G s STORY. My name is Gemma Squires and I am married to my amazing husband Luke and we live in Chester with our long awaited beautiful son Bobby.

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1 G s STORY My Story As I sit here writing this story, my beautiful baby boy Bobby is tugging at my legs, trying to climb up onto my lap and is smiling at me. I am, a long last, a Mummy to a gorgeous, intelligent and funny little boy and my life is now complete... My name is Gemma Squires and I am married to my amazing husband Luke and we live in Chester with our long awaited beautiful son Bobby. Back in 1999 on November 26 th, I was diagnosed with MRKH. From the age of 11, I had started to develop into a young woman and my body changed like all my other friends but one thing was missing and I just knew deep down, it never would arrive. For some reason, I knew something wasn't right and I remember at around 12 years old saying to my Mum 'I don't think I have a womb Mum.' I never mentioned it again. At around 16 years old, after many scans, tests and doctors telling my womb was hidden on the screen because of my pelvic kidney, I was put on medication to try and bring on my periods. All this resulted in was weight gain and a lower self confidence. I got to 17 years old and still had no period. Eventually I was given a date for an investigative laparoscopy at my local hospital. I was put under general anesthetic and wheeled off to theatre, whilst Mum waited nervously. A few hours later I was awake in a hospital bed and aware that I was bleeding down below. My first reaction was excitement that they had sorted the problem out and that this was my period at last! I was sent home and told to rest as I had been given anesthetic and also had stitches down below so I was very uncomfortable. I remember that evening lying in my bed watching Children In Need and Mum brought me up some food as I hadn't eaten since the day before. Mum became serious and I was really worried. She then started to tell me that whilst I was in theatre, two nurses came out of theatre whispering to each other and Mum heard them say 'She has no womb.' Mum questioned the nurses and they then told her that I had been born without a womb and my vagina was just incomplete and just a dimple. They had told Mum not to tell me until I had been given a MRI scan to confirm but how could Mum keep that from me? I was a young woman and needed to know and I am glad I was told by my Mum and not days later in a doctor's office. I was shocked and devastated, I really thought the doctor's had sorted the problem. The next few days are a blur and to this day I cannot recall what happened at all, I was totally numb. I later had an MRI scan to confirm the condition and when I sat in the consultant's room, my future suddenly seemed bleak. She painted a depressing future for me and there was nothing positive that came out of her mouth. I remember feeling like I could not breathe and then just crying loudly and just wanting to disappear. I was 17 and I was being told that I would never have a family and that painful surgery was probably the only option to

2 'fix' my vagina. She then referred me to Queen Charlotte's and Chelsea Hospital in London, a long old way from home in Manchester and I was petrified. So off Mum and I went to London, we had never been before so we were nervous but managed to enjoy our day trip. The first consultant I saw was Mr Keith Edmonds. What a man! In seconds this lovely man painted a positive and happy outlook for my future! I remember feeling stronger and more confident instantly! He told that surgery was not an option and I remember feeling confused... He then went on to talk to me about Vaginal Dilation Therapy and that this is the first option for his patients as and when they are ready. I was young and not in a relationship but the way I felt at the time was that I wanted to start the therapy as soon as possible. He then introduced me to Julie Quek, the Clinical Nurse Specialist who talked me through the therapy and how it would work. She was just lovely and I instantly warmed to her and felt comfortable and confident. We planned for me to start the therapy within the next few weeks. Mum and I went back to Manchester feeling much more positive. During this time, Mum and I grew closer than ever, she'd always been my best friend but our friendship and bond grew stronger with everyday that I grieved for my loss at such a young age. The moment Mum told me what the nurses had told her, she said to me 'Don't worry Gem, I will carry a Baby for you.' I believed her and trusted that she would help me to have the baby I had dreamed of since being a little girl. Times were hard and most nights I would lie in bed with my Mum and just cry, I was struggling with what was happening and felt so very empty. I couldn't get my head around it and just wanted to be normal. I went from being a happy, confident teenager to a scared little girl. The time had come to start the Dilation therapy and I was nervous and scared. The therapy meant that I had to stay at the hospital for 3 nights and it was scary being so far away from home. Mum stayed in the nurse's accommodation at night whilst I was on a ward with other women. The first dilation session was not what I expected. I can laugh about it now but I remember Julie telling me to push the dilator against the dimple in my vagina. I was saying 'No, Julie I can't!' I was so scared and jumped off the bed telling Julie I needed to pee and ran off! I came back and tried again and it got easier and easier. Yes it was painful but I was determined to succeed! Within a few months of 3 times daily dilation sessions and regular trips to London, my vagina was as normal as can be and I was so proud of what I had achieved! Time passed and I continued to dilate to maintain what I had created as I was not in a relationship and had no desire to be at this time. I was just happy to have some confidence back. Mum and I talked about IVF Surrogacy and that was our plan and no one was going to change it! At 19 I met a guy, in hindsight he was never the right man for me but I so desperately wanted to feel normal and to start thinking about a family. I told him very soon into the relationship about my MRKH and he seemed OK with it. I never, to this day, can understand why I stayed with a man I didn't love

