Waking Up Dead. A Mindful Approach to Starting over. Ted Burgess, Jr., LCSW

Transcription

1 Waking Up Dead A Mindful Approach to Starting over Ted Burgess, Jr., LCSW

2 Table of Contents Chapter 1: Addiction, Mindfulness, and Recovery 2 Chapter 2: Wellness, Illness, and Wholeness 25 Chapter 3: Minding the Body 48 Chapter 4: Minding Thoughts 67 Chapter 5: Minding Actions 83 Chapter 6: Minding Feelings 99 Chapter 7: Minding Values 117 Chapter 8: Mindfulness in the Service of Life 138 Chapter 9: Mindfulness and Remindfulness All rights reserved No part of this work may be reproduced, in part or in its entirety, without written consent of the author 2013 Ted Burgess 1

3 Chapter 1 Addiction, Mindfulness, and Recovery I stumbled through life as if I were asleep, but I wasn t asleep. I was, in fact, dead; I just didn t know it. And when I became aware I was dead then, and only then, could I finally start living My favorite metaphor for change is inspired by a space ship engine that sounds like something from a science fiction novel. Star Trek literally came to life when NASA scientists engineered the first "ion drive" in Called "Deep Space One," the engine worked by shooting electrons across an ionized plate. Each time this occurred, the resultant magnetic charge generated a whopping thrust of one fiftieth (1/50) of a pound, roughly the same force a piece of paper exerts on a desk top. Though tiny, the force of each thrust was cumulative. By adding to the momentum of every other thrust, the engine could eventually achieve speeds of tens of thousands of miles per hour. Unlike Star Trek, the real ion drive didn't produce warp speed acceleration in an instant. It required small but steady efforts to build momentum. Life is like an ion drive. Forward progress is the result of small, persistent effort. Most of us probably prefer immediate solutions to our problems. The idea of a quick-fix is appealing because of its promise of easy return with minimal effort. Like a mirage, it lures us with the promise of relief from our suffering, but constantly eludes us, and unravels the moment we think we've finally grasped it. Lasting change, like the deepspace conquering energy of the ion drive, occurs cumulatively over time. It is a function of small but persistent adjustments Ted Burgess 2

4 The human body is a marvel of engineering which dwarfs even the ion drive in complexity. From bio mechanics to bio chemistry, thousands of negative feedback loops work synchronously to maintain a state of optimal alignment known simply as "homeostasis." This complex system of checks and balances is constantly making finely tuned adjustments to maintain optimal health. The primal rhythm of this biological wonder is the breath; and though the average human has breathed almost 500 million times, it is so important that it only takes three or four minutes of not breathing to cause brain death. Anyone who has ever seriously gone on a diet to lose weight knows how hard it is to change. It s a struggle that takes a tremendous amount of will, effort, time and energy. You force yourself to eat differently than you might have done before. You exercise and sweat, and in some programs possibly even take a regular regiment of daily pills. Many people who start diets fail at the onset, but for those who follow the program, weight loss eventually occurs, and you see some of these people in advertisements showing off their new more slender figures, holding out the waist band of a much larger size of pants, accompanied by emphatic testimonies: I LOST forty pounds! Once the goal is reached, a sense of happy achievement settles and declines, the finish line is crossed, ribbon broken, and inevitably, it s time to crash. After so much hard work, one might reason, I deserve a break! The upsurge in what seemed to be an almost manic energy and commitment wanes because the payback is a fleeting satisfaction; the exercise and eating discipline tapers off, old familiar habits begin to reassert themselves right along with old, familiar frames of mind, and gradually, and sometimes not so gradually but with a 2013 Ted Burgess 3

5 vengeance, the weight returns, along with commensurate misery and negative evaluations of self-worth. Other behaviors that keep us in thrall as well, whether one is addicted to cigarettes, alcohol and other drugs, sex, violence, or even a daily habit that seems as innocuous as caffeine, are just as difficult to change. Periods of remission can be achieved, but a lifelong sustained effort can seem almost impossible to maintain. And what about changing the way we see ourselves, the way we relate to other people, the way our marriages function, the way we raise our children, or the way we feel? There are multitudes of self-help books on the market, programs, methods, and theories, but most of them seem to work in the same way as a typical diet: short term results that fade, leaving you in a situation often worse than it was originally. Why is it so hard to change? Is it even possible to permanently change the way we think and behave? Here s the thing. Real, lasting, meaningful change, like the deep space conquering energy of the ion drive, occurs a little bit at a time. This is the true secret. In this booklet, you will find twenty-six, research-validated practices. Individually, they are small things, but they build on one another. Like the ion drive; they are little things which, together, make a big difference. Our forward progress in life is interrupted, and in some cases reversed, by addictions. Addictions send us off course, halt our natural development, and generally interfere with our whole experience of living. Anything we encounter in life has the potential to become addictive if it causes a change in brain chemistry which stimulates release of the pleasure causing chemical, dopamine, or the pain-numbing chemicals, endogenous opiates. This change is fast acting, has a short duration of effect, and is 2013 Ted Burgess 4

6 residually toxic. Addictions also induce tolerance and withdrawal. Tolerance is a dependence on increasing amounts of a substance to achieve the same effect, or high. Withdrawal is a set of physiological symptoms activated as the substance of abuse fades from the addict's body. Addictive behaviors can be recognized by a pattern of escalating use, despite negative consequences. Addiction is a progressive disease which develops in stages. The order in which these stages unfold is: first experimentation, then recreational use, sustained use, abuse, and finally dependence. Experimentation is characterized by investigative use, which generally occurs once or twice. Recreational use is situational, infrequent, and does not incur any negative consequences. The intent of use in this second stage is diversionary. Sustained use occurs as the behavior becomes routine, consistent, and predictable. Even so, as yet there are no identifiable adverse consequences caused by the use, nor does it occur to excess. The threshold of addiction is crossed in the abuse stage as the substance or behavior is used as a maladaptive coping strategy to manage stress. Negative consequences begin to emerge, and despite obvious functional impairment, an abuser will often minimize, rationalize, or deny the negative consequences of his use. As coping strategies become increasingly maladaptive, the addict s natural resilience to stress diminishes. Things that were once minor irritants appear overwhelming, and the addict turns more frequently to the addictive behavior in order to cope. Finally, the addiction becomes so entrenched that external triggers are no longer required to activate the addictive behavior. In this last stage, called dependence, the addiction has become selfactivating. The addict has lost the ability to consciously interrupt the cycle, and will continue to succumb to the addiction despite an actual desire to stop Ted Burgess 5

7 Addictive behaviors relieve distress in the short-term, but ultimately turn to our ruin, leaving us diminished and emotionally disconnected. Addictions to chemical substances, such as alcohol and drugs, are widely accepted as problematic. If we consider the components of addiction, we also find potential for addiction in behaviors such as violence, gambling, sex, competition, shopping, and eating. Addictions develop as we repeatedly turn to fast acting, self-soothing behaviors that provide immediate but temporary relief from our problems. The more we indulge in addictive behavior to cope with stress, the more susceptible we become to future episodes of recurrence. Eventually, our natural tolerance of stress may become so compromised that even small things, like getting out of bed in the morning, can seem overwhelming. Addiction experts call this increasing susceptibility to stress kindling, which, like wood shavings of the same name, predispose us toward becoming enflamed and 'lighting up' the brain receptors that compel addictive behavior. And this vulnerability to discomfort and stress only gets worse, or more flammable, every time we use addictive behaviors to cope with our problems. As these self-soothing behaviors are repeated day to day, they become entrenched in our neural make-up. This process is called neuroadaption. As a result of neuroadaption, the addictive behavior becomes an automatic response to the stresses we encounter through the normal course of living. At the point that an addiction becomes automatic, it no longer relies on external cues to be activated. It is prone to 'spontaneous combustion' and becomes a self-reinforcing pattern which is constantly re-stimulated by a flood of thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. These internal triggers keep regenerating afresh the entire constellation of sensations and feelings implicated in addiction cycles. When this happens, we lose the ability to consciously interrupt the 2013 Ted Burgess 6

8 cycle because the cycle has become unconscious The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous recognize this phenomenon and affirm that recognition and acceptance of our helplessness in this state is the first step toward recovery. Mindfulness is a practice which fosters awareness, attention, and acceptance. It can be a vital tool in circumventing an addiction cycle. Through awareness, the unconscious is brought into the light of consciousness. Once consciousness is restored, the capacity for choice is regained, and the possibility of disengaging your addictive behavior emerges. The chief task of mindfulness is the practice of noting our addictions, which mindfulness calls attachments, and skillfully disengaging from those attachments. Actively cultivating mindfulness can teach you to recognize and manage your attachments in a way that will permit you the freedom to break out of your addictive cycle and choose new, healthier ways of thinking and acting that will inform enduring recovery. Mindfulness in Recovery A carpenter fashions wood, a fletcher fashions arrows, a wise man fashions himself. Siddhartha Gautama Buddha Practicing mindfulness can restore balance to the mental, emotional, and physical chaos caused by addiction. Mindfulness is a skillful practice of active, alert, and purposeful attention given to the present moment in a non-judgmental and kind way. Mindfulness is also a practice of the heart, a practice of intimacy a method of focusing gentle, open, and sustained attention to the whole person, including the wounded aspects of self which are often suppressed or hidden away. Mindfulness teaches that behavioral change is more a function of engagement in the process than preoccupation with results. As such, recovery is quite literally about the journey rather than a destination Ted Burgess 7

9 On your road to recovery from addiction you may occasionally feel drawn back into old, destructive habits. This often occurs spontaneously, rather than as a deliberate decision. Thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations are all implicated in the pull toward relapse. These different components interact in ways that reinforce each other through feedback loops that continually rekindle the addictive template. Within these feedback loops, thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations assume a life and direction of their own; they run around and around well-worn mental grooves, ad infinitum, without rational choice or the exercise of voluntary will. If left unchecked, this mental state can lead to a more severe and persistent mind-set that characterizes chronic addiction. A practice of mindfulness does not make you immune to recurrence. It does, however, permit you to catch slips early on, enabling you to intervene in the ruminative stage while the relapse is only a thought, before a behavioral slip actually occurs. In considering elements of recovery, we reviewed several models to try to find a best fit for mindfulness s basic premises. We pulled from developmental psychology, foundational wellness or "first things first" approaches, and eco-systemic theories that advance the idea we are all tied together in a bundle in life. Despite their differences, each model shares a common focus on balance and equilibrium as critical to growth and sustained recovery. Ultimately, we found synthesis in of all of these models in crafting a systematic approach to mindful recovery, and we draw from the integrative theme of balance as a tie-in across all its core teachings. Our approach to treating addiction through mindfulness is informed by other applications where mindfulness has proven successful: Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). MBSR, 2013 Ted Burgess 8

10 developed in the 1980`s at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, focuses on treating stress, illness, and chronic pain by teaching mindfulness through meditation and yoga. MBCT is a more recent field that studies cognitive behavioral therapy outcomes in order to pinpoint how using our minds in positive, proactive ways helps us control or alter our mental behaviors. To their surprise, the cognitive therapists researching mindfulness found that the practice of mindfulness facilitates changes similar to those of classic cognitive behavioral therapy. In Mindfulness-Based Recovery, our own application of a mindfulness-based approach to treating addiction, we call the possibility of this change the X-factor. The X-factor is simply the ability to recognize and deal with the stressful, low mood states and other stressors we experience in life. Mindfulness- Based Recovery, or MBR, elaborates on MBCT s model of recurrent illness and the notion of kindling, which has been identified in a wide set of disease processes; adds mindfulness practices based on the discovery of the X-factor in a variety of creative activities; introduces the core principles from a group of alternative psychotherapies with a strong mindfulness foundation; and suggests a theory of behavior motivation that will help the reader access the energy and willingness to change. The first two chapters introduce mindfulness and its role in interrupting the addiction cycle. Chapter three, minding the body, is dedicated to learning basic elements of physical health, like how to bring our bodies into balance through physical wellness practices. In chapter four, mindfulness of thought, we explore the X-factor as a tool to interrupt the mind's redundant and often self-defeating thoughts. Chapter four develops the theme of letting go of our attachments to our subjective views. Chapter five, minding actions, introduces the idea that we are not our feelings, and that we can allow ourselves 2013 Ted Burgess 9

11 to be guided by actions rather than emotional states. We review a style of therapy called constructive living which expounds on this idea. Chapter six, practicing compassion, introduces love and fear as primary motivators of behavior. Compassion is treated as a practical skill, beginning with self-first, then extending to those close to us, to unknown others, and finally to those toward whom we harbor contempt or resentment. We introduce a meditative practice in chapter six called Metta designed to cultivate compassion. In chapters seven and eight, we suggest several underpinnings of selfactualization, with emphasis on cultivating virtue and building a better world within our respective spheres of influence. Chapter eight introduces the practice of Naikan, or abiding with grace, as a sustaining driver of mindful living. Chapter nine offers a context for the material that reconnects the common themes and offers suggestions on continuing your practice to best effect. Each chapter promotes resilience through the application of skillful behaviors. Throughout each chapter and activity set, we have endeavored to be faithful to the model s core principles: non-judgmental attention to the present, balance, and compassion. Mindfulness relies on active process and engagement and depends on personal practice and introspective review to accomplish the goal of skill adoption, or integrating new concepts and behaviors into your current repertoire. MBR s treatment model stems from applied principles concepts linked with practices which inform sustainable change. We believe there is compelling evidence regarding the key role of daily practice in successful behavioral change. We encourage you to commit to the practice elements of MBR, because it is only through experiencing first-hand the wellness that emerges from the practice of mindfulness that you'll find real benefit. We've included a few of our 2013 Ted Burgess 10

12 own experiences with mindfulness throughout the text because we also live these practices and have experienced our own struggles and triumphs as we ve endeavored to live and act mindfully. We hope you will be open to allowing for successes and sticking points, your real learning process, as you go along through the reading and personal practices of mindfulness. Remember the metaphor of the ion drive: any change you experience will be the result of persistent effort over time. The information presented in MBR will become a source of intuitive wisdom only through your own consistent engagement. As such, we invite you to put these practices to the test. Getting Unstuck People spend their lives stringing and unstringing their instruments. They are always getting ready to live. Tagore The practice of mindfulness instills a reverence for the present moment, suggesting that today is too full of hopes and invitations to waste on yesterday's regrets. Many traditional beliefs about change insist that curing diseases such as addiction depends on analyzing the past, re-visiting formative or traumatic events, and releasing blocked emotions and pain. Traditional models of therapy often assume an experience of insight is necessary for positive change to occur, proposing that once we understand why we indulge self-destructive behaviors we can then decode them, understand how to let them go, and be free to do so. In this model the therapist s role is relatively passive, usually as a facilitator whose primary role is to listen and lend insight to the client. MBR takes a different approach to dealing with addictive behaviors. Through MBR, you'll 2013 Ted Burgess 11

13 learn how to actively become more mindful of your thoughts in the here and now, and cultivate the skills necessary to break free of addictive cycles. Albert Einstein taught, "Nothing happens until something moves." In a mindfulness-based treatment model it is not insight, but action, that mobilizes your effort and stimulates growth. To be sure, insight still has an important place in MBR. But, in MBR, it is primarily the insight gained by you through your own mindfulness practice, not the diagnosis of a therapist, which matters. We have found that insight typically follows action and is discovered intuitively. Insight alone may stimulate, but not until insight is infused with life, through action, can one realize its healing effects. From Latin, we learn that inspirar means to breathe life into. Insight, then, is inspired and animated by action. This means that you are the author of your change. You are accountable and capable to make change meaningful and enduring. And mindfulness can help you make those changes. Mindfulness-based recovery encourages active, engaged participation, where consistent daily practice catalyzes ideas in such a way that they have personal meaning and value. Within this framework, you become the source of your own change and recovery making your own exercise of choice and behavior the genesis of resiliency, health, and wisdom. Getting stuck in an addiction is similar to living life on auto-pilot. Through mindfulness practice, automatic behaviors may be countered by attending to the present moment coupled with skillful disengagement. Mindfulness in recovery allows for attending to weak signals, also known as triggers, without being overwhelmed by them. Weak signals may be a host of different triggers that cue an individual to indulge selfsoothing, addictive behaviors. These triggers will vary, and can include such things as: 2013 Ted Burgess 12

14 physical cravings, relationship conflict, stress, loneliness, and excitement, to name a few. Through the practice of mindfulness, these signals can be acknowledged, and then disengaged, without activating the automatic responses which activate the addiction. In this way, mindfulness fosters vigilance against relapse as well as a shift in focus from harmful to healthful behaviors, the practice of which leave little room for self-destructive habits. By bringing a compassionate, non-judgmental awareness to each moment and situation you encounter, it is possible to notice the automatic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that usually exist below the level of conscious attention. This process of noting, in turn, offers the freedom to choose new and healthy responses which foster balance and stimulate growth. When it comes to addiction, mindfulness suggests a gentle awareness and acceptance of physical drives. In terms of addiction and recovery, it is entirely OK to sit with a discomfort rather than seeking to detach from or appease it. If we do not immediately indulge physical drives, unhealthy impulses will subside in frequency and intensity until abstinence becomes a reality. Classic mindfulness emphasizes sitting meditation as a core skill. Consistent with this tradition, sitting meditation is the first practice we will learn later in this chapter. There are many ways, however, to practice mindfulness aside from formal sitting meditation a few of which we will explore as we progress through the reading. Essentially, you will learn that anything can be done mindfully. The renowned basketball coach Phil Jackson sums it up practically: "The point in mindfulness is to do everything you are doing, whether it's dribbling the basketball, or taking out the garbage, with 2013 Ted Burgess 13

15 perfect attention." The effect of living mindfully is that the unconscious becomes conscious, the automatic becomes intentional, and the routine becomes extraordinary. Mindfulness Based Recovery and Psychological Safety Compare the serene and simple splendor of a rose in bloom with the tensions and restlessness of your life. The rose has a gift that you lack: it is perfectly content to be itself. That is why it possesses the artless grace and absence of inner conflict that among humans is only found in little children. Anthony DeMello As you prepare to embark on the journey of mindfulness, you should be aware that both risks and rewards accompany any psychological endeavor. It is critically important that you're aware of the possible benefits and risks of learning the skills and practices taught in MBR. A few benefits of mindfulness include: Inhibiting unhealthy mental qualities such as greed and fear Understanding automatic processes and gaining an ability to disengage from them Learning to identify entrenched and invisible systems of thinking and feeling that often govern our responses to external events Cultivating and strengthening healthy qualities such as generosity, joy, and love Promoting the optimal balance of these healthy qualities Improving general communication, quality of life, and peace of environment Enriching personal connectedness with loved ones, friends, work, and the world Developing an enhanced appreciation for the purpose and value of your life Realize that as we move through each chapter, we may ask questions or encourage introspection which may give rise to uncomfortable emotions such as resentment, anger, or even embarrassment. Because our chief goal is to aid the healing process, we solicit 2013 Ted Burgess 14

16 only your voluntary participation. If at any time you do not feel ready to address a particular theme or issue, you may selectively opt out of participating. The consistent theme of mindfulness is non-judgmental attention to the present moment practiced with compassion and openness. We believe personal growth will occur as a byproduct of gentle challenge coupled with individual pacing. In reviewing the applications of mindfulness in health care settings thus far, several key points can be made. Each seminal mindfulness model emphasizes gradual testing and adoption on the part of participants. Mindfulness teaches gradual integration of body/mind states with the goal of increased freedom and resilience to cope with stress and pain (both physical and psychological). Mindfulness programs like MBSR, MBCT, and our own MBR avoid aggressive interventions, promote critical testing and evaluation on the part of participants, and postpone treatment when clients are in clinically compromised conditions. Mindfulness itself issues from an intact 2,500 year-old tradition with a long, published history that chronicles the results and healing benefits of mindfulness practice. Western therapeutic applications of mindfulness have been trialed now for nearly three decades with credible outcome research studies and no published record of harm to participants. Mindfulness based treatments are used for particularly vulnerable populations which include: people with chronic pain and terminal illness, people with recurrent depression, and people who suffer from borderline personality disorder. The list of wellness effects associated with mindfulness practice for stressinduced ailments and disease processes of all kinds continues to expand each year. Nevertheless, we believe it is also important to inform you that the process of mindfulness and the corrective effects that it encourages may include intense and 2013 Ted Burgess 15

17 unpredictable emotions that can be distressing and disruptive. This is the paradox of restoring balance. The process of finding and maintaining balance in the realms of body, mind, and spirit will require change, and change is rarely easy. Through the contemplative, meditative, and experiential aspects of mindfulness, we believe you will find the practice and encouragement to forge a safe passage to mindfulness and recovery. If you find yourself on the shaky ground of distressing sensations, thoughts, or emotions, remember that it is a normal part of the change process. And always keep in mind that we do not promote forced change. It is permissible and important to slow down, examine, or even refrain, from any practice that feels inherently de-stabilizing or frightening. This process should be a gentle one remember it needs to be sustainable in the long term. It is our hope that as you attend mindfully to the body, mind, and heart, you will make soft but persistent changes over time. The cumulative effect of these changes, just like the momentum of the ion drive, will result in healthy equilibrium and the realization of your best and truest nature. Attention and Welcoming Love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. Give yourself to it. It is only your aversion that hurts, nothing else. Herman Hesse The idea of creating a safe or welcoming environment for our suffering can itself be a source of distress. When we experience an uncomfortable thought or feeling, our natural instinct is to fight it, or run from it. We are biologically hard-wired to do so, as the sympathetic nervous system, or fight vs. flight response, is activated any time we feel threatened or afraid. The problem with both fighting and fleeing is that it predisposes us toward an adversarial relationship. In both situations we miss the opportunity to understand our problems. If we either conquer or are conquered in turn, the possibility of 2013 Ted Burgess 16

