When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~Unknown

Transcription

1 When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~Unknown Anna Freud (Sigmund Freud's daughter), who was also a psychotherapist, documented that she struggled with anorexia when she was younger. Anna did not have a very close bond with her mother and had difficulties getting along with her siblings, specifically with her sister Sophie Freud. Sophie, who was the prettiest child, represented a threat in the struggle for the affection of their father. Apart from this rivalry between the two sisters, Anna had some other difficulties growing up. Out of correspondence between father and daughter, it can be concluded today that Anna suffered from a depression which caused eating disorders. Audrey Hepburn Actress Audrey Hepburn struggled with anorexia and depression - which was unknown to the public during her career. She was known to lose weight under pressure and to be "strange" about food. Rumour has it that current actresses are being "harassed" by the media who points to Audrey as an example of a thin woman without an eating disorder, but that was NOT the case! Jane Fonda Actress, activist, athlete, wife and mother, was one of the first famous women to openly discuss her eating disorder. In the late 1970s, she went public with her "bulimarexia," the binge-and-vomit cycle that nearly ruined her health. Overwhelmed by the demands of the Hollywood culture, she spent nearly 20 years in the relentless pursuit of thinness. Princess Diana of Wales Princess Diana struggled with an eating disorder and also admitted that she used to self-harm herself. The following is an extract of an interview of Princess Diana about her battle with bulimia - "I had bulimia for a number of years. And that's like a secret disease. You inflict it upon yourself because your self-esteem is at a low ebb, and you don't think you're worthy or valuable. You fill your stomach up four or five times a day - some do it more - and it gives you a feeling of comfort. It's like having a pair of arms around you, but it's temporarily, temporary. Then you're disgusted at the bloatedness of your stomach, and then you bring it all up again. And it's a repetitive pattern, which is very destructive to yourself." Diana also admitted in a television interview that she intentionally cut her arms and legs and had thrown herself down a flight of stairs on more than one occasion. Read more: Food from Bible Spices

2 Anise (Matthew 23:23 KJV) Coriander (Exodus 16:31; Numbers 11:7) Cinnamon (Exodus 30:23; Revelation 18:13) Cumin (Isaiah 28:25; Matthew 23:23) Dill (Matthew 23:23) Garlic (Numbers 11:5) Mint (Matthew 23:23; Luke 11:42) Mustard (Matthew 13:31) Rue (Luke 11:42) Salt (Ezra 6:9; Job 6:6) Fruits and Nuts Apples (Song of Solomon 2:5) Almonds (Genesis 43:11; Numbers 17:8) Dates (2 Samuel 6:19; 1 Chronicles 16:3) Figs (Nehemiah 13:15; Jeremiah 24:1-3) Grapes (Leviticus 19:10; Deuteronomy 23:24) Melons (Numbers 11:5; Isaiah 1:8) Olives (Isaiah 17:6; Micah 6:15) Pistachio Nuts (Genesis 43:11) Pomegranates (Numbers 20:5; Deuteronomy 8:8) Raisins (Numbers 6:3; 2 Samuel 6:19) Sycamore Fruit (Psalm 78:47; Amos 7:14) Vegetables and Legumes Beans (2 Samuel 17:28; Ezekiel 4:9) Cucumbers (Numbers 11:5) Gourds (2 Kings 4:39) Leeks (Numbers 11:5) Lentils (Genesis 25:34; 2 Samuel 17:28; Ezekiel 4:9) Onions (Numbers 11:5) Grains Barley (Deuteronomy 8:8; Ezekiel 4:9) Bread (Genesis 25:34; 2 Samuel 6:19; 16:1; Mark 8:14) Corn (Matthew 12:1; KJV - refers to "grain" such as wheat or barley) Flour (2 Samuel 17:28; 1 Kings 17:12) Millet (Ezekiel 4:9) Spelt (Ezekiel 4:9) Unleavened Bread (Genesis 19:3; Exodus 12:20) Wheat (Ezra 6:9; Deuteronomy 8:8) Fish Matthew 15:36 John 21:11-13

3 Fowl Partridge (1 Samuel 26:20; Jeremiah 17:11) Pigeon (Genesis 15:9; Leviticus 12:8) Quail (Psalm 105:40) Dove (Leviticus 12:8) Animal Meats Calf (Proverbs 15:17; Luke 15:23) Goat (Genesis 27:9) Lamb (2 Samuel 12:4) Oxen (1 Kings 19:21) Sheep (Deuteronomy 14:4) Venison (Genesis 27:7 KJV) Dairy Butter (Proverbs 30:33) Cheese (2 Samuel 17:29; Job 10:10) Curds (Isaiah 7:15) Milk (Exodus 33:3; Job 10:10; Judges 5:25) Miscellaneous Eggs (Job 6:6; Luke 11:12) Grape Juice (Numbers 6:3) Honey (Exodus 33:3; Deuteronomy 8:8; Judges 14:8-9) Locust (Mark 1:6) Olive Oil (Ezra 6:9; Deuteronomy 8:8) Vinegar (Ruth 2:14; John 19:29) Wine (Ezra 6:9; John 2:1-10)