3 and a man that knocked my self confidence further with his infidelity, I guess it was my desire to have a family and I chose to ignore what was happening around me. When I turned 23, we had got married and started IVF Surrogacy, with my beautiful, kind Mum acting as our surrogate. Mum and I started our medication of drugs and daily injections to synchronize our cycles. It was hard and emotional but we were so positive that the IVF would work. I successfully produced 15 eggs and as a result 9 healthy looking embryo's were created in the lab. Two days later, 2 of the embryo's were implanted into Mum's womb and as they floated in so gracefully, we were so sure, a new life or two was about to start. It was our special journey and as ever, my husband was not there to share this special moment. So, that was it the two week wait had started! I was feeling so unwell at the time, as my body was returning back to normal after all the drugs plus the final injection to release my eggs had made me feel sick and generally unwell. Mean while, Mum and I were analyzing her every feeling and twinge. Were the embryo's implanting and setting up camp for 9 months? We were so optimistic and positive, in hindsight, we were probably too optimistic, but we just had so much faith and this was our special dream, it had to work!! Two weeks passed and it was time to take a pregnancy test but on this occasion, despite our prayers and positive thinking, the little embryo's had not been able to latch on. We were devastated and it felt like my world had come crashing down. The man I called my husband was nowhere to be seen, I was in an unhappy relationship and the only thing that had kept me going, had just vanished into thin air. It was so hard but Mum and I supported each other and we got through it. After all we still had more frozen embryo's in storage. We were all set for a Frozen Embryo Transfer but Mum had some medical issues that needed attending to before treatment could commence. So we waited patiently until given the green light. When we finally got back into it, we lost a few embryo's in the thawing process which was so hard and we were left with 3 embryo's, 2 of which were implanted into Mum's womb. I sat in awe watching my frozen babies float around Mum's womb and prayed that they would cling on tight. This time I was less optimistic, however Mum kept the faith and spurred me on. This time Mum was sure she was pregnant and deep down she will always believe that it was happening and that the little embryo was starting to snuggle down. Unfortunately nature eventually took it's course and Mum had a period and the pregnancy test was negative. It was just not meant to be. So we had one frozen embryo left, 8 gone and 1 left. I had lost hope in having a baby at this point. And for reasons unrelated to the IVF, I ended my marriage with my husband. We didn't want the same thing and I needed to be alone to grieve and accept my infertility and I could never have moved on with him still in my life. And so the one embryo left was thawed and destroyed on my husband's request...he wanted it gone and I was devastated and hit an all time low. I got better eventually but it was the hardest time in my life. That was the end of one chapter and the start of another in my life.