18 collaboration is eclipsed by our win/lose agenda. A different approach to dealing with our unwanted problems is suggested by this story: There once lived a king in an ancient land who had three sons. Tradition required that each heir be given his own palace when he came of age. So, when the eldest prince turned twenty-one, the king honored him with a large palace near the city center. The eldest son, who was generous by nature, realized he had much more room than he needed for his modest staff, so began the custom of housing the city s indigent. Certain households began emulating the practice. Within a year, the city s homeless population had virtually disappeared. And the king was proud of his first son. On the second prince s twenty-first birthday, he also was given a palace in the city. The second prince was a lover of knowledge. He devoted a portion of his palace to the collection of books, and made them available to the public. This collection began to attract scholars and scientists from far away places, who gathered at the second prince s palace to conduct research, discuss ideas, and eventually teach others. Within the brief span of a year, the second prince had converted his palace into a small university the first of its kind. And the king was proud of his second son. The youngest prince, considered by many in the city to be spoiled and prone to tirade, was fast approaching his twenty-first birthday when the king sent for his advisors. I feel compelled by tradition to grant my third son a palace on his twenty-first birthday, complained the king, yet he has caused me only shame and trouble. The advisors thought it over and suggested, Noble king, let us build a palace for him, but we will build it away from the city in the neighboring countryside. Surely this 2013 Ted Burgess 17

19 should fulfill your obligation. The king considered their proposal, consented, and ordered that such a palace be built. For a season, all was calm in the kingdom. After a year had passed, a courier arrived with a letter from the youngest prince. Father, it read, the bandits have grown numerous and hostile in the countryside where I live, and I am not safe. The king consulted with his advisors and all agreed that it would be better to push the troublesome lad farther out. So they settled on an arid land some fifty miles away from the city, where they built a stronger fortification and sent more guards to protect it, confident they had resolved the problem. Within the year, however, a messenger arrived with another plea from the son: "Father, I have fallen out with the nomadic tribes in the area. They have banded against me, and are threatening to expel me from their territory by force." The king grimaced, called a counsel of his advisors, and asked for advice. Build a castle, a hundred miles away from the city," they insisted, "and send a hundred soldiers to keep and guard it. The king blanched at the cost of such an endeavor, but finally conceded. And when it was completed, all was calm in the kingdom for a season. Another year passed, and the courier arrived again with another letter from the son, which read: Father, we have been attacked twice by the people across the border. I fear that we will not be able to withstand a third attack. The advisors immediately set about planning an even costlier scheme. But the king said to his counselors, Let him come home and he can live in the palace with me. For it is better that I learn to love my son than spend all the energy and resources of my kingdom pushing him away. So the young prince returned home and lived in the palace with his father. The son was still selfish and irritating and occasionally the king wondered if he had made the right 2013 Ted Burgess 18

20 decision. But, over time, the son matured. He became slower to anger and quicker to kindness. He grew in wisdom and good reputation, and there came a day when he was well loved by the people of the kingdom. And the king was proud of his third son. Like the king, most of us have tried to push our problems away at some point. As addicts, we do this by using behaviors or chemicals to hide from our problems, a kind of temporary escape. This strategy is a form of experiential avoidance, and carries a great cost over time. But maybe avoidance is not the answer. The story of the king suggests that it is possible to learn to live with our suffering, to invite it in, even to develop compassion for it. If that were doable, would we really require the escape offered by addictions to get along? None of us really like misfortune, tragedy, and pain. Someone struggling with depression rarely says to herself, Fantastic, here comes another depressive episode just what I wanted. But mindfulness teaches that you can learn to welcome your challenges and that as you do, you'll find that the challenges in question aren't quite as big as they used to be. Mindfulness teaches that attending to the parts of ourselves we keep at a distance can have a healing and restorative effect. The role of attention, which consists of equal parts awareness and intention, is to bring that which has been cast out or forgotten into unity with the rest of consciousness. Attention illuminates the dark or hidden aspects of self, including past misdeeds, present inadequacies and future apprehensions. It attends to blocked energy, often manifest as physical and psychic pain, and has a subtle unbinding effect. As a result of attending and welcoming, you will have made more space inside yourself to accommodate the challenges in question. And you can't do that without growing in the process Ted Burgess 19

21 A noted physician practicing in California, Rachel Remen, tells the story of a patient she counseled who was referred to her for help in coping with a recent diagnosis of diabetes. The changes in his daily ritual necessitated by his chronic disease quickly overwhelmed him, to the point that he became severely depressed. Despite her skills as a counselor, Dr. Remen was unable to help alleviate his emotional symptoms and he grew more despondent. After several months of unremitting depression, he arrived one day with evident relief and reported he had accepted his condition. The patient went on to share a recent dream in which he'd seen a man meditating in a courtyard. Upon approaching the man, he recognized him as the Buddha, a popular cultural icon where the patient lived. The patient had felt peace radiating from the Buddha, but suddenly, from somewhere behind the patient, a knife was thrown and it pierced the Buddha's chest. The Buddha began to bleed profusely. "I was terrified and outraged at once," he exclaimed. "How could anyone wish to harm such a benevolent person?" Far from dying, though, the Buddha retained his serene composure. As the patient cast about for the assailant, he noticed that the Buddha was growing larger. The Buddha continued growing until his physical body overshadowed the courtyard. The knife was still lodged in his chest, but now it was a pinprick, not a mortal wound. The Buddha looked down at him and smiled, his gaze seeming to imply the question: what does this teach you? "I woke up and realized that I was the Buddha," he sighed, content, "and that I can grow larger than any of my problems." 2013 Ted Burgess 20

22 Basic Sitting Practice We just say sit. What does it mean, Just sit? When we say just sit, it includes all of the activity; all of the potential activity we have; we remain in an inactive state, but we have infinite potentiality. In this sense, our practice includes everything. - Shunryu Suzuki In each chapter, we'll guide you through some meditation and reflection practices designed to introduce you to mindfulness. Sitting meditation is the first of these practices. In many ways, it is the foundation of skillful mindfulness. We emphasize sitting meditation in MBR as a central mechanism of self-awareness. Everyone sits, just as everyone breathes, but sitting as a formal meditation practice brings to bear an attentiveness and intentionality, a type of disciplined focus, which is not usually present in our everyday sitting and breathing. As a mindfulness practice, meditation emphasizes being rather than doing. It is one of a few activities which suggest happiness is a byproduct of embracing one s present place in life. Too often we are swept up by external pressures that dictate where we need to be, how quickly we must get there, and how many things we must accomplish once we arrive. This undercurrent of busyness, of reacting to the pressures, demands, and stresses of life, can literally sweep us into existing solely out of necessity. Being, in contrast, emphasizes existing intentionally. Being implies a sense of acceptance, of non-hurriedness, of enjoying the process as much as the result. We usually practice the sitting meditation either in a chair or on the floor. It helps to maintain an erect posture, with the head balanced evenly between the shoulders. The hands rest loosely, palms down, on the thighs, or are cupped palm upward in the lap. While some people prefer sitting on the floor when they meditate because of the sense of 2013 Ted Burgess 21

23 groundedness that connection with the floor fosters, it is not necessary to do so. In fact, the primary element of good meditation is the sincerity of your effort. Once you assume the meditation posture you have selected, begin the meditation by bringing your attention to the process of breathing: in and out. Attempt to keep your attention focused on the present moment with full awareness centered on the breath. Do not manipulate or regulate the breath. Rather, try to stay with the breath as it is, shallow or deep, noticing the qualities of the breath and the sensation of breathing in your airway and chest. After several minutes, or perhaps even immediately when you begin to meditate, you will note the mind start to wander. It will be distracted by any number of things: physical discomfort, tasks or stressors, conversations, songs, and likely anything and everything else possible. The core of mindfulness practice is that you allow yourself to note these distractions without indulging them or alternately battling them. As many times as you notice these endless distractions, guide your awareness back to the basic and simple task of breathing. By doing so, you train your mind to be less reactive and more disciplined. As you repeatedly guide your attention back to the breath each time it wanders off, you are strengthening your ability to concentrate and focus, much as muscles develop through weight lifting repetitions. At the same time, you are developing patience and practice at being non-judgmental. Avoid scolding your mind for wandering. Instead, simply guide it back to the breath. Mindfulness practice, particularly sitting meditation, is often confused with relaxation therapy. It may or may not be a relaxing experience for you to meditate, but if done consistently, it will foster inner strength, tolerance, acceptance, and an attitude of loving kindness toward yourself and the world around you. Remember that 2013 Ted Burgess 22

24 mindfulness is the act of being purposefully attentive to the moment in a non-judgmental, accepting way. For most of us, it is awkward to turn down the relentless background noise of our minds, which constantly barrage us with reactive thoughts and feelings. Tasks in which we persist become easier, not because the task has changed, but because our ability to do it is increased. Consistent meditation can build a familiar friendliness with self that may have eroded in the face of busy inattention. As we learn to recognize and step back from the ceaseless stream of reactive thoughts and feelings that typically drive our daily behavior, we gain an ability to recognize and step away from the very same thoughts and feelings which trigger our addictive cycles. Taking time to meditate, initially, may seem like one more of those troublesome tasks that drive our day, at least it may seem that way until it is practiced regularly. Once you are able to experience the calm that comes from nourishing your state of being it is not so cumbersome. It becomes an important, even vital, part of your day that sustains and nourishes what is deepest and most vital within you. As you embark on your first sitting meditation, here are some simple reminders to gain the most benefit from your experience: Setting: Pick a place. It is important to have one place where you can practice. Your meditation place is important. It can be one corner of your bedroom or a spot in the garage. Time: Decide, ahead of time, how long you will sit. Be realistic. Stick to it! Many people prefer to sit in the early morning, for several reasons. It is a time of day that naturally lends itself to quiet stillness. It has a profoundly centering effect on the rest 2013 Ted Burgess 23

25 of the day, effectively setting the tone for remaining balanced and observant. Many find that sitting in the morning, after a night s sleep, facilitates an uncluttered mind and an attentive, aware state of being. Posture: Assume a posture that will support alertness, one that is comfortable, painfree, balanced and relaxed. Type: Decide what type of meditation you will practice: mindfulness of the breath, body scan, Metta, etc and review the practice briefly, either mentally or by reading or listening to recorded instruction. Purpose: Remind yourself of the purpose in practicing mindfulness. Recall the benefits that will accrue and recall the specific goal of focusing on the present moment for this brief time; give yourself permission to be in the present moment and instruct your mind to assist you. Gratitude/loving-kindness: Take a moment to open your heart toward yourself, for trying this practice. Recall the preciousness of having a sound body and mind that affords you this opportunity, today, to practice. Acknowledge your teachers and benefactors, large and small, who have helped support and guide you. Start your meditation by focusing on the object of meditation (breath, etc). Decide where, in the body (for mindfulness of the breath), you will focus your attention and stay with that focus for the meditation period. Your mind will wander a lot, at first. How do you deal with this? This part is akin to housekeeping, dealing with the clutter of the mind and restoring order. A simple noting practice can help here, rather then wrestling with attention to drag it back to the object, or engaging in feelings of frustration and disappointment that can lead to discouragement and a sense of failure Ted Burgess 24

26 When your thoughts wander, try simply noting whether they are future thoughts, past thoughts, or present moment thoughts. As you identify each thought or thought stream in one of these three categories, put that thought into its appropriate basket Future, Past, or Present Moment and return to the object of meditation remember that the assignment for the next 20 minutes is to stay in the present moment. If a thought persists, make a promise to yourself that you will attend to it after the meditation period and return to the breath. Try to do this noting practice gently. Just like housework, it will seem endless. Just keep picking up the thoughts and return to the breath. Over time your body and mind will calm down. You will slowly settle into the present moment. Your body will find its natural alignment. You will discover a suppleness and attunement to the body that is replenishing. Your thoughts will be fewer and less demanding. When you have thoughts they will tend to be about the meditation and the sensations in the body. You will be less distracted by outside noises and sounds. You will have a sense of inhabiting your body. Notice how rare and sane it is not to have your mind flying about the future and the past. This experience is inherently balancing and restorative. It is important. You are creating a refuge for your mind. Often, after settling into the body and the present moment a subtle but energizing feeling of pleasure or joy begins to emerge. Traditionally, this feeling of joy is considered a natural by-product of a quieted mind and one of the healing effects of mindfulness. When you conclude, review. Briefly recall (without judgment) how the meditation period went. What worked? What was difficult? Either way, remember, there is no bad meditation. Stick with it. All practice is worthwhile. In short: 2013 Ted Burgess 25

27 1. When possible, do just one thing at a time. 2. Pay full attention to what you are doing. 3. When the mind wanders from what you are doing, bring it back. 4. Repeat step 3 several billion times. (Larry Rosenberg) At the end of each chapter, you will find a journaling page. You can make copies of this journal page to use as you proceed through the different practices outlined in the book. Use the journal to reflect on your personal practice. Through journaling, you will begin to focus your eye inward, as opposed to comparing yourself to others. Journaling also allows you to review your progress over time, further emphasizing the fact that growth is not about arriving, but about journeying. Review your journal entries periodically and consider sharing them with someone you trust. Journal entries can be very brief comments or questions, written down rapidly and without editing in the moments after sitting. They are simple notes that track your personal practice experience, create a progress record, and provide material for review. Date: Mindfulness exercise: Duration: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions 2013 Ted Burgess 26

28 B. Insights about written material: Chapter 2 Illness, Wellness, and Wholeness Human life, particularly in health and disease, is the result of countless independent forces impinging simultaneously on the total organism and setting in motion a multitude of interrelated responses. -Rene Dubos The human brain tends to think in terms of contrast, or opposites. It evaluates things through the use of categorical labels that help it organize, store, and recall information. Terms like "good" or "bad," "nice" or "mean" provide an easy context from which to evaluate past experiences and interpret present ones. The problem with evaluative labels, or judgments, is that they are narrow, or "small." As such, they offer only a limited understanding of the thing to which they are applied. Labels, or evaluative judgments in the form of words, are at once limited, and limiting. Lao Tzu, the author of 2013 Ted Burgess 27

29 Taoist philosophy, goes so far as to suggest that we can use 10,000 labels or names and not begin to approach the level of understanding that emerges as we let go of the names and simply "experience" a thing, just as it is, without the use of names or word labels. Perhaps that is what prompted Herman Melville to suggest that the language of God was not made up of words, but was comprised entirely of simple, sweet "silence." As you examine your own use of self-labels you can begin to see just how limiting those labels can be. Let's try it: pick a negative self evaluation that you've used before it may be something like "addict" or "failure." Are you an addict? Probably, at some level, the word "addicted" may describe an aspect of your behavior in certain contexts. You may, in fact, have an unmanageable relationship to a drug or other selfsoothing, instant gratification mechanism: a chemical or behavior that you have used with increasing frequency in order to cope with unpleasant or difficult experiences, sensations or emotions. But is that all you are, or all that you do? You may be dozens of other things, an artist, craftsman, musician, athlete, lover, scholar, teacher, son, daughter, spouse, or friend to name a few. Yet it is easy to dismiss someone through the application of a single label: "I know that person, he is an addict, end of story." The invitation to examine your negative labels is not intended to incite shame or selfcontempt, but to foster the awareness that who you really are is too vast to be accurately captured with a label, or even several labels. They may point to a certain facet of ourselves which emerges at certain times, but rarely do labels serve the whole self. People s mental and emotional states are too complex to lend themselves to simplistic categorization as well or ill Ted Burgess 28

30 Any system, be it biological, cognitive, or even ecological has a quality of resilience that tolerates some level of variance. Healthy systems manage to keep pathogens in check, not eliminate them. Illness happens when the pathogen population reaches a tipping point ; a shift that disturbs equilibrium so much that the system is not able to self-correct and restore its own balance. It is important to realize that most people never stop having bad moments, difficult feelings, and selfish tendencies that emerge at unexpected times and in unexpected places. The purpose of a sober lifestyle is not to eliminate negative feelings or thoughts; rather, it is to allow for those unpleasant feelings in such a way that they can be recognized and dealt with without disrupting one s fundamental quality of life. Wellness and illness are not categorical absolutes. Instead, they function as a sort of dynamic continuum; both have a place and function in our lives. Language (words) defines concepts through relationships to other concepts, and relies on contrast in order to make meaning. This concept of definition by contrast is not exclusive to language, but also applies to our experiences in life. What is triumph without difficulty, joy without sorrow, relief without suffering? Carl Jung taught that in order to reach one's full potential, one first had to understand, and even accept, the notion of a shadow self. This doesn t mean that we ought to indulge our shadow selves, but it does mean we can recognize and even honor the necessity of its existence. Our strengths part of that which constitutes the authentic self, in some way are defined and enabled by virtue of the shadow. The shadow self is inseparably linked to the real self. Strengths and weakness are connected each one mirroring the other. At some level, they are simply two sides of the same coin; we cannot have one without the other. Wellness does not preclude the natural occurrence of 2013 Ted Burgess 29

31 illness in fact; illness is as much a part of life as riverbanks are a river. The trick of recovery lies not in eliminating our weaknesses, but finding a way for those weaknesses to exist in harmony with all of our good qualities. Consider the following parable: A villager in old Nepal lived a stone's throw from the river. Every morning, he would gather his water harness, two clay pots attached to a long pole, and carry it slung over his shoulders down to the river, where he would fill each pot to the brim with the water he needed for the day. One of the pots was flawless, but the other had a small crack which leaked water, enough so that by the time the villager reached his home the leaky pot was only half-full. This flaw was a source of embarrassment for the pot, which, like most pots, was very self-conscious. One day, after the villager had gathered his water and made the trek home, the pot cried out that it was sorry for its failings as a pot. It cried abjectly that it wasn't any good as a pot and the villager was wasting half of his effort due to the pot's flaw. It ended saying "I guess I'm just a crack pot." The wise old villager considered the pot's scathing self-rebuke and felt compassion for its misery. "Little pot," he said, "tomorrow on our way back from the river I want to you pay close attention to the path." The next day the villager made the ritual journey with his pots. When he approached the house he asked the flawed pot if it had noticed anything unusual along the return trip. "Why yes," replied the pot, "the path on my side was covered with beautiful wild flowers." 2013 Ted Burgess 30

32 "That's right," nodded the villager. "You see, I was aware of your flaw and put it to good use by planting seeds along your side of the path." "Every day as I carry you up from the river, you water the flowers I planted there." Thank you, my friend" said the villager earnestly, "for causing beauty to flourish in my life." In Mindful Recovery, we believe there is a place of pristine awareness within us; a source of wisdom and answers for our most vexing problems; a place where we can experience an unlimited capacity to love and be loved in turn. This unblemished awareness, however, is often buried beneath layers of corrosion: perceptions of inadequacy, shame, unworthiness, and self-defeating attributions, beliefs and behaviors. Adversity refines our baser natures and forces us to turn an introspective eye inward to find and actualize our authentic selves. To be perfect, from its Latin roots, does not mean to be flawless. It comes from per whole or complete, and fect which means to make. Adversity, even personal failing or "flawedness" brings us to a sense of our wholeness. Because they re fundamentally connected, we should not ignore or bury the feelings and thoughts we associate with illness or seek out only those we find pleasant, warm or happy. Instead we have an opportunity to recognize and accept our distressing thoughts and feelings which in turn fosters tolerance and resilience. This sense of acceptance frees us to choose the actions that inform and sustain wellness and sobriety. Ironically, it is this acceptance of our shadow self that give us the ability to engage our ideal, authentic self. The Problem with Avoiding Our Problems The challenge is to find a way, over time, to work with everything that arises in awareness. Can you practice acceptance for all the states that show up as just 2013 Ted Burgess 31

33 nature? This is the natural condition of having a mind and body. Ajahn Sumedho In Chapter 1, we learned that one of the primary draws of any addictive behavior or substance is its usefulness in avoiding, or covering up, our experience of reality particularly unpleasant feelings, thoughts or physical sensations. All of us, every human being alive on the planet today, has a natural capacity to deal with adverse events, or stressors. It can be enlarged or diminished in response to habit or training, and usually sits somewhere between empty and full but we all have one. We'll call that capacity "stress resilience." Results of past stress studies have demonstrated that stress is typically residual, aggregate and corresponds to actual, quantifiable number values in terms of intensity. This means, for instance that a divorce, which may be assigned a number value of "300", and a death of a child, which might be a "500" experienced within the same week would result in an aggregate stress rating of "800." In short, stressors build on each other until they are diffused (or explode). A stress explosion happens when our aggregate stress load reaches a tipping point usually meaning it exceeds our tolerance threshold, or our natural stress resilience. Whenever that happens, our behavior becomes erratic, we become, momentarily, intolerant of stress and tend to be wildly reactive at the slightest provocation and do things we would not normally consider, and about which we usually feel tremendously guilty afterward. We also turn to immediate gratification strategies or short-term, quick fixes to relieve our sense of stress or discomfort. These short term coping strategies, or "STC's," for short, are any behavior which offers a fast acting change in biochemistry that either induces a euphoric state (stimulants / euphorics) or numbs our ability to feel discomfort (narcotics / depressants / analgesics). In other words, "STC's" are addictive behaviors Ted Burgess 32

