Potential, Inspired Building deep rapport with clients and employers advanced communications techniques Carolyn Parry Founder Director and Lead Coach
Who am I? /blog/minding-the-wheel 17 years in property, international publishing & software (micro/sme/ftse250) 15 years working with talented students, early stage career professionals, career changers and graduate recruiters Previously Co Chair of Association of Graduate Recruiters (Wales and West) And founder member of NHS Informatics Wales Workforce Development Board Fellow of the HEA and the RSA, AGCAS national trainer in career coaching CDI UK Careers Adviser / Careers Coach of the Year 2017 NASES Trustee / Board Member
About Career Alchemy We help clients to create fulfilling, meaningful, and sustainable working lives through understanding, valuing and using their intrinsic talents, strengths, skills and mindset purposefully. We work both with individual clients and organisations including:
Today s session Explore how personality affects communication Interpret verbal and non-verbal information effectively Discover new approaches to build rapport linguistically
What is the meaning of communication? To communicate effectively, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. Anthony Robbins (self help expert) The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. Peter F. Drucker (management guru) Two monologues do not make a dialogue. Jeff Daly (designer) When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first. Ralph Waldo Emerson (philosopher)
An alternative definition The meaning of communication is the response we get!
So An alternative definition what is the purpose of communication? ie why do we do it?! Discussion
A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader, and connected to an idea. For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another. A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate. Seth Godin American marketing guru, entrepreneur, author & speaker Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved
Belonging in context Self actual -isation Maslow s Hierarchy Esteem & respects for self & others Love & Belonging Security Food & shelter
Components of identity which influence belonging Behaviour Intentions Attitudes Values & beliefs Fishbein, M. & Ajzen, I. (1975). Belief, attitude, intention, and behavior: An introduction to theory and research. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.
Developing a sense of belonging The need to belong is a fundamental human need to form and maintain at least a minimum amount of lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships.* It s based on: Shared values and beliefs Similar background (social, educational, economic etc) Common interests Desire for common goals eg the same impact *The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Baumeister, Roy F.; Leary, Mark R (1999)
Trust is the glue of life. It s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It s the foundational principle that holds all relationships. STEPHEN R COVEY Educator, author and speaker
Ways of forming deep connections Build authentic trust needs honesty and integrity Show respect and empathy Find common values and goals Solve problems together All this needs understanding of self and others
Understanding different personalities www.peterursbender.com/quiz/quiz.html
TYPE STRENGTHS POTENTIAL WEAKNESSES ANALYTICAL Thinking Excludes feelings from decisions Thorough Goes too far; perfectionist AMIABLE DRIVER Disciplined Supportive Patient Diplomatic Independent Decisive Determined Too rigid or demanding of self/others Tends to conform to wishes of others No time boundaries; things do not get done Not assertive or directive Has trouble operating with others Does not take time to consider other perspectives Domineering; focused on doing it "my way" EXPRESSIVE Good communicator Enthusiastic Imaginative Talks too much Comes on too strong Dreamer; unrealistic
Type tips - Analytic Speak more and smile more Show appreciation and personal interest Relax; share information and be open to others Remember: enthusiasm will not kill you...
Type tips - Amiable Speed up with "fast" people Talk more, listen less Take control occasionally; be assertive Take some risks
Type tips - Driver Slow down with "slow" people Take time to listen to the ideas of others Hold back from dominating; relinquish some control Relax and show more patience
Type tips - Expressive Learn to concentrate Listen more, talk less, slow down, relax Write things down, set specific goals Check details and stay calm
Reflection on a difficult relationship What went wrong/what s not working? How did/do our personalities interact? What can I do differently next time?
Understanding how we/other people see things Different maps of the world. Based on differing values and beliefs What matters to that person? Based on context/experience What are they expecting? Based on intent/purpose What s not said?
Establishing Rapport
Elements of rapport What we see + hear+ sense + our model of the world = how we feel about someone or something
Elements of rapport Physiology - facial expressions - eye contact - blink rates - breathing - posture - gestures/action Words - sensory word set - key words - common experiences - common associations - content chunks (big picture or detail?) Vocal - voice - tone - tempo - timbre and rhythm - volume - pitch - pause What we sense Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved
Elements of rapport via matching and mirroring (body) Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved Mirroring Matching Cross-over mirroring + Physiology - facial expressions - eye contact - blink rates - breathing - posture - gestures/action Words - sensory word set - key words - common experiences - common associations - content chunks (big picture or detail?) Use key elements of: Vocal - voice - tone - tempo - timbre - volume - pitch - pause - rhythm
Building rapport non-verbally Work in pairs. Decide who will be the university rep and who will be the employer. Scenario: first meeting with an employer to get (sponsorship/placements/teaching) Build rapport using the non verbal techniques discussed
What did you discover?
Elements of rapport using words Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved Mirroring Matching Cross-over mirroring + Physiology - facial expressions - eye contact - blink rates - breathing - posture - gestures/action Words - sensory word set - key words - common experiences - common associations - content chunks (big picture or detail?) Use key elements of: Vocal - voice - tone - tempo - timbre - volume - pitch - pause - rhythm
Linguistic coded models of the world V (visual) show, looks good, attractive A (auditory) - tell, sounds good, appealing K (kinaesthetic) hold, feels good, solid Ad (auditory digital) give, makes sense, proceed (Further less common preferences: - olfactory (eg the sweet smell of success) and - gustatory (I can taste success) but not used extensively) Preference as indicative not prescriptive
What words do you like to use? Take the test
Building agreement together BAN THE BUT!!!! Use instead: - I agree and - I appreciate and - I respect and Verbalise what you see/hear/feel (look for and use somatic markers)
Somatic Markers emotion is data Denote how we code experiences as either positive (guiding stars) and negative (black holes) Damasio (1999) Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved
Don t think about a blue tree Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved
Picture things the way you want them to avoid blue tree syndrome! (The brain can t process negatives so keep things Career Alchemy 2016. All rights reserved positive first!)
Working with metaphors Approximately two thirds of people think in pictures Language is a coding system Metaphors are a verbal representation of how we think Work within these to deepen rapport and understanding and to help others http://career.iresearchnet.com/career-development/metaphors-for-careers/
Recap Explored how personality affects communication Experienced non verbal communication Discover new approaches to build rapport linguistically
What will you do differently? Your next steps Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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