4 Tom s Story. Sitting at the table, eating my third heaping plateful of pasta, I watched as my housemates shuffled in and out of the lounge where we are all gathered around watching Hollyoaks. The dinner conversation turned from who was going to do the washing up to when our final exams had been scheduled no one mentioned my food or my eating habits. I don t know if that was out of politeness? Or embarrassment? Or whether they simply didn t notice or worst of all didn t care. Part of me felt resentful that no one asked what was wrong and the other part felt grateful that my eating disorder and me were being left alone. After dinner I hauled myself upstairs to the bedroom in the house that I shared with 4 other housemates at university. My typical routine after dinner was to go upstairs to have my dessert this usually consisted of whatever I had in the box that I kept underneath my bed. Chocolates, cakes, crisps, crackers, sweets. I would then eat until I felt sick and bloated. I would then take approx 6-10 rennies and ½ a bottle of Pepto Bismol. I had been doing this for the last 18 months and my body was really beginning to suffer. Not only had I gone from 14 stone to 22 stone (I m 5 11 ) but also my digestive system simply didn t seem to be working properly. I had been to see the GP who had diagnosed me with irritable bowel syndrome but it didn t seem to occur to him either that I might have an issue with food. I was often perplexed by my apparent lack of will power I had been very driven and determined in other areas of my life. I was captain of the rugby team and I scored high marks throughout my education. I did however recognize a tendency toward perfectionism I always wanted to be the best, to get the best marks, to finish first and to win everyone over. Why was I all over the place when it came to food? Now when I look back I can see that a fair bit of my behavior was not healthy at all and I think much of this started when I was still living at home with my family. My mother had been born into a poor, working class family and had often gone without as a child that included food. As an adult she had worked her way up and was financially secure but she was still preoccupied with us having enough, especially enough food. My father worked in his own business; he worked hard and played hard. He liked a drink and was a tough man. There wasn t a lot of room for tears in our house. I had two older brothers and a baby sister. My older brothers were frequently getting into trouble and being yelled at for one thing or another and my baby sister was just that the baby and we all adored her. I figured that the best thing to do would be to get on with things and keep my head down. That resulted with me always trying to please everyone and that included eating everything that was given to me no matter how hungry I was. I found myself forcing myself to be sick because I was so full of the food I had stuffed myself with. I was about 12 years old when this started. Food became more than just food, it became an escape when I was eating I had learnt to disengage from my body so that I could ignore the YOU RE FULL! alarms that would be going off inside my head. I began to fantasize about food and became preoccupied with what I was going to eat and when. When I was 15 years old I noticed that my weight was steadily going up. I was exercising regularly and was on the rugby, cricket and football teams from my early teens so that had kept the weight down to a degree and was also vomiting 4-5 xs per week. I decided to start dieting and that s when things really declined. I decided to cut out all carbohydrates, sugar and fat. I lived on soups, salads, fish and diet coke. However no matter how hard I tried to be good I would constantly relapse and binge on forbidden foods every week or so. I continued this pattern for the next 6 years. Now when I write that I cannot believe I stayed trapped in that pattern of eating for 6 years! I simply cannot believe that so much of my early life has been taken up with an eating disorder. I was now 22 years old and my weight had plummeted. I was repulsed by people who were overweight and was obsessed with food,

5 calories and exercise. No one knew what I was dealing with and at the time I really felt as though I was in control. I think deep down I was desperate for someone to notice how sad and lonely I had become. I had left university and worked for a number of years in a small company in London as a marketing assistant. There was lots of social drinking and although I was instantly worried about the calories in drinking I decided that I could easily go for drinks after work and not have an evening meal. And so the spiral continued but now I was drinking as well. I was so so alone. Even though I was going out and was often the life and soul, I didn t really feel as though I had anyone. No one really knew me. I can t really tell you what made me get help but something made me stop. There was a woman at work whom I saw every day, I hardly spoke to her but I watched and admired her from afar. She didn t actually work for us; she was a pr consultant that was brought in to work on various projects. I was suffering from my biggest crush in years. I had no intention of ever approaching her or asking her out, she was amazing and well out of my league. I didn t for one minute think she would be interested in me so there was no point and if by some small miracle she was interested, I would never allow myself to really get to know her because then she would discover my secret and she would reject me anyway. I realised that my behaviors around food were going to stop me from ever having a meaningful relationship and I found that thought devastating. On that same day I went home and searched for eating disorder help and I found the number for The Recover Clinic. I sent in an and the next day a therapist called me back. I cannot tell you the relief I felt in being able to unburden myself with my secret. The therapist I spoke to was so kind and so patient and I felt heard and comforted. She reassured me that I was not alone and that there was hope. I began one to one therapy sessions the following week and haven t looked back since. That was 4 years ago. My life today has changed beyond recognition. It has been an incredibly hard journey, not just to change my behaviors around food but to learn to like myself, I didn t know how to that. I was very lucky, my therapist didn t just analyze my behaviors she cared for me and taught me how to care for myself. I started attending overeater s anonymous meetings and found that they also provided a massive source of support; I now sponsor several people through the program. I began to tell people close to me what I was dealing with and although not everyone got it more or less people were kind and supportive. A lot of people were pretty surprised and I realized how misinformed most people are about eating disorders and what they entail. Although early recovery was hard work, the food in some ways was the easy part. I knew what was healthy behavior and what was unhealthy behavior it was how the eating disorder had impacted on other areas of my life that I had found the most difficult to change. Over the years my selfesteem had withered away and I was now in a position where I was really underachieving and I had not had a relationship for several years. I found any sort of intimacy with others extremely challenging. The group work that I did really helped me to overcome this. Over time I began to work through these issues and although today I still see my relationship with myself as a work in progress, today I am happy. I like who I am. When my therapist asked me to write my story for the blog I wondered how I would be able to convey a message of hope for those still suffering. All I can say is this don t give up, you are not alone, change is possible! Oh and if you were wondering about whatever happened to that woman at work? After a very nerve wracking first date and 2 years later, we are expecting our first baby this November. Take it one day at a time. Tom.x

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