34 These behaviors, depending on their type and frequency, carry with them a host of related, usually neuro-toxic, effects which cause lasting damage to the mind and body. Perhaps the most immediate effect of using an STC to cope with a stressor is that it slightly diminishes our stress resilience. Each time it is accessed there is a minor, but compounded cost that is paid in terms of diminished capacity to cope with adversity. Supposing then, that a person has a conceptual stress resilience of 600 the first time that person uses a short term-coping strategy to deal with a perceived stressor, her stress resilience would diminish. The reduction in natural ability to cope suffers natural attrition every time it is neglected in favor of the immediate acting STC, not by a lot, but the seductive appeal becomes less compelling when considered that the damage to one's natural coping ability worsens over time. So the first time a person gets high rather than deals with her problem, stress resilience would drop from 600 to 599. This doesn't seem too bad but the tenth time the person gets high rather than confront a difficult thought, feeling or situation, his stress resilience is now 590 still not a significant reduction. But what about the hundredth time, or the four hundredth? An addictive behavior indulged regularly over several years can have a progressively destructive effect on one's natural resilience even to the point of reaching a zero tolerance state. A stress threshold of zero effectively means that even the thought of getting out of bed each day is overwhelming, and requires the continued use of the self-soothing substance / behavior in question just to subsist in the day to day and quite often becomes the first thing one does to begin the day. Models of Illness and Wellness 2013 Ted Burgess 33

35 Only when one becomes sick of the sickness can one be free of it. The sage is never sick, because she is sick of the sickness, therefore she is not sick. Lao Tzu In Chapter 1, we briefly discussed what we call the 'X-factor.' The X-factor is the process of de-centering from engagement or identification with our perceived problem states. It is the critical, core element that seems to hold the key to positive outcomes in studies of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Effective use of the X-factor relies on constructive disengagement from negative thoughts and feelings without employing strategies of suppression or numbing. Mindfulness has been discovered by a growing number of mental health and addictions professionals as a simple, pure, and elegant act of careful de-centering that sidesteps both engagement and avoidance and has lasting resiliency and wellness effects. In multiple studies, mindful states seemed to induce a being mode vs. a doing mode, and these states appeared to be mutually exclusive. This same X-factor is called by different names across the spectrum of successful treatment models. In system s therapy, it is called "externalizing the problem" which in turn serves to mobilize system resources around a solution focus to the perceived stressor. In brief therapy, it is called the magical question. In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, it is evident in the separation of thoughts and their relative emotional states from a perception of a behavior or event. In transcendental psychotherapy, therapeutic process depends on awareness which stems from the ability to view one s self with objective clarity. Carl Rogers, a chief contributor to humanistic psychology, observed: Fully functioning people are able to view their feelings, afraid of none of them, allowing awareness to flow freely in and through their experience. In short, the ability to disengage value judgments laden with emotion is a central theme of most, if not all clinically proven treatment modalities Ted Burgess 34

36 The "X-factor" is the core skill of MBR--the process of simple attention, done in a non-judgmental and kind way that avoids the pitfalls of entrapment or suppression; a process that allows thoughts and feelings to come and go without embellishment or shame. In the experience of this coming and going is the possibility of freedom to move through adversity and not be taken hostage. Mindfulness increases the capacity to hold unpleasant thoughts and feelings--it builds tolerance. This increased holding capacity is protective offering a safe haven from the emotional squalls and storms of everyday living. In mindful recovery we place special focus on the process of attribution as low mood states begin to trigger cascading effects. In fact, we encourage a high level of suspicion regarding the meaning that we bring to low mood states. At moments of low mood, entirely apart from the triggering event, the reactive / addictive template seems to propel meaning and explanations into awareness with predictable, self-devaluing themes that reinforce activation and are often highly error ridden. In the moment of recognition that attribution error is at work, disengagement begins. We believe the recognition moment is one strategy that can be pivotal in defusing the activation process and the attending disequilibrium effects, enabling the switch from ruminative doing mode to the being mode of mindfulness. Each time the movement to being mode is exercised the compulsive cycle is interrupted, resilience is fostered and the addictive template is weakened. Tolerance tempers cognitive reactivity and wellness emerges. Once a farmer went to tell the Buddha about his problems. He described his difficulties farming how either droughts or monsoons complicated his work. He told the Buddha about his wife how even though he loved her, there were certain things about her that he wanted to change. Likewise with his children yes he loved them, but they weren t turning out quite the way he wanted. When he was finished, he asked the Buddha how he could help him with his troubles. The Buddha said, I m sorry, but I can t help you Ted Burgess 35

37 What do you mean? railed the farmer. You re supposed to be a great teacher. The Buddha replied, Sir it s like this. All human beings have eighty-three problems. It s a fact of life. Sure, a few problems may go away now and then, but soon enough others will arise. So we ll always have eighty-three problems. The farmer responded indignantly, Then what s the good of all you re teachings? The Buddha replied, My teachings can t help with the eighty-three problems, but perhaps they can help with the eighty-fourth problem. What s that? asked the farmer. The eighty-fourth problem is that we don t want to have any problems. -Ezra Bayda Our life is composed of many of 'cycles,' each one bringing a set of specific experiences and sensations with their accompanying challenges and lessons. Through uncovering these attendant lessons and through adapting them to choices we make, we indicate our readiness to move on to the next set of tasks or purposes that life has to offer. We may occasionally re-visit themes in an almost cyclical manner similar to nature s own seasons. This allows us to work through residual challenges that we have not mastered in previous passes. It also allows for developmental growth within the context of recurrent themes, as we re-engage similar issues multiple times across the lifespan, ideally at a higher, or more self-aware, level of insight and perspective. T.S. Elliot expresses this idea: We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. The seasonal growth model of development assumes several things about progress through life. First, it presupposes that adversity is not only to be expected, it is to be welcomed. Adversity is a teacher and a catalyst for empowerment and growth. It also normalizes a range of emotions treating variation as appropriate and anticipated in the course of human experience. Second, it assumes that adversity, though it may be episodic, is finite that each specific task or challenge has a completion point 2013 Ted Burgess 36

38 demarcating a successful resolution. Third, it advances the notion that therapy should be about helping someone through their adversity to resolution. Fourth, it posits that adversity comprises only a portion of life s total scope of experience that there is also happiness, joy and triumph. From this perspective, life functions as a pattern for providing us a rich contrast of experience: suffering and joy, strife and peace, depression and elation without which our human experience would be monotonous bordering on boring. A Way through Suffering This being human is a guesthouse, every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at your door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Rumi Mindfulness teaches that suffering is a part of life. It also teaches that there is a way through suffering. Suffering may be the secondary result from a disruption of flow in the normal continuum of our life experience. Restoring equilibrium, then, becomes critical to healthy functioning. Disequilibrium can lead to prolonged suffering and exposure to toxic mental-physiological states, which can in turn lead to chronic stress, chronic fatigue, chronic pain and mental illness. Pain can essentially serve as an 2013 Ted Burgess 37

39 indicator of dissonance, intended to draw the healing power of attention to areas of our body or life that are "blocked" areas where the natural flow of energy is bound up for one reason or another, resulting in the need to be "unbound, or "released." Attention brought to pain has an unbinding effect, allowing us to move through pain along a natural course toward resolution. Suffering is ultimately a byproduct of either not attending to our condition of pain on the one hand, or of over-identifying with our pain on the other. We can use suffering as a springboard for personal growth, failure as a precursor to success. An awareness of personal frailty is in fact, a mechanism of change. In his book, More Than Enough, David Ramsey illustrates this concept by sharing the anecdotal tale of a West Virginian mountaineer named Zed: Uncle Zed, How did you get so wise? asked his young nephew. Weren t hard, said the elder man, I ve got good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience, well, that comes from having bad judgment. ] Both chronic mental illness and persistent addiction occur when people lose their forward motion and become stuck in a repetitive adverse state or condition - like the cycle of addiction. When we are able to maintain forward momentum in meeting life s difficulties, we predict our eventual triumph which is nothing more or less epic than getting through them to a place of resolution to a place where we survive the adverse condition. One of life s central functions is to meet the challenges we face successfully rather then fleeing from them. Integration of our perceived stressors is a core skill in dealing with adversity in a healthy, proactive way. The suffering that results from our failing can be an opportunity for growth, because it will give shape to the joy of future 2013 Ted Burgess 38

40 success. It is through failure that we learn to recognize success. Addressing past failures gives us a chance at future successes. Opposition in All Things They say the best men are molded out of faults; and, for the most, become much more the better for being a little bad. -William Shakespeare In the early 1970 s, the world of tight rope walking suffered a tragic set back. Perhaps the greatest tight ropewalker ever to grace the wire fell to his tragic death at the age of 78. He was the first person ever to conceptualize and execute the 7-man pyramid on the tight wire. He was the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a tight rope with a wheelbarrow with someone inside the wheelbarrow. To watch his confidence and to feel his exuberance when he performed was electrifying. He was the "Great" Karl Wallenda. Since he never used a safety net when performing, his first fall was also his last. What was startling, however, is that he fell doing what was essentially a beginning, routine walk between two buildings. After his death, a reporter interviewed his widow, who, when asked how he could possibly have fallen, replied Always Karl has been so confident, so self-assured in his performances, but a few months ago, Karl became preoccupied, for the first time in his life, with not falling. Amazing isn t it? The very thing that he was focused on NOT doing, by virtue of its taking over his focus, happened. Karl s story begs the question, then, of how long we can remain well if our focus is absorbed in not being ill. In their study of high risk organizations, the University of Michigan on the one hand discovered that attentiveness to weak signals in the environment, coupled with vigilance against failure were essential in preventing failure s 2013 Ted Burgess 39

41 occurrence. Vigilance of the possibilities for failure, however, is only one great truth. It is equally important to emphasize a positive, proactive engagement with tasks of wellness. This positive focus, together with attentive precaution against failure, chronic illness, or relapse offers a balanced approach that assures continued growth and allows for self-correction along the way. Fear disrupts balance as it did in the case of Karl Wallenda. Concern over safety was not Karl s downfall, it was falling itself that absorbed his attention, or more specifically fear of falling. His fear was empowered by his ruminating attention he fed it bit by bit until the possibility overtook his reality, and ultimately constructed a new reality for him. In his clinical work, psychologist Abraham Maslow emphasized wellness as critical to long-term health and illness prevention. He worked at helping others discover what they did well, rather than permitting people to dwell on their perceived problems. Maslow nudged the traditional belief set of Western psychology toward wellness by focusing his studies on the healthiest minds of his time. He believed that an exclusive focus on disease only addresses problems, not growth. This shift is critical to personal growth. An emphasis on wellness, rather than an exclusive preoccupation with inhibiting illness s effects, is a shift toward health and resiliency. While sobriety can allow for the presence of weak states, vulnerability to triggers, and protection against them in order to be sustained it must be self-sustaining. The only way to do that is to have a recovery plan that emphasizes growth and wellness that replaces the negative behaviors of your past self with positive behaviors in the present moment. Willingness and Honesty 2013 Ted Burgess 40

42 Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery. they are indispensable. Big Book of AA Willingness is one of the most important ingredients to successful recovery. It suggests taking something on, accepting it without reservation, resentment or regret. Willingness comes from a root word meaning "to choose." In this sense, willingness doesn't imply control, it implies an active choice. As such, willingness doesn't imply powerlessness. On the contrary, we apply willingness from a position of personal power. This is much more than the act of simply consigning yourself to a reality you feel helpless to change. It means approaching your world with a welcoming attitude "to meet your problems and stresses at the door laughing." In terms of yourself, willingness means you adopt a loving, compassionate, or accepting posture toward who you are. It does not mean ignoring or fleeing from those uncomfortable aspects of self that may be the source of grief or shame. Instead, willingness implies that you are bigger than your problems. In Mindful practice, the image of a lake is often used to illustrate this concept you are a lake, your problem may be a wave or swell; or your problem is a stone, whilst you are the mountain. While your perception of difficulty may persist, you have the capacity to grow much larger than your problems. The opposite of willingness, apart from unwillingness, is avoidance. Avoidance of perceived unpleasantness; emotional, physical or otherwise, can increase our risk of relapse. Our unwillingness to accept reality as it is, is often a primary contributor to the formation of maladaptive, self-soothing behaviors (such as drugs and alcohol). One of the compelling pulls of drugs and alcohol is the (unfortunately temporary) escape that they offer from your "problems." Far from avoidance, the goal of willingness is 2013 Ted Burgess 41

43 resilience. When we are able to be fully in the present moment, without suppressing, fighting or running away from our negative experiences (thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and encounters with life) we have much more freedom to take needed action toward a valued behavior. This may seem a difficult task because it requires we relinquish attachment to our own notion of how we want things to be. That relinquishment, surrender, or willingness is ultimately a critical first step toward active recovery and toward living a complete, meaning filled life. Stephen Hayes, the author of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, offers this simple list of what willingness is: Willingness is: Holding your pain as you would hold a delicate flower in your hand Embracing your pain as you would embrace a crying child Sitting with your pain as you would sit with a person who was terminally ill Looking at your pain the way you would look at a sunset Inhaling your pain the way you would take a deep breath Abandoning your war with pain like a soldier who puts down his weapon and walks away Imagining your addiction, or your "wounded" addictive self as a delicate flower may seem like a stretch at first. Trying to hold it tenderly in your hand may feel repugnant. Embracing your addictive self like you would cradle a child that just awoke from a nightmare might be uncomfortable. But when we can come to a sense of compassionate acceptance toward the parts of ourselves and the things we have done that cause us shame and hurt, those behaviors lose their power over us. That is why old priests instead of young priests are always chosen to perform exorcisms, as illustrated in the following parable: 2013 Ted Burgess 42

44 It turns out that young priests, though full of energy and devotion, simply cannot equal the stamina of their older comrades. The reason for this, you see, is that the young priest believes that he is good, or almost completely good, and what is left to be done on his bad side is just some minor polishing up. It is this self-deception, fraudulence, and corruption which are his undoing. The devil against a corrupt man is a match so completely out of balance that the thought of such a bout is ludicrous. Enter the young priest Old Lucifer knows he can finish the young priest at any point, but instead toys with the saintly lad. He begins with the ritual bizarre events and weird cackles. The young priest, un-phased, presses on. What follows is hours or perhaps even days of warnings, prayers, threats and invocations each in their turn until the devil tires of playing with the young priest and decides to finish him off. In a soft, almost fatherly tone, barely able to contain his glee, the devil says, Listen son, let me be straight with you. You know that God has a list of all the sins ever committed by all people, from which he judges folks when they die, don t you? Disarmed by the sudden, almost gentle shift, the young priest admits that surely, he knows about "the list." Well, replies the devil chortling, I have the same list! The young priest just stares dumbly, still clueless of the onslaught about to hit him. With building sadism, the devil begins: You think I don t know that you seduced that young divorcee when she came to you for solace and confession; and how you bilked old lady McNulty out of the inheritance she was leaving to the church; and how you ve stolen from church funds. You've used your position of trust to bully, cajole, or manipulate others for your own advantage your entire career. YOU FOOL! (By now the devil is screaming), Sure God may forgive you, but everyone else will hate you into 2013 Ted Burgess 43

45 damnation, and if you don t get the hell out of here right now, you imbecile, I m going to take your sins to the streets. TO THE STREETS! And with that, the young priest is seen running, even flying, away at top speed with an expression of sheer terror on his poor face. Enter the old priest. The old priest goes through exactly the same sort of gyrations as the young guy, except he no longer needs to flee from the devil or more importantly from himself. See, the path from his door to the confessional has grown so deep, his chagrin over his own folly so great, his self-deceit has become so burdensome, that he has been forced by life itself to admit his evil, to give up his pride. Without pride, of course, there can be no shame. Without shame, the devil has no real power over us. So, legend has it, many old priests have weathered the conflagration with Satan. In the last round, as the devil closes for the kill, the old man merely smiles, admits his sins and bids the devil to do his worst. Yes, I have done those things and you can tell whoever you like. Now, if you don t get out the hell out of here, God and I are going to kick the crap out of you. What would it be like to be an "old priest" in terms of your recovery? Would you feel chained to your past, unable to change, or ashamed of who you were? Or would you instead have come to terms with your past neither hiding from it, nor bragging about it but simply acknowledging it and moving on to whatever you need to get done in your life? One of our greatest struggles as addicts is to come to terms with the things we have done in all their atrocity, to admit them even accept them, and then to move past them to a healthy and different place Ted Burgess 44

46 Meditation as a Laboratory to Deal with Adversity In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post office. You may depend on it, that poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard from himself this long while. - Henry David Thoreau In this chapter, we've talked a lot about adversity and its role in stimulating growth and offering both depth and contrast in our lives. In mindfulness, we use the word "distraction" to describe a specific kind of adversity we experience while meditating. Distraction just like adversity will arise whether we want it to or not. Every time it does, we have the choice of engaging / jumping on board the distraction or constructively "disengaging," or stepping away from it. This skillful disengagement allows us to cohabitate with the distraction without being sucked into the dichotomy of control or avoidance (fight or flight). A "good" day or "quality" meditation is not characterized by the absence of adversity instead it is how we choose to deal with the adversity that determines the quality of our experience. If distraction is used interchangeably with adversity, we can draw important parallels between our life experiences and the experiences we have while practicing mindfulness meditation. In this way, our meditation practice can be a microcosm of our lives. Our personal meditation practice becomes an effective laboratory in which to explore and resolve the problems (distractions) we encounter in our everyday world. Some of the more common distractions experienced during meditation are: Finding time Finding a place to meditate Wandering thoughts Drowsiness Doubt/Skepticism Aversion to the practice / Physical discomfort 2013 Ted Burgess 45

47 Boredom In starting meditation practice, it is inevitable that you will experience many if not all of the distractions listed at one time or another. If you already meditate then you are undoubtedly familiar with these obstacles. If you are new to meditation, these problems can be a common source of discouragement and failure to adopt a regular sitting practice. It is entirely possible that you may have deeper struggle with meditation as you quiet your mind and the restless quality of life fades into silence. That is because we often distract ourselves from the things that bother us most: memories or beliefs that float up to our awareness when we settle down. That is why many of us experience a relentless pull toward distraction. Often, we indulge the drive to distraction by flooding our day with inconsequential tasks, inundating ourselves with media or entertainment all to avoid self-examination. It is important to realize that any distraction you experience during your mindfulness practice is a natural part of the process of learning the skill of mindfulness. When distractions arise, try not to interpret them as signs of inability or incorrect practice, but rather as natural phenomena of the mind and body that arise and cease during the early phase of building a new skill. These states, too, can be examined for their qualities, intensity and duration. Try to heighten your awareness of when these states arise and when they end even expecting, and welcoming their arrival as a natural part of learning meditation practice. Each moment of awareness that prompts you to return to the breath or body is the practice of mindfulness at work. Hidden in this practice of gentle noting and returning is the development of patience for yourself accepting the real conditions of your body and mind in the present moment as you attempt mindfulness, both the pleasant and unpleasant 2013 Ted Burgess 46

48 aspects. This patient acceptance is the foundation of mindfulness and sobriety both. What we do explicitly in our personal mindfulness practice becomes intuitive, or implicit, in the way we manage triggers, stress, and other obstacles in the day-to-day. Sitting Instructions: Mindfulness of Breath Meditation Whenever I get blue, I remember to breathe. Sign in store window Here is a brief instruction set for a basic, mindfulness of breath meditation, or "sitting." 1. When you are ready, try to find a position that feels supported, upright, comfortable and stable. You may want to place your feet firmly on the floor, fold your hands in your lap, and have your eyes gently closed 2. Briefly check in with our body-mind state now. Take a moment to note how your body feels pleasant sensations, unpleasant sensations or neutral. If there are places where you feel tightness, tension or pain, gently note that and relax the muscles there if you can. 3. Now, if you are comfortable, focus your attention briefly on your mood again, note if it s a pleasant, unpleasant or neutral mood. Whatever the condition, just gently note that you don t need to come to this class with the right mood, any one will do. 4. Prior to starting the meditation, take note briefly of your thoughts are they preoccupied with the past, the future, with speculation or worry? Whatever thought process is active right now, just note that. For the next 10 minutes or so, focus on the breath in the present moment. This morning, perhaps you were occupied with many things. After you complete your meditation, you likely have many things awaiting you. But for the next 10 minutes, if you can, give yourself permission to be in this present moment Ted Burgess 47

49 5. Now simply bring your attention to the breath. Notice the inflow and outflow of air and the sensations of breathing. There is no need to manipulate or change the breath, simply follow the in breath and out breath as best you can for the next 10 minutes. Your mind will likely wander in every direction gently note the wandering mind and its distraction and, if you can, return to the breath. 6. (At the conclusion) now gently widen your attention to the room around you. When you are ready, open your eyes and take a moment to reflect on the experience, jotting down your impressions or distractions as they occurred. Session 2 Home Practice 1. Mindfulness of breath sitting meditation: Continue mindfulness of breath sitting meditation for 20 to 30 minutes every day this week. Journal Page Date: Mindfulness exercise: Length of time: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions 2013 Ted Burgess 48

