Relationship Focused Parenting
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1 1 Relationship Focused Practice Jean Kelly Parallel Process Relationship Focused Team Settings Relationship Focused Practice Relationship Focused Parenting Joining A process of establishing an emotional connection with a caregiver based on trust that allows us to become a secure base and safe haven for her or him.
2 2 Social-Emotional Needs! I need to feel safe and secure! I need to feel worthy and loved! I need to feel acknowledged and understood! I need to feel noticed and receive attention! I need to feel a sense of control and predictability! I need to understand and be able to manage my feelings of distress! I need to feel powerful! I need to feel safe and stimulated in my exploration! I need to feel competent! I need to have mutually enjoyable relationships and feel a sense of belonging in all aspects of my life From Promoting First Relationships (Kelly, Zuckerman, Sandoval and Buehlman, 2003) Promoting First Relationships (Kelly, Zuckerman, Sandoval, & Buehlman, 2003) The Circle of Security Parent Attending to the Child's Needs I need you to... Watch Over me Help me Enjoy me I need you to... Protect me Comfort me Delight in me Organize my feelings Welcome my coming to you Always be BIGGER,STRONGER, WISER, and KIND. Whenever possible: follow your child's need Whenever necessary: take charge Cooper, Hoffman, Marvin, & Powell circleofsecurity@attbi.com
3 3 How we are, is as important as what we do. Jeree Pawl Adult Attachment Classifications! Secure (free or autonomous)! Dismissing! Preoccupied! Unresolved trauma or loss, disorganized Cornerstone Stages of Development (Erik Erikson)! Basic Trust vs. Mistrust! Autonomy vs. Shame/Doubt! Initiative vs. Guilt
4 4 My Words, Actions, and Interactions Encourage Trust, Autonomy and Initiative Joining : Examples of Questions 1. Can you describe a day for you and your baby? Prompts around sleeping, eating habits, and activities 2. How are you feeling about being a parent? If needed prompt: How is it different than before you were pregnant or during your pregnancy? 3. What did you think your life would be like with a baby? How does your life compare to the way you imagined it? 4. How would you describe your child? Your relationship with your child? 5. Do you feel like you have decisions to make right now or for the future? If yes, how do you feel about making those decisions. 6. Are there hard things that you are dealing with right now? If yes: Tell me about those things. Are there times you feel overwhelmed? What happens when you feel stressed, upset, or angry? How does your body feel? What do you think about? Have you found anything that helps you when you feel this way? Do you talk with anyone about your feelings? How do you feel after you talk about them? Do you feel you have the help you need to handle the difficult things and feelings?
5 5 7. Are there things that you enjoy right now? If yes, tell me about those things. If no, are there things you used to enjoy that you don t anymore? 8. If parent brings up her own upbringing: Could you tell me about your growing up. How was it being a child and teenager in your family? 9. If parent brings up hard things in the past: How do you think that affects you now? 10.Tell me more about the people in your life right now? How are you feeling about these people? 11. Do you feel you have the support you need in your parenting? 12. What do you feel you need most right now? Discussion of Joining Interview! How did you feel after watching the vignette?! How did Sandy s words, actions and interactions affect the mother s feelings of trust in others, autonomy and initiative vs. shame, doubt and guilt?! What are these mother s strengths/challenges in parenting?! What were you left wondering about? One of life s greatest privileges is the experience of being held in someone s mind. Possibly though there is one exception and that is the privilege of holding another in one s own. -Jerre Pawl
6 6 Ways of Being! What are your ways of being that help you support mothers in ways that increase trust and security. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am determined to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. Thich Nhat Hanh
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