4 Sometime later, I met the man of my dream's and fell in love for the first time!!! He was my friend first and then became my boyfriend! I had found a man who loved and accepted me for who I was and I felt happy and content for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I wanted to have some fun and babies and families were the last thing on my mind! But we did talk about the future and the only way for both of us, when the time was right, was going to be Adoption. But for now, I wanted to enjoy being a free spirit, going out on dates with my gorgeous boyfriend and just being young again! A few years down the line on December 5 th 2010, Luke told me to meet him down by the River Dee in Chester, the most beautiful picturesque place, by the bandstand. It was a crisp, frosty evening and there were carol singers nearby and then Luke asked me to marry him! I was so happy and emotional and obviously said yes!!! It was romantic and everything I had ever dreamed of! We were so happy and content and started to plan our wedding pretty much straight away... We set the date for February 24 th 2012 and in the mean time we also decided to start the Adoption process. Family and friends said we were crazy but we just knew it was the right time and the right thing to do. So in August 2011 we attended a 4 day preparation course that it an essential part of the process. It was so enjoyable and we were raring to get the process going! The wedding planning was underway and sorted, we were proving to be a good team! Our assessment really began in October and the social workers seemed to be going at a pace quicker than we had ever imagined! We were over the moon with this of course! It was almost as if they had a a baby in mind for us... In December, our social worker mentioned a baby to us which is something they never do and shouldn t really do until you are approved as adopters. She described the baby boy, his mop of dark brown, his big brown eyes, his small petite frame and his age, just 10 months old. We were in shock and trying to take it all in, then our social worker got back to the job at hand! Ahhhhh the feelings of frustration, hope and excitement were an understatement!!! Were we dreaming? Did she really just mention a baby? A real baby? Months passed and all of a sudden it was our wedding day! And it was one of the most special days of my life! Here I was, exchanging vows with a sincere and amazing man that loved me and respected me and our long awaited baby was so close! It was a magical day and I was so happy! But there had been no more mention of the dark haired, brown eyed baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On March 13 th we were due at at Adoption panel to be (hopefully!) approved as Adopters. Three days before this our social worker called me and said 'Do you remember that baby boy I mentioned back in December? Well I need to come and see you both and bring some pictures round of baby Bobby!' Oh my word, I nearly collapsed in work. This can't be happening! We had not even been approved and we were about to see our baby boy...

5 The next morning our social worker came around and introduced us to little Bobby. We fell in love instantly! He was just beautiful and looked as though he was our son! The resemblance was uncanny! We were approved and matched with Bobby and then we had a long old wait until we met our son! We waited almost 2 months and they were the longest two months ever! We had his room ready, his cot was built, we had a pram, a highchair, we even had baby milk in the cupboards! It was a surreal feeling!!! There was just just one things missing: little Bob! I was going to be a Mummy, we were going to parents! It was an incredible feeling! The day finally arrived for us to meet our baby boy...we went along to the foster carers and brought with us a big helium Mickey Mouse balloon for Bob which was a winner! There he was, all tiny and beautiful and REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was our baby boy and we were in love with the little man! We spent the week back and forth at the foster carers getting to know our boy and gradually taking over his care, feeding, bathing and slowly but surely Bobby relaxed in our care. He finally came home with Mummy and Daddy on the 23 rd May 2012 and that was a tough but magical day. The first night he slept like a dream, unlike us who stared at him all night and watched him in awe. Bobby quickly settled into his new home and is a happy, content and gorgeous little baby boy. He has just turned 18 months old and has been home with us for 14 weeks now. He is growing quickly and took his first steps just days after coming home. He can say Mamma and Dadda and every time he says it, our hearts melt. He is perfect and we are so lucky to have been blessed with such an amazing boy. Every morning when I wake up and give Bobby his morning bottle and cuddle I thank God for what I have been blessed with. He is amazing and I can't imagine life without him. I believe in fate and know that this was the path God had mapped out for me all along. I have no regrets about the past or the IVF and believe that I needed to go through all of that to get to this stage, it was all part of the healing process I believe. Right now I am content and I am complete. I have a husband who loves me for who I am and a happy baby boy who needs us to survive. For me, right now, life cannot get any better.