50 B. Insights about written material: Chapter 3- Minding the Body The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease. Thomas Edison The human body is supported by thousands of interdependent chemical feedback loops that all work in concert to maintain a delicate chemical equilibrium. This equilibrium, called homeostasis, is the result of constant minute adjustments which act to compensate for changes in the environment. The thousands of microscopic adjustments the body is constantly making is regulated by our autonomic nervous system a part of the brain that inhabits the deep limbic and brain stem portions of the central nervous 2013 Ted Burgess 49

51 system. Our body performs all these tasks for us without need for conscious thought. To do this, the body relies on sub-routines called feedback loops. These routines, much like computer programs, are made up of simple, hormonal, "if then" sub routines which work in tandem to keep each other in check and maintain optimal balance. This physiological autopilot gives us the freedom to focus our conscious attention on the business of interacting without being bogged down by the thousands of tasks required to sustain life. It is through this innate system of checks and balances that optimal health is maintained. Optimal health is not just the absence of illness, it is a resilient physiological / psychological system that is minimally susceptible to dysregulation, which is vibrant, energetic, and capable of enjoying all of life's experiences. In Chapter 3, we discuss the neurological implications of continued substance use. By way of introduction, the neurotransmitter dopamine regulates our sense of pleasure, arousal and excitement. The dopamine pathways run through the central part of the brain called the mesolimbic system, to the Nucleus Accumbens. The Nucleus Accumbens generates both endogenous opioids and dopamine in order to affirm certain behaviors and motivate individuals to act in particular ways. The reward pathway is a neural network in the middle of the brain that prompts good feelings in response to certain behaviors, such as relieving hunger, quenching thirst or having sex. The same circuit also responds to drugs of abuse, such as heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine and nicotine, which seem to hijack the circuitry, altering the behavior of its neurons. The nucleus accumbens is the engine of the reward response. Researchers have discovered that the reward pathway activates both pain relief through the release 2013 Ted Burgess 50

52 endogenous opioids, or pain killers, and dopamine, the neurotransmitter that governs our pleasure and arousal. Though the circuitry reinforces vital evolutionary drives, hyper stimulation or redundant activation of the dopamine pathways causes basic changes in the mesolimbic function over time. Part of these changes occur in the hypothalamus, an occupant of the "mesolimbic" district that regulates emotions. Through chronic overstimulation of the pleasure pathways, the hypothalamus assumes a greater role in everyday experience. Emotions become more powerful, harder to control, and trigger a wider range of experience or mood swings. Over stimulation of the dopamine pathway in the mesolimbic system is also implicated in the formation of chronic schizophrenia contributing to such emotions as paranoia, obsessiveness, worry, anxiety and irritability. In short, chronic indulgence in pleasure stimulating activities causes a permanent change in brain chemistry that makes us more susceptible to anger, stress, anxiety and mood swings. Oddly, though these emotions become stronger and take a more vigorous role in governing our experiences in life as we over indulge addictive, pleasure activating behaviors, the part of the brain that understands and interprets emotions the orbital frontal lobe, actually atrophies. Thus, as our emotions become stronger, we also become less able to understand and regulate them. The quality of our daily experience tends to become increasingly reactive, unmanageable, and largely influenced by external events that may queue us toward certain feeling states regardless of our own intentions or efforts. In contrast, emotions such as compassion, intimacy, peace and euphoric wellbeing activate the frontal lobe and are associated with significant increases in the 2013 Ted Burgess 51

53 neurotransmitter serotonin. As opposed to the mesolimbic system, which is considered part of the primal brain, the frontal lobe comprises a portion of the executive brain, or "higher" functions. The frontal lobe also governs sustainable focus, impulse control and judgment. It is important to realize that the impulses and drives of the limbic brain are not unhealthy, evil, or destructive. They are biological imperatives that are genetically engineered to assure that we thrive individually, and as a species. These impulses metaphorically sit at the opposite end of the neural teeter totter from executive function, impulse control, rational thought, and intimate engagement. It is important to acknowledge that the existence of limbic drives is imperative to survival, but that when we focus on gratification and over-stimulation of those drives, balance is lost. When balance is lost, disease and disorder emerge. Biochemical (physical) and neurochemical (psychiatric) equilibrium is called homeostasis. The goal of homeostasis, or living in balance, was centering ourselves between the traditional dichotomies of fight and flight, a function of the sympathetic nervous system instead activating the para-sympathetic nervous system. You may recall the following diagram: Parasympathetic Fight Sympathetic Flight 2013 Ted Burgess 52

54 Mindfulness suggests that this middle road is essentially synthesis a way of living that brings into reconciliation the dichotomies of thesis and antithesis; and that the juxtaposed, dualistic reality offered by those dichotomies is essentially a false system of living rooted in fear the very emotion which activates the sympathetic nervous system. Fear drives a perpetual cycling between extremes of fight and flight that effectively halts personal growth and keeps us running in circles, much as a dog chasing its tail. Mindfulness is a practice of connecting fully to the present moment, and in turn being integrated with and responsive to it in a non-judgmental, welcoming and kind fashion. Mindfulness teaches us that most things are connected at some level. In the conceptual world of the mind, we break things apart for simplicities sake. But in the "real" world things are inseparable. The philosopher Descartes conceived of the mind, or psyche, as something completely apart from the soma, or body. In contrast, mindfulness recognizes that every mental phenomenon has a physical side, and every physical phenomenon has a mental side. The habits and routines we develop in caring for our bodies have a substantial influence on our emotional stability and our psychological well-being. In fact, there is an innate wisdom that the body has, all the way down at the level of cells, that teaches us important ways of living and being. Some of these are: 1. Give yourself to a higher purpose. Every system in the body, from the level of organelles working for cells, to cells working collaboratively to form tissue, tissue connecting in the formation of organs, and organs working synchronously to sustain life, serves a higher cause than itself and its own individual concerns Ted Burgess 53

55 2. Seek for balance in all things. Every system in the body seeks and works to maintain a delicate equilibrium. Disruption of this balance accounts for the pathogenesis of disease and suffering. 3. Stay resilient. The afferent nervous system is always sampling the environment for new information and works in tandem with the efferent nervous system and the endocrine system to make small adjustments to maintain dynamic homeostasis. Because of the interdependent nature of life at a cellular and macro level both, we can not afford the luxury of closing ourselves to new information and assuming that rigidity will ensure optimal health. 4. Love others as yourself. In an interdependent system, there is no room for discord, comparative hierarchies, or ordinal ranking. Each component of the system is as integral to the overall well-being as the next. Despite complimentary specialization, all are equally needed and equally valuable. When collaboration occurs, there is an energy captured in the bond itself that capacitates the constituent partners such that the aggregate total of their force is magnified through summation. Cellular math suggests that if held as equals, the whole is greater than the aggregate of its constituent parts. 5. Be persistent. The process of depolarization entails active effort that occurs in a gradual, or graded manner. Somewhere in the process the electrical gradient is reversed. This tipping point, which catalyzes activity, is not a mysterious event, but the result of persistent dedication to the process until an outcome is achieved. 6. Live generously. The primary activity of cells is giving. It is the process of giving which maintains vitality of all other cells and the integrity of systemic physiology Ted Burgess 54

56 Giving is an inclusive term which also encompasses receiving. Live generously and trust in the provision of your basic needs. 7. Recognize and honor your own rhythms. Cellular activity includes a refractory period of rest. Energy expended needs to be regained. Even our conceptual primary workers, the muscle fibers, prepare, contract and then return to a state of rest. The body maintains not only a circadian rhythm, but a gentle pattern of rest and recovery which sustain its longevity and activate its incredible potential for work. The Japanese Zen teacher Gudo Nishijima Roshi taught that every mental phenomenon has a physical side, and every physical phenomenon has a mental side. This idea emphasizes that that the way we care for our bodies is a mirror of our general sense of acceptance and welcoming toward ourselves across all facets of life. It is essentially a first "step" along the path toward wholeness, in which care of our physical health becomes the foundation on which we build our self-care. The lesson that care of the body offers is simple: just as our body requires continuous nourishment in the form of breath, water, sleep, food and exercise, so too do elements of wellness care of our environment, attention to cognition and correlated emotional states, relationship health, and spiritual peace. All of these things, much as the body, need persistent, even daily, replenishing. While attending to physical needs will not always solve all other problems, it is a critical first step toward wellness that cannot be overlooked in a comprehensive approach to curing and preventing illness. In this chapter, we introduce several underpinnings of physical wellness, namely: attention to posture, breathing, hydration, sleep, nutrition and 2013 Ted Burgess 55

57 movement. We will practice listening to our bodies and responding to the needs we perceive it has. Care of the body will become a loving exercise of integrative wellness that emphasizes paying attention to how our body responds to our activities and our consumption patterns. Eventually, we will reach a state of intuitive balance and be able to tell when that equilibrium is threatened and actively work to restore it. Self-care is centered in the ability to be mindfully in the moment while retaining a vision of over-all direction, purpose and plan. There is no urgency what so ever to hurry up and get wherever it is we think we need to be; instead we focus on the process of the getting there. This letting go is permitting ourselves to live each moment in the present, to its fullest extent. Letting go also relieves us of the burden of inadequacy caused by embracing the idea that we are behind, or should somehow have already arrived. As we honor the body s needs in this way, we reach a point where we are able to move past those needs to the realization that I am not my body. In such a state, loving care of the body becomes effortless a natural byproduct of protecting personal equilibrium. Eventually, we hope to arrive at a place where we are able to de-center ourselves from our corporal self as did St. Francis of Assisi, who referred to his body in the third person: This body of mine, it is tired and hungry. It is not particularly useful to diagnose (give a name to a collection of symptoms) without developing an understanding of the complex systems that underscore any potential illness. True health is not just the absence of illness, it is a resilient physiological / psychological system that is minimally susceptible to dysregulation, which is vibrant, energetic, and accesses its full potentiality for performance and pleasure. Effective treatment accounts for symptoms and their underlying causes, the 2013 Ted Burgess 56

58 treatment of which is informed by an understanding and balancing of the system as a whole. Mindful Breathing The illumined soul thinks always I am nothing. No matter what he sees, hears, touches, smells, or eats This he knows always: I am not seeing, I am not hearing. It is the senses that see and hear, and touch the things of the senses. Baghavad Gita Breathing with intention (breathing mindfully) is as a mechanism to invigorate, vitalize and sustain the body. Breathing is the primary oscillator of the body, around which the other organs and life sustaining process adapt. In mindfulness of breath exercises, breathing is done from the diaphragm, with the stomach distending and contracting on each out and in breath, respectively. Healthy breathing is done slowly and deeply as opposed to breathing which is done quickly and shallowly (almost exclusively from the chest). Healthy breathing is enhanced by a sense of balance of the head and neck between the shoulders, with shoulders slightly rolled back and spine erect this enhances the lungs capacity to cycle air resulting in deeper and more effective breaths. While intention is the most important factor in practicing mindfulness, where possible it is helpful to maintain a correct posture. Nishijima proposed that correct posture balances the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems achieving a state of equilibrium that sets up the preconditions for the balancing and wellness effects of mindfulness. Nishijima placed particular emphasis on refraining from trying to induce, manipulate or achieve these effects, offering instead the idea that they flow from the balanced posture and mindfulness state, at their own pace and design and are, in an essential sense, effortless : 2013 Ted Burgess 57

59 Although the simple act of sitting (in zazen) seems almost too simple to be interesting, it is very important to notice that in our normal daily lives, we are always interpreting the world in front of us, and rarely just being in this world as it is. So sitting in the posture of zazen is a way to experience simply being in the world, rather then the intention-laden attitude of becoming that forms such a large part of our everyday activities. Gudo Nishijima Mindfulness of breath exercises teach their practitioners discipline and focus by concentrating on the breath and gently re-directing the mind s attention to the breath as many times as needed during the course of meditation. Mindfulness of breath serves multiple functions, including: developing an enhanced awareness and connectedness to the sensations and needs of the body, developing increased self-discipline by learning to disregard extraneous thoughts and stimuli, increased oxygenation of the blood resulting in lowered heartbeat and enhanced parasympathetic nervous system activity (clarity of thought, sense of calm, improved health and general physical well-being, reduced blood pressure). Since breathing is the most basic and fundamental task that we do, it is a perfect interface for further activity into wellness. It is, in its most primitive form, a complete back to basics approach to life which helps us sequentially structure our attention and energy in appropriately rewarding means. Research on the genetic endowment of personality (primarily based on twin studies) consistently finds that about 50% of personality is determined by genes. The balance is a highly contested mix of everything else. In MBR, we believe that part of the balance is centered in the habits of attention we bring to ourselves and the world around us, and that this constellation of habits creates a predictable pattern that we identify as our core self. In mindfulness practices, we believe the gentle act of consistent attention over time can widen and open these boundaries of attention and that the practice 2013 Ted Burgess 58

60 is self-corrective and balancing. However, the initial boundary nudging of the established self might very well feel like disequilibrium. Our advice is to stay anchored in the breath and body, note the feelings and your reaction but to bear in mind that while disconcerting, these effects should be the short-lived epiphenomena of a deeper restoration of balance. And we encourage participants to keep checking in with the instructor. Short-lived or not, these experiences can be a source of anxiety and confusion and can lead to abandonment of the foundation skills. There are specific cultures and occupations that are both highly colonized by technology, and overly dependent on cognitive/verbal skill sets for analysis, interpretation and problem solving. Members of these cultures are at high risk for disconnection from the body and for chronic stress effects that are punishing to the body. Effects from chronic stress, due in large part to the consistent over production of cortisol in the brain, may include osteoporosis, diabetes, cataracts, high blood pressure, insulin resistance, memory loss, weakening of the heart and the immune system, to name a few. Moving awareness to breath and body becomes a practice of loving-kindness to a critical neglected aspect it is both a practice of relinquishment of over-identification with the mental and an acceptance of a more subtle and gentle self-directing source of wellness and change. Mindfulness of Posture Simple attention to posture and how you hold the body through the day can become a powerful source for mindful moments. Through anchoring the mini bodyscan to the breath, we can create a pattern of small dosing that has cumulative positive 2013 Ted Burgess 59

61 effects on wellness. As we work with the body mindfully, we embrace a non-analytical wellness practice that may gently open up, over time, pockets of numbed and deformed physiological structures leading to specific changes in mood and cognition. This can, in fact, create a loosening effect on entrenched mood states and irrational beliefs (bodyinduced disengagement/de-centering), that results in an increased experience of freedom and flow. People are suddenly more equipped and able to resume natural forward developmental process. The simple work of discovering a balanced body-mind state in sitting is a difficult and challenging task that requires dedication, patience and persistence. Experiences of pain are frequently transformed during sitting, not by numbing, but rather through opening up to pain states. This openness brings with it in turn an awareness of more space (an enlarged sphere of attention) that expands the sense of self which was previously diminished and reduced by pain. Focus on the body is more then simple maintenance. It is a practice that accesses an intuitive source of wisdom and guidance that can direct wellness from a non-cognitive, non-verbal source a source that is intrinsic and immediately available to the person/client and which is independent of the therapist. The proposition of Progressive Alignment: When we reach a balanced bodymind state during the simple act of sitting, we generate a pervasive alignment effect that influences the self first, but has interpersonal, social and spiritual effects over time. Gudo Nishijima Roshi posits the radical proposition that we can attain a state of unity with the universe, based on this simple practice: When we are practicing (sitting), not only can we say that body-and-mind are one; we are also sitting in the state where there is no distinction between ourselves and the 2013 Ted Burgess 60

62 external circumstances the world around us. Most people have at some time experienced this simple feeling of oneness with everything, and in zazen we can notice that it is not just a feeling, but the actual state of things at the present moment. When we are sitting in zazen we are one with the universe, and the state includes all things and phenomena. In that sense, although we are experiencing the state, we cannot grasp it intellectually We call the state ineffable, or truth, or reality. But even these words are inadequate to describe the simple state that we return to in zazen. Mindful Hydrating Hydration is a fundamental element of wellness. Next to breathing, the importance of drinking water cannot be overstated. Water has the effect of increasing muscle flexibility, diffusing and washing out toxins from the body, curbing hunger, managing weight and over all good hydration increases general sense of health and enhances energy level. Conversely, dehydration can be the catalyst for a host of illnesses, including death. Recommended amounts of water vary by body type and level of fitness/activity. Traditional wisdom suggests that most people should drink a minimum 64 oz per day. This actually comes as an anecdotal offering from nutritionists based on an assumption of a 2,000 calorie per day diet at a weight stable routine. A more accurate recommendation would actually be one milliliter of water per body thermal unit (calorie) expended again assuming that calorie intake in terms of food consumption was roughly equal to caloric output in terms of energy burned. Those who exercise regularly may obviously require more due to caloric energy expended, as well as water lost through perspiration during strenuous, extended physical activity. The body will actually autonomously induce a sensation of thirst when either there is a high insoluble content in the body which requires fluid to balance its presence (called osmetic thirst), or when body fluids are low (hypovolemic thirst). In both instances, the body works to maintain a 2013 Ted Burgess 61

63 healthy fluid equilibrium, or balance, to assure health and wellness and will guide us in its care if we attend to its gentle urgings. Mindful Sleeping Sleep regulates our natural daily cycles and maintains balance in our Circadian rhythm. A few simple suggestions of establishing and maintaining a healthy sleep regimen are: 1. Simplify, organize and clean your sleep environment: Where you sleep should be as uncluttered and stress free as possible, meaning your bedroom should ideally be a haven even within your own home, where you literally go to relax and escape the pressures and hassles of daily life, and should be dedicated to sleep, rather than work. If your sleeping environment is clean and uncluttered, it will enhance your ability to diffuse anxiety and have more restful, restorative sleep. Keeping your sleep environment dust free will also help the respiratory system during sleep. 2. Establish a consistent routine: The old adage Early to bed, early to rise makes one healthy wealthy and wise is true more for the fact it emphasizes a consistent routine than an actual prescribed schedule. It is a well-known truism that REM (rapid eye movement) sleep is essential for the mind and body to feel restored/rejuvenated. REM sleep essentially occurs in the third of four possible sleep stages. During stage 1 and 2, the body is in a state of fitful rest or very light sleep that is not very functional in terms of restorative sleep. When a sleeper engages in a consistent sleep pattern the body can move through stages 1 and 2 in as few as 15 to 20 minutes, where as someone who sleeps an irregular schedule may only get a total of 15 or 20 minutes of REM sleep even during extended (10 hours or more) periods of sleep. A 2013 Ted Burgess 62

64 consistent routine will also enable the sleeper to find her or his comfort level as far as how much sleep he or she needs to feel rested and energetic for the next day. 3. Eat healthy: Heavy meals just before bed will derail any attempts to sleep well for at least several hours (a rule of thumb is to refrain from eating 3 hours prior to retiring). Further, some foods enhance the body s production of melatonin, a neurotransmitter essential for healthy sleep, and for happy moods. In terms of melatonin production, it is also interesting to note that sunlight negates the body s production of this sleep inducing endorphin so sleep with the lights out, and when you sleep, really sleep. Mindful Eating Cooking is a natural meditation Andrew Weil, M.D. Hunger serves as a balancing mechanism to maintain energy output and weight, and as such should be attended graciously, within the context of a sense of balance taking in only what is needed for energy output and basic nutrient needs. A healthy balance creates a state of equilibrium in which so the total intake of food (energy) roughly equals the total outflow of energy required by the body for its various tasks and functions. In fact, if we listen to our body s signals of hunger and satiety, it will selfregulate toward a point of balance, or mid-point, at which it comfortable maintaining equilibrium. In order to fully be present during the act of eating, it is necessary that we bring our full attention/ engagement to what we are doing just as we do with any activity of mindfulness. This engagement entails experiencing those things we eat to their fullest 2013 Ted Burgess 63

65 extent; all the richness, savory tastes, textures and aromas that food has to offer in addition to the life sustaining nutrients that we receive from the food we eat. Mindful eating offers us the opportunity to take smaller bites, chew slowly savoring the full taste and texture, and experience the richness that each portion offers us. By eating mindfully, it is much easier even natural to take notice of how our body may be responding to the food we are giving it, and to note too when the body is satisfied. Balance is not only critical in setting equilibrium between our intake and outflow; it is also an important theme in the types of food we eat. Healthy nutrition is essentially comprised of appropriately balancing the three core macronutrients: carbohydrates, proteins and fats, as well as supplementing diet with the essential micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) required for optimum health. When food intake exceeds the bodies demand for energy, excess is stored in the form of lipids in fatty tissue cells. Conversely, when our body s energy demands exceed those readily available from the food we have eaten (stored in the liver as glycogen), then our body taps into our excess food stores by burning stored fat. In Jewish tradition, eating is taught as a divinely nurturing experience. When eating is done with attention, we are infused with spiritual as well as physical energy. This energy fuels our ability to serve God and others. The custom of Grace before meals arose from this tradition, as eating is literally a type of sacrament or worship that should be done with careful thought and deep reverence. Many Buddhists begin their meals with this simple reflection: Innumerable laborers brought us this food, let us reflect on how it came to us. When we eat with a sense of reverence, allowing the earth to nurture us and foster our ongoing dependence on the earth and others, we can nurture ourselves both 2013 Ted Burgess 64

