we must always be sure to work with the client s response to our response.
Creating a Safe Space This means: Boundaries Sensitivity Really being non-judgemental It does not mean: Wrapping the client up in cotton-wool Being falsely positive Giving re-assurance Avoiding challenge (At any time in the counselling relationship)
Minimising Distractions Mearns & Cooper give some excellent guidelines (P127) I would emphasise reflection on why you become distracted Think about what s making you uncomfortable about staying in the room Try and find a way of exploring this with the client
Self-awareness It s important to know (Broadly) who you are: In general In the moment In relation to the client And be able, and willing, to share this congruently with your client. This highlights the importance of self-development work which leads to self-acceptance.
Transparency How much do we reveal? Some pointers: Whatever we do in the therapy room is always in the service of the client We are talking, in this context, about here and now feelings, thoughts etc not details of the therapist s Private life outside of the therapy room. Sometimes it can be really useful for the client to see the therapist as a vulnerable human being It is never good for the client to feel responsible for the therapist So be aware of any needs which may come into your consciousness in the therapy room Make sure you have a context for meeting those needs outside the therapy room
Working in the Here and Now If you get the opportunity to work in the here and now, take it! Don t allow the client to focus exclusively on outside characters the boss, the children, the husband etc Take the opportunity to talk about the here and now relationship
Easy Really Isn t it? Putting this into practice all the time is an ideal. But we need to be moving broadly in this direction, no matter which model of counselling we re using. Read the next chapter The Therapist s Developmental Agenda for guidelines on getting there.