Parenting for Resilience and the Power of risk

Transcription

1 Parenting for Resilience and the Power of risk Jean M Clinton BMus MD FRCP McMaster University Zero to Three Fellow Child Trauma Academy

2 We all have things to overcome in life

3 Life throws things at us

4 Life throws things at us.. l An F for a test l Illnesses l Accidents l Falling out with others l Setbacks l Challenges

5 Resilience l Why is it that

6 Resilience: some people bounce back

7 while other people crumble? l l

8 Does resilience reveal why some people thrive while others do not?

9 It looks as if it is becoming harder for young people to bounce back after setbacks

10 Why is it becoming harder for young people to bounce back after set backs? 10 big reasons to explain the erosion of young people s resilience

11 Why? 1:Treating young people like infants Our society thinks that young people: Need constant protection Can t handle responsibility Aren t capable thinkers Are moody and selfish Some argue that there is something wrong with their brain But research shows that treating young people like infants makes them behave like infants

12 Why? 2: Spotlight on the individual l Society focuses too much on the individual and how they feel l This encourages young people to think that they are the centre of the world l This means that young people blow out of proportion any setbacks or challenges in life

13 Why? 3: Black and white thinking l Our culture views people as fixed entities, which are unchangeable l People are born good/ bad l People are born smart/ stupid etc l This type of thinking exaggerates the significance of failure and difficulties

14 Dweck s findings: Two Mindsets l Fixed mindset: ² Intelligence and talent - fixed ² Innate talent creates success ² Effort will not make a difference ² You either get it or you don t Growth mindset: v Intelligence can be developed v Brains and talent are just the starting point v Enjoy effort and process of learning v You can always grow and learn

15 I want it all NOW Why? 4: Entitlement l Our society makes people feel that they are entitled l Celebrity culture suggests success should be instant l This makes people think that effort and hard work are not important l This Increases selfobsession and undermines resilience

16 Why? 5: Wrapping up in cotton wool o Parents now do not want their child to have any negative experiences o This means that they try to protect them from life's knocks and blows o Doing this undermines their resilience

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18 The Power of Risky Play l Risky play gives children the opportunity to extend their limits,test their skills, explore boundaries and learn life skills. l Sandseter 2007 l Success and failure provide children with the motivation to try again and work out different ways of doing things (Tovey 2010

19 Why? 6: Psychological cleanliness l Young people are being brought up in an environment that is too clean, psychologically l Resilience is formed as a result of dealing with setbacks

20 Why? 7: Negative emotions are wrong l People are frightened of negative emotions This encourages people to try to supress their emotions l Paradoxically, research shows this causes more of the negative emotions that they didn t want

21 The Happiness Trap l Nancy Samalin :Loving your child is not enough l The power of experiencing and dealing with DISTRESS

22 Why? 8: Ignoring the importance of bad feelings l People think that bad feelings don t have a purpose. l And that bad feelings such as guilt, shame and frustration are only negative. l But research shows that bad feelings can galvanise us to do things differently: we need them to succeed.

23 Why? 9: The need to be perfect l Mass media encourages people to believe that they need to be perfect l This encourages us to feel inadequate and, again, exaggerates our inevitable problems and difficulties l This undermines resilience when the person sees that perfection is not attainable l Mass media encourages us to compare ourselves with the rich and famous

24 Why? 10: Too much choice l We now have more choice than ever l Paradoxically this make people Not choose Regret their choices Feel depressed Overwhelmed

25 Resilience is l In the context of exposure to significant adversity, resilience is both the capacity of individuals to navigate their way to the psychological, social, cultural, and physical resources that sustain their well being, and their capacity individually and collectively to negotiate for these resources to be provided and experienced in culturally meaningful ways. Dr Michael UNgar

26 Centre on the Developing Child at Harvard University science_of_early_childhood/toxic_stress_response/

27 Stress..don t go NUTS l Novelty, l Unpredictability, l Threat to the ego, l Sense of loss of control l Dr Sonia Lupien Centre for Studies on HumanStress l

28 Emotional Stimulus Amygdala Cortisol Hypothalamus PVN CRF ACTH PIT Adrenal Cortex Hippocampus Cortisol LeDoux, Synaptic Self

29 Amygdala and Hippocampus

30 What is Normal Anxiety? Situation or Trigger: First date Preparing for an exam Performing at a concert Giving a speech Moving from home Climbing a tall ladder Anxiety: Apprehension Nervousness Tension Edginess Nausea Sweating Trembling Transient Does not significantly interfere Does not prevent a person from achieving their goals

31 When is it a problem?! No Danger Brain Registers DANGER! ANXIETY Nose Ears Sensory Perception Taste Touch Eyes Initiation of Physiologic Cascade Thoughts Internal Signals Emotions Physical Heart Rate Alertness Perception Tension

32 Cortisol & Brain Development Cortisol affects the parts of the brain that: } regulate stress } store memory } are involved in planning and executing complex functions } are involved in language

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