66 physically and spiritually. We are likelier to take only what is needed to honor the ecosystemic patterns the earth establishes for providing for life on this planet, and to achieve a sense of harmony and balance in our ritual consumption of food. Macronutrients: 1. Carbohydrates for simplicity s sake, carbohydrates lend themselves to two basic categories: simple and complex. Simple carbohydrates (carbohydrates with a high glycemic index -- quick absorption rate) are those which are broken down almost immediately by the body -- essentially these consist of sugar in its natural form (all carbohydrates are essentially made of sugar) and refined flour. Complex carbohydrates (carbohydrates with a low glycemic index) are one of the best food sources available, and are comprised of things like whole grains, beans, temperate fruit and fibrous green vegetables. In fact, an eating plan popular with weight lifters and body sculptors, ideal for losing body fat and building lean muscle mass, entails eating 5 to 6 meals a day consisting of one small portion (about the size of the palm of your hand) of complex carbohydrate and one small portion of protein. Nutritionists vary in their opinions about percent of carbohydrates comprising total diet, but most agree that it should fall between fifty and sixty percent. There are a few fad diets which actually propose eliminating carbohydrates all together. While this can be quite effective in short-term weight loss, the long term effects have not been evaluated. It should also be noted we are not in favor of a diet that endorses a drastic imbalance as such is a non-gentle way of treating the body. 2. Protein: Approximately 20 to 25 percent of diet should consist of protein. Body builders try to consume approximately one gram of protein per pound of body weight 2013 Ted Burgess 65

67 every day, though this is not a balanced approach to nutrition. Since the body can t typically absorb more than grams of protein at any given meal, this may necessitate frequent meals through the day. If you are not an avid weight lifter, you do not require as much protein as protein is the preferred food source for muscles (protein is essentially comprised of amino acids). Protein comes from various sources as a rule of thumb the best source of protein occurs naturally in the whites of eggs. White meat (fish, free-range chicken) offers high quality protein and is generally low in fat. Soy protein, while not as effective of a muscle-building source as whey, also is adequate for the body s dietary needs. Red meat, while potentially high in protein, is also high in animal (saturated) fat, which may cause high cholesterol and contributes to hypertension and as such should be eaten only occasionally. 3. Fats: healthy vs. unhealthy: Poly-saturated fats are found in processed condiments like mayonnaise that use hydrogenated vegetable oil. These are the worst kind of fats one can eat. The body, though, actually needs naturally occurring fats, however, in order to be healthy and have balance in nutritional loading. Healthy fats are typically mono-unsaturated fats, particularly those classified as high in Omega 3 fatty acids. Prime sources of Omega-3 fatty acids are flax seed oil one may wish to grind flax seeds in a coffee grinder, or sprinkle them on a salad as a dressing to assure full potency, hemp, pure olive oil and fresh cold-water fish. Dieticians recommend that as much as 25 to 30% of an individual s dietary intake should be comprised of fats. Typically, though, it is easy to consume this level of fat by eating things like cold water, uncontaminated fish or a small portion of nuts each day. Fat is essential for long-term energy storage (though harder to break down, it provides 2 times the amount of energy 2013 Ted Burgess 66

68 that proteins and carbohydrates provide), to insulate vital organs, to sheath (protect, insulate) the synapses of the brain, for healthy skin, and a myriad of other essential tasks and functions. Micronutrients: Micronutrients are those essential vitamins and minerals that our body needs for healthy functioning. These serve the purpose of helping reduce or eliminate oxidation in the body (anti-oxidants), and providing essential materials the body needs for healthy equilibrium. Given that each of us has a unique physiological composition, all of us have different nutritional needs. Essentially, every one of us is the guardian of his or her health, and as such may benefit from partaking of certain substances and avoiding others always with a mind for moderation and balance. Healthy supplements include things such as prescription medication and vitamins used to enhance healthy mind/body function or to correct impaired mind/body function. While important, we recommend consulting with a qualified professional before beginning a natural or prescription supplement regime. Exercising Mindfully Every man is the builder of the temple called his body we are all sculptors and painters, and our material is our flesh and our blood and our bones. Henry David Thoreau Mindful attention to our physical fitness offers an avenue of self-renewal and personal power through balancing the body s need for fitness against other tasks, including available energy. This attention to our physical condition acts as a mechanism of recovery and growth. Fitness is an effective mechanism to prevent or ameliorate a wide range of emotional and physical illnesses. That said, most exercise physiologists teach that 80% of any good exercise program is nutrition. Nutrition and hydration are an 2013 Ted Burgess 67

69 inseparable part of over-all physical health. It is interesting to note that a person can actually begin to lose excess body fat and gain lean muscle mass just by eating 5-6 portions of protein and complex carbohydrates per day with good hydration without time spent in the gym! For this reason, we urge seekers of wellness to formulate a healthy diet as a preparatory endeavor to pursuing a fitness program. There are several physical disciplines that are specifically designed as mindful body activities because they bring full attention to all aspects of the body. Chief among these are Yoga, Tai Chi and Aikido. It is possible to borrow the principles of these disciplines to mindfully engage any physical activity. We propose that the three pillars of mindful fitness are: Flexibility: Flexibility is loosely defined as the elasticity of muscles and ligaments in the body. We think of flexibility in terms of our ability to perform stretches, also called calisthenics. Flexibility governs our range of motion, which is important in nearly every physical activity we do. Activities which develop flexibility include calisthenics, Yoga, and Pilates. Flexibility is especially important during pre-work out strength and endurance preparation in order to avoid injury and maximize muscle performance. A thorough flexibility program would incorporate stretching exercises for all major muscle groups (back, chest, arms, quads, hamstrings, flexors, and calves with some emphasis on joint mobility). Strength: Strength is perhaps the most visible of the three types of fitness, in that it directly affects our physical appearance. Interestingly enough, strength training also has the greatest over-all effect on metabolism. Mindful strength training is simply the act of full engagement with the body during a work out routine. Fitness trainers refer to this 2013 Ted Burgess 68

70 connection as developing the mind-muscle connection. The mind-muscle link is the embodiment of mindful fitness an active attention in a body scan type fashion to the parts of the body that are being used exerted. This has the over-all benefit of assuring proper form, maximizing performance and integrating the activities of the body with the mind and spirit. By working the major muscle groups of the body two to three times per week, it is like adding two extra cylinders to the engine of your car even while idling, you are going to burn more fuel. Strength training can be characterized as resistance training designed to break down muscle fibers in order to rebuild them in a bigger or denser fashion. Obviously, this connotes a period of intense physical exertion, followed by a period of recovery required to allow the damaged muscles to heal. Resistance training can consist of body resistance exercises (pull-ups, sit-ups, floor aerobics, bar-dips, push-ups) or of weight resistance training (machine weights and free weights). A good strength program will incorporate balance in its routines, so that physique development is achieved in harmony. Someone who focuses on bench-press, for example, may develop a muscular chest but without equal emphasis on back muscle development that individuals shoulders would actually be pulled forward, resulting in a hunched, imbalanced appearance (aesthetically bad) and poor posture and excess stress on the mid spine (functionally bad). It is significant to note, too, that the core of any strength-building regimen focuses on the same area of the body that mindfulness of breath first attends to the belly. Exercise physiologists have recently begun to emphasize core work as foundational to the development of other muscle groups, and over all as primary in influencing wellness Ted Burgess 69

71 A comprehensive strength regimen would ideally incorporate all major muscle groups in its regimen, namely deltoids (shoulders); trapezius (neck); triceps and biceps (upper arms); latissimus dorsi and rhomboids (middle and upper back); lower back, obliques, and upper and lower abdomen (the core ); and hip flexors, gluteus maximus, quadriceps, hamstrings and calves (legs). Because there are so many muscle groups, most qualified fitness trainers recommend a split routine a schedule in which different muscle groups are exercised on different days. The only consensus agreement on actual routine schedule would be that it should be tailored to the demands and goals of each individual, with changes incorporated at least every three months to prevent enabling the muscles to become complacent in one fixed range of motion. Cardiovascular conditioning: is the heart of healthy respiration and enhanced breathing attention to which is critical to the practice of mindfulness. It involves mindful aerobic exercise for a minimum of 20 minutes, three times per week. This type of exercise includes such things as jogging, bicycling, swimming and all other athletic engagements that require sustained physical effort (as opposed to short spurt efforts like track sprinting, wrestling or weight lifting). During aerobic activity, heart rate should be between 65-80% of maximum heart rate. A consistent regimen of cardiovascular fitness will bring a lowered heart rate, significantly higher endorphin production (the bodies natural pain killer, feel good chemical resulting in elevated moods, mental sharpness and increased ability to cope with stress), faster metabolism enabling easier processing of food (and in fact the ability to eat more without getting overweight) and stronger more natural breathing. It also significantly decreases rates of heart disease and enhances both life span and quality of life Ted Burgess 70

72 Intermediate and advanced athletes may choose to exercise more frequently and for longer duration though most exercise physiologists counsel one day of physical recuperation per week. At a higher, more self-aware level of fitness, one may also choose to train the upper limits of fitness specifically lactate thresh hold and VO2 maximum, by exercising at levels where the heart is elevated to between % of capacity for set intervals, followed by recovery periods of lower intensity exercise, usually lasting several minutes. In a balanced cardiovascular training program, roughly 80% of cardio exercise will be aerobic (between 60-80% of heart rate maximum), while 20% of activity will be anaerobic (above 85% of heart rate max). When designing a fitness regimen, keep in mind that it is wise to work up to an advanced level in reasonable increments factoring such things as age, weight and medical concerns. As with any aspect of wellness, it is critically important to be gentle with the body, or, as the apostle Paul counseled, not to run faster than you have strength to bear. Finally, while we have outlined basic information, we recommend consulting your physician and / or a qualified fitness professional (exercise physiologist and personal trainer as indicated) to establish your individual limits, targets and goals. Session 3 Home Practice 1. Mindfulness of breath sitting meditation: Maintain your developing mindfulness practice by sitting regularly this week. Try to sit for a minimum of 20 minutes at a time, for 6 of the next 7 days. Record your thoughts and feelings in your weekly journal 2013 Ted Burgess 71

73 2. Progressive mastery: Care of the body: Begin to develop a personal self care of body plan with the aim of eventually attending to all of the six elements of physical wellness outlined in this chapter. You may wish to pursue additional, more detailed readings from the bibliography or other sources that address selfcare. Consistent with the theme of progressive mastery, choose one area and implement wellness changes that will enhance your quality of life. As you start to feel proficient with that particular skill adaptation, select another to add to your self-care plan. Start simply and gently, remembering that the primary predictor of success is creating a program that you will be able to maintain in the context of your work, family and personal commitments. Date: Mindfulness exercise: Length of time: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions 2013 Ted Burgess 72

74 B. Insights about written material: 4-Minding Thoughts A Different Approach to Problem Solving The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change, until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds -R.D. Laing Over the last two chapters, we ve focused on how to attune our minds with our bodies (Chapter 3) and how to be more accepting of our challenges (Chapter 2). Now, it s time to return our attention to our mental states. More specifically, it is time to develop some of the ideas we introduced in Chapter 2 in order to begin cultivating mental habits that, along with our physical wellness, position us to cope with addiction. Addictive behaviors recur, and more particularly reach a sticking point, when lowering mood, addictive triggers, or patterns of negative thinking are reactivated. The 2013 Ted Burgess 73

75 patterns themselves may be automatic. This happens because the mind runs around wellworn grooves as old mental habits switch on and carry the mind away on a familiar, beaten track. Although we speak of patterns of negative thinking, in fact, the recurrence of illness involves the reactivation of a whole integrated package of characteristic thoughts, feelings and even physical sensations. These different components of the package interact in ways that reinforce each other through feedback loops that keep regenerating an entire constellation of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. In this way, an ongoing state of mind is maintained. Even worse, these thoughts and feelings usually exist below the surface of conscious awareness. Lack of awareness is what holds us hostage to our old, self-destructive routines. No one chooses addiction or illness. Rather, these conditions usually come about spontaneously and are more a matter of the mind doing its own thing than conscious choice. Through the practice of mindfulness, consciousness can be restored and these patterns of automatic responses can then be interrupted. This is not always an easy process. Often it can feel like forging a new path through a dense jungle of thick undergrowth; the creation of this new path can be tedious and slow, and, in fact, our minds resist going in new and different directions. It is important to realize in this process, however, that the more frequently we follow a different route, the easier it will become. In this way we may step back from and circumvent, or push through, those familiar yet non-productive routines. The ability to disengage old, automatic responses is the fundamental act of developing a switching point in response to external stressors or even the mind s selfinitiating patterns of illness. This is what we call the x-factor in Mindfulness Based 2013 Ted Burgess 74

76 Recovery, the application of which is like opening and escaping through a window we never realized was there rather than continuing to go through the same exit we use to flee our problems. In this chapter, we talk more about the x-factor, and what follows its application in terms of normalizing our responses to adversity and persisting toward a course of wellness. One Step at a Time The significant problems that we face can never be solved at the level of thinking that created them. Albert Einstein Mindfulness teaches that health and wellness stems from sustainable growth rather than from eliminating disease and distress. Growth occurs as a byproduct of gradual, persistent effort applied over time. Growth is not terminal, it is continuous. That is why we stress action over insight as the critical element of the change process. A focus on change as a gradual process allows us to be both patient and gentle with ourselves as we endeavor, over time, to embrace wellness. This is a view held in contrast to our frequent expectations of quick results. Results that come too quickly usually disappear just as quickly. Persistent effort informs enduring change. The mind is as an active muscle that requires focus, discipline and nourishment, much as the physical body. Challenging our minds promotes adaptation, stimulation and health. By applying quantum theory to the study of the brain s neurological path making, neuroscientists have recently made remarkable discoveries that detail how brains actually in structure throughout an entire life span by a neurological process called activity dependent cortical reorganization. Physician Jeffrey Schwartz describes these actual neurological changes in the brain as a process which literally embodies the x-factor at a cellular level, a proposition which weighs heavily in favor of free will and continuous 2013 Ted Burgess 75

77 possibility for growth and development; no matter how entrenched we may be in a particular behavior or pattern of being. In the 1950's, the medical researcher, David Snowdon, discovered by autopsying a group of nuns that those who regularly practiced mental stimulation through the lifespan were much less susceptible to Alzheimer s disease than their colleagues who engaged themselves with thoughtless repetitive tasks. It is particularly interesting to note that an autopsy revealed no critical difference in organic brain decomposition, but those sisters who actively used their minds developed compensatory systems that allowed their continued cognitive function despite the neurological entropy caused by aging. Mental tasks such as meditation, reading, dialoguing and learning not only ensure satisfactory living in the now, they also serve as a staying measure against deterioration and illness. Moreover, they foster resilience in terms of character responses to environmental adversity, as well as afford a measure of robustness in the face of physiological illness and disease. Finally, they offer a "new" and different neurological and cognitive structure that can soften rigid behavior patterns and help dislodge us from old, maladaptive routines like addictions. Everything Is, in Fact, Entirely Fixable "Maybe" Taoist parable In the October 13, 2003 issue of the New Yorker, Tad Friend wrote an article about the Golden Gate Bridge and its history of being the world s most notorious suicide locale. In that article he tells the following story. At least 1200 people have been seen jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, or found in the waters below, since its opening in It is the worlds leading suicide 2013 Ted Burgess 76

78 destination. The real number of suicides is thought to be considerably higher, since many people jump at night and many bodies are carried out to sea with the neap tide. Only 28 people have survived the plunge off the bridge. Ken Baldwin is one of those 28 survivors. Baldwin was 28 and severely depressed on the August day in 1985 when he told his wife not to expect him home till late. I wanted to disappear, he said. So the Golden Gate was the spot. I d heard that the water just sweeps you under. On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. I still see my hands coming off the railing, he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, I instantly realized that everything in my life that I d thought was unfixable was, in fact, totally fixable except for having just jumped. The views or beliefs we hold about problems, including whether they are fixable or not, are simply views reflective of certain conditions often the condition of learned helplessness or depression, or the failure of imagination and information that comes from dependence on automatic process. As with thoughts, mindfulness can help us view our views (especially ones that tell the story of no hope or way out) with healthy skepticism. A gentle disengagement from rigid views is like the simple act of opening a window and noticing that the quality of light, sound and smell has changed. The room is the same room, but - in an instant - things are different, and it doesn t take a leap off a bridge to arrive there. Instead of leaping, try looking you just might see opportunity instead of adversity. The Spartan, Dienekes, who fought the Persians at Thermopylae, was recorded by noted by Herodotus as one who looked, and be extension 2013 Ted Burgess 77

79 saw, such opportunity. It is said that on the eve of battle he was told by a native of Trachis that the Persian archers were so numerous that, when they fired their volleys, the mass of arrows blocked out the sun. Dienekes, undaunted by this prospect, remarked with a laugh: Good, Then we ll have our battle in the shade. Thoughts as Catalysts of Emotions. If happiness consists of virtuous activity, it must be the activity of the highest virtue, or in other words the best part of our nature. We conclude then that happiness reaches as far as the power of thought, and that the greater a person s power of thought, the greater will be his happiness, not as something accidental, but by virtue of his thinking. Hence, happiness must be a form of contemplation. -- Aristotle The concept of emotional kindling, by way of review, is that emotions are inextricably tied to our whole cognitive perception which in turn is tied to our belief system, or attributions about ourselves and the world around us. Albert Ellis (the theorist behind Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) developed this linkage, utilizing the same x- factor we highlight in the application of MBR. Ellis theorized that by arresting thoughts at their moment of origin, we could then control or at least vastly influence the attendant emotional states tied to those thoughts by way of automatic response. We are in control of the personal, subjective feelings that we project onto the things we observe in the world. In this way, we retain the ability to influence the world as we experience and 2013 Ted Burgess 78

80 perceive it. For example, what would your response be if you found yourself driving down the road and coming upon someone urinating in street with (what seems to be) complete disregard to public manners, hygiene, and cultural norms? Would you interpret this as a sign of the disintegration of the very fabric of society, an assault on one of our most fundamental and long agreed-upon rules, and thus the end of civilization as we know it? Or would you simply see someone, who for whatever reason couldn t make it to the nearest toilet, pissing in the street? The choice, as they say, is yours. In MBR, automatic thoughts are identified as primary triggering agents in the causative chain that can lead to relapse and recurrence. These automatic thoughts are often released after a mild or moderate low-mood event or insult. Automatic thoughts begin a reactive process of attribution, or meaning making, that can shape the low mood event in a predictable expanding direction much as water released from a floodgate will flow along a predictive path. Automatic thought is often loaded cognitively by traumatic or formative developmental experiences, which can be powerful and compelling to the point of overriding more accurate and present moment explanations of events. Automatic cognitions frequently have imbedded irrational beliefs that are distorted in nature. Negative automatic processes intrinsically compromise wellness and may drive a cascading flood of thoughts and feelings that take us hostage, dramatically shift mood, and effectively sever us from the realities of the present moment. This cascading feels regressive and has a forebodingly inevitable quality or feeling. Our repertoire of coping skills diminishes when we are in the grips of an automatic process. Effectively, this process becomes a form of learned helplessness that reinforces the feeling we have lost control of our internal and external world a 2013 Ted Burgess 79

81 depressivegenic state that often drives subsequent impulses to use addictive behavior to seek relief or escape from suffering. Quickly, the thought-feeling cascade triggers physiological changes that further compromise our freedom of response and load the moment with primitive fight or flight imperatives. When this occurs, within a matter of moments we have lost the opportunity to respond differently. We can no longer modulate the flooding process or open ourselves to new information, and are subsequently powerless to audition a new response. In a word, we have lost our resilience. Selective Perception I have suffered thousands of tragedies in my life, a few of which actually happened. Mark Twain In the instant that our fund of stored and automatic meaning rushes in to explain an event in the present moment, we have a golden window of opportunity to diffuse the cascading process, learn new information about reality and ourselves, and build resilience. Selective perception, or automatic attribution, imports a story from past experience to a present moment so that we can make sense of things. The present event may in fact bear some resemblance to a past event, but in the embrace of the old story, the present moment, in its vivid and unique particularity is eclipsed and fades in our awareness. Our precious and delicate connection to the present moment is trumped by history and automatic process. And in that moment, we suffer a loss of freedom and potential to act in novel and creative ways. Our problem-solving capacity and our ability to learn is handicapped we are stuck Ted Burgess 80

82 At some level, the idea that we have been conditioned by years of semiconscious living can be found in all the great religions and philosophies. This semiconscious state promotes reactive, automatic thoughts and behaviors which, over time, become deeply ingrained in our psyche. Mindfulness of thought, practiced over time allows us to see, over and over again, the patterns of semi-conscious, automatic thought that affect our meaning-making habits. This process of observation tends to have several key effects we discover that these patterns of thought are just that, patterns of thought; they are not core truths about reality that are inviolable. We experience the compulsive power of these thoughts diminishing as they play out in our awareness but are not enhanced or re-invigorated by active engagement their mindless and even boring, repetitive quality becomes more distinct and obvious. We discover that we can watch thoughts (and even feelings) without acting on them. We establish a place, apart from thoughts, where we can reside and observe. We discover in a self-evident way, that we are more than our thoughts, and that our thoughts are really conditions that have a certain history and a certain force or momentum independent from us, a momentum however, that we often rekindle by habitual response or engagement. After a time, through the process of consistently observing our thoughts, we begin to see past them to what they are covering. We can discover, or recover, a freedom of action that is not determined by automatic thought, but is guided by healthier principles of intuitive action which lead to new information and different experience. Staying Present It is because of our attachment to things that we suffer. Sogyal Rinpoche 2013 Ted Burgess 81

