Time Frame 90-180 minutes Theme: Mutual Relationships FACILITATOR S NOTES are italicized. Suggested Techniques Questions/ Materials Facilitator Prepare by reading Chapter 1 of Community and Growth Objectives: Participants will: 1. Be able to describe qualities of mutual relationships. 2. Be introduced to the process of developing mutual relationships. 3. Be able to name 2 or 3 obstacles to growing in mutual relationships in L'Arche Ice breaker (optional) Invite participants to share something about some of their favorite relationships in L'Arche. For Ice Breaker: Give each participant a name tag with a number on the back side. Two people will have the same number. Ask participants to find the person with their number, and share. Name tags for each, with numbers on the back: two each with the same number (two 1s, two 2s etc.) Opening Prayer: Participants take a moment of quiet to be aware of the presence of each other and of God. Optional reading: Jean Vanier: Community and Growth: page 41 on Overview of the Theme: Instruction: Briefly sate that you will be talking about: 1. Qualities of mutual relationships 2. The long journey of developing mutual relationships. 3. Obstacles to building mutual relationships in L'Arche Review of Participant s Objectives/Expectations Review your objectives for this formation. Invite participants to share expectations or questions they might have about this time together. Led by facilitator Text from Community and growth. Page 41 Mutual trust
Setting the Scene: We use to say the core people were at the center of a L'Arche community. Today we realize that mutual relationships between the core people and the assistants (and others) are at the center of the community life. This was a Spirit inspired movement to seeing what is truth. Mutual relationships are at the center. "Not only are honest, sincere, engaged, committed relationships the heart of our journey together, they are what Jesus meant when he said that "the Reign of God is at hand." (R. Sackel) Qualities of Mutual Relationships Conduct a brain storming around the questions: What in our experiences are the qualities of mutual relationships? Follow this by discussing some of what has surfaced and fill in some items that may not have been mentioned. Brainstorm Discussion Examples Interdependence Reciprocity Faithfulness Trust Patience Good listening Intentional/ a priority Often long term Knowing each other's story Time and space needed Transformation Supportive Forgiveness Quality of presence Solidarity The Long Journey of Developing Mutual Relationships General: Cultural expectations are for immediate and instant results. We get what we want quickly. We feel something is wrong if we don't receive something fast enough. Lecture
In relationships we begin with attraction, or being drawn to someone, and both parties move to develop a connection. L'Arche: Takes time to develop trust, and we have to let each person's story emerge through daily life together. We are given the people with whom we build community. They are Not "my best friend", but someone I will choose to be faithful to and grow into mutuality and interdependence with (trust). Ask people: What is hard about building relationships in L'Arche? Sometimes gifts are immediately evident, but many times it takes a long time to recognize the gifts of others. It is part of our mission to help reveal the gifts of each other. The culmination of mutual relationships is Covenant. Share about eating at the same table as a symbol of mutuality. Remind people that staff and clients don t eat together! When we eat together we are equals. Jesus ate with sinners and with Pharisees. Eating together says: I value you. Remind people of the importance of sharing sacred stories as a Way of building relationships. What are ways of sharing our stories together? In all relationships there is the need for continual forgiveness and reconciliation. Facilitator See pgs. 35-38 of Community and Growth Have someone read the prayer of St. Francis. Tell people this is a Prayer for mutual relationships Brainstorm Shout out Resources See the Charter: III.2.1 Welcome and respect for differences Prayer of St Francis
More on the Long Journey: It takes a long time to learn to listen and to be heard. Real Relationships take time and life in L Arche is too busy at times. Obstacles to building mutual relationships in L'Arche 1. Service and Volunteerism: Idea of "Serving the needy" Can we serve and be mutual? 2. We have loving intentions, but understanding our motivation is important. Why are you here? 3. Tendency to Need to be Needed. We come because we need To be needed. How do we help our people feel needed? 4. Competing and comparing with other assistants. 5. Time and space needed to develop relationships. 6. Longing for quick relationships. 7. Practice of talking about people behind their back. 8. Find in the most difficult person the gift of relationship. Question for small groups - Talk about a relationship where you discovered mutuality. How did you know it was mutual? How did it feel? Talk about a time you struggled to form and build a mutual relationship. What were the blocks, challenges? How did it feel? Allow a few minutes for Personal reflection on these two questions. Then turn to partner and share your response to the first question. Reflect a moment and come back together and share responses from the second question, with discussion about Obstacles. Discuss Reflect and write Share in pairs To conclude... Facilitator: Brief reflection on the themes of the day, reinforcing the beauty of our relationships and of our journey together.
Reading from Community and Growth: Chapter 1; page 41 The mutual trust at the heart of the community is born of each day s forgiveness and acceptance of the frailty and poverty of ourselves and of others. But this trust is not developed overnight. That is why it takes time to form a real community. It is often after suffering, after very great trials, tensions and the proof of fidelity that trust grows. A community in which there is truly mutual trust is a community which is indestructible. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is error, truth; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; And where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console; To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. CHARTER OF L'ARCHE: Unity is founded on the covenant of love to which God calls all the community members. This implies welcome and respect for differences. Such unity presupposes that the person with a disability is at the center of community life.