83 While aware of automatic processes, we can remain benignly skeptical of them and defer to the present moment as the subject that deserves our primary attention. We can adopt the healthy assumption that the present moment will tend to be different from our presumptions and worthy of a beginner s mind s investigation. We can cultivate an expectation that the present moment, if left unspoiled by automatic process and attribution, will tend to surprise us with previously undiscovered and different information that can teach us something new and important about reality that may have been hidden. This information can direct our action and response in more effective and creative ways. Our learning ability and resilience will correspondingly increase and we will experience a greater degree of freedom in the present moment we will become more teachable. Problems, which beforehand may have seemed impermeable and fixed, will lose their rigidity and fixedness. Unexpected solutions or approaches will appear, or our entire perception of them may shift and former problems may simply cease to be a matter of concern or distress. Our fundamental problem-solving capacity and style will tend to be more collaborative and reflective of reality, hence more accurate, pragmatic and effective. In any case, in MBR we believe a gentle but persistent focus on the present moment, and a preference for the present moment s information over the information encoded in automatic process, will lead to greater resilience and well being. This process of disengagement is not one of psychic numbing, disassociation, or suppression. In mindfulness, we build a bigger space to hold the contents of the mind and heart. We may notice the familiar flow and undertow of negative thoughts and irrational beliefs, we may feel the emotional tug at the sleeve, the soft drop in our spirit, the sudden 2013 Ted Burgess 82

84 surge of anxiety in our gut, but in that instant we gently acknowledge and simultaneously gently refuse the invitation to engage. We turn back to the present moment and continue to listen to the breath or body. We repeatedly step off the cascading rollercoaster at precisely the moment when we realize we have jumped on, no matter how far into the ride we may be. We may lose focus, lose attention, lose presence of mind along the way, but mindfulness is an infinitely forgiving process we can always return to a present moment that is pristine and available for our reflection. This form of disengagement is a turning toward the moment, an act of intimacy with self and the world, not detachment or distancing from the difficult and unpleasant. And it is something you often need permission to do either overtly, from a mentor or teacher or by watching someone else and realizing it is a doable, permissible and healthy strategy. Responsibility vs. Helplessness This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune, often the surfeit of our own behavior, we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and stars. William Shakespeare By letting go of our attachments to pre-conceived outcomes and learning to accept things as they are, we paradoxically gain a remarkable ability to influence the events and people around us. Attribution theory proposes that the more psychologically robust a person is, the more internal will be their attributions. This internal locus of control is achieved by accepting responsibility for behavior. Responsibility is not about accepting blame for a certain event which is a shame-based, subverted version of responsibility. It is rather seeing oneself as a part of a solution to a perceived problem or stressful event. The ability to accept responsibility for a potential solution requires authenticity and transparency of self as a precursor to acknowledging and subsequently implementing 2013 Ted Burgess 83

85 beneficial change. Disengaging, then, becomes more than the ability to objectively view thoughts and feelings, it becomes a candid appraisal of character including strengths and weaknesses viewed in context as part of the whole and complete self. By letting go of our attachment to certain results and doing for doing s sake we may discover a mechanism to achieve a powerful symmetry between thought, will and task that magnifies our potential and efficacy. The ability to thoughtfully and artfully disengage the empty rowboats of external attributions (attributing the events in our lives to negative, even malicious causes), powerful reactive emotions (such as anger or wounded-ness) and distorted perception (called in cognitive behavior therapy thinking errors) is an empowering process. This theme is captured in the serenity prayer of twelve step traditions: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference Wisdom comes as we recognize our real place in the present, which brings with it an attendant awareness of options and choices unfettered by misperceptions and inaccurate beliefs. When we engage this source of wisdom, we become things to act rather than things to be acted upon we achieve a state of serenity. Jean Piaget, a renowned Swiss psychologist, discovered in his studies of cognition that an infant views objects and assimilates information by seeing things in small segments though it lacks the ability often to put the information together cohesively. If you were to place a large photograph in front of a 6-month-old infant, for instance, you would be able to track its vision as it surveyed the picture. If you drew lines to each point upon which the infant s vision rested, you would end up with a haphazard compilation of scribbles. This is because an infant lacks the cognitive development to view the 2013 Ted Burgess 84

86 photograph as a singular image, or composite whole. As the infant grows and develops, it begins to be able to see things in context. Visual stimulus is no longer assimilated in chaotic form, but in ordered sequence. Each piece gives in a synergistic way more powerful meaning and value to the pieces around it. When we are able to step back and examine our thoughts dispassionately / objectively, we demonstrate a cognitive maturation akin to a developing mind that, for the first time, begins to grasp the inter-relatedness of pieces of a bigger picture. Our lives are interpreted through a different lens, with more attention given to the unity of themes and patterns rather focusing on isolated events. We are also able to transcend the boundaries of narrow-minded thinking which lends itself to viewing things in terms of black or white, or all or nothing absolute values. Instead, we begin to view things from a global and more meaningful perspective. We step outside of a self-absorbed focus and begin to view ourselves as an integral part of a greater community a process that Piaget called ego de-centering, or disengaging self from ego. In doing so, we gain the ability to divest ourselves of entitlement and self preoccupation. We shift from egocentricity to interconnectivity as our driving motivator. Mindfulness of thought emphasizes the x-factor, the ability to disengage ruminative, destructive thought processes, as a mechanism for health and well-being. Thoughts, in point of fact, are not facts. An awareness of our thoughts as subjective, transiently experienced sensations, much like physical pleasure or discomfort, prepares us to note our thoughts objectively without allowing them to determine the nature and shape of our reality. Standing behind a waterfall, for instance, may offer us a different perspective than standing under it! In that case something that was wet, cold, and 2013 Ted Burgess 85

87 uncomfortably burdensome may in fact become a source of beauty and splendor with a few short steps backward. The waterfall has not changed but our relationship to it has transformed. Through sitting practice, we can notice parts of ourselves that are repetitive, immature and stuck ultimately becoming bored with our fallacies rather than enamored with them and changing our relationship to them and the attendant power they have to shape our beliefs about ourselves. Alternately, by stepping back and observing anything in our lives, we gain a new appreciation and understanding for it. A mediation teacher once observed, after watching his western students jump up after the meditation period that it was like watching someone carefully ascend a ten-foot ladder, rung by rung, then arrive at the top and without further reflection leap off into space. It s okay to take some time when you finish your sitting to quietly take in your self and your surroundings see what you can preserve of the mindfulness experience as you head off into the day. Session 4 Home Practice Creative Mindfulness 1. Haiga: Mindful Drawing It is the space between the bars that holds the tiger. Zen proverb Take a pen and paper and pick a small household object, something familiar to you. Set aside 20 minutes and make a simple line drawing of this object. Give yourself permission to explore this object for the next 20 minutes. Let your eyes rest on the object. Try to follow its contours and lines with patience and curiosity. Approach your paper from the perspective empty paper, blank mind. Empty space is as real and important as solid objects, with what is left out as important as what is drawn in. The point is to pay undivided attention to the object in front of you use your eyes and hands to trace each 2013 Ted Burgess 86

88 bend, dip, and corner, hard or soft. Simply focus on the object as if you had never really seen it before. Don t let the mind make this complicated or difficult note your thoughts then return to the object and complete the assignment. Briefly journal about this experience when you are done. 2. Haiku: Mindfulness of the Everyday Brevity is the soul of wit William Shakespeare Haiku is the shortest form of poetry in the realm of literature. Its simple, three line structure is capable of capturing deep meaning and intuitive awakening to the present moment simply through observing the world as it is around us. There is no symbolism in Haiku, it simply captures life as it is it is the photography of poetry. Haiku is a sound reflection of mindfulness, finding meaning and wonder in the simple, everyday things of life. In the words of R.H. Blythe, it is the final flower of Eastern culture, and it knows when enough has been said. Haiku was elevated to its current status by the 17 th century Japanese poet Matsuo Basho. Basho taught learn the rules well, and then forget them. He also emphasized to his students Go to the pine if you want to learn about the pine, or to the bamboo if you want to learn about the bamboo. And in so doing you must let go of your subjective preoccupation with yourself you poetry arises by itself when you and the object have become one. Basho s brilliance was his ability to see the universe in the smallest detail, with the pure and innocent eyes of a child fascinated and absorbed. Set aside 20 minutes for this exercise you can do this inside or out. Sit with a quiet open attention and listen to the world around you. Give yourself permission to listen to the present moment as it arrives to your senses. Make a simple three-line poem 2013 Ted Burgess 87

89 noting the sounds, smells, events as you become aware of them. Include your thoughts or feelings if you want (see examples). Including a seasonal reference can help anchor the attention in the present moment. Listen and look for small details you might normally miss. Forget about rhyme, syllables, symmetry or making something beautiful. This is just a shorthand method to bring the present moment into focus and capture an unrepeatable portion of your life that you were witness too. Haiku Examples: In the morning dew Dirtied, cool A muddy melon Basho Look children, Hailstones! Let s rush out! Basho The dogs Kindly get out of the way In the snowy road Issa Not a single stone To throw at the dog The winter moon Taiga The leeks Newly washed white How cold it is! Basho To wake, alive in this world What happiness! Winter rain Taigi One umbrella Entering into the woods In a cold rain Richard Wright The sun is drying Yellow leaves stuck on the wall By last night s rainstorm Richard Wright Date: Mindfulness exercise: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions 2013 Ted Burgess 88

90 B. Comments/Questions on written material: Chapter 5 - Minding Actions Morita/Constructive Living If there is any freedom in your life, it lies in your behavior, in what you do, it just seems sensible to build your life on what offers you freedom and control -your actions- rather than trying to build a life on elusive feelings. - David Reynolds Shoma Morita was a Japanese physician, born in 1874, who devoted his career to the treatment of patients suffering from anxiety, depression, social phobia and low selfesteem. The therapy that Dr. Morita introduced, called Morita, and its western translation, Constructive Living (CL), are action-centered therapies that emphasize a behavior-centered life over a feeling-centered life. In Morita s teachings and practice, which David Reynolds (the first western psychotherapist to adapt Morita and Naikan for his patients) describes as a process of education rather then therapy, feelings are not 2013 Ted Burgess 89

91 disparaged. Feelings are acknowledged as real and important, but are seen as unreliable and not, for the most part, directly changeable by will or desire and not a stable focus for change in psychotherapy. In Constructive Living, our choices, the history of our behaviors and actions, are seen ultimately as the sum of who we are. In the realms of feelings, thoughts and behaviors, it is personal action that CL teaches we have the most control over, and hence where we should place our focus and energy. We can, for the most part, control and direct our actions (though not always or even often the results) and can rely on and turn to our actions in the present moment as a refuge and a way to remake the past. This focus on action has some obvious corollary to aspects of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). At the time that Morita introduced his approach, however, it was a radical departure from western psychotherapy, challenging many widely held beliefs in western psychotherapy, such as: feelings can be repaired, expressing feelings gets them out, unfelt feelings exist (though suppressed or unexpressed feelings are recognized), getting in touch with unfelt feelings is helpful and useful, feelings cause behaviors. A Mindful Approach to Emotions I discovered that I could perceive the reality that underlay personalities; I saw how the origin of emotional sickness lay in people s belief that they were their personalities. -David R. Hawkins In Chapter 3, we discussed a few of the neurological implications of continued substance use. By way of review, the neurotransmitter dopamine regulates our sense of pleasure, arousal and excitement. The dopamine pathways run through the central part of the brain called the mesolimbic system, to the Nucleus Accumbens. The Nucleus Accumbens generates both endogenous opioids and dopamine in order to affirm certain 2013 Ted Burgess 90

92 behaviors and motivate individuals to act in particular ways. The reward pathway is a neural network in the middle of the brain that prompts good feelings in response to certain behaviors, such as relieving hunger, quenching thirst or having sex. The same circuit also responds to drugs of abuse, such as heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine and nicotine, which seem to hijack the circuitry, altering the behavior of its neurons. The nucleus accumbens is the engine of the reward response. Researchers have discovered that the reward pathway activates both pain relief through the release endogenous opioids, or pain killers, and dopamine, the neurotransmitter that governs our pleasure and arousal. Though the circuitry reinforces vital evolutionary drives, overstimulation of the dopamine pathways causes basic changes in the mesolimbic function over time. Part of these changes occur in the hypothalamus, an occupant of the "mesolimbic" district that regulates emotions. Through chronic over-stimulation of the pleasure pathways, the hypothalamus assumes a greater role in everyday experience. Emotions become more powerful, harder to control, and trigger a wider range of experience or mood swings. Over stimulation of the dopamine pathway in the mesolimbic system is also implicated in the formation of chronic schizophrenia contributing to such emotions as paranoia, obsessiveness, worry, anxiety and irritability. In short, chronic indulgence in pleasure stimulating activities causes a permanent change in brain chemistry that makes us more susceptible to anger, stress, anxiety and mood swings. Oddly, though these emotions become stronger and take a more vigorous role in governing our experiences in life as we indulge addictive, pleasure activating behaviors, 2013 Ted Burgess 91

93 the part of the brain that understands and interprets emotions the orbital frontal lobe, actually atrophies. Thus, as our emotions become stronger, we also become less able to understand and regulate them. The quality of our daily experience tends to become increasingly reactive, unmanageable, and largely influenced by external events that may queue us toward certain feeling states regardless of our own intentions or efforts. In contrast, emotions that are described as compassion, intimacy, peace and euphoric well-being activate the frontal lobe and are associated with significant increases in the neurotransmitter serotonin. As opposed to the mesolimbic system, which is considered part of the primal or base brain, the frontal lobe comprises a portion of the executive brain, or "higher" functions. The frontal lobe also governs sustainable focus, impulse control and judgment. Through our discussion of equilibrium, also in chapter three, we learned that one of the goals of living in balance was centering ourselves between the traditional dichotomies of fight and flight, a function of the sympathetic nervous system. Mindfulness suggests that this middle road is essentially synthesis a way of living that brings into reconciliation the dichotomies of thesis and antithesis; and that the juxtaposed, dualistic reality offered by those dichotomies is essentially a false system of living rooted in fear the very emotion which activates the sympathetic nervous system. Fear drives a perpetual cycling between extremes of fight and flight that effectively halts personal growth and keeps us running in circles, much as a dog chasing its tail. Mindfulness is a practice of connecting fully to the present moment, and in turn being integrated with and responsive to it in a non-judgmental, welcoming and kind fashion Ted Burgess 92

94 A mindful approach to life points to a state of accepting and extending compassion and kindness to others and the world as they are without attachment to our subjective perceptions of how they should or must be. Conversely, fear creates a subjective world laden with false beliefs, attributions and attachments. One acronym for fear is a false experience appearing real. Fear transposes a subjective lens over reality, which skews our view of the objective world, effectively making it impossible to embrace it in its true form. This fear colored belief set drives our sense of separateness that is almost as restrictive as a literal prison though the prison of fear is more mental than actual. This prison holds us hostage to old behaviors and denies us the freedom to engage the present as a new and unsullied opportunity to live in purity free from addiction. As mentioned chapter one, feelings can trigger the latent addiction template, which seems implicated in recurrent use, or relapse. With each successive full-blown relapse event, the addictive template seems to be more self-generating. These illness templates become less dependent on environmental insults (kindling) and the sufferer s vulnerability to future episodes increases. Seemingly slight alterations in mood, if they proliferate, can lead to relapse. The importance of finding new ways to work with unpleasant feelings (stepping out of automatic pilot) is an important aspect of the MBR wellness model building tolerance and resilience for unpleasant and distressing emotions, thoughts or sensations that are the most commons triggers of addictive behavior. Mindfulness practice encourages using awareness to identify feelings as just feelings, recalling that feelings tend to diminish if they are not re-stimulated and 2013 Ted Burgess 93

95 allowing feelings to be felt as they are, rather then analyzed. MBR teaches that it is engagement and rumination that tend to exaggerate and entrench or rekindle feeling states. Mindfulness techniques encourage the gentle acceptance and tolerance of feelings, including noting and letting go of rumination regarding feelings by using a focus on the breath and body to anchor attention in the present moment when strong or disturbing feelings threaten equilibrium. In MBR, we also encourage the use of constructive distraction when feelings are distressing or intolerable. Constructive living encourages acknowledging the feeling and then doing what needs to be done anyway. Mindfulness and Morita do not encourage masochism or martyrdom when being mindful of feelings. It may be helpful to recall that, in one sense, feelings really belong to nature. We are creatures with a shared and built in sensitivity to our environment, with brains, central nervous systems and nerve pathways that react and respond to insults, injuries, hormones and illnesses in very similar and predictable ways. Mindfulness aims at a middle way between suppression and dissociative strategies of transient feeling states on the one hand, and immersion and overidentification with those states on the other. Mindfully managing emotions involves neither suppression of the emotion (with its attendant ego defense strategies), selfcastigation for the experiencing of the emotion, nor wanton indulgence of the emotion, rather it suggests the possibility of successfully navigating difficult emotions through finding balance and equanimity. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goldman reinforces this idea: The goal is balance, not emotional suppression: every feeling has its value and significance. A life without passion would be a dull wasteland of neutrality cut off and isolated from the richness of life itself. What is wanted, as Aristotle taught, is appropriate emotion Ted Burgess 94

96 Mindfulness of feelings, combined with active mindfulness practices and constructive distraction can increase the holding space or capacity to accept unpleasant feelings, and to choose a proactive, rather than reactive response. When used regularly, these actions build tolerance and resilience and become protective factors against relapse and recurrence. Mohammed taught: Who do you imagine to be strong and powerful, it is he who masters himself when angry. Consider this classic Zen parable within the context of mindfully managing emotions: A Japanese warrior with a reputation for his ferocity in battle traveled to a Zen master intent on learning Mushi, the way of the calm, disengaged warrior a philosophy of fighting that emphasized a harmony of unity with sword and movement that was considered amongst the Samurai the highest form of sword fighting. It was believed that Mushi could only be attained by cleansing one s self of subjective attachment to life and death. As death was his trade, he often sought to resolve the troubling question of life after death. When he arrived, he asked the Zen master, Master, do Heaven and Hell exist? The monk snorted: How pretentious, an ignorant soldier supposing he could understand the nature of life and death stop wasting my time and leave now! The warrior exploded with anger, for no one spoke to him in such a tone and lived to tell the tale. Driven by rage, the warrior drew his sword, intent on delivering a lethal stroke. The Master simply bowed his head and whispered, The gate to Hell. The enraged warrior froze in astonishment. In that instant, he realized that it was his own rage that brought Hell to himself and to those he attacked. More importantly, he realized the master had risked his life to teach him this truth. Breathing deeply, he let 2013 Ted Burgess 95

97 out a controlled rush, replaced his sword, and bowed reverently before the master, filled with a sense of awe and deep respect for the monk who offered insight so pointedly, and so courageously. The monk smiled lovingly at his pupil: And this, he said, is the gate to Heaven. Feelings are often wild creatures or unruly children, which, if given unchecked reign, may precipitate and perpetuate chaos, literally. A person in the throes of an addiction is essentially living a feeling-driven life. We have the capacity, though, to sit quietly at the watering hole as silent observers and allow our feelings to drink deeply at which point they typically "settle" into a state of tranquility. C.S. Lewis affirms: What is lust compared to the purity and richness of desire that will arise when lust has been killed? Cycle of Addiction Actions of avoidance, control Cycle of Wellness Constructive Action Feeling of isolation Feelings of despair Feelings of belonging Feelings of self-worth Actions of self-indulgence Actions of self-nurturing There are three basic types of behavior: positive/constructive, neutral/passive, and negative/self-destructive. Abiding in the constructive mode is the ultimate and final key to remaining clean and sober, and mindfulness is the critical path to the realm of constructive action. Constructive actions require work and are rarely "convenient." They may be things that initially seem burdensome but typically result in a tangible or emotional benefit once done. Going to a meeting when you are tired, working out at the gym, or visiting an infirm relative may be a few. It is important to realize that most "constructive living" is effortful and as such is rarely something we "feel" like doing 2013 Ted Burgess 96

98 before hand. These same things, however, are things that almost always cause us to "feel" better things we are glad we did after the fact and leave us with a sense of wellbeing, connectedness, or accomplishment. It is these activities which are the recipe for successful living. In one sense, they are the daily medicine which if done faithfully, will keep the addiction disease in full remission and allow you to live a full, unfettered life. Treatment Goals of Constructive Action In medicine, cure is usually considered equivalent to the elimination of disease (infection, depression, cancer). If a person s disease has not been eliminated but has been improved or prevented from advancing, we generally do not use the word cure. Instead, we may say that the person has had a partial response to treatment. If a person s underlying disease persists without significant improvement but, through the use of medicine, acupuncture, exercise, diet, relaxation techniques, etc., then we are able to minimize the distress the person experiences, we may speak of controlling or managing the symptoms. Western medicine and psychotherapy generally focus on disease, on those aspects of a person s physical, emotional or social condition which cause distress. We see distress as an abnormal state. The goal of treatment is to restore the patient to normal health by eliminating, alleviating or, at least, suppressing his disease. The Moritist concept of cure is different. Dr. Morita based both the process and the goals of his therapy on his observations of reality. To him, complete elimination of symptoms seemed not only unrealistic but perhaps, even undesirable. Painful feelings like anxiety, self-doubt and fear are parts of a fully lived life. To eliminate these feelings if such a thing were possible would be to eliminate our humanity. Each of us 2013 Ted Burgess 97

99 has a unique combination of desirable and undesirable character traits and physical traits. That combination is what makes us individuals. If we succeeded in eliminating all the personal traits we consider flaws -- everything about ourselves that causes us distress -- we would eliminate our individuality. Most of Dr. Morita s patients, like most of us today, devoted tremendous effort towards removing those feelings and traits they found unacceptable in themselves. Only because their efforts failed did they enter therapy. In constructive living, it is not distressing feelings and traits that need elimination; it is our relentless focus on those feelings and traits. That focus, rather than the imperfections themselves, is usually what prevents us from realizing our potential and living interesting, meaningful lives. Suffering emerges from maladaptive attitudes and approaches to living, more than from pathology. A Morita patient is considered cured when she: 1) is able to accept her less-than-desirable feelings and traits as parts of herself, 2) no longer feels the need to eliminate those traits, 3) is able to direct her efforts towards effectively interacting with the world outside herself rather than towards eliminating her distress, and 4) can pursue her curiosity, talents and goals fully, even with her symptoms. Four Themes of Constructive Living 1. The present moment includes you but is always larger then you what else inhabits the present moment besides you and your thoughts and feelings? Accept reality (feelings) Know your purpose (know your objective) Do what needs to be done (you can accomplish much in spite of your feelings) 2. Rather then pursuing happiness or other desirable feeling states CL recommends: Be the kind of person one can count on and respect Be alert, aware, curious, intrigued and challenged by life Work on getting done what needs doing before you die Offer something worthwhile to others Lose yourself in constructive activities 2013 Ted Burgess 98

100 3. Emergency relief for feelings (indirect influence of feelings by behavior). What to do when feelings become overwhelming. Constructive distraction Waiting Letting go of intentional re-stimulation Not suppressing, not belittling---acting anyway 4. CL Assignments: The Real Teacher (Physician/Therapist) Constructive living and Morita rely primarily on assignments The doing is the teacher Your reality and results that attend certain actions are the primary instructor or guide, not the therapist, your relationship with him or her, or in the end, the skills and talents of the instructor Constructive Living Activities Reflective silence a day where only words of thanks, apology and comments about the present moment are permissible Look for something new (unnoticed) in your daily environment. Do that each day for a week Start correspondence with a stranger, someone different from you (in age or circumstance) and make the subject of their life and experience the focus Thank someone in your life ten times a day, using ten different expressions of gratitude Draw an object from everyday life (called Haiga explained later in the chapter) Give a gift to someone every day for a week (include tasks, time etc) Perform a secret service for someone at least three times in a week---no one can see you Give someone a letter in which you have thought out and penned their best qualities Do something small, like putting a quarter in a gumball machine and leaving it there 2013 Ted Burgess 99

101 Take the time to perceive the needs of a colleague at work, and go out of your way one afternoon to assist with those needs Pick up your children early from school and take them to a fun place Let everyone who is waiting on side streets pull in front of you for an entire trip in your vehicle not to help them, but rather to school yourself to be kind and generous Communicate with someone you do not know, or may only know peripherally, a healing message this will require you actively look for opportunities to do so Arrive early at your office or workplace and bow to your computer, stapler, calculator, chair...thanking them for their support and help Students may be asked to journal on these assignments daily and then report back to the CL teacher on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Feelings are noted and acknowledged, but the focus is always shifted back to what action the student can take with any particular dilemma or conflict including the strategies of waiting, letting go of re-stimulation, and not suppressing but acting anyway. Reflect again upon the wisdom of David Reynolds: We are continuously creating our histories Constructive living works to create a past filled with purposeful, meaningful activity With such a past I become one who lives constructively. It is our history (actions) that determine who we are now If I am one who ran away from troubles in the past I see myself as a coward; if I am one who sacrificed for principles, then I am a principled person. Fortunately we have the ability to create a new past by means of changing what we are doing now. This moment becomes the recent past. Then it begins to sink beneath the weight of even more recent events, like sediment on the floor of the ocean. The old floor of my past can be completely covered by layers of new behaviors and habits. It is important to emphasize that the past doesn t determine what we do now. Rather we determine what the past will become by what we do now I can change who I am by trying new solutions to recurring problems. 3. Walking Meditation / Active Mindfulness: When walking under normal circumstances our movements are almost entirely automatic, requiring little concentration or conscious thought. Walking meditation is a meditation training that uses the ordinary act of walking as its object. It concentrates the mind on the individual movements needed to take one step at a time. - Peter Pamipadipo General Instructions: 2013 Ted Burgess 100

102 Walking is typically viewed as a transitional state. When most of us walk, our mind is focused on the destination, not on the process or journey. In fact, it is very common to walk to a place and not nearly recollect all or even most of the steps that got us there, because we have tuned out, or put ourselves on automatic pilot. Walking meditation, called Kinhin in traditional mindfulness practice, is a mechanism to bring intentional awareness to an otherwise rote and mundane activity. When Kinhin is correctly engaged, footstep, ground and ego cease to become separate entities, but flow together in unity in this sense the ground anchors and almost pulls the body forward to its next place, and the destination becomes a byproduct of the journey. Begin Kinhin by finding an unobstructed pathway, inside or out, of at least 10 feet or so. Remove your shoes, if possible. Stand still, feet spread slightly, hands grasped loosely in the front or back, eyes resting on the walking path, approximately six feet in front of you. Take a moment to locate the breath while standing and sweep the body, noticing areas of tenseness, pain, contraction or relaxation. Let your attention fall to the soles of your feet and notice the sensation of the surface supporting you. Remind yourself of the instructions (see below) and give yourself permission to be in the present moment for the next 20 minutes or so, acknowledging your body for its ability to move and engage in this activity. Instruct your mind to focus on the activity of walking for the next 20 minutes. Begin the walking meditation practice. When your thoughts wander, simply note thinking and return awareness to the walking process. When completed, stand still. Notice your thoughts, feelings and awareness. Take a few minutes to briefly journal about this experience. Specific instructions for walking meditation (Kinhin): 2013 Ted Burgess 101

103 1) Take up the standing position, the eyes open and relaxed, focused on the path ahead Attention resting with the feet. While walking in Kinhin, steps should be very small, generally no larger than half the distance of the opposite foot. Steps should be timed so that they parallel the natural rhythm of a complete breath cycle one inhalation/exhalation. 2) Raise the right foot slowly, heel up first, then raise the right foot off the ground entirely, beginning the forward movement, keeping the attention with the right foot and lower leg. Slowly lower the right foot to the ground, noticing what part comes into contact first, noticing the surface, contours and pressure. Complete the forward movement, noticing how the weight of the body shifts to the right foot as you complete the forward movement. Only then do you shift your attention to your left foot, slowly raising the heel up in preparation to move the left foot forward 3) Continue in this manner to the end of your walking path. The mind may wander, note the thought: past, future, present environment, speculation, and return to the object of meditation either the right or left foot 4) Turning: Turn mindfully when you reach the end of your walking path. Stop for a moment and note that you are standing and still. Turn in three stages, pausing briefly at each turn, noting the body movement involved in turning, until you are, once again, facing the walking path and ready to resume. Locate the breath, sweep the body gently, settle the awareness to the feet, and then start again, with the right foot. Summary 2013 Ted Burgess 102

104 We believe it is important to acknowledge and honor that your life and how you choose to live it is your fundamental teacher. It is your own mindful practice that conducts you toward optimal health and balanced living. We encourage you to examine the models, tools and skills we offer for their utility to you. We understand and respect that, in the end; you create your own prescription; never alone, and always with the gifts which your life offers you. We are grateful for the privilege you give us with your time, attention and consideration as we endeavor to share this model of wellness with you. Morita and CL emphasize that action and reality what happens are the real teachers in life. Feelings are real, and carry important information but a feeling-centered life can lead to disaster. We must find constructive ways to respond to feelings, then act - guided by our values- with the feelings we happen to have at the moment, or in spite of them. Feelings are transient, difficult to control, and often mysterious. In a real sense, they are nature and in important ways not personal. We don t have to change feelings, eradicate them, or possess them in order to act. We can wait, watch, listen, build a bigger space for our feeling life, without adding to them, and still choose what needs doing. In doing this we build resilience, wellness, balance, maturity and character. This focus on action and its results, the importance of experimenting with new behaviors and skills, sets the tone for Mindfulness Based Recovery with its emphasis on personal practice and self-paced learning. Our objective is to offer sound, effective tools for you that we use in our own life and provide you with the support and coaching to adopt these skills in ways that fit you. We also believe feelings are important and honor that part of your life, but have become convinced that focusing on active mindfulness practices and skills promises the most benefits to you. Benefits that are deceptively 2013 Ted Burgess 103

105 simple but will take root over time and hold a transformative potential that is independent of others (be they teachers, gurus, or advisors) with their strengths and limitations we wish you success and continued perseverance in your efforts to show up and use this material. 1. Walking Meditation Session 5 Home Practice 2. Constructive Living: Choose three constructive living activities to complete this week. Note your thoughts and feelings during and subsequent to your action. What was it like for you? If you performed an act of service, how did it feel? Journal your feelings related to your activity and, if you are comfortable, share them with someone you trust. 3. Daily mindfulness practice: You may opt to alternate between sitting and another mindful exercise or activity this week. Whatever you choose, approach it with active engagement and attentiveness. 4. Motivation Inventory (Contemplative Assignment) Consider the following poem from Mother Theresa: People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered; forgive them anyway If your are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway If you are successful, you will win some false friends, and some true enemies; succeed anyway If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway Spend your whole life building something, and someone may tear it down overnight; build anyway The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you have anyway You see, in the final analysis, all this is between you and God; it was never between you and them.. anyway. -Mother Teresa In the following journal page, take a personal inventory of those things that you find yourself "doing anyway." Date: Mindfulness exercise: Length of time: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions 2013 Ted Burgess 104

106 B. Comments/Questions on written material: Chapter 6 - Minding feelings It is interesting to reflect that the word for mind in Pali is citta, which means both the mind and to shine; to be bright; beautiful and is used synonymously to mean the heart, or source of love years ago, a group of Buddhist monks ventured into the jungle in order to cultivate meditation skills in potentially adverse and threatening circumstances. They intuitively believed that through advanced meditation, they would be able to reach such a state of harmony through which all living things would cease to have enmity in their presence (Patanjali). As they encountered the terrifying realities of the jungle, some physical, some spiritual, they eventually fled back to civilization. The monks had been 2013 Ted Burgess 105

107 unable to confront their fears. Seeking guidance from the Buddha, they asked for counsel; some scholars suggest they even petitioned to take soldiers with them, who might be able to protect them from the hostile jungle. Buddha s response, however, was not to arm them with weapons. Instead, Buddha armed them with a classic meditation practice called Metta, translated variously as loving/kindness, and "compassion." The Buddha emphasized that loving kindness was the only way to effectively and enduringly overcome fear; and so, armed with love, the monks set out once again to tackle the terror of their jungle. Tradition tells us that they were successful, and since that time the practice of Metta has been handed down amongst practitioners of mindfulness as a means of cultivating love, overcoming fear, reconciling ourselves to the world around us, and awakening the compassionate heart. As we ve established throughout the previous chapters of this book, addiction is in many ways a product of fear and mindfulness is the critical pathway through fear to courage, resolve, and finally compassion. Metta is a traditional meditation practice used to cultivate the quality and energy of compassion. It begins by first practicing compassion for oneself, and then, Metta progressively expands our focus to include loved ones, neutral persons, and ultimately people we dislike. Metta emphasizes the natural progression of compassion in this order, as something that reaches from the inside out to eventually encompass all things around us. As with most generative developmental hierarchies, it starts with inner reflection of learning to be compassionate with ourselves. Metta is a Pali word (the language believed to be used by the Buddha and his followers) and is translated variously as loving-kindness, goodwill, friendliness and, most 2013 Ted Burgess 106

108 significantly (for MBR), as non-aversion or not dwelling on aversion. Metta practice is traditionally characterized as a solvent, a healing power for emotional wounds, as an antidote to a sense of antagonism and separation from others, as a source of psychological and even physical protection for the practitioner, and as a sweetener of the mind in meditation practice. The goal of Metta practice is to intentionally cultivate an inner core sense of acceptance, non-judgment and non-aversion that can eventually mature into forgiveness for the qualities we encounter in ourselves and others that are a source of frustration, dislike and disappointment. Metta practice is premised on the belief that our ability to increase the capacity for non-judgment and acceptance is not limited by temperament or history, is not dependent on external forces or powers, and can be purposefully cultivated by regular practice. MBR sees Metta as a complimentary preventative practice that can enrich mindfulness and protect against relapse/recurrence. Metta can be done formally in your mindfulness practice on a regular basis. Metta can also be used intentionally in everyday life, in the moment, to counter the mind s natural and automatic tendency to judge others and compound our instinctive liking and disliking with rumination and attribution. As we ve outlined before, MBR identifies this tendency to compound the actual event, as a triggering/kindling behavior implicated in relapse and recurrence. In chapter 6 we examine some of the characteristics of loving-kindness practice in detail, how to apply Metta, and the potential benefits to the practitioner. We then link this practice with the MBR model of wellness and illness, reviewing how we believe 2013 Ted Burgess 107

109 Metta connects with MBR s core themes. Chapter 6 concludes with a guided Metta meditation and home assignments. Metta as the Guiding Spirit, and Litmus Test of Mindfulness Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of Loving-acceptance. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind. -Venerable Panyavaro One of the guiding principles in MBR is to identify and promote conservative, gradual, and progressive interventions in creating an enduring foundation for sobriety and wellness. The mindfulness skills taught in MBR are intentional strategies of intervention with automatic processes that, left unchecked, often lead to self-disparaging thoughts, excessive analysis, self-judgment and painful emotions potential kindling states for recurrence and relapse. We encourage patient persistence and forbearance with habitual patterns of thought and emotion as we experiment with mindfulness practice; the gradual adoption of new behaviors; and the expectation of increased resilience and periods of wellness over time. This soft approach to personal transformation embodies the spirit of Metta that we think is essential in building new habits and behaviors. Without loving-kindness, mindfulness can seem aloof, cold and analytical; another forced regime imposed on our unruly minds and emotions. Metta is the ambient quality of mindfulness in MBR that provides feedback to us regarding hidden intentions or wrong direction. If a practice feels de-humanizing, desensitizing, forced or distressing, Metta points us back to balance, patience, acceptance and constructive action. It is an inner barometer that can guide us in the sometimes confusing and difficult process of trial and error, which is the inescapable condition of real change Ted Burgess 108

110 Metta and Connectivity: Illness States (Both Psychological and Physical) and Isolation When we begin to appreciate what we have in common with those around us, then we realize that basically there are no boundaries, no ultimate separation. There is an interconnection, which we all can be sensitive to and through which we can come in contact with each other---ajahn Sumedho Metta plays a key role in MBR because of the way its practice can counterbalance the mental states that perpetuate addiction. Pain, disease, and distressing thoughts and emotions catch our attention. These conditions absorb our attention and energy. Often the result of this compelling absorption is to enhance our sense of isolation and separateness from others and the world around us, increasing our anxiety and discomfort. People tend to regress when ill, operating more from automatic processes that are often primitive, powerful and, if left unchecked, ultimately debilitating we literally begin to lose our ability to connect, maintain perspective (be mindful), and act constructively. Metta practice has been traditionally described as a solvent an agent that, if applied regularly, dissolves the psychological and fear-based cognitive states that create emotional and spiritual isolation from the world around us. Metta focuses our attentions on our commonality with others even those we may dislike intensely. Metta seeks out connections. As in constructive living, Metta accepts our changeable patterns of liking and disliking but prompts us to act constructively and skillfully anyway, proposing that our ability to act is not constrained by our emotions; we can choose to increase our capacity to make connections, and connection-making is constructive action. Metta offers another remedy for our natural inclination to lose sight of ourselves in moments (or episodes) of emotional and physical pain and offers a protective effect for the practitioner, building resilience and tolerance. Metta can counter the disequilibrium effect we suffer when our thoughts or emotions cascade Ted Burgess 109

111 Of the dangers of self-criticism, Carl Rogers cautions, Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. And so acceptance of one s self is the acid test of one s whole outlook on life. The ability to accept and love one s self is foundational to wellness. Physician Rachel Remen illustrates this in the following story of hope and coming to love one s self including the flawed parts as retold by Roger Walsh: One of the angriest patients I have ever met was a star college athlete whose life had been a dream: a winning record, enormous recognition, fast cars and many women. Then he developed a pain in his right leg. He was diagnosed with cancer and just two weeks later his leg was amputated. The surgery saved his life but ended his life as he knew it. He became depressed, self destructive and very angry. He dropped out of school, began abusing drugs and alcohol, alienated former friends, and barely managed to survive one car crash after another. His former coach referred him to me. Hoping to encourage him to show his feelings about himself, I gave him a drawing pad and asked him to draw a picture of his body. He drew a crude sketch of a vase, just an outline. Running through the center of it he drew a deep crack. He went over and over the crack with a black crayon, gritting his teeth and ripping the paper. He had tears in his eyes. They were tears of rage. It seemed to me that the drawing was a statement of his pain and the finality of his loss. It was clear that this broken vase could never hold water, could never function as a vase again. It hurt to watch. After he left, I folded the picture up and saved it. It seemed too important to throw away. As he worked with Rachel, the young man began to heal. Initially he had no interest in helping other patients, and was filled with rage towards the physicians and other medical staff. However, over time, he began to feel the first stirrings of concern for 2013 Ted Burgess 110

112 others suffering like himself. He began to visit young people on the surgical wards with problems like his own and was delighted to find that he could reach them in ways that others who had not suffered as he could not. In time, he began helping patients families, and the surgeons began referring people to him. He was developing a kind of ministry, and as he did his anger faded. In our final meeting, we were reviewing the way he had come, the sticking points and the turning points. I opened his chart and found the picture of the broken vase that he had drawn two years before. Unfolding it, I asked him if he remembered the drawing he had made of his body. He took it in his hands and looked at it for some time. You know, he said, it s really not finished. Surprised, I extended my basket of crayons toward him. Taking a yellow crayon, he began to draw lines radiating from the crack in the vase to the very edges of the paper. Thick, yellow lines. I watched, puzzled. He was smiling. Finally he put his finger on the crack, looked at me, and said softly, This is where the light comes through. Jack Kornfield offers this counsel relative to living compassionately: There is no formula for the practice of compassion. Like all of the great spiritual arts, it requires that we listen and attend, understand our motivation, and then ask ourselves what action can really be helpful Instead of holding the ideal that we should be able to give endlessly with compassion for all beings except me, we may find compassion for all beings- including ourselves Metta and creating feeling states - Rumination and mindfulness of emotions Metta is not blinding; it means that you are willing to admit weaknesses, faults within your experience of life, without making that into anything --Ajahn Sumedho Formal Metta practice can sometimes seem like an exercise in making you feel a particular emotion for something or someone. However, authentic Metta practice does 2013 Ted Burgess 111

113 not depend on inducing us into brittle, superficial, or even dishonest feeling states. Deep Metta is not dependent on liking liking comes and goes; it happens as a natural function of temperament and conditioning and occurs, to some degree, on its own. Metta is a choice one can make in spite of liking or disliking. What is that choice? When we practice Metta toward ourselves, we simply stop focusing on the qualities about ourselves we don't like. We extend kindness toward ourselves and toward conditions of body and mind. We extend kindness and patience even towards faults and failings, towards undesirable thoughts and feelings: anger, greed, fears, doubts, jealousies, resentment, shame, and guilt. Metta is being patient, being able to co-exist with, rather then trying to annihilate, the pests of the mind. As it turns out the key choice we can make in Metta practice to not dwell in aversion to ourselves any more is the same choice we make in MBR to intentionally intervene with the tendency of the mind to ruminate on unpleasant and negative thoughts, emotions and events. And just doing that patiently is the practice of compassion, whether we extend this toward ourselves or others and whether it feels easy or difficult. Metta is not dependent on a particular feeling state it s a choice we can make in the moment. And each time we make the choice that Metta prescribes, we increase our capacity for loving-kindness and deepen our foundation for wellness. : With people whom we have a lot of bitterness or resentment towards, Metta is a way of forgiving and reminding ourselves to let go of it. It s not dismissing or suppressing Start perceiving these people with Metta rather then just being overwhelmed with bitterness and resentment. Even if you can t feel any real positive thing, Metta needn t be all that magnificent. It can be just being patient and not making 2013 Ted Burgess 112

114 any kind of problem about it. It doesn t mean you like people who have been really rotten and unfair to you, or those whom you can't like. Yet you can be kind to them; you can forgive and do what is right and generous to them even if you don t like them. Metta and communication It is probably true quite generally that in the history of human thinking most fruitful developments frequently take place at those points where two different lines of thought meet. These lines may have their roots in quite different parts of human culture, in different times, or in different cultural environments or different religious traditions: hence if they actually meet, that is, if they are at least so much related to each other that a real interaction can take place, then one may hope that new and interesting developments may follow. - Werner Heisenberg The jungles of our own lives are often riddled with adversity and conflict. The martial art Aikido is a mindful application of the theme of conflict resolution to physical interactions/exchanges. Aikido embodies reconciliation. Literally translated it means "the way of harmony with energy or force." Aikido masters teach: Whoever has a mind to fight has already broken his connection with the universe. When you try to dominate someone else, you have already lost. While there are several classic conflict resolution models that negotiators, therapists and others have relied on for peaceable problemsolving, there is a way to apply the principles of mindfulness to conflict that yields fruitful, meaningful results. The conflict resolution models are: Capitulation/Coercion A win/lose approach to problem solving, capitulation requires the acquiescence of one party to the demands of the other. Though this seems an untenable solution, in fact it is workable when one of the parties considers the issue unimportant. A dutiful husband remembering to lower the toilet seat lid is a fair example of capitulation. Co-habitation A state of resigned disagreement, or agreeing to disagree. This system of conflict resolution may be appropriate as long as it deals with beliefs or behaviors that can be individually practiced without infringing on the other party, a Republican married to a Democrat who agree not to discuss politics, for example Ted Burgess 113

115 Compromise Requiring concessions and sacrifices be made to some level by both parties, compromise is, in essence, a lose/lose system of engagement, as neither party is ultimately pleased with the result. Collaboration/Compassion -- When we approach a situation mindfully, without attachment to any particular result, we gain access to an intuitive problem solving capacity that is normally eclipsed by our win/lose agenda. Such is the case with cocreation, a process that occurs when both people attentively engage each other to discover basic desires, and work jointly to meet the needs of each party, such that everyone involved is truly pleased with the outcome // called in the business world a win/win situation. Collaboration is essentially the application of compassion toward a supposed adversary. Compassion demands that we be open to the possibility that we may not be right, or that our idea of the right outcome may not be the best possible end result. It also requires that we affirm the dignity of another, even an "enemy," as equal to our own. Collaboration is the process of openness and even welcoming conflict. Welcoming permits us to greet and understand the supposed conflict. It may be that when we understand it, the premise for the conflict dissipates, or it may be that we realize a way around or through the conflict that addresses everyone s basic needs. A winning agenda in this case is transposed with a concern for the well-being of everyone present. Hostilities are subverted and a pro-active, respectful and positive energy is brought to bear that both illuminates possibility and dissipates rancorous feelings. By recognizing and disengaging a negative or conflict laden dynamic, and instead offering understanding compassion to another person or situation, we can exert a proactive as opposed to a reactive energy onto the problem in question. Pragmatically, this requires that we extend a sense of listening, understanding and validation. If we are able to extend understanding to conflict, we are usually guided toward a cooperative, solution focused process without attachment to a particular 2013 Ted Burgess 114

116 outcome. Such a process very nearly always results in a better outcome than we could have conceived by ourselves. By shifting a negative feedback cycle to a positive feedback loop, the action potential of the attendant energies is multiplied exponentially. The possibility of change in conflict is eventual rather than immediate, though it is right to think that we ourselves may benefit from an immediate change. The antagonist will eventually respond to the introduction of positive, compassionate energy. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. offered this explanation of bringing positive change to conflict: The non-violent approach doesn t immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them a new selfrespect; it calls up resources of strength and courage they did not know they had. Finally, it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscious that reconciliation becomes a reality. By practicing compassion towards self and others, one treads an intuitive path toward fully developed wellness. Whether as a third party observer, or as an engaged participant, it is possible to bring a solution to any problem one encounters by remembering, and practicing, these truisms: 1. When you see someone operating from a fear-based perspective, such as anger, realize they are afraid. 1.2.Endeavor to return that fear with compassion. 2.3.As you persist in practicing compassion, over time the presence of the higher energy (compassion) dissipates the presence of the lower energy (fear). Minding the inner complainer - The trouble with reality scripts A human being is a part of the whole, called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle 2013 Ted Burgess 115

117 of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Albert Einstein As we identify and listen to the cognitive and emotional processes that contribute to distress and illness we may encounter the presence of internal scripts that are often the cause of dissonance a sense of poor fit, which can lead to ruminative engagement and disturbed emotional states. It seems that each of us are loaded with internal scripts about how things should be; expectation sets that are activated in relationships, at work and in our personal life, that dictate an idealized course of events another automatic process that can kindle depressive templates. These scripts are the product of conditioning: upbringing, personality, our history-of-life events, culture and even genes. In contrast to conventional therapies, which may encourage analysis and engagement with these scripts, MBR identifies these expectation sets as another category of automatic thought and recommends a mindfulness approach in dealing with them as they arise. Simply noting, identifying, and then shifting attention to the present moment whether to the breath, the body, or constructive action is recommended. Since reality rarely conforms to our scripts, the problems that arise when we align ourselves with our scripts, in opposition to reality, are obvious. Aligning ourselves with reality and letting go of our scripts does not mean abandoning ideals or accepting maltreatment. But for many of us, the chronic sense of disappointment and even victimization we harbor over a reality that consistently fails to meet our inner scripts gives birth to what we call the Inner Complainer: a chronic voice of complaint within us, ever ready to note the discrepancy between what is and what we expect. What is the accumulative effect of listening to that voice day after day, year after year, and believing it? Clearly, it can be the origin of rumination, disappointment, victimization, bitterness 2013 Ted Burgess 116

118 and ultimately, separation and isolation; all of these feelings can lead to addiction and relapse. Bringing Metta to bear on this inner voice, and gentle disengagement from it can have significant benefits in terms of balance and wellness. Ajahn Sumedho talks about his early years in Thailand where he committed to regular meditation practice. Among the many things he encountered in his meditation during his formative years as a novice was this very inner complainer. He writes about really hearing this voice for the first time as he practiced mindfulness and of his surprise at the influence this voice had in his life up to then. Eventually, he made the decision to accept this voice as an element of his personality, but not to identify with it; to pay more attention to what the voice was obscuring. This decision became pivotal to his maturation and growth as a young monk. Eventually he became the first western student selected to be an abbot of a monastery in the Thai Forest tradition. According to Theravadan teaching, this process of simple acceptance has the function of bringing us into accord with reality over time. We slowly relinquish our argument with reality and in doing so we create an inner harmony and resonance with things as they are that softens our spirit and mind a healing effect that traditional Metta teaching promises will become a boon to everyone with whom we interact. Daily Practice Formatted: Font: 12 pt, Not Bold Metta is a specific practice which brings tolerance, acceptance, and ultimately compassion to our "difficult" experiences in life. Our hope is that with Metta as your guide, you will better accept the inevitable 2013 Ted Burgess 117

119 obstacles, setbacks and difficulties that attend adopting new skills and succeed in creating a home-based practice that enriches your life; a practice that increases tolerance, builds resilience and becomes protective for you. You can practice Metta on a regular, formal basis and we will provide you with a brief guide to help you try Metta at home. We also encourage you to listen to the events of everyday life; be on the lookout for the inner complainer; notice when you add on to the simple likes and dislikes of the mind and body; pay attention to the conditions of the living beings you encounter; and even acknowledge the inanimate objects of your life (practice thanking them and wishing them well) in doing so, you are practicing Metta! Mindfulness Based Recovery delivers an enriched curriculum, based on mindfulness principles and cognitive therapy that has a proven record of accomplishment in preventing relapse/recurrence and extending periods of sobriety. We believe that adoption of these practices will make a difference with whatever cycle of addiction you have experienced-- if they are utilized regularly. Life, however, is unpredictable; be aware that, in spite of your best efforts relapse/recurrence may happen. Pay attention! If relapse should occur, it is important that you view it with the wisdom that Metta enables: as a chance to learn and better position yourself for a sustained recovery. Later, we will also ask you to identify the cardinal signs that signal the return of serious illness and have you create your emergency plan. This too, is Metta. 1) Home practice assignment #1: Noticing when you add on to unpleasant, difficult emotion/events; Bringing the principle and practice of Metta to bear: For the next week, pay attention to moments when the inner complainer comes to life, both in relation to inner conditions of thought and emotions, as well as in response to external events. Try practicing not adding on to these moments and journal about the results: What does the inner complainer say? What happens when you notice this voice? What else is present for attention that the inner complainer may be hiding? 2013 Ted Burgess 118

120 2) Home practice assignment #2: Take 20 minutes one day this week, find a quiet setting, assume a position that is comfortable and supports alertness and, using the Brief Metta Meditation Guide, practice with Metta. Make a brief journal entry afterward describing your experience with formal Metta practice 3) Home practice assignment #3: By this time in the course, you have learned a variety of practices that teach and build mindfulness. Begin to take a self-directed approach to your daily mindfulness practice by selecting a different mindfulness activity each day. Guided Meditation on Loving Kindness (Metta) Brothers, have no fear of men s sin. Love a man despite his flaw, for this is the semblance of divine love and is the highest love on earth. Love all of God s creation, the whole and every grain of sand of it. Love every leaf, every ray of light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery of things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to understand it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love. Fyodor Dostoyevsky Take a few moments and assume a comfortable posture that best supports alertness Locate the breath and feel the rhythm of the in breath and out breath. Allow yourself to enter the present moment. Bring your attention to the feelings in the body and mind as it is right now tired, at ease, stiff, restless, calm notice these qualities with kindness if you can. Allow yourself to accept all the sensations and feelings of the body and mind completely at this moment, noticing any impulse to judge or criticize. Breathe in deeply with a sense of trust and well-being in the soundness and benefits of attending to the body and breath mindfully. Breathe out, letting tension and tightness dissolve. Now focus on the normal pattern of your breathing as it is in this moment, breathing in, and breathing out. If you re comfortable, imagine yourself, in this present moment, surrounded by the presence and energy of loving-kindness; you could visualize Metta as a golden light or warmth surrounding you. Imagine drawing this light or warmth into the body with each breath. As you breathe let the body become saturated with loving kindness. Let it touch every pore, each muscle, bone, and cell. Think to yourself May this being be well and turn the calming effect of the meditation to this being you. May this being be calm. Suffuse your body with this calm and kindly attention, letting your attention sweep the body, first in the head and neck area, then the back and chest. Let this calm spread down the arms and out to each fingertip, down the legs to the tip of each toe, drawing on the good energy of the breath. Acknowledge irritations, grievances, complaints and pain as they come to mind, and, refraining from criticism or complaint, return your focus to the breath. As different aspects of yourself memories, body sensations, feelings and thoughts arise, both pleasant and unpleasant, allow this picture of yourself as you are now to come into view, extending acceptance and kindness to this person. Repeat to yourself the thoughts May I 2013 Ted Burgess 119

121 be well. May I be free from distress. May I be happy. Allow your breath and the golden light to suffuse this image in the mind then let this picture go. Now bring to mind someone you love and respect, someone who knows your heart and has accepted you or come to your aid in a time of darkness or pain. Allow the images, feelings and thoughts that you hold for this person to arise in the mind and offer this loving kindness to them, this golden light of Metta. May you be well. May you be free from distress. May you be happy. Next, picture your loved ones. Allow them, with their faults and imperfections, to take shape in the mind and offer them loving kindness, again with the refrain May you be well. May you be free from distress. May you be happy. Let this light of Metta surround and suffuse them too. If painful images, aversion or difficult emotions arise worry, guilt, anger, fear let that be in the mind and part of the light-- May these beings be well. Think of someone you know who is having a difficult time or is in a particular state of suffering at the moment. Inhale the light and exhale loving-kindness to this person, wishing them well: May you be well. May you be free from distress. May you be happy. Now open your awareness to people who are strangers to you that you encounter in life someone you saw at the store today, or a person on a street corner you noticed as you drove by. Recall that person as someone not so different from you, a human being with ambitions, hopes, problems and worries, and let the light of Metta suffuse them: May you be well. May you be free from distress. May you be happy. Now bring someone to mind that you may dislike. Someone you may feel anger, disappointment, hurt, or enmity towards. Let the feelings that accompany this person rise in the mind, noting them. If you can, open your awareness and heart, letting go, for a moment, of tension and bitterness and see if you can extend the light of Metta toward them, recalling that, apart from you, they are a human being too with joys, sorrows, misery and pain: May you be well. May you be free from distress. May you be happy. Then turn the attention back to your mind the screen where these images have flickered and let the mind settle. Let your attention rest on the breath and dwell in the body. If the mind and heart are full, or empty, agitated or still let the soft light of Metta rest inside the body; light enters through your breath, warm and gentle. Let that light fill and soothe the mind. Notice the breath now, deep or shallow and attend to that for a few moments. Take a moment to reflect on this Metta practice today, then, when you are ready, slowly open your eyes Guidelines for Metta Practice 1) Traditional Metta practice always starts with the self: Assume a posture that supports alertness and is comfortable. Locate the breath and complete a body scan, noting 2013 Ted Burgess 120

122 your physical condition at the moment, the emotions that are prominent, the thoughts that come to mind and the quality of your attention are you scattered? Fatigued? Alert? Dull? 2) Offer acceptance to these conditions of the body and mind and extend kindness toward yourself, saying: May I be well. May I be free of suffering. May I be happy. 3) Bring to mind a teacher, mentor or kindred spirit; someone you hold in high regard and have trust and affection for and extend Metta to them saying: May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be happy. 4) Recall a neutral person; someone you encountered, even an acquaintance, but someone you have no strong emotional connection with, good or bad and offer Metta to that person saying: May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be happy. 5) Now think of someone you struggle with; someone you dislike or who irritates you. Acknowledge your dislike, irritation, or even anger, then extend Metta to that person saying: May you be well. May you be free from suffering. May you be happy. 6) Finish the meditation by scanning the body again, noticing tension, pain or tightness and letting go of that if possible, letting the attention settle into the rhythm of the breath, and open you eyes when ready 2013 Ted Burgess 121

123 Journal page Date: Mindfulness exercise: Length of time: A. Comments on practice assignment: 1) Level of difficulty, 2) Primary qualities (painful, boring, pleasant, peaceful, confusing, etc), 3) Specific difficulties, 4) Specific questions B. Comments/Questions on written material: 2013 Ted Burgess 122

124 Chapter 7 - Minding Values Gandhi was once asked by a reporter, as he was boarding a train, if he had a message for the people. Gandhi, who was observing a period of silence, knelt and wrote this reply: My life is my message. Values are "chosen life directions." To describe them, psychologist Stephen Hayes uses the metaphor of driving "east." How will you know when you have arrived at "east?" Values are essentially directions; we never fully get there, yet we have an opportunity, every moment, to align ourselves with a particular value. Values are intentional choices that join together a string of moments into a meaningful journey. Values are manifest in the choices we make. A person who values the democratic process consistently votes. A person who values punctuality arrives on time. Examining behavior over time usually reveals, in a fairly irrefutable way, the values one has. If I am one who values comforts, my behavior will reveal that I seek things that make me comfortable. If I am one who values intimacy, then I will cultivate meaningful 2013 Ted Burgess 123

125 relationships. If I value living a pain free life, then my history will reveal behaviors which help me avoid painful events and feelings. But because no one lives their values perfectly all the time, my choices might not always reflect my values. They will show up, however, as a general pattern, or direction, of behavior over time. At a certain stage in their spiritual journey, the Tibetan Buddhists enter a several year long retreat of silent meditation. During this time, they strive to understand four central truths, or reflections, of their faith. These are: Life is inconceivably precious Life is short and death is certain Life contains inevitable difficulties Our ethical choices mold our lives. The difficult choices we face in life: those of deciding conflicting demands, of how to spend our time, energy and attention and of what is worthy of our pursuit, become simple when cast within the framework of these four perennial truths. Realizing that death is certain, and in fact may come at any time, is a drastic awakening to the importance of the present moment. Rabbi Nachman, a Jewish scholar, suggests that each day we should spend a few minutes in silent contemplation to determine whether the activities of the day are worthy of our attention. Obscure choices are often clarified when viewed from this far reaching lens. One Truth, Many Languages There is only one truth, different people call it by different names. The Vedas The world s wisdom traditions universally share four common themes that help guide us in the day-to-day navigating through life s opportunities, challenges and tasks. These themes, identified by Roger Walsh in Essential Spirituality, are: There are two realms of reality the physical and the spiritual. Humans belong to both realms (the spiritual nature recognized as Atman in Hinduism, the divine spirit in Christianity, the Buddha in Buddhism) 2013 Ted Burgess 124

126 We can recognize our spiritual nature, or divine spark, as sacred and integral to who we are. Through recognition, we can embrace the instincts of our spiritual selves, a process which is renewing, and often likened to a rebirth. Realizing our spiritual nature, our true and authentic self is considered the summum bonum, the greatest good or highest purpose of our existence. When we realize our spiritual selves, it is incumbent on us to in turn to help others reach it. The pinnacle task of existence, according to the world s wisdom traditions, is discovering and being our authentic self. Not the ego or false self, with its subjective attachments to pride and shame or woundedness, but the pristine, radiant self that lies at the center of our being. This core self is not the body; it is not the thoughts; it is not the feelings. The ego compared to this self is like the froth on the crest of a wave compared to the ocean. The heart of the true self is not singular, but is connected as part of the greater whole. The potential of this inner self is bound only by our delusion of separateness, our self-perceived limitations and inadequacies which are inextricably bound up in fear. There are things that we cannot measure in empirically quantifiable terms, at least not at this place in our scientific development but we can see and even measure their effects. Gregor Mendel had no electron microscope with which to scour DNA codes, yet he was able to work out the presence of dominant and recessive genes by crossbreeding plants in his garden. The presence of micro-bacteria was an empirical mystery to Pasteur, but not one whose evidence was entirely transparent, and whose existence, in fact, adhered to a predictable and consistent set of laws and rules that governed its function laws and rules that Pasteur was able to discern, and through observation of their effects verify despite the fact that the organisms themselves remained entirely invisible to him. In every age, there have been pioneers, both academic and religious, who leapt to conclusions, trusted their intuition, and endured persecution to follow their hearts. We 2013 Ted Burgess 125

127 know some of them, Galileo, Columbus, Copernicus. Many more are anonymous post scripts in the pages of history maybe you are among those. With the advent of quantum physics, an understanding of the sub-atomic world has grown in such a way that we can better divine the nature of energy which fits with classical religious views (particularly in eastern traditions) of spirit. One of the most startling discoveries is that matter at its most basic level does not follow with our traditionally held views about the nature of mass. Matter, at its most fundamental level, binds particles together; it creates rather than separates, it organizes rather than dissembles. Quantum theory suggests that everything is inter-connected. In 1869, the great naturalist John Muir observed: When we try to pick out anything by itself in nature, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe. There is something within us, some spark or spirit that captures the physical elements that comprise our body and organizes them into a cohesive, operationally life sustaining organism. Our eyes cannot see it, nor can our hands touch it or our mouths taste it but a sense of its presence is given to us. The senses touch and hear the things of the senses, teaches the Baghavad Gita. The Apostle Paul suggests that only the Spirit of God can understand things of the spirit. Similarly, Shakespeare counseled: Go to your bosom, knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know. Like Pasteur and Mendel, we can attempt to discern the nature and function of the laws and rules that govern things we can not see in this case values that bring connectedness, intimacy and wellness. We ask that you consider and weigh these ideas for yourselves not as points of information, but, if observed consistently, as mechanisms of mindful spirituality Ted Burgess 126

128 A simple meditation exercise that may help with perspective is to reflect upon your week, then double it (reflecting on two weeks), then double it again (four), each time trying to anchor your awareness in the present. It will not be long before your time is stretched into decades, centuries and then millennia. Decisions and actions regarded in this framework have far reaching consequences which encourage mindfully weighing the portent of our behaviors before acting. We may begin to have a sense of the importance of our day-to-day behaviors in the larger context of our life's direction Ted Burgess 127

129 Physical Self (Body) Cognitive Self (Thought) Emotional Self (Feeling) I went out alone on my way to my tryst, but who is this me in the dark? I step aside to avoid his presence, but I escape him not He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger, and adds his loud voice to every word I utter He is my own little self, my Lord. He knows no shame But I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company. Rumi In Mindful Recovery, we use the words fear and ego interchangeably. The ego is essentially made up three parts physiology (the body), cognition (memories and thoughts) and emotional response (feelings). The part that is not those things, that precedes them, that perhaps lies at the center, or core, of our being is the not-ego, the authentic self. The Kabala suggests that the ego is a prison for our true nature, walling us 2013 Ted Burgess 128

130 off from the infinitely wide universe around us by restricting us to personal desire and self-interest. Psychiatrist David Hawkins speaks about his personal detachment from ego in his book Power vs. Force: Everything in life happened by synchronicity, evolving in perfect harmony, and the miraculous was common place. The origin of what the world would call miracles was the Presence, not a personal self. What remained of the personal me was only a witness to these. It would, perhaps, be more accurate to redraw the diagram so there was a part untouched by either of the three spheres it would be illustrated simply as an empty space in the center the part that is not our body, that is not our thoughts, and is not our feelings: Sensation Cognition Emotion Ernest Holmes taught: There is a perfection at the center of your being which has never been touched by disease or misfortune. In mindfulness practice, we call this "center" the observer, or simply attention. Sometimes it gets buried beneath layers of ego, where it waits to be set free from the prison of ego-consciousness. It cannot be accessed through traditional mechanisms of learning, knowing and doing. Those doorways won t take us to this place within ourselves. The process of awakening to our inner self is described by the poet Rumi as opening a window: There is some kiss we want with our whole lives The touch of the spirit on the body. Seawater begs the pearl to break its shell, and the lily, how passionately it needs some wild darling! At night, I go to my window and ask the moon to press its face into mine, Breathe into me. Close the language door, and open the love window the moon won t use the door, only the window Ted